Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
She was a coward.
Callie stood in the living room, hugging herself, listening to the back door open and close. He didn’t slam it, which she probably would have done. Luna had gone with him and Callie was alone, the silence an almost physical thing in the room with her.
It was welcome after the emotions that had whipped through a few moments ago. She’d been angry and hurt and wallowing in her feelings, unwilling to give them up because she’d decided it was safer to stay mad than to soften toward him and let him in again.
Seth was so even keel, so cool, that she hadn’t expected his whirlwind of emotion to hit her that strongly. He’d been far more upset than she could have thought possible. Didn’t mean he actually cared about her. Just meant he was angry he’d lost control of the situation.
Yes.
She breathed in deeply, satisfied.
Yes, that was it. That was the answer.
He was a man who thrived on controlling the situation because it was his job. He never let her go first into a building. He made her sit in the truck when they arrived somewhere, until he could open her door because that gave him time to check things out, make sure it was safe.
He’d stressed to her again and again that his mission was to keep her safe. To do that, she had to obey his commands on when and where and how. Maybe not at home, in her space, but everywhere else.
She understood and agreed because it would have been suicidal not to let him do the things he was best at.
He’d asked who hurt her. She didn’t have an answer for that. Not really. Was she scarred by a high school trick? Or was it a deeper distrust of people because she didn’t believe them? Her parents, as much as she loved them, hadn’t been what they’d seemed. She’d always had to watch herself, had to dim her talent to make men comfortable in her field, had to hide her ability and pretend to know less than she did.
It wasn’t who had hurt her. It was a load of people who had in one way or another, and she was afraid—deeply afraid—of it happening again. Especially with Seth. If she let him in again, he would have the ability to destroy her in a way no one ever had.
Because she was so very close to needing him in her life already.
A wave of tiredness slammed into her. It’d been a long couple of days. Coming home to a wrecked house, dealing with that situation and the knowledge someone had violated her space and destroyed some of her things. Not sleeping, sleeping with Seth, then sex with Seth, and then the trip to the range where everything she’d thought she’d known about him and Mikhail, and even her own team, had been blown sky high.
Someone on her team, someone she worked with, had tried to sabotage the code. Had they been the one to set the fire? Who on her team wanted to hurt her? And why? They couldn’t have been working with Mikhail because he wouldn’t have needed her to give him access to the closed network if he’d had someone else who could do it.
The whole thing was insane. Sheer insanity piled on more insanity.
It was exhausting.
She checked Nikki’s location because she hadn’t been able to do it inside the SCIF. She’d checked a few times since they’d left One Shot Tactical. Nikki was where she was supposed to be. Callie had sent a text, and her sister blew up her phone with horse pictures. It made her smile when little else could.
Nikki, at least, was having the time of her life.
There had been no texts from fake-Mikhail since the one asking to meet. Not even a reply to the text she’d sent asking where he was last night. Presumably, the original text was meant to get her out of the house so somebody could search for what they thought she had hidden away.
So who was on the other end of his phone, and what did they want? Had Mikhail told them she had a memory stick with the code? That was the only thing that made any sense to her. And since they hadn’t found it, would they be back?
Callie shuddered at the idea. But it wasn’t like they were going to say oh well, she doesn’t have it, time to move on.
“What were you up to Mikhail? And who were you really?” she muttered as she went into her room to change for bed.
But walking into her room didn’t help at all. Because the bed, while neatly made, conjured images of what had happened there earlier. Callie closed her eyes as memories assailed her.
She was never going to be able to see her bed without thinking about Seth. He’d been right that replacing the memory of someone violating her room with a happy memory was a good idea.
But she hadn’t realized the new memory would be a hundred times worse.
She grabbed her pajamas and went into the bathroom.
And, yay for her, it was also bad. She stared at the shower, thinking of everything they’d done in there. It was the first time she’d felt him deep inside her, the first time she’d realized how explosive an orgasm could really be when a man knew what he was doing and worked to get you off before he gave in to his own pleasure.
She could truly say that sex with Seth was the best of her life. Which didn’t help matters one bit.
She brushed her teeth with a vengeance, changed her clothes, and padded to the kitchen for a glass of wine because she really fucking needed it. Probably shouldn’t have brushed her teeth already, but oh well.
Luna came in the back door first and then Seth. Just the sight of him made her heart skip.
Why did he have to be so damned gorgeous with dark hair and silver eyes and muscles for days? She wanted to climb him, wrap her arms and legs around him, and feel that slice of heaven he’d shown her again.
His gaze slid over her, assessing. He did it every time he came into her presence after being away from her. There was something comforting about it.
“I’m getting wine. You want anything?”
Because it was ridiculous to ignore him. Now that she’d said what she needed to say, she could be cordial.
“I’m good. Thanks.”
She poured wine into her glass. “Everything okay out there?”
“Yep. Charlie’s fine, too. I gave him some hay. I hope that’s all right. Nikki said an extra pad at night wouldn’t hurt.”
Her heart squeezed that he’d not only listened to her sister, but remembered. “It’s fine. He’s got a lot of good grass in the pasture, but when he comes in at night it’s okay if he has hay.”
“The trail cams are working, and I’ll get alerts, same as always. I’ve got the rifle, and I’ll stay on the couch if you want the guest room.”
She hated the way he sounded so polite and distant, but she’d done that to him. She’d made it happen.
“It’s okay. I’ll sleep in my room. I’m not afraid.”
He nodded. “I’ve got some work to do, so I’ll be at the table for a while with my laptop.”
She hesitated, but there was nothing more to say. “Goodnight, then.”
“Yeah, night.”
Callie took her glass of wine to the bedroom, her heart throbbing with every step. Then she climbed onto her bed, took the box containing her journals and paper from her nightstand where she’d left it, and spread them across the quilt to start repairing what she could.
But it didn’t work to distract her like it usually did. She lay back against the pillows, tears pressing her eyelids, and told herself she was doing the right thing.
Except, this time, the right thing felt all wrong.