Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-seven
Zara
I walked into Cormac’s office without knocking, and he didn’t seem to be surprised to see me. Fingers stilling on his keyboard, he leaned back in his chair, a smile pulling at his lips.
“Hey, you,” he crooned.
“Hey, Maccie.” I kicked the door shut behind me. “I have five minutes before I have to meet a group for a hike.”
“And you’re spending it with me?”
“Yep.” I wound around his desk, and he took my hands, tugging me down onto his lap, exactly where I’d hoped to be. I sat sideways on his long legs, tucking myself against his chest. He held me close, one arm around my back, the other draped over my thighs.
“Glad you came to visit.” He spread his fingers wide, dipping beneath the bottom of my shorts.
“I wanted to ask if you’d like to go to the hot spring with me after work. I meant to ask last night, but things were crazy, and your family was—”
“Watching us like we were on the verge of eloping?”
I laughed. “Yes. That about sums it up.”
Last night was my first time experiencing all the Kellys in one place, and it had been glorious.
The babies, the big kids, the siblings and spouses, and Elena and Lock all together made it feel like home.
It should have been chaos, but it wasn’t, even with Silas spilling his drink, Abigail getting overtired and crying, Lock and Caleb disagreeing about some ranch matter, and all eyes on Cormac and me.
It made me homesick for something I’d never had.
“The hot spring, huh?” He let his head fall back against his chair.
“Yeah. I haven’t been there this summer, and after the week I’ve had, I could really use it. I thought maybe you would want to come with me.”
“Sure I would. Are you sore?”
“I’m okay. It’s just been a really physical few days.”
His palm slid down to my knee then back up in a slow drag. “We’ll get you sorted. Pick you up at your place when I’m done here?”
I nodded, leaning in. “I have two more minutes before I really have to go.”
The hand on my back moved up to my nape, gripping me there. “Can I kiss you for a while?”
“For two minutes.”
His nose touched mine. “Not long enough, but it’ll have to do.”
Then his mouth covered mine in a sweet collide and we made every second of the next two minutes count.
The river running through the ranch had a handful of thermal seeps where hot mineral water sprang from the ground.
Years ago, Connell Kelly had added a ring of rocks around one of the seeps, turning it into a natural mineral pool.
They said the minerals had healing properties, and while that might’ve been true, I was more interested in relaxing in the water with the clear sky above me and Cormac by my side.
He drove us out to the spring in one of the ranch’s side-by-sides, the wind whipping too loudly for us to carry on much conversation. I settled in with my feet on the dash, enjoying the ride.
When we arrived, I hopped out and wandered down to the river, my heart lodged in my throat. It had been so long since I’d been here, but it was exactly as I remembered.
I looked back at Cormac as he slowly approached. “Guests still don’t come here, right?”
He shook his head. “Just family.”
“And me.”
“I think you qualify as family, Zara. No one else gets to know our secret spots.”
It seemed impossible, but my heart leaped even higher.
I turned away from him and kicked off my slides to dip my toes in the spring. Warm water enveloped my foot, the faint scent of sulfur tickling my nose. I pulled off the T-shirt and shorts I’d worn over my bikini, leaving them on top of my shoes.
Cormac was behind me, his clothes landing on mine. Then his hands closed around my hips as he helped me into the spring.
The late evening air was warm, and the water was even warmer, melting my tired muscles into a heap. Cormac took me in his arms and settled me in his lap, letting me drape myself over him. His fingers stroked back and forth along my bare stomach, and his nose nuzzled the side of my head.
I closed my eyes, allowing myself to float in the moment.
This place, this person, the water lapping around us, the breeze blowing over us, distant animal sounds, the wide-open sky above—I breathed freely for the first time today.
Even though parts of my job had been stressful, I’d enjoyed every moment.
I hadn’t been counting the minutes until the end or wishing I were somewhere else.
God, I hoped my next job would fill me with even half those feelings.
Cormac’s hand stilled. “You tensed up. What are you thinking about?”
“Leaving. My next steps.”
His breath came out in a heavy whoosh. “Right. Are you applying for jobs?”
“Not yet. I probably should, but no part of me wants to think about it.” I turned my head, pressing my face into his throat, feeling him swallow. “Let’s talk about something else. Anything else. Tell me how many girls you’ve brought here.”
His laugh was sharp and biting. “None. This is a family spot.”
“Not even Victoria?”
“No, Zara. No one.”
I swiveled a little more sideways so I could see his face. “What happened with her? Why’d you break up?”
He puffed up his cheeks and slowly exhaled. “We weren’t together long, and it quickly became obvious to me it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I shouldn’t have tried dating someone I worked with anyway.” His brow furrowed as his gaze swept over me. “I don’t regret ending it.”
“That’s good.” I cupped his cheek, his scruff scratchy against my palm. “I feel a little greedy for being glad I have you all to myself this summer.”
“Be as greedy as you want with me.”
I kissed his chin before laying my head on his shoulder. “You can’t tell me that. I’ll do it.”
His soft laugh rumbled beside my ear. “I dare you.”
Dare or not, I would be spending the rest of this summer in his face. Now that I had him back, there wouldn’t be a moment when I felt I’d had enough.
After a minute of idly rubbing his thumb over my stomach, Cormac asked, “Did you ever get to any of the national parks you wanted to see?”
“No, not yet.”
I didn’t need to say Jackson hadn’t wanted to go.
In truth, it hadn’t been his fault. I’d allowed his wishes to become more important than mine.
My eyes had been wide open when I’d entered a life with him.
I’d known it would mean giving up the things I’d always wanted to do, and I’d said yes anyway.
The person I was even a year ago seemed so far off, I couldn’t quite understand her.
