Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
“ S o,” said Jon as they waited for the lift to arrive.
“So what?” replied Steph.
“You seem to like your new car.”
“It’s very nice,” she replied bluntly.
“You are seriously hard work when you are being obstinate,” Jon said in response and sounded a little terse himself now as they stepped into the lift.
Steph merely shrugged her response making him stare a little disbelievingly at her. As he appeared to be about to speak they were joined by Ade off the tenth floor.
“Hello again,” he said to them both, but was looking at Steph. “We must stop meeting like this or people will talk.” He gave a friendly burst of laughter, smiling at Steph.
“Must we?” She sounded flirtatious and looked it too with a disappointed expression on her face surprising both men in the lift.
“Sorry,” said Ade looking at Jon now. “I think I may have inadvertently interrupted something.”
“So it would seem,” said Jon as the lift stopped at the tenth floor where the other man looked beyond relieved to be exiting the lift.
Steph looked across at Jon silently standing in the corner of the lift wearing a stony face. He appeared to be avoiding looking at her even as they left the lift. He walked through the front door leaving her to follow which was unusual as he normally held doors open for her, guiding her through them, but not tonight. Following him into the flat she found him pouring some scotch into a glass tumbler. Steph looked on as he took a large slug of the golden liquid whilst staring at her.
“What the fuck was that all about? You and your old friend off the tenth floor? Do you want to be with him or me because it’s one or the other? Unless you thought that pissing me off by flirting with him under my nose was going to work out well for you.”
Steph stared across at him and jumped as he slammed his glass down on the kitchen counter.
“Nothing to say? How odd because you haven’t been short on something to say all night!” He poured another drink for himself.
“I’m sorry about the lift. I shouldn’t have flirted with Ade, but it was to piss you off. Not because I want to be with him. I want to be with you.” She spoke in a hushed tone as she watched him gulp down another mouthful of whisky and suddenly wondered what it would taste like on his lips, although she’d never liked whiskey.
“What is your problem tonight, Steph? We left here happy and somewhere that all changed. Why? Because I have paid for a car that is your dream car, but also removes the final connection with Simon? What a bastard I really am, no wonder you’re pissed off,” he said sarcastically now.
“It’s not like that,” she retorted.
“Then what the fuck is it like because right now I am confused and mad as hell? You made me look like an idiot in front of your brother and then your old college fan in the lift.” His voice had quietened, but he was obviously still mad.
“I don’t know why I did that with Ade and I didn’t mean to make you look like an idiot, but I feel like you are invading every area of my life and I am totally unaware of it until you’ve done it and this is complicated, Jon. Everyone thinks we’re like a normal couple or they don’t know that we’re a couple at all, which we’re not, not really. Yet still I live in a flat you own and subsidise. I am going to be working for you and now I am going to drive a car you bought for me. I have lived independently since I was eighteen and worked for what I needed so this is alien to me.” She hoped it made sense out loud like it did in her head.
“I see, so why not tell me that, like you just have rather than making me look stupid in front of people? I’m not used to being made to look like a dick, certainly not in front of other people and I thought you would know and respect that which is why I am so annoyed with you still.” He stared at her but returned the bottle of scotch to the cupboard.
She walked over to where he stood and faced him before reaching up to touch his face when he brushed her hand away.
“Don’t!” he ordered.
“Jon, please.” She reached up towards his face again.
“I am still really mad with you,” he explained as he brushed past her.
“Talk to me, please,” Steph pleaded and although she hadn’t thought her words to be antagonistic or inflammatory, the speed with which he turned to face her and the expression he wore suggested they were both.
“Talk? Now you want to talk! I have been trying to talk for days, weeks, and you shut me down at every turn.”
Steph stared at the angry looking man before her and she couldn’t dispute what he was saying because she did actively avoid the ‘wife’ conversation.
“I want you to talk to me about this, us, and for you to not storm off to bed,” Steph replied, feeling her own irritation rising but was unsure who with because she knew she was the one in the wrong, for the lack of conversation, her treatment of him earlier and for her ridiculous flirtation with Ade.
