Chapter 29 Alina
ALINA
SIX MONTHS LATER
If someone had told me a year ago that this would be my life, I wouldn’t have believed them. Back then, I lived in a world where I was fighting to just survive. Every day was a new battle to endure, and I wasn’t exactly winning. But now, everything was different.
It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t always easy.
But it was good, and I was happier than I’d ever been.
I was no longer hiding out in the apartment. I had a car, and I used it often. I did most of the shopping, and I’d been taking a writing class every Tuesday night. It was going well. So much so, I had been working on getting my poems and sketches published. It was Sergei’s idea.
He had such faith in me and my work, and that meant a lot, especially when he was so busy with his own work.
It seemed like he was always on a call or in a meeting with Viktor and the boys, going over plans and construction updates.
They were working on opening a new casino, and it was taking a toll on all of them.
But even when he came in completely exhausted, Sergei made the time to make me feel treasured.
It wasn’t much, but he never made me feel like an afterthought. It could be as simple as a kiss on the back of the neck while I cooked or his hand on the small of my back when we walked into a crowded room, but it meant a great deal to me. Just thinking about it made me smile.
Alek never showed any thoughtfulness or did anything to show he was thinking of me. I didn’t think much about it back then, but now, I see what I was missing. Sergei didn’t just say it. He made a point to show me how much he cared about me, and it meant the world to me.
I was standing at the kitchen counter, stirring my coffee, when I heard his voice coming from the hallway. As usual, it was all business. “No, we’ll run the numbers again, but I’m not losing that property. It’s the perfect location.”
There was a brief pause before he said, “I’ll be there at two. Tell the architect to bring the revised plans.”
I could hear a hint of excitement in his tone, and that did something to my soul.
I loved seeing him happy. After a few seconds, he appeared in the doorway with the phone still pressed to his ear.
He glanced up at me mid-sentence, and the corner of his mouth lifted in a smile that was meant just for me.
I didn’t say anything.
I just smiled back, and as soon as he ended the call, he came over and kissed me on the cheek. “Are you ready?”
“I think so.”
“That didn’t sound very convincing.”
“I’m just nervous.”
“You have nothing to be nervous about. Your stuff is amazing. That’s why you’re getting published. Hell, they already cut the check. Now, all you have to do is make sure they don’t fuck it up.”
“That’s what makes me nervous. What if it isn’t right?”
“Then, you tell them, and you keep telling them until they get it exactly the way you want it.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Because it is.” He stepped behind me and wound his arms around me, hugging me as he said, “The hard part is over. Now, get your sexy, little ass over to that publishing house and get your book.”
“Okay. Okay. I’m going.” I inched around to face him, and after a quick kiss, I told him, “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll be here.”
I grabbed my keys and coat, and then I was on my way.
Half an hour later, I was sitting in my editor’s office, and I was holding the mockup of my book.
I ran my fingers over the title, Fractures and Flowers, and while the name was listed as Catalina, it was mine.
I couldn’t have been prouder. I flipped through the pages, and my chest tightened as I looked at all the sketches and poetry that had healed me in ways that nothing else could.
These were my words.
My sketches.
They’d come to me when I couldn’t sleep, and the shadows threatened to overtake me and drag me into the dark. They’d helped me stay in the here and now, and I hoped, in some small way, they would help someone else.
I wasn’t na?ve. I knew poetry was a hard sell, but the book turned out really well.
I was beyond tickled that the publisher was also pleased with the outcome.
Marla gave me a warm smile as she announced, “I kept your original order. Poem on the left and a sketch on the right. I think the negative space around the art really strengthens it. Makes it feel intentional… intimate.”
“That’s what I wanted.” I closed the book and sighed. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”
“Oh, it’s happening. Your work is truly powerful. It’s going to move a lot of people.”
“I know this might sound strange, but writing them saved me,” I admitted quietly. “Grace, my counselor, helped a lot, too. I think if I hadn’t had both…”
I didn’t finish the sentence.
I didn’t have to.
Marla didn’t need the specifics. She’d read the poems. She knew what I’d been through.
She simply smiled and motioned her hand toward the mockup.
“Take it home and look it over. Make notes of any changes you might want to make, and that includes formatting or layout. This is your masterpiece, and I want to honor it the best I can.”
“Sure thing. I’ll have it back to you by the first of the week.”
“No hurry. We aren’t on a rushed timeline.” She leaned back in her chair and asked, “So, what’s next? Are you working on something new, or are you going to take a break before diving back in?”
“I’m still writing, but this time I’m focusing less on who we were before or during the trauma and more on who we grow into after.”
“Oh, that’s a fabulous idea.” I was pleased that she liked the idea. I was even more pleased when she said, “I can’t wait to read and publish it.”
“You want to publish it, too?”
“Of course, I do. I’ve been doing this a long time, and your work is some of the best I’ve seen.”
“Thank you, Marla. That means a lot to me.” I stood and gathered my things. “I’ll see you soon.”
“I look forward to it.” Marla stood and walked me to the door. “Tell Sergei I expect him to brag about you shamelessly when this baby hits the shelves.”
