Chapter 18 #3
She didn’t know what compelled her to speak the next words, but they were out before she could stop herself. It was like she wanted to poke the beast that was barely surfacing. “He told me I’m nothing and that I will always be nothing.”
He snapped his head toward her. “He said what?”
“That whether I live or die, nobody will care, because I’m … nothing.”
She had never seen such anger in him until that moment; it came alive, breathing and writhing and pulsing between them.
She could feel it deep in her chest, a darkness that seemed to scorch and burn.
His grasp on the armrest tightened and she could make out the thick veins across his hand, the bloodless grip he had.
“Don’t tell me—” His lip curled back, eyes narrowing. “Don’t tell me you believe him?”
Biyu didn’t answer, but her silence was an answer it and of itself, because Nikator’s expression darkened and that look on his face—the one that told her he wanted to murder Jian—only grew more primal, more intense.
“Is that why you’re so upset? Because you believe his lies?” There was an angry tremor in his voice, like he was barely controlling himself. She could see it in the way he indented the cushiony armrest with his finger pads.
She stared down at her hands, lacing her fingers together to keep from picking at something, particularly the bandages he had so carefully wound over the injury.
His hand rested atop hers and she froze.
Ever so slowly, he lifted his hand and grazed his knuckles across her jaw.
Time slowed, and a ripple of sensation followed in the wake of his touch.
Her gaze collided with his. Beyond his rage, there was tenderness.
A heated look on the precipice of desire and fury. Balanced, and yet tipping precariously.
Her breath wrenched from her chest in a shallow gasp as he took a lock of her hair and twisted it between his fingers. Their eyes remained locked.
“The colors of this world are faded without you. This palace, this court, this room … is bleak and black and dreary. But you? You light everything up with shades I have never seen before.” His voice came out like a secret, something forbidden that should never be revealed to the outside world.
“So don’t believe a word out of that bastard Wu Jian’s mouth.
Do you hear me? He knows nothing about you. ”
The words drove into her heart like an arrow, piercing through the armor she had painstakingly erected around it.
Her throat tightened, her chest rising. She didn’t trust herself to speak.
She could only stare at him. She wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss him.
To laugh and cry. To feel his strong hands on her hips.
She lit up the world.
It was such a simple concept, and yet it sounded so foreign to her. Biyu? Lighting up his world? It sounded so foreign and outrageous. The idea that she could bring colors to his world. That she was seen as something more than a nuisance, more than an enemy. Her chest squeezed painfully.
Nikator rubbed a thumb over her lips. A current jolted through her.
Biyu inched closer tentatively; she waited for him to push her away, for cruel words to slip from his mouth—why would you think I’m interested in you in that way?
But he didn’t do anything, only peered down at her with those burning eyes.
They consumed her until all she saw was the depths of deep blue. Scorching her soul. Warming her flesh.
A tendril of need twirled over her chest, tightening her at the seams, wanting more from him than just pretty words.
Biyu reached forward and touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and breathed in shakily—like he too was barely able to control himself, and yet he remained unmoving. He gently placed a hand over hers, leaning into her touch, and murmured, “You don’t want to do this, princess.”
“Why not?”
“Because I am not kind.”
She couldn’t rip her gaze away, nor could she will herself to remove her hand still pressed against his face.
Everything within her told her to close the distance between them, and crush her mouth to his.
To taste him. To finally learn what it felt like to be held by someone, to be touched like that.
But fear reeled her back. He was her enemy. He ruined her life. He killed her family members. He … he was everything she couldn’t have.
Nikator carefully removed her hand and placed it back on her lap. “I’ll be guarding from outside.”
Without another word, he picked up the empty plate and bag, and headed toward the exit.
Biyu couldn’t speak, her mortification rising.
When the door shut with a soft click, she buried her flaming face in her hands.
She had made an utter fool out of herself.
Why had she thought about kissing him? Not to mention the utter chaos he had witnessed from her meltdown.
That must have been the reason why he didn’t want to guard her in her room anymore, because she was crazy, volatile, and likely too boring. Her behavior today probably reinforced that idea.
But still, she couldn’t get his words out of her head.
The colors of this world are faded without you.