Chapter 44
The last time Biyu had been in Nikator’s bedchambers, he had announced to her that he would be her bodyguard.
As he led her inside now, her gaze traveled to the couch they had sat on, remembering how they had argued back and forth, how she had eaten with him; it was strange to see how far they had come.
From loathing—perhaps that was too strong of a word for the mutual attraction and frustration they’d felt for one another even back then—to love.
Nikator frowned at her as he shut the door behind her. His red eyebrow rose. “Did you truly have no other option than to run outside barefoot?”
Maybe there was still room for argument.
Biyu crossed her arms over her chest. “I might have gotten a bit too excited.”
“Evidently,” he said dryly, while gently leading her to the couch.
She winced every time her foot touched the hard floor.
After they had kissed and she had wept over him, it had taken about a minute or two of sniffling to realize that her feet had been cut rather badly in her pursuit of him.
He had carried her all the way back here, much to her embarrassment at all the people who had stared.
She had hidden her face on his shoulder the entire time.
Biyu eased onto the couch while Nikator pushed through the beaded curtains sectioning off the other chambers of the room. He returned with a small kit and crouched down in front of her. He took her foot gently in one hand, his blue eyes snapping up at her.
“You should have been more careful.” He pinched something and pulled out a shard of glass quickly, then applied pressure so she wouldn’t feel the sting as badly. “Biyu, your feet are all fucked up.” Concern made his tone come out rough.
“Why thank you.” She rolled her eyes. “This was such a touching reunion. I run to you with no regard for my wellbeing, and instead of feeling grateful, you chastise me.”
A grin twisted his mouth as he worked on her feet.
His hands were soothing, and despite the head shakes and tongue clicks, she could feel his relief through their bond, the joy that sprang in his chest to be with her.
He wasn’t hiding it like he normally did.
He bared himself to her. She basked in those rare emotions; she was relieved to find that her own feelings mimicked his.
“What you did a few days ago was irrational.”
Biyu grimaced. She knew he would be angry at her for her brazen actions, and yet it had all somehow worked out in the end. “Nikator—”
“Why would you try to give your life up for me? I want you to live, Biyu. I want you to find happiness, to make a life, to … I don’t know, be more.”
“I can’t have any of that without you.”
“You should have talked to me—”
“You were adamant in believing that I would never be happy with you, that I was only with you and in love with you because I had no choice, and that I clung to you because nobody else gave me any attention.” She pinned him with a stern look.
“You didn’t want to believe me, and you didn’t give me the option of staying with you. You took my choice away, Nik.”
He winced at the words. “I’m sorry. I … I was doing what I thought was best.”
“You should let me make decisions for myself,” she said, softer this time.
She touched his cheek, and his sapphire eyes met hers.
“You left me with no choice than to confront Muyang and I’m happy it worked out for us, Nikator, because I think that’s the only way you would have believed me when I told you—when I tell you—that I love you. ”
They held each other’s gazes for a beat longer and Nikator nodded. “I’m sorry, Biyu.”
“All is forgiven.”
“But I don’t want you risking yourself for me ever again.”
She rolled her eyes. Typical of him. “All right, all right.”
“You don’t sound convincing.”
She giggled and fell back against the cushions, her eyes shutting closed.
She didn’t want to argue with him that she most definitely would try to get in the way again if she suspected they were in trouble, and he would likely do the same, so she continued with, “What will you do now, Nik? I’m sure Muyang told you that I’ve been exiled.
He hasn’t told me when I’ll have to leave, but I’m assuming soon. ”
A darkness fell over her heart at the mention of it, and a bitterness coated her mouth.
She didn’t want to think about what would happen next, but it was inevitable.
She would have to leave this empire, and he …
he would probably stay here, continue working for Muyang, and then …
then they would reunite again after a decade.
Her chest squeezed painfully, and she was sure he could feel it through the bond.
She should be grateful that they had a chance to be together. But the selfish part of her wanted more.
How strange it was that when she thought she had lost him, she would have given anything for another moment with him. And now that she had this moment, she wanted more, and more, and more.
It would never be enough.
Nikator’s fingers slowed in their task of removing the bits of glass, pebbles, and whatever other material had jabbed into her feet.