“If you didn’t have to worry about jobs, where would you go first?”
I tipped my face up to the sky, already picturing it. “Glacier. Or maybe Zion. As long as there are miles of trails and sketchy cell service.” I smiled. “I want blisters and sore calves and to wake up in a tent that smells like dirt and pine needles.”
He huffed a quiet laugh. “That’s very specific.”
“I’ve thought about it a lot.” I shifted so I could see his profile. “I love places that make me feel like I’m a part of something bigger than me. You could come with me.”
“I’m not a hiker, but I’d go, even if you had to drag me up a mountain.”
“I wouldn’t have to drag you. I’d encourage you—there’s a difference.”
He snorted. “Encourage. Okay. I imagine there’d be a fair bit of glaring every time I tried to rest.”
I twisted in his lap to poke his ribs. “Fine. I might glare you up a mountain. But you’d secretly love it.”
Cormac’s mouth curved against my temple. “Probably would.”
“And you? If you could go anywhere…”
He was quiet for a moment, turning the idea over carefully. “I’d probably save my vacation days to tag along on your adventures.”
“Really? You don’t have anywhere you long to be?”
“Not really. I’m right where I want to be.”
My heart kicked. “With me?”
“Yeah.”
So simple. Right here, right now…it was all he wanted. When I thought about it, when it really came down to it, there was no place I’d rather be either.
I shifted again, turning fully toward him, my knees bracketing his hips under the water. My hands slid up his chest, water beading along his skin, then over his shoulders and around to his nape.
“That’s a really sweet thing to say. I’m really happy to be right here, right now, with you.” I dipped down to kiss his cheek. “You really can’t think of a place you want to go? I want to know.”
Humming, he ran his nose along my cheekbone.
“There was a guy I became friends with during my hospitality program in college, Masa. He moved to Kyoto when we graduated and runs a hotel there. We’ve kept in touch, traded stories about guests.
He came to visit the ranch last year and extended an open invitation.
I’ve been thinking about it for a while.
I just need to bite the bullet and make a plan. ”
A sudden burst of grief struck me out of nowhere.
But when I thought about it, it wasn’t out of nowhere at all.
I would always feel the loss of the years we’d missed out on, but hearing him share this small tidbit of his life—a life I could’ve been part of but chose something else instead—filled me with so much regret I didn’t know what to do with it.
I should have known who Masa was. I should have been able to close my eyes and picture his face.
But I’d never gotten to know Cormac’s college friends.
I’d willingly drifted away because it had been easier than keeping him close and losing him anyway.
There was so much about him I didn’t know, and I wanted it all.
“Wow, okay. Japan would be very cool. I never thought about going there, but if you want a travel buddy, I’m in.”
His brow quirked. “A buddy, huh?”
“A buddy, it turns out, I really like to kiss.”
His fingers wrapped around my hips, holding me close, and he tilted his head back, his eyes darting over my face. I smiled, and he returned it.
“You’re so handsome,” I murmured. “You always were, but you grew into a really beautiful man.”
His breath fell from his lips in a hard puff. “Yeah? You think so?”
“You have to know how handsome you are, Maccie.”
“All I care about is what you think.”
I pecked his lips. “Well, I don’t want to stop looking at you.”
“Then don’t.”
I let my gaze wander over his strong jaw and the long column of his throat. From one side of his shoulders to the other.
To his tattoo.
The words along his collarbone I hadn’t seen clearly until now.
Steam curled between us as I leaned in, brushing my fingers over the dark script. His skin was warm from the spring, and the ink stood out in sharp relief.
I traced the letters slowly, my breath catching as they came into focus.
To the river and back
My heart stumbled.
For a second, I thought I’d misread it—the steam and fading light playing tricks on me. Then I leaned closer, squinting, and there it was. Every letter exactly the same.
“To the river and back,” I whispered.
When he kept quiet, I pulled back enough to look at him. “Cormac. We have the same tattoo.”
He nodded. “We do. Kinda crazy, huh?”
I couldn’t stop tracing the letters, each one matching mine. “When did you get this?”
“A few years ago.” He cleared his throat. “It was my first.”
He glanced away, like he was embarrassed, but I refused to be deterred.
That morning, in the kitchen with his grandparents, I’d asked him about his tattoo. He’d been vague, but I’d remembered his explanation. “You said it was a reminder. What is it a reminder of?”
He lifted his hands out of the water to cup the sides of my neck. His thumb stretched, pressing beneath the corner of my jaw before coming to rest on my fluttering pulse.
“Tell me,” I whispered.
“The good times. The best times. No matter what happened, I lived it. I felt what I felt and carry it with me.” His eyelids lowered, his gaze going hazy and distant. “What we had might’ve ended, but I didn’t want to forget it, so I put those words where I’d always see them.”
“Mac.” My forehead fell against his. My chest ached so deeply, I thought it might be close to cracking. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry I didn’t take better care of us.”
“We both made mistakes. We were kids, Zara.”
“We’re not so old now.”
“You’re right. We’re still young, but we’ve learned a lot.” His thumb stroked my throat, gentle and steady. “The good thing is, we still have time to set it right.”
Blinking, I lifted my head to stare at him. “Set it right,” I whispered. “That’s what my dad said before I came here. I thought that’s what I was doing in Sugar Brush. And it was part of it, for sure. But it’s also you. I needed to fix things with you. To set it right.”
His jaw rippled as he looked back at me. “I think we’re on our way, don’t you?”
“Yeah, Maccie. We really are.”
He was holding back. I felt it. But for now, this was enough. Knowing he hadn’t crossed me off his heart when things had gone wrong. Affirming I was in there the same way he was in mine.
For once, we had time.
And I intended to make the most of it.