Chapter 20 Harper
HARPER
I couldn’t run fast enough to get away from the guilt and shame. Not of what I’d done in that room, but because I’d failed them. Horror put speed in my stride, but even the fastest runner in the world could not outrun this pain.
It had happened. I’d known it would. Nothing ever stayed a secret, especially if you needed it to be.
“Harper, wait.” Alexander’s voice trailed after me. His steps pounded down the hallway.
I reached the elevator and pressed the button.
Bethany wasn’t behind her desk, so I didn’t have to worry about her seeing me like this and wondering what was wrong.
Dante and Julian raced out with Alexander. All three of them came after me, pleading with me to wait. They had it under control. They’d take care of it. Their promises rang in my ears as I stepped into the elevator and punched the button to close the door. “Please don’t follow me.”
They staggered to a stop three strides away. The sight of their confusion tore at me. They wanted me to trust them, and I did.
It was me who couldn’t be trusted. Tears poured down my cheeks. I wiped at them, trying to scrub away the sight of my shattered heart, but they only came faster.
The elevator descended, and I hit the button for the ground floor. I couldn’t stay here today. There was no way I could work and pretend everything was fine when they’d already been talking about me.
I hailed a cab, unwilling to risk driving. The cabbie tried to talk, asking me what was wrong, but I shook my head and curled up in the seat with my head in my hands.
The front door opened when the cab pulled to a stop in the driveway, and I threw myself into Lila’s arms. She pulled me close and walked me into the house after paying for the cab.
We sat on the couch, her arms around me and my sobs filling the space with so much pain and heartbreak that nothing else penetrated.
“What happened?” Lila patted my back and rocked us back and forth. “Talk to me, Harper. Tell me what happened.”
“Someone took pictures of us at the cabin. They’ve been leaked online.” I made it that far before breaking down again.
Lila handed me a stack of tissues and waited out my next crying jag.
Once I could talk without choking on tears, I told her everything I knew.
“They said they’re taking care of it. But that’s not possible.
Once a picture is out there, there’s no way to get them all back.
All it takes is one person making a screenshot, and it can be resurrected at any time.
It might be tomorrow. Or years from now.
But it will always be hanging over my head. ”
“Do you trust them to do the best they can to make this go away?” Lila wiped my cheeks and stood, heading to the kitchen. She came back a minute later with a glass of water that she pressed into my hand.
“Yes.” I took a sip but a rush of nausea caused it to bubble up in my throat. I set the glass down and blew my nose.
Lila tried to smile, but it fell flat. “Then you have nothing to worry about. They promised they were on it. If they’re working on damage control, then it’s going to be fine. Men like that have all kinds of secrets. They’re masters at covering things up. Let them handle it.”
I shook my head, my hair whipping around to stick to my damp cheeks.
“You don’t understand. I’m going to lose my job over this.
Their reputations will be ruined. Even the company.
” I hiccuped another sob. “The company might even be at risk because of the danger I put them. I couldn’t hold the line.
I wasn’t strong enough to say no, and now they’ll have to fire me because someone has to take the blame, and it sure as shit won’t be one of them.
” I bent at the waist and covered my face with my hands.
I trusted them. Even though I knew they’d have to fire me, and I understood that, I hated knowing that I’d brought this destruction down on them.
There was nothing I could say or do to make up for it.
Lila ran her hand up and down my back, making small shushing noises in my ear.
“Honey, it would be impossible to hold the line against men like that. They’re gorgeous silver foxes.
They’re experienced. And they treated you with more respect than any man ever has.
They’re not unwitting victims. They knew exactly what they were getting into. They chose to sleep with you too.”
A bucket of cold water dumped over my head could not have come as more of a shock as a reality crashed in. I never told them about the text message.
They were victims. They didn’t know all the risks. “This is my fault. I should have told them.”
“If it’s your fault, then it’s my fault too. I encouraged you.” Lila sighed. “Harper, I’m the one who told you to sleep with them. I told you it would be okay.”
“But it was still my choice. They told me from the beginning that it was my choice.” I had tried to walk away. Well, I’d ghosted them and caused them to bring me to the cabin for the weekend.
There had been a single moment where I’d thought one of them had set up the camera, and I’d felt betrayed.
But that came from the old me, the one who’d been mistreated and misjudged by every man I’d been with.
Dante would never allow anything like that to happen, and Julian and Alexander would never cross that line without my permission.
The thought of having pictures of us didn’t bother me the way it should. It was how they’d been obtained and the threat they posed that caused me to hyperventilate. My breaths came in short bursts, and my vision swam. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“I’ll get a bucket.” Lila rushed into the kitchen. I tried to stand, but my legs refused to hold my weight. My knees trembled and forced me to remain seated. Holding my head in my hands helped a little, but black flecks danced in my vision and my ears roared.
“Something isn’t right.” Every breath came shorter. Faster.
“Slow down, Harper.” Lila shook my shoulders. “Paper bag. I need a paper bag. We don’t have any. Harper, listen to me. You have to slow down. You’re breathing too fast. Take a nice, deep breath and hold it.”
“Can’t.” I couldn’t do anything except spin out of control. “Selfish.” I’d been so selfish. I let them take risks for me without giving them all of the necessary information. My cowardice ruined it for all of us. If I’d told them, we could have made an informed decision together.
If I’d told them, we might not have gone to the cabin.
If we hadn’t gone to the cabin, there would not be pictures.
I swayed to one side, tried to correct, then went the other way.
“You don’t look well. I don’t like this. Harper, can you hear me?” Lila sat in front of me, perched on the edge of the coffee table. She gripped my knees, and I tried to focus on her face.
It swam in and out of focus in a nauseating whirl. “All my fault. I should have told them. I need my phone. I need to tell them.” I reached into my pocket, realized I couldn’t get my phone from that angle, and stood.
The room spun around me, and I threw out my arms to try and find my balance. No such luck.
A rush of black swept in and carried me away.