10. Logan
10
LOGAN
“ A lright, folks. We made it to the end of the slide deck. Now, if you’ll turn your attention to...”
I tuned out Bryan’s spiel as he went over the change in the scope of his team’s project and what it would mean for the overall direction and end product.
Through the video call grid that made Bryan’s development team and the ladder of VPs and leadership look like the Brady Bunch, Will cut his eyes at me.
Shit. Was I actually muted or did they hear me groan when Bryan said ‘slide deck’ for the sixty-fifth time?
I glanced at the microphone icon and let out a sigh of relief that I had been muted.
Today was one of those days I wanted to grab the thumbtacks from the top drawer of my desk and stick them into my eyeballs.
“I think that about wraps it up. Any questions for Mr. Lancaster’s team?” Will asked.
It was so strange hearing Will call Kylie’s husband, “Mr. Lancaster.” I suppose it was just as weird hearing both him and me be called “Mr. Solomon.”
One by one, the grid squares on the video call feed darkened until it was only Will, Bryan, and me.
“You heading up?” Will asked.
“Yep,” Bryan said as he closed his notebook.
“Heading up?” I asked.
Bryan chuckled. “I’m at Will’s house. He’s upstairs. I’m in the basement. The office is where the Wi-Fi is.”
“Kristin and Kylie wanted to do a family dinner and game night,” Will said as he looked over his shoulder. “Sounds like Hunter just got here.”
“Is Zoey bringing the boy?” Bryan asked.
Will grinned. “I hope so. I want to interrogate the little fuck. I didn’t get a chance at the wedding.”
There was a sharp pang in my gut at hearing Will and Bryan talk about messing with my little sister’s boyfriend.
I had been in Chicago for a little under a year. I texted with my siblings and their significant others and talked to them on the phone. But I hadn’t truly missed them until now. I never understood homesickness because nothing had ever felt like home to me.
“Sounds like fun,” I clipped as I popped my headphones out and rubbed my temples.
“Your room’s always open,” Will said.
I appreciated that about him. He and Kristin never called it a guest room. It was still my room, even if I rarely stayed in it.
“All right,” Bryan said. “I’m coming upstairs. Talk to you later, Logan.”
“Bye,” I mumbled. Will opened his mouth to say something now that it was just the two of us, but I ended the video call before he could get it out.
I knew exactly what he would ask about.
Leah.
I looked at the unsent text still lingering on my phone screen.
Logan: How are you feeling?
Leah had never responded when I texted her a few days ago. What was even the point of sending it? It’s not like a text would make her less nauseous.
A knock on the office door startled me out of my thoughts. “Hey, Mr. Solomon. The rest of us are going out for drinks. You wanna join?” Jonathan, a new hire, said.
“No” was on the tip of my tongue, but I held back.
I never went for drinks with the team. I never went to lunch with them. I didn’t like eating at restaurants anyway. I packed my lunch every day. There was no need to spend time with them outside of these walls.
But my apartment had felt cold for the last week. I wasn’t exactly sure why. It had never felt empty before.
For the first time in a long time, I actually didn’t want to go home.
“Where are y’all going?” I asked as I closed my laptop and shoved it into my messenger bag.
“Rohan Tavern down the block. Good drinks. Half-decent food,” he said.
I shouldered my bag and slid my phone and that unsent text into my pocket. “Sure. I’ll come.”
“Sweet.” Jonathan craned his head back down the hallway. “Boss is in!”
There was a mildly amused cheer as I pushed my desk chair into my desk. I glanced around before turning off the light. There were no papers strewn about. No photos or mementos. Not even a clock on the wall.
My office was an extension of my apartment. It served a function, and that was that. It was a stark contrast to Leah’s...nest.
If I disappeared tomorrow, there would be no evidence that I had ever been here.
I said my goodbyes to the lingering staff and hurried down to the lobby and out into the crisp autumn air.
The smell of car exhaust made me miss the salt-stung breeze that floated around Will and Kristin’s house.
