42. Sienna
forty-two
Sienna
Life isn’t easy. No one ever said it was, but people have said that love is.
Those people lied.
If loving was easy, then why does my heart feel like I left it on Jace’s lawn?
My hands shake as I walk, studying them.
I’d left my phone and coat at Jace’s house, not caring at the time, but now as the crisp November air blows against my skin, I wish that I hadn’t left so abruptly.
Headlights flash as a car drives past, but I ignore it. They’re probably on their way to see their loved ones, something that I should be doing right now.
Instead, I’m walking through my boyfriend’s neighborhood alone.
“Get in the car, Jones.” My heart stutters, coming back to life at the sound of the person’s voice. I’d know it anywhere.
It’s my cousin, Zayden.
“No,” I pout, quickening my steps as I walk to God knows where.
“Sienna, don’t make me park this goddamn car and get your ass. I’m already sleepy as is and then I got some weird ass white boy calling me talking about come pick you up? And why are you walking around without a coat on?”
I snort at my cousin's words and turn to him. Zayden’s smiling his perfectly white teeth my way with one arm on his steering wheel. His locs are pulled back with a headband and he’s wearing his pajamas.
Was he asleep?
“He called?” I ask, getting in the car as he sighs .
“Did he? That motherfucker called me, Ry, and Uncle CJ. I don’t even know how he got my number, Si Si.” Zayden smacks his teeth as if truly perturbed by Jace as he pulls off.
“Yeah…He has a way of doing things.” I sigh, resting my head back as Zayden drives.
He looks over at me momentarily, a small frown on his lips as he says, “Don’t ever do that again, you hear me?”
I don’t answer, already knowing where he’s going with this.
“I know you hear me, Sola. Don’t ever walk away from the person you love ever again, especially at night. And don’t you dare leave anywhere without your phone and protection. Do you hear me?” he asks, turning to me as we come to a stop sign.
“I hear you, Zayden.” I roll my eyes, smiling at his care for me as he begins driving again.
“Good, because that kid loves your stupid ass, and I can tell that you love him, too,” he says, and then there’s silence.
I watch quietly as we drive, ignoring the looks of my cousin as we exit the neighborhood.
“I’m sorry about them, by the way,” he quietly adds, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know who he’s speaking about.
My parents.
“Yeah, well, they could give a fuck about me, so.”
“Si Si…”
I shake my head, cutting him off as my lip quivers. I bite on my cheek to stop the onslaught of tears. “No it’s okay, they’ve neglected me for almost twenty-one years…What’s one more holiday?”
When I think about it, I’m not mad at Jace. Did that girl trying to stake a claim over him piss me off? Hell yeah. Did him not telling his mom that I’ll be at their Thanksgiving upset me? Of course. But all of this anger and overwhelming feelings aren’t because of him.
They did this to me .
Zayden takes me back to his place in downtown D.C., about an hour and forty-five minutes from Summerfield and where Uncle Clef lives. I sigh as I step foot inside his penthouse, kicking off my shoes and heading to the guest bedroom that I normally stay in when Zayden lets me come over.
He hugs and kisses my forehead before heading to bed, claiming to need all of his energy before Turkey-Day tomorrow, and leaving me to my own vices.
Without thought, I head to the ensuite bathroom, don my clothes, and get in the shower.
I don’t turn on the lights or music. Instead, I cry. I let it all out and for the first time in hours, I feel free.
Laughter follows me as I walk throughout Uncle Clef’s house, smiling at the different family photos claiming the walls.
A small frown dusts my lips as I take in our childhood photos.
I sigh, never feeling more alone than I do now.
Maybe I shouldn’t have left last night…
Making my way further into the house, I find myself standing outside of my uncle’s study, and don’t hesitate before letting myself in.
“I was wondering when my Sola girl was going to appear. What’s been going on, Si Si?” Uncle Clef’s warm voice greets me as soon as I enter the room. I sigh as I plop down on the brown leather couch next to him.
It’d become our thing to watch home movies together on Thanksgiving, reminiscing and laughing at both of our childhoods on film.
“I’m okay,” I say with a shrug as he side eyes me, placing his photobook in his lap to look at me.
“Want to tell me the truth?”
“Nope,” I say popping the ‘p’ as he laughs aloud .
“Fine, it was a boy. Which one? The guy who left you stranded or someone different?”
I chuckle, considering both Jace and Aric left me stranded before, but instead of answering, I play the home movie that he’d paused when I walked in the room.
“So it is a boy. Did you forget what I said about bums? I told you not to date them…Why didn’t—”
Sighing, I cut him off, “He’s not.”
“Is he broke?”
I laugh. “He’s richer than me and probably the prince of Wales combined.”
Uncle Clef blows out a huff of air. “So he’s a rich bum?”
I smile, loving my uncle. “You like this one.”
Uncle Clef is silent for a moment, my words sinking in. It doesn’t take a full five seconds before his neck is snapping my way and his jaw drops. “No!”
Cue the theatrics.
“The team is OFF limits! No, they are the worst of the worst. Besides Heart, I like Heart…he’s a good—Oh for the love of God, it’s Heart, isn’t it?”
“It’s Heart.” I nod.
Uncle Clef smacks his teeth, shaking his head like the disappointed uncle his. When he looks up at the TV, a video of Jace and I dancing on the screen plays.
The way he looks at me, holds me. Even at ten-years-old, Jace’s eyes have always been the same whenever he’d looked at me, and it warms my heart.
The video shifts and it’s one I’d never seen before. The camera wobbles slightly as Uncle Clef’s voice blares through the speaker.
“Come on, kid. Record her right!” He coached even then.
The boyish, childlike giggle has my spine stiffening as Jace’s voice calls back, “I’m trying, I’m trying! She’s moving so fast…God, she looks like an angel.”
The last line is mumbled, but I hear it loud and clear as the video cuts.
The recital. The first ever recital that my uncle and everyone flew to California to see. He’d called me an angel, even then .
Jace had been my number one supporter that day, showing up with my first ever bouquet of flowers and a smile on his face. At the time, he had green braces, and they were the cutest things in the world to me.
I remember it like it was yesterday, when I’d looked around and couldn’t find my parents in the crowd. I instead saw his mess of blond, wavy hair and knew that he was there for me.
That same day, he called me an angel and gave me flowers.
Stargazers.
They were bright and the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen.
Jace Heart saw me, and dare I say he may have even loved me, all those years ago. Little did I know then, but I felt the exact same way.