“Steph, I am storming off to bed because I don’t want this to turn into something bigger. Something where we both say things we’ll regret.” He sighed. “Let’s just go to bed and maybe we can talk about it tomorrow, although I’m not sure I won’t still be pissed off with you,” he told her as he headed back towards the bedroom without her.
“Maybe I need to talk now,” she snapped, thinking she was being unreasonable but she couldn’t go to bed like this. She knew she’d never go to sleep with this hanging over them and the truth was she had done this too many times before with Simon.
Steph could feel tears burning the back of her eyes as she remembered all of the rows, the throwing of things and then the silence that could last for days, sometimes longer. She remembered one particular row where they had gone to bed in silence and then Steph had lay in her own bed, scared to move or speak in case it triggered another row. She had finally nodded off in the early hours of the morning and had woken to find Simon touching her, making her think he wanted to make up, he hadn’t. He’d wanted his own release and pleasure. Every time Steph had attempted to speak to Simon that morning he’d put a hand over her mouth, preventing it, forbidding it. She wanted to cry as she remembered how he’d roughly entered her and had made no effort to give her any pleasure or reassurance during or afterwards. He had literally found his own release, then rolled off and left, not returning for another eleven days.
“Go on then, talk,” Jon shouted, possibly repeating himself.
“I, erm, it’s, I . . .” she stammered, unsure what she wanted to say now she had the floor.
“I think we both know that what we need to talk about is my wife. She is the biggest problem between us, isn’t she? She is the person that confuses you far more than me, yourself or us.”
Steph nodded her head, acknowledging that she knew she needed to hear about Mrs Brooker, but still wasn’t ready to because she may not like what he had to say and decided to at least admit that.
“The thing is I’m scared about what you might say. I know what I want you to say; that your marriage is and always was one of convenience, that you don’t love her or have sex with her,” Steph said and with the words out in the open she felt overexposed and emotional, a sob catching in her throat.
“Do you want me to lie to you?” Jon asked with a seriousness that suggested he would tell her whatever she wanted him to if that’s what she needed.
“No, no lies.”
He nodded, already looking awkward, a darkness clouding his eyes, a sadness, then he spoke, making her heart swell and break at the same time, “We don’t have sex.”
“Oh,” was the only word Steph could get out because of the things she’d wanted to know she kind of wanted that one least. Mr and Mrs Brooker didn’t have sex, but as they’d agreed to the truth that also meant Jon did love his wife and their marriage was not one of convenience.
“But I can explain,” Jon began but was quickly cut off.
“I don’t want you to. I don’t want to know any more. Whatever the story is between you, between you and your wife is just that,” Steph snapped loudly.
“For fuck’s sake!” Jon bellowed making Steph physically jump. “You knew I was married. It was my marital status that made this, this thought out decision. We can discuss things in more detail, maybe if you understood what was between us . . .”
“Like love and a marriage you each wanted and entered into of your own volition? Those things?” Steph asked with a harsh shrug.
“You don’t want to talk. You don’t want to listen. You don’t want lies. So please, put me out of my fucking misery here because I am flailing. I have no clue what to say to you to make you feel better and the things I think might make you feel better are the things you refuse to hear,” Jon sighed and rubbed his temples with his fingers in an attempt to ease the tension. “If you want to take a break from things, us, personal things, not work . . .”
“No, no. I don’t know what to say or do either. The only thing I do know is that I want to be with you. I will try to be less erratic and moody about things. I will fuck up with that though, but I’ll try if you still want to?”
“Of course I do. Come here,” Jon said, calling to her, summoning her and she immediately went into his arms that were now open and ready to receive her.
A hand reached for her head and began to stroke down her hair, soothing her. As Steph softened into it Jon spoke again, “You should know I am still mad as fuck with you about that stunt in the lift.”
It felt as though that admission had somehow reminded him of her behaviour and his own annoyance because he released her and headed towards the bedroom again.
“If we’re all done with talking I’m going to bed.”