I shook off the notion, picked up my pace, and made my way down the sidewalk.
The Rohan Tavern was warm and dimly lit. My team had commandeered a cluster of high-top tables and pushed them together. Laughter bubbled up from the group as someone said something amusing.
“Boss man!” one of the new interns said as I neared.
I did a little wave and slid into the empty seat. “So, this is what you folks do after five o’clock.”
“Sometimes we go to shows. We’re going to a comedy club next week,” Paisley, one of the software developers, said as she touched up her lip gloss. “Want me to grab you a ticket?”
That sounded atrocious.
The conversation shifted to someone’s dating escapades, and the bartender stopped by to deliver drinks.
“Anything I can get for you, man?” he asked.
“Just water,” I said.
“Easy enough.”
After the hangover that had nearly sent me to my grave after Kylie’s wedding, I had sworn off alcohol for a long, long time. And that was before I found out about the baby.
“Dude—I mean, Mr. Solomon—you look like you need a beer,” Jonathan said.
It would make me feel better, but it wouldn’t fix anything.
I shook my head. “I probably won’t stay long.”
“At least we got him out of the office!” Paisley chirped.
I faked a laugh. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to find a text from Zoey with attached photos of family game night. It looked like Monopoly was just as cutthroat as I remembered.
Everyone was laughing. Kylie and Bryan were snuggled up to each other, as were Kristin and Will. The next photo was a group selfie with Zoey and her boyfriend, and Hunter and his girlfriend.
My heart twisted and clenched. In an impulsive, out-of-body moment, I swiped over to the text I had typed to Leah and hit send.
To my surprise, she texted back almost instantly.
Leah: Whoever named it “morning sickness” is a dirty liar.
Kylie was at game night, which meant Leah was probably alone. What if she needed help? What if she got sick and dizzy and passed out? What if?—
“You leaving already?” Jonathan asked.
I hadn’t even realized I’d jumped out of my seat. “Yeah. I gotta head out. Thanks for the invite.”
Some leader I was, bailing on team bonding like that. But a notion took root in my mind before I could stop it. It fed on that sense of aimlessness that had plagued me since coming back to work after my birthday, growing into an uncontrollable craving.
Before the bartender had even brought my glass of water to the table, I was out the door and heading back to the parking garage where I had left my car that morning.
The drive back to my apartment was a blur. Filling a suitcase didn’t take long. I threw my necessities into a carry-on and checked available flights on my phone while I waited for a ride to the airport.
The whole thing was a haze. I had never been high, but paying out the nose for a red-eye flight to North Carolina at the desk, shuffling through airport security at Chicago O’Hare, and waiting at the gate was the closest to a fever dream trip I had ever experienced.
Somewhere around three in the morning, after a last-minute flight, rental car pick-up, three-hour drive from the capital to the coast, six cups of gas station coffee, and a stop at a twenty-four-hour grocery store, I stood at Leah Holloway’s door.
This was so fucking stupid. She was probably asleep. Why the hell had I blown up my weekend? And for what?
I had never been impulsive, but something about being a time zone away from the mother of my child was turning me into someone I didn’t recognize.
I hadn’t decided if I liked that man or not. I hadn’t decided if he was good enough.
Just when I decided to cut my losses and grab a hotel room for the night, a pissed off, “ Motherfucker !” wafted from inside Leah’s apartment.
I knocked softly, and the noise inside stopped. I knocked again. “Leah?”
The door whipped open, and Leah stood there holding a hammer. She looked surprised as she let out a relieved breath. “Oh my god. It’s just you. I thought someone was casing my apartment to see if I was home so they could rob it.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “And you were going to defend yourself with a hammer?”
“It’s all I had close by.”
Yeah. She was definitely getting a security system put in first thing in the morning if I had to install it myself.
Leah left the door open as she headed deeper into her lair and set the hammer on the kitchen island. “What are you doing here? I didn’t even know you were in town. Kylie didn’t?—”
“Ky doesn’t know I’m here,” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. This was stupid. This was so fucking stupid. I was so stupid.
