Chapter 37 Where The Fear Breaks
Where The Fear Breaks
ADRIAN
I’d dreamed of this more nights than I could count. Of Eli in my lap, hungry for me, begging for more. But I wasn’t dreaming now. This was real.
His hands fisted in my collar as he kissed me with desperate heat. It was messy, tasting like salt from his own tears. I met him with the same hunger, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other sliding under his shirt to feel the muscles contract in his stomach.
He gasped when my fingers trailed just above his waistband.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered against his mouth. “I’m right here.”
Eli pressed closer, hips aligning with mine, needy in a way that made my pulse spike hot and fast. His breath hitched when he felt me—hard already, wanting him with an intensity that bordered on painful.
“Adrian…” His voice was a broken whisper. “Don’t stop touching me.”
My hands roamed slowly over his ribs, his back, the muscles that went tight with each shaky breath. I kissed the wet track of tears down his cheek, then his jaw, then the hollow beneath his ear that always made him shiver.
He did. Hard.
“Lie back,” I murmured.
His pupils blew wide, his hands sliding from my shirt down to my wrists. “Here?”
“Here,” I said. “Unless you want the bed.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Here is fine.”
I eased him back onto the couch, covering his body with mine, holding most of my weight on my elbows so he felt encircled, not trapped. His hands slid into my hair, tugging gently, grounding himself.
“You don’t have to be brave,” I whispered, brushing my nose down his throat. “Not with me.”
Eli released a strangled moan and lifted his hips instinctively. I groaned involuntarily because that was all it took to undo me.
I kissed him again, slow this time, deep, lingering. A kiss that says, I’m not going anywhere. His lips parted, tongue sliding along mine with a desperate tenderness that made my chest ache.
“Touch me,” he breathed against my mouth.
“I am.”
“More.”
I slid my hand under his shirt, over warm skin that flexed and quivered under my palm. He arched into it, eyes fluttering closed. His breath dragged in sharply when my fingers traced the lines of his abs, drifting lower, lower—
He shivered. “Adrian…”
“Say what you need.”
He pushed his head back against the cushion, chest rising and falling fast. “I need you to remind me I’m alive.”
I kissed down his throat, slow and reverent. “Oh, baby,” I murmured, heat pooling low and fierce. “I can do that.”
And I did—touch by touch, breath by breath—until the tremors in his body weren’t fear anymore but want.
Eli’s chest rose fast, every breath warm against my mouth, every inch of him caught between wanting more and bracing for too much. I could feel the war inside him, and the part of him that desperately wanted to surrender.
I kissed him again, slowly coaxing his tongue into my mouth, letting him feel my restraint even as my pulse hammered.
His fingers tightened in my hair. “Adrian…”
I dragged my lips down the column of his throat, pausing when he sucked in a breath and tilted his head instinctively.
“Here?” I murmured, letting my mouth hover over his pulse.
His grip spasmed. “Yes.”
I pressed an open-mouthed kiss there, and he made a low, broken sound that shot straight to my balls. I let my tongue trace the edge of his jaw, then dipped lower, tasting salt and skin and the feel of him coming back to himself under my hands.
He shifted his hips again, a soft, unconscious grind that made my vision go a little hazy.
“Careful,” I warned, voice rough.
“Why?” His eyes opened, dark and wide, pupils blown so big they swallowed the color. “You’re the one who said not to be brave with you.”
God help me, I loved him.
I braced one hand beside his head, the other sliding under his shirt again, palm flat against warm skin. He arched into it, breath stuttering as if he couldn’t decide if he was melting or coming apart.
“Tell me what you want.”
“I want—the way you were touching me.” His voice trembled. “I want more of that. More of you.”
I exhaled slowly, fighting the urge to take him fast and hard, because that wasn’t what this was. This was him bursting open and choosing me to be the one who catches the pieces.
I pushed his shirt up inch by inch. Eli lifted his arms automatically, letting me pull it over his head. He lay beneath me, bare chest rising, his eyes fixed on mine with something vulnerable and trusting and unbearably beautiful.
I traced the line of his sternum with two fingers. “Still okay?”
His breath shivered out. “Please don’t stop asking. But yes. I’m okay.”
I bent and kissed his chest, right over his heart, feeling the rapid thud against my lips. His hands slid down my back, tentative at first, then firmer as he grew bolder, pulling me closer.
I let some of my weight settle onto him. His breath caught—not in panic, but in relief.
“You feel so good,” he whispered.
“You feel like home,” I answered before I could think better of it.
His eyes glazed over, but he didn’t look away. Instead, he cupped my face with both hands and pulled me into a kiss that was slow and deep and unguarded in a way that made my lungs burn.
I kissed him back, tongue sliding against his in a lazy, hungry sweep, my hips pressing fully into his. He gasped into my mouth—a sharp, needy sound—as his body arched in perfect answer.
“Adrian…” He swallowed hard. “Touch me. More.”
I moved my hand lower, over the plane of his stomach, fingers teasing the edge of his waistband. His breath stuttered, hips lifting instinctively to meet my touch.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered into his throat, my voice wrecked with wanting him. “I’m right here. Not going anywhere.”
He nodded, barely holding himself together.
I slipped my hand under the elastic of his pants and wrapped my fingers around him.
Eli made a choked sound and grabbed fistfuls of my shirt, needing to anchor himself.
His thighs trembled around my hips. “God… I—”
“I know,” I murmured the words over his skin, kissing his jaw, his cheek, the corner of his mouth. “Let yourself feel it.”
I stroked him again, long and slow, my thumb teasing the sensitive ridge just beneath the head. His whole body jerked, his breath breaking apart.