“Oh, you can count on that,” I giggled. “He pretends like he doesn’t care about poetry or really understand it, but he keeps every scrap of paper I write on.”
“He’s a smart man.” She gave me a wink. “I’ll see you soon.”
I slipped out of her office and rushed out to the car.
I couldn’t wait to get home and show Sergei.
I never dreamed I would actually get published, but I did.
He’d been so supportive and had encouraged me to get my work out there so others could see it.
I just knew he was going to be thrilled at how wonderful it had turned out.
I was so excited that I barely remembered the drive home.
As soon as I was parked, I grabbed the book and rushed inside.
I was practically beaming as I rode the elevator up to our floor.
I couldn’t wait to see his face, and I was grinning like an idiot when I opened the front door and called out, “Sergei!”
I looked up and was surprised to see that he was standing in the foyer with his keys in his hands.
The fierce look on his face stopped me mid-step, but my excitement took over, and I rushed over to him.
I eased up on my tiptoes and rose up to kiss him.
I was expecting him to wrap his arms around me and kiss me back.
But when his hands came up, they weren’t to hold me. Instead, they were used to steady me as he stepped away and announced, “I found it.”
“Found what?”
“The pregnancy test.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? That’s all you’ve got to say?” Before I could answer, he added, “I can’t believe you kept this from me.”
“Woah. Wait a minute. I wasn’t keeping it from you. I was going to tell you. I just haven’t had the chance yet.”
“How long have you known?”
“A few days. Maybe a week.”
“A week?”
“There’s been a lot going on with the new casino and everything else.
I was waiting for the right time. I wanted us to have a little celebration.
Not just for the baby, but for the new casino and my book.
” I swallowed, hoping it would ease the knot in my throat as I told him, “I had a big thing planned with a cake, some balloons, and some cute little booties.”
His expression softened, but only slightly. He stood there for a moment, processing everything I’d said, then asked, “What the hell are booties?”
“Little socks that go on the baby’s feet.”
He stood there studying me for a moment, then let out a long, deep breath. “Damn. I really fucked this up, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you did.” I didn’t try to hide the hurt in my voice as I told him, “I wasn’t hiding anything from you, Sergei. I just wanted to tell you in a way that would mean something and we’d always remember. Not finding my pregnancy test in the trash while you were brushing your teeth.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I fucked up. No way around it.
I don’t think I could’ve handled this any worse.
” He stepped over to me and placed his hands on my hips, pulling me over to him.
“I just didn’t think I’d ever have this.
You. Kids… A family. I didn’t think I wanted it.
I didn’t think I deserved it, and I was okay living without that kind of hope. ”
I didn’t respond.
I couldn’t.
Hearing the emotion in his voice had me on the verge of tears, and all I could do was stand there and listen as he said, “But the second I saw that damn test, I realized that there’s nothing in this world that I want more. I want this life, with you and this baby.”
Tears broke loose before I could stop them. He brought his hands up and cupped my face, brushing a tear away with his thumb. “I’m sorry. I would’ve never ruined your surprise on purpose. I just never thought I’d want something this much, and I didn’t want to fuck it up.”
Sorry wasn’t a word that Sergei said often, so when he said it, he meant it. I slipped my arms around his neck and smiled, “So, can we have a redo or something?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay. Wait here.” I placed my book on the counter, then rushed to the guest bedroom and grabbed the balloons and gifts I’d hidden in the closet. Once I had it all bundled together, I hurried back to the kitchen. “I have a surprise for you.”
“I see.” He played along and asked, “What’s all this?”
“Open it and see.”
He leaned forward and peeked inside before reaching in and pulling out the little, white onesie and booties I’d bought. He held them in his hand for a moment, then whispered, “This is real… We’re actually having a baby.”
“Yep. In about nine months or so.”
He ran his thumb across the soft fabric, then in a blink, he’d closed the space between us. He cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You do, and you deserve this baby, too.”
He slid his hand down and rested it over my stomach. “Never thought I’d be this lucky.”
“Me either.” I covered his hand with mine and whispered, “I love you.”
“Fuck, I love you, too. More every damn day, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make you and this baby as happy as possible.”
And this time, when he kissed me, there was nothing rushed or apologetic about it. This kiss was full of promise and love, and I was a bit disappointed when he pulled back and asked, “Is that what I think it is?”
When I saw that he was talking about my book, I nodded, and he walked over and picked it up. He looked in complete awe as he flipped through the pages. “This is incredible, Lina.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.” He continued looking through each page, and when he reached the end, he closed the book and said, “I’m proud of you, Lina.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely. I can’t wait to see what comes next. For you. For us. All of it.”
“I have a feeling it’s going to be good. Really, really good.”
“Hell, yeah, it is.”
He dipped his head and kissed me again, and I melted into him without a second thought. He wasn’t perfect, and he certainly wasn’t a saint. But neither was I. We were two broken souls with haunting pasts and broken pieces, but through all the chaos and wreckage, we’d found something good.
Something real.
We were happy, sharp edges and all. And as his lips moved over mine, steady and sure, one truth settled in my heart. We would face hard times here and there, but we’d face them together. He was mine, and I was his.
Today and always.