Leah looked suspicious, like she didn’t trust my intentions. “Then what are you doing here?”
I lifted the grocery bag. “You said you were sick...I figured you might need something.”
Those untrusting eyes widened in surprise. “You...You flew all the way here from Chicago to bring me crackers and ginger ale?”
“And some instant potatoes and electrolytes.” I shrugged. “I had some time to read on the plane. Sorry if it’s not what you can stomach.”
Tears welled up in her eyes, and her lip started to quiver. “Can I have a hug?” She dried her tear-stained cheeks with the sleeve of her oversized pajama shirt. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I know you’re not touchy-feely. I haven’t slept well all week, and I’m super hormonal right now.”
“Come here,” I said as I set the grocery bag on the kitchen counter and opened my arms. Leah was hesitant at first, then slid into my chest like a key slipping into a lock.
Tension leached from my body as I held her close, cradling her head against my chest with one hand and softly rubbing her back with the other. “Better?”
She nodded, burrowing deeper in my arms.
We stood there in the dim light of her kitchen, breathing each other in. When her tears had faded and her muscles relaxed, I pulled away.
“Why were you awake and swearing?”
She let out a caustic laugh and looked at a bedside table that only had three of the four legs. “I figured if I couldn’t sleep, I’d tackle a project rather than stare at the ceiling all night.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
Leah picked at one of her cuticles. “Anxiety, I guess.”
She was anxious? About what? Was the baby okay? Was she okay? Did she have a doctor’s appointment and get bad news? We hadn’t talked about whether she was comfortable telling me what was going on with her pregnancy.
“About what?” I pressed gently.
She let out a deep breath. “I’m going to tell my parents tomorrow night. I know they’re not going to take it well.”
“Because the baby’s mine,” I said.
Her tongue prodded the inside of her cheek as she tried to figure out a way to wrap the ugly truth in a pretty package.
“Don’t lie to me, Leah.”
“That...is a factor. Yes. But it’s not just you. They’re not happy with me at the moment either.”
Her parents hated me. Hated my family. I had known that since I was a teenager. It also meant I had nothing left to lose with them. “Do you want me to go with you?”
Leah blinked. She started to nod and say yes, then froze. “I appreciate the offer, but it’s probably a conversation I should tackle on my own. We’re not together, so it would only raise more questions.”
“I’m sorry.”
She just shook her head. “Stop saying you’re sorry. We both did this. We both have to live with different consequences.” A sad smile painted her rosy lips. “I guess if that was the last hookup I had before I became a mom, what a way to go out.”
I couldn’t help the chuckle that broke free. “I had a really good time talking to you that night. You know—before we got shitfaced.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I cupped her cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I guess...it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to talk to someone like that.”
Leah cocked her head curiously. “You don’t have a lot of friends, do you?”
It was a shot straight to the heart. A point-blank bullseye.
“I’m close with Will and Bryan,” I said defensively.
“They married your sisters and you work together.”
“Technically, I’m Bryan’s boss. He works for me.”
“And you work for Will,” Leah countered. “It must be hard to keep friendships going when work and family are in the middle.”
She was right. It was something I had never said out loud. When we were together in person, the conversation always shifted to work. When we were apart, the conversation always shifted to what was going on back home. The things I wasn’t part of.
Leah yawned and looked at the time.
“I should let you get back to bed,” I said.
She shrugged. “You can stay. We can...talk. You know, if you want to. If I haven’t gone to sleep now, I probably won’t sleep at all.”
I grabbed my wallet and started thumbing through it.
“What are you—” Leah’s brows furrowed. “I don’t need your money. I don’t want it.”
I pulled out the little zip-top bag from between the petty cash I kept on hand and tilted my head toward the big binder of old stamps. “I found it online. Apparently, it’s a pretty hard one to hunt down. Didn’t know if you were still adding to your book.”
Leah gasped as she took the stamp from me and studied it. “I don’t have this one. It’s beautiful.”
Without another word, she grabbed the overflowing binder and plopped down on the couch, patting the space beside her. I moved a mountain of jewel-toned throw pillows out of the way and sat down.
“What got you into collecting stamps?”
She smiled as she flipped to an empty divider space and slid the stamp I had found into its new home. “I like the thrill of the chase.”
“Which one is your favorite?” I asked as I draped my arm across the back of the couch.
Her smile was infectious as she hurriedly thumbed through the pages.
My arm ached. My neck was so jacked up I was sure it was permanently going to lean to the left. But Leah was asleep in my arms.
The stamp collection was still open on her lap. Her finger was still pointing to one she had been in the middle of telling me about when she had drifted off.
I was nearing twenty-four hours of being awake and was starting to feel it, but I didn’t want to miss a single second of her curled up against my chest.
I slid my hand across her stomach and rested it there, feeling how tight the gentle swell of her belly had become.
Leah was so beautiful like this. So, so beautiful.
“What time is it?” she mumbled as her eyes flickered open. “Did I fall asleep?”
“It’s just after six,” I said as I shifted, trying to ease the ache in my neck.
“In the morning?”
I nodded.
She rubbed her eyes and yawned, then closed the stamp book. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you trapped all night.”
I chuckled. “I’m a happy hostage.”
“You didn’t fall asleep?”
I shook my head.
“And you...stared at the ceiling while I used you as a body pillow?”
“I stared at the fridge. Does that make it better or worse?”
“Why did you—” Leah’s attention turned to the refrigerator, and she quickly realized what I was talking about.
The sonograms were still pinned to the front.
“It still doesn’t feel real,” she said softly. “Even after watching the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat.”
She got to hear the baby’s heartbeat?
“The first picture looks like a little bumblebee or something,” I said, trying to disguise the emotion in my voice with exhaustion.
She let out a tired laugh. “Yeah...It does.” Her hand slid over the back of mine where it still rested on her belly. “A little baby bee.”
“I should probably get going,” I murmured against her temple.
Leah nodded and crawled off the couch. “I’m sorry I never texted you back when you said you were thinking about me. I...I don’t really know where I stand with you. I didn’t know what to say.”
“It’s okay,” I said as I followed her to the door.
She twisted her fingers together. “Maybe you could text me again sometime...”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said with a tip of my chin. In one of those out-of-body experiences that were becoming more and more frequent, I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Get some sleep, honeybee. Hope you feel better.”
The sun was just peeking over the horizon as I made the drive to Will and Kristin’s house. To my surprise, Kylie’s car was in the driveway.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Kristin said, nearly spitting out her coffee when I let myself in through the front door.
Kylie stood beside her, shell-shocked. Will was parked at the kitchen table with his laptop and mug, but he didn’t share their surprise. It was almost like he knew.
“Decided to come stay for a bit,” I said as I wheeled my suitcase in.
“A bit, huh?” Will said with a smirk.
“The office is where the Wi-Fi is, right?”
Kristin dropped her mug and beelined for me with open arms. “I mean, I always have your room made up, but this is a surprise.”
I hugged her. “Sorry for being a dick the other weekend. I know you put a lot of work into throwing me a party.”
Kristin dismissed it with a wave of her hand. “I’m glad you’re here. But I have to go to work for a bit. Help yourself to the kitchen or whatever else you want.”
“Thanks, Kris.”
Kylie didn’t look quite as appeased with my explanation, but I wasn’t sticking around for her inquisition.
I headed up the stairs and hopped in the shower, rinsing off the airport funk. I toweled off as a car pulled up outside. I peeked through the blinds to find Leah in the DeRossis’ driveway, next door. She looked up at the house like she knew I was watching from my window.
My phone buzzed with an incoming text. She had sent me a photo of one of the sonograms.
Leah: Thanks for showing up for us last night.