19. Jovie
JOVIE
One Month Later…
“Oh my God.” I stare at the pregnancy test sitting on my bathroom counter.
It’s positive.
“I’m pregnant.” I cover my mouth, the positive plus sign causes my brain to come to a halt. I think I’m going to be sick.
Marlowe shoves me to the side and picks up the test, reading it for herself. “Holy shit, Jovie. You’re pregnant.”
“It-it could be wrong, right?” I know it isn’t. I’m late on my period and my breasts are sore. I’ve been tired more, but I just thought it’s been all the back and forth between my place and Santino’s.
I still haven’t told him about me getting accepted into the biggest flower show in the country. I was going to over breakfast the first morning I was there, but Luca had a meltdown when he saw me, so I figured it wasn’t the time.
Now, I’m going to have to tell him I’m pregnant? How the hell am I going to do that when he’s busy with trying to figure out Bianchi’s next move and having his own son surveillanced?
“We can make a doctor’s appointment to double check.” She sets the test down on the counter and takes my hand. “It’s going to be okay, Jovie.”
“No, no it isn’t, Marlowe. What am I going to do?
What do I tell him? Oh my God, he probably doesn’t even want more kids.
His sons are adults! He isn’t going to want a baby.
” I press a hand to my chest when panic overrides any rational thought.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” I dash to the bathroom, fall to the floor, and throw up the smoothie I had for breakfast. It’s gross.
The liquid is still cold as it comes back up, only making me gag more.
Marlowe holds my hair back while rubbing soothing circles on my back. I cry, sobbing into the toilet bowl. I’ve never been so terrified in my life.
I’m pregnant with the mafia boss’s baby and I don’t want to tell him.
I know Santino wouldn’t hurt me. Ever. What if he wants to get rid of the baby? I can’t let him do that. I’ll run away. I’ll be on the run for the rest of my life. I don’t care. I’ll do anything and everything I can to protect my baby.
No, no, I’m being dramatic. He’d never want to harm our child. Santino protects me. He hardly ever has me lift a finger. I know he’d love it if I was locked away in his mansion, only wearing his clothes and holding his child.
“Everything is going to be okay, Jovie. Santino is going to be thrilled,” Marlowe comforts.
I rip toilet paper off the roll to dab my mouth and flush the toilet, groaning when I get up to go brush my teeth. “I’m not going to tell him yet,” I say around the toothbrush.
Marlowe’s disapproving glare in the mirror causes me to look away in shame. “You have to tell him, Jovie. He needs to know. Especially in his line of work. I’m surprised no one has figured out you’re his. He needs to be able to protect you, and he will even more when he finds out you’re pregnant.”
I spit into the sink and rinse my mouth out.
“I know. You’re right. There’s already so much going on, and I haven’t even told him about the conference still.
Then, there’s Luca. He hasn’t been seen since he called me whore.
Santino only knows where he is because he’s having Luca followed.
He’s staying at an apartment on the other side of town.
I feel terrible. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
None of this was.” I fall onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling, wondering how the hell I’ve allowed my life to get this messy.
Falling in love with my ex’s dad, what the hell was I thinking?
I press my hand against my stomach just as the bed dips. Marlowe lies next to me and places her hand over mine. We lie there in silence, and I think about the last month. I’ve been with Santino every single day. We’ve had sex at least twice a day. We can’t get enough of each other.
“Are you really surprised? Were you safe? Are you on birth control? Did you guys try to be safe or maybe this was planned? Maybe this was what both of you wanted.” Marlowe always seems to tell it how it is.
In other words, I can’t be surprised if I did nothing to protect myself against the surprise.
“No and no. I wasn’t thinking or being responsible. Santino didn’t either. We didn’t even talk about it. We just fall into each other, and I can never get enough.”
Marlowe giggles and flips to her side, so I do the same. Her makeup is a little more subtle today. No heavy eyeliner but she’s wearing black lipstick and big dramatic lashes. She pulls it off so well. I love how she is unafraid to be herself. I admire that about her.
“Then, maybe this is nothing to be scared about. Maybe since you two didn’t have a conversation about it, there isn’t one to be had.
Neither of you talked about birth control, of any kind, so that’s your answer right there.
Maybe, just maybe, both of you wanted this.
” She bumps my shoulder, grinning at me.