“Adrian—I—don’t stop—”
“Wasn’t planning to,” I murmured into his ear, letting my teeth graze the shell lightly.
Eli shuddered. The violent tremor that ran through him wasn’t just pleasure; it was fear melting out of his body, a physical unwinding. I felt it the moment his fingers clutched at me, holding tight. It rolled straight into me, a full-body pull that dragged me deeper.
My control frayed when he lifted his hips again, chasing my hand as if he couldn’t help himself.
“Eli…” His name came out rough, almost a warning, but he didn’t stop. Didn’t hesitate. Just clung to me as if I were the one thing tethering him to the earth.
He kissed me hard, and the noise he made when I kissed him back nearly finished me.
“Adrian,” he whispered, voice nearly gone, “I need—”
“I know.” I pressed my mouth to his throat, my hand tightening on his hip.
I sucked hard on the scar that marred his throat, and that was the moment everything tipped. Eli’s breath fractured, and every broken sound that followed became surrender. He melted under the heat of my mouth, dissolving into a boneless puddle of need.
Eli thrust his hips, shoving his hard cock against me, his hands tightening in my hair. I took the unspoken hint and let my mouth trail down his body, lingering between his thighs. He wasted no time working his pants down his hips.
The air thickened into a humid furnace with every ragged breath.
Want coiled around us as I sucked his wet tip between my lips.
Pleasure tore through him, a fault line giving way.
I licked around his head, my tongue tracing every pulse.
His legs turned to water, unsteady under the force of my hunger.
He pushed himself further into my mouth, nestling into the velvet heat, and tipped his head back, lost to the pleasure.
With my eyes locked on his face, gauging every reaction, I ran my lips up and down his hard length, sucking kisses that became a continuous motion.
A guttural cry escaped him. Eli spread his thighs wider as I sank to my knees between them, licking at his dark curls and the smooth taint beneath them.
I listened to him unravel thread by thread between my lips, intent on breaking him with my mouth. I devoured him, a quiet storm gathering intensity with each lick and suck. The heat of my mouth became a command Eli couldn’t resist.
“Please!” he screamed, no longer begging nicely.
I bit back a satisfied smile and hollowed my cheeks, sucking him hard and fast down my throat.
His choked cry was music to my ears. Hot precum seeped from his slit, flooding my tongue.
Relentlessly, I slurped up and down his shaft until his legs bent and buckled, squeezing my shoulders between them.
His body trembled, abdominals seizing, veins rigid. The shudder rolled through his hips, his thighs, until his legs vibrated. My mouth became a warm cradle for his need.
Eli begged me to stop, begged for more, and I answered his desperate plea by forming a seal around his cock, a trap I had no intention of opening.
I hummed low and felt him melt against my tongue.
He tasted of salt and heat and… Eli. I could feel him trying to hold himself together, and I loved ruining that.
He watched through lust-drugged eyes as I pushed my jeans and briefs off. He grabbed his swollen cock and stroked once, twice. I mirrored the movement, stroking my cock, smearing the precum down my shaft. Usually, it would be enough, but I hadn’t fucked Eli in months.
“Don’t move,” I rasped.
In a flash, I returned with the bottle from our nightstand and spread the slick over my shaft.
His pupils dilated as he continued to stroke, to watch me ready myself for him.
Then I went to work on his tight hole, slipping my fingers inside, gently stretching him loose.
When he began to fuck my fingers, I knew he was ready.
Bracing my arms on either side of his shoulders, I slid into him slowly, savoring the squeeze of his tight ass. My cock pulsed inside him, desperate to claim, to or reclaim, what was mine, but I took care with his healing body.
When I was fully seated inside him, Eli chased my mouth, sliding his tongue with mine.
“Fuck, I missed this,” he breathed over my lips.
“God, I’m an idiot,” I hissed as he squeezed around me. “I almost lost this.” I gazed into his half-lidded eyes. “Almost lost you. How could I have been so careless?”
Eli wrapped his long legs around my hips and drew me into his tight heat. “I’ll make sure you’re more careful in the future.”
I heard the tease in his voice, mixed with need. Never again, Elias. I’ll never jepordize our love again.
My pace was slow, pulling out and pushing back in to a litany of moans and sighs. He loved it, loved being filled again, loved the connection. Loved what only I could give to him. His husband.
It healed something broken inside me that still lingered.
“More,” he whispered. “I can take it.”
Damn, I hoped so, because I needed to move faster.
I needed to see him fall apart and I only had minutes left before I beat him to it.
Sitting back on my knees, I held his legs spread and pushed into him with barely disguised hunger.
If his leg hurt, he didn’t show it. I took in his glassy eyes and dazed expression, the flush crawling up his chest and throat, and I pushed harder, faster.
He clutched at me as if I were the only thing keeping him from sliding off the edge of the world.
“Still with me?”
He nodded, voice raspy and small. “Don’t stop.”
“Not a chance.”
His body stiffened before a full shudder tore through him, followed by a curse. I grunted as I buried my load deep in his ass. I laid my head against his chest, wrapping him tightly, letting his heartbeat sync with mine.
He exhaled shakily, burying his lips in my hair. “Adrian?”
“Yeah?”
He lifted his head just enough to meet my eyes. “I think… this was the first time I didn’t feel scared.”
Something in my chest fissured open.
I stroked his hair, gentle as a breath. “Then we’ll build on that. Touch by touch. As slow as you need.”
His lips curved into an exhausted but beautiful smile. “And Adrian?” he murmured.
“Hmm?”
His thumb brushed my jaw. “You’re the one who saved me today.”
I swallowed hard, pulling him closer.
“No, Eli,” I whispered. “You let me.”