“Muyang told me all about it. Apparently, we’re to leave in a week.
On the bright side, he said we’re free to come back for special occasions, secretly of course, but we can’t live here anymore.
I was thinking we could go to Sanguis for a bit. ”
Her eyes flew open. “We?”
His mouth quirked up in a smirk. “Did you really think I would let you leave by yourself now?”
She blinked at him, the words sinking in slowly, and she inhaled sharply when he didn’t laugh or deny it. “You’re coming with me?”
“Only if you’ll have me.”
She threw her hands around his neck and pulled him even closer, a giddy laugh bubbling from her chest. All she really managed to do was smother his face in her breasts. “You should have told me sooner. What changed?”
“Careful, careful. Your feet—”
“I don’t care about my feet!” She released him just enough so she could smile toothily at him. “We should explore together. Travel a bit until we find a place to settle down for a few years. Oh, and children—what are your thoughts of them?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but she was already continuing, “I want a few, you know. Oh, and a cozy home. Maybe in a forest? Or maybe the mountainside? Oh! What about one near an ocean? I’ve always wanted to overlook something as vast and sparkling as the sea.
Or maybe—maybe we can—” She continued to babble and he went back to applying salve to her feet and binding them.
His brow occasionally shot up, as did the twitch on his lips, but he otherwise listened to her.
Patiently. Wordlessly. Taking it all in.
“Well?” she asked.
“Hm?” He admired his work; her feet were now neatly bandaged up.
“What do you think? About everything I said?”
Nikator traced a path from her ankle up to her knees, slowly, deliberately. A trail of heat coiled in her belly. “Whatever you want, Biyu. If you want children, we’ll have them. If you want to live in the seaside, the mountains, a forest—whatever it is, I’ll give it to you.”
“But do you want children? It’s a big decision, a big responsibility. I don’t want you to have children with me just because I want it—”
“Yes,” he said quietly. “With you, I want everything.”
Her cheeks warmed.
He wove his fingers into hers and dropped their joined hands on her lap. His gaze never left hers. “I want everything with you. I want to create a home with you. I want to have a family with you. I want a life with you, Biyu.”
Unexpected tears stung her eyes. She didn’t want to cry so much, and yet she couldn’t help it.
Maybe it was because she had thought she would never have a chance at something like this—happiness.
But now that he was here, alive, breathing, and wanting the same as her, she could indulge in the fantasy. The hopeful reality.
She cupped his face, smiling softly. “I want the same, Nik.”
Her heart picked up in pace at the way he stared up at her—like he was staring at a sky full of glittering stars.
Ever so carefully, he grasped a strand of her hair and wound it between his fingers.
All the unspoken words raced between them in that moment.
The pain, the grief, the relief, the joy, the love.
All of it amalgamated into something beautiful, something she wanted to hold for as long as she lived.
“Beautiful,” Nikator murmured, studying her face as if transfixed. “You are so … perfect.”
Her face flushed; she didn’t know why she was suddenly so embarrassed, but it was like their first kiss all over again. Maybe it was the intimate aspect of it—they no longer had to hide, no longer had to pretend, no longer had to ignore that their relationship was complicated.
He framed her face with his rough, calloused hands and captured her mouth in the next breath.
Her eyes fluttered shut and her chest tightened at the feel of his fingers against her skin.
His every touch warmed her flesh, awakening a desire within her that only grew hotter.
She wound her arms around his neck and parted her lips for him.
His tongue swept into her mouth and the taste of him—vanilla, spice, and something dangerous—made her dizzy.
The back of her eyes stung unexpectedly; all of this felt like a dream. His touch, his kisses, his presence—she had thought just an hour ago that she had lost him forever. And now they were together like this.
The first time she had met him, she had thought he would be her ruin.
And now? She knew he would be her ruin, because having a taste of him was like opening a new door to life; she could never go back to how she used to be.
Nikator’s hands went to her waist, his touch bruising and frantic, his nails digging into her flesh. “I need you,” he murmured between kisses. “Tell me you want the same.”
“I do,” she breathed.
He grinned against her mouth, kissing her even harder.