“I’m going to be the coolest aunt ever. Auntie Marly has a ring to it, doesn’t it? ”
“It does.” I do my best to celebrate with her in excitement, that this is good news.
She’s right. We didn’t talk about it. Santino loves to come to inside me, as deep as he can, and he never pulls out right away. I never stopped him because I loved his pleasure so much. I loved being so close and maybe there was something inside me that wanted more with him.
Something I didn’t realize until now, but will he think I trapped him?
“You’re still not going to tell him, are you?”
“Not until I know for sure and it’s still so early. I want to wait until I go to the doctor to confirm.”
“I think that’s a mistake. You can take my advice or leave it, but don’t you think Santino would want to be there for you?
I mean, yes, he is the deadliest, scariest person in this city, but I’ve seen how he looks at you, Jovie.
He never takes his eyes off you. The way he feels about you is obvious.
Don’t deny him the chance of being there for you because you’re scared.
He’s the kind of man that would chase away all your fears. You know that.”
“I know, you’re right. I know. I need some time to wrap my own mind around it first. I’m still shocked even though, I shouldn’t be.
This pregnancy is an accident? I mean—kind of?
It wasn’t planned but it wasn’t not planned given we didn’t have a conversation about having children.
I don’t know.” I groan, sliding a hand over my face. “I’m overwhelmed.”
“And you have every right to be. You need to talk to him. He can get you the best care for this pregnancy, Jovie. You deserve that. Just… don’t wait too long to tell him or a secret will be turning into a lie. You aren’t a liar, Jovie.”
A sharp twist of guilt stabs me in the chest. “I didn’t used to be,” I mumble, disappointed in myself. “I started my relationship with Santino because of a lie.”
“But you told him the truth. That doesn’t make you a liar. Plus, Luca deserved a good kick in the crotch after what he did and who knows how many other women he has cheated on. He needed a wake-up call.”
“Luca scares me,” I admit, my mind wandering to horrid scenarios about him finding out about the pregnancy. “You should have seen him, Marlowe. It’s like there was nothing but rage behind his eyes. Nothing else. He was beyond furious.”
“Santino won’t let Luca touch you, Jovie.”
“It isn’t me I’m worried about anymore.” I rub my stomach, wishing I had more ways to protect my child.
“Luca has a wild glint in his eyes now. Something untrustworthy. Like he’s turned off any empathy he once had and is waiting to have his chance to kill.
It’s unsettling, Marlowe. I… I don’t know if I even want to go back to Santino’s.
I feel watched there. Like Luca is in the shadows waiting for his turn to get back at me for what I’ve done. ”
Marlowe pushes herself off the bed, standing tall in her black platform boots.
“How about what he did? What you did was out of hurt. Was it right? No, but you owned up to it. Santino forgave you. You’re happy.
You’re in love. You’re with who you need to be with and if Luca tries anything, I have no doubt Santino would kill his own son. ”
I sit up and the only way I know how to explain my stomachache is that it feels dizzy, rolling in space, like I can’t seem to find gravity. “What? No. Santino loves his sons. He would never do that.”
She lifts one of her perfectly pencil-thin drawn on eyebrows. “No? You don’t think he would do everything he could to protect the woman carrying his child? You’re out of your mind. Santino has killed for so much less.”
“Jovie! Sweet Girl!” Santino’s voice booms from downstairs.
I stand fast. “Oh my God, the test. Hide it. Hide the test!” I whisper in panic, darting to the sink where the test is.
The steps groan as he climbs the steps.
“Why did I give him permission to change the locks and security system? He has access to the entire building.” I spin around, looking for a place to stash the test.
Right as Santino enters the room, I toss the test in the cup that holds my toothbrush. It blends in. Kind of. If someone isn’t looking for a pregnancy test, no one will see it.
I pretend to put on blush while Marlowe hides in the bathroom, snickering with her hand covering her mouth.
Santino creeps around the corner, the smile stretching across his face almost seems out of place. I can tell happiness isn’t a luxury he has been able to afford. Happiness and power don’t usually go hand in hand.
The smile fades. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He’s at my side in an instant. “You seem sick. You’ve lost some of your color, Jovie.” His hand is cool against my forehead as he checks my temperature.
The bathroom door swings open to reveal Marlowe.
“Marlowe, has Jovie been okay? Has she been ill?”
Marlowe isn’t going to lie. She doesn’t want to become fish food.