She gave him a few minutes before following him and found him already lying in darkness. She said nothing but went into the bathroom to wash then brush her teeth before returning to the bedroom where she removed her satin robe to reveal her naked body and slid between the sheets next to him. As she lay perfectly still she listened to him breathing and knew he was still awake and wondered what to do; should she just leave things until the morning or try and clear the air? She swallowed hard as she realised just how upset she felt that he was mad with her again, like he had been after Lindsay’s hen night when he thought she was slutty Steph, whereas now he just thought she was ungrateful, bossy, disrespectful Steph. She realised that Eddie had been right about Jon and yet she hadn’t seen this coming, although she had taken things too far when she had flirted with Ade in the lift. Suddenly she felt embarrassed too as she recalled how uncomfortable she had made Ade.
“I am sorry that you are still mad with me,” she said sincerely as she stretched across the bed and rested a hand on his chest.
He remained silent.
“I wish you would talk to me, Jon. I know I keep asking to talk and then shut it down, but some things, once they’re said can’t be taken back and that scares me. But tonight, I was in the wrong and I deserve whatever you dish out.”
Still he said nothing, as if he really had nothing to say to her now. Maybe this was how Jon did things; shouted, made his points, offered some resolution and then did the silent thing as it all settled in his mind.
“This is like that first night when we met, when you were all pissed off about my dress, my drinking, the stripper and the bouncer,” she recalled.
“And then you got so pissed that you couldn’t even tell me your address,” he said, finally responding. “Which made me even more pissed off, but you were so out of it you probably don’t remember that,” he added.
“I remember that you told me that I wouldn’t have been able to sit down for a week if I’d belonged to you,” she said quietly and smiled at the memory of how she had longed for him to explain or act on that comment.
He had often spanked her playfully when they were lying together naked, usually when she was interrupting him or making sarcastic comments. She couldn’t deny that she found it a huge turn on, like when he held her still as he made love to her, when he physically overpowered her and took charge of her. That final thought startled her, that even when he used his size and strength to dominate her she still felt safe and cared for in a way she hadn’t when Simon had done the same thing. With Simon back in her mind she realised that things in the lounge would have picked up pace and by now they would have been screaming at each other in between the sound of breaking objects. By the time either of them had got to bed, Simon would have refused to speak or Steph would have been apologising profusely, accepting all blame or begging for forgiveness, desperate to make things up to him.
“You wouldn’t have,” he replied, making her wonder what that meant still, although she could imagine.
“I’m yours now,” she told him and she was, in every way possible.
“Are you?” He actually sounded unsure of that.
“Yes.” She hoped that his threats from that night and his mood tonight could join and resolve the remaining tension from this situation between them as well as providing some relief from her ever growing desire for him.
“But you weren’t then,” he said coldly.
“What would you have done if I had been?” She almost panted now wondering what was wrong with her to want to pursue this.
“I would have brought you back here and put you on all fours then pulled your little knickers down so that I could have spanked your arse until it glowed and then I would have fucked you hard until you were screaming how sorry you were,” he replied frankly, but hoarsely, suggesting that if there was something wrong with her for being turned on by this then he was afflicted by the same thing.
She was so aroused now that she thought she may involuntarily explode if he didn’t touch her soon and as she tried to move her hand from his chest down his body he brushed her away. “I don’t think so, Steph.”
She gulped hard as he placed her hand back on her side of the bed, rejecting her, but she felt spurred on to continue.
“What do you want to do to me now, to punish me for what I’ve done tonight?” She squeezed her thighs together tightly to try and find some relief from her desire that was almost burning her now, but also to prevent the wetness she could feel between her legs escaping.
He turned towards her and was suddenly over her, straddling her hips and groin and despite the room being in darkness she could feel his dark, heavy gaze on her before feeling his face almost touching hers, his breath on her making her moan loudly. She could still smell the whiskey on his breath and thought that she could grow to like whiskey if she consumed it from him.
“Do you really want to know, Stephanie?”
“Yes, please, show me,” she begged now.