Chapter seventy two
Cassius wasn’t talking to me. Not really. He was there, present in the same house, but the distance between us was so thick, it felt like another wall had gone up. It reminded me of the first time he left, the silence he weaponized back then, and how it crushed me in ways I didn’t think I could recover from.
I thought we were better than that now.
He was there for Ekon, though. Feeding him, laughing with him, building Lego towers like nothing else mattered in the world. He was everything I’d always wanted him to be as a father. But it was like I suddenly didn’t exist. Like I’d faded into the background of his life.
I kept myself busy, cleaning rooms that didn’t need cleaning, folding laundry that didn’t need folding—anything to keep from spiraling. I would catch him out of the corner of my eye, moving through the house, ignoring me like I was just furniture. His eyes would flick to me for a split second, then slide away. It felt like rejection.
I was afraid that it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down, and when it did, I knew it would shatter us in ways we couldn’t take back.
That’s how I found myself sitting on Dr. Reed’s couch again, gripping the pillow in my lap. She watched me with her usual calm, patient expression. “What’s going on, Angel?” she asked gently.
“Cassius is mad at me,” I started, the words falling out like broken glass. “On the phone I told you about the camping trip. About Silas?” She nodded, so I pressed on. “But after all that, Cassius saw the threatening messages Solomon was sending me. I thought I could handle it myself, so I hadn’t told him it had been going on for weeks. I thought if I just ignored it long enough, it would stop.”
I hated the way my voice broke on the last word, hated how weak it made me feel to admit that Cassius’s silence was breaking me. I shouldn’t even care—not after what he’d done to me, not after the nights I cried myself to sleep because of him, not after he abandoned me. But I do, and it pisses me off because no matter how much I tell myself I’ve moved on, his opinion still feels like it matters.
Dr. Reed leaned forward slightly, her elbows resting on her knees. “Why didn’t you tell him, Angel?”
“Because I was scared of what he’d do,” I admitted. “Cassius... he doesn’t think before he acts. I didn’t want to make things worse.”
She nodded like she already knew. “So, you were trying to protect him, too?”
“Yes. I was trying to protect him—from himself, from his anger, from what I knew he was capable of if pushed too far.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I said quietly. “But now... it feels like everything’s just ruined. Like no matter what I do, it’s never enough.”
Dr. Reed leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful. “It sounds like Cassius is trying to protect you, too, Angel. Maybe his anger is coming from a place of fear—fear that he could lose you, or that you’d put yourself in harm’s way to avoid involving him.”
“So, you think this is my fault?” I asked, sharper than I intended.
“I didn’t say that,” Dr. Reed said calmly. “I think you’re both acting out of fear instead of trust. You care about each other—that’s clear—but you’re letting fear drive your decisions, and it’s creating distance between you.”
I looked down at my hands, the truth of her words settled heavy in my chest. “I don’t know how to fix it,” I whispered. “It feels... broken, all the way broken.”
Dr. Reed’s voice softened. “Do you still have feelings for Solomon?”
I shook my head. “No. Not at all.”
“And do you trust Cassius?”
“Yes,” I said immediately. That part was easy. I trusted him with Ekon, with our son. With our friends. With me, though? With my life, yes. With my heart, no. That was the part I couldn’t say out loud.
“Then tell him,” she said simply. “You can’t make him forgive you. But you can be honest. Tell him why you made the decisions you did. Tell him you trust him and that’s not the reason you didn’t tell him. Let him process that in his own time.”
I swallowed hard, her words sinking in. “I just want us to be okay,” I said, my voice small. “Even if we’re not together, I want us to be good for Ekon.”
Dr. Reed smiled gently. “That’s a good place to start. Take it one step at a time. Start with honesty. Start with trust.”
When I left her office, I didn’t have all the answers, but I felt better because at least I was trying to find them.