Chapter 19 Ethan
ETHAN
I don’t remember moving, but I’m in front of her now.
She doesn’t back away.
Her chest rises and falls like she’s running from something, but her eyes never leave mine, and I know that look. I’ve seen it before, just before she fell apart under my hands, just before she broke her own rules for me.
“Say it,” I tell her, and I’m unable to stop my voice from shaking. “If you want me to do something, say it.”
She doesn’t. Her breath hitches as her fingers twitch at her sides. She bites down on her lower lip and shakes her head. “I’ve been an asshole to you, so the fact that you’re still standing here is a miracle. I’m not making the same mistake twice, Ethan. So drop the act, and come home.”
“Do you mean it?” I ask, even as my eyes sting.
Then she grabs the front of my shirt and yanks me forward, and I don’t waste time acting like I’ve got restraint left.
My mouth hits hers with the kind of hunger I’ve been suppressing for three fucking months. She tastes like adrenaline and grief and need, and I swear I’m going to lose my mind if she pulls away.
But she doesn’t. She pushes into me, gasping into my mouth, her fingers tangled in my collar like she’s trying to hurt me.
I let her.
I let her take what she wants. I let her dig her nails into my chest and open her mouth and drag my bottom lip between her teeth until I groan against her and catch her hips. “I’ve missed you.”
She nods softly. “I’ve missed you too.”
I back her up until she’s flush against the wall, her robe slipping off her shoulder. My hand slides up her thigh, slow, firm, testing if she’ll stop me—and she doesn’t.
“Did you think I’d not come once I got the call?” I murmur against her throat.
“I didn’t think you’d show up,” she whispers. “I didn’t think I was worth the effort.”
But she is. She’s always been.
I press my forehead to hers. “You ran because you were scared. You stayed away because you thought it was safer. I’m here now, and we’re not doing this half-measured.”
She pulls in a breath like she might cry, but then she kisses me again.
I take time undoing her clothes before I slide my hand between her legs and find her as wet and hot as ever.
She begins trembling when I circle my fingers against her.
“You’re going to come for me,” I say, teeth at her jaw.
“Right here. I want it all back. Every second you took from me.”
Her nails dig into my shoulder.
“Ethan—”
I curl my fingers again, and she chokes on a sound that turns my spine molten.
“You want me to stop?” I ask.
“No.” She shudders. “God, no. Please don’t stop.”
Her thighs tremble. Her head falls back against the wall. I watch her fall apart with nothing but my hand between us, and I kiss her when she comes, swallowing her moans, letting her cling to me like I’m the only thing keeping her up.
When her body relaxes, I slide my hand away and suck her taste off my fingers.
“You always were mine,” I say. “And you always will be.”
Instead of arguing, she pulls me toward the bedroom, and I follow.
The bedroom’s dim, the sheets rumpled like she hasn’t been sleeping, and it smells faintly like her skin. Something in my chest breaks open the second she reaches for me again. Her hands are trembling. Mine aren’t.
I guide her down onto the bed, not rough but not gentle either. She’s breathing fast again, eyes wild, and I settle between her legs without giving her time to overthink.
“I missed this,” I murmur, pushing her thighs apart. “You didn’t forget how I touch you, did you?”
She shakes her head, lips parted.
“Words, baby.”
“No,” she whispers. “I remember everything.”
Good.
I run my hands up the backs of her thighs and pull her closer, anchoring her right at the edge of the bed. I lick a slow stripe up her center and feel her entire body jolt.
“God—”
Her hands fly to my hair. I drag my tongue against her again, slower this time, savoring every shudder, every twitch, every soft, broken gasp she gives me like it’s penance.
I don’t stop. I don’t let up. I suck her clit into my mouth and flick the tip of my tongue against it until her hips rise off the mattress and she’s panting my name like it’s the only word she knows.
“Ethan—fuck—Ethan—”
I don’t lift my head. I just pin her thighs down with my forearms and devour her like she’s the one thing I’ve been starving for.
Her heels press into the bed. Her body arches. Her thighs tremble around my shoulders and her breath catches again, and I know what’s coming.
“That’s it,” I mutter into her. “Let it go.”
She does.
The sound she makes is wrecked and frantic and perfect, and when she comes again for me—louder this time—I don’t move away.
I stay there and taste every pulse of her body, every shake, every damn second of it, until she finally collapses back against the bed and sags into the sheets, eyes glazed, chest heaving.
I sit up and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
She’s still trying to breathe.
“Look at me,” I say.
She does, slow and dazed and flushed all over.
“Your turn,” she says hoarsely.
I raise a brow, and she pushes up on her elbows like it costs her, but she does it anyway, crawling toward me until she’s kneeling in front of me on the mattress.
Her fingers go to my belt.
I don’t stop her.
She undoes it slow, dragging the leather out of the loops with a little smirk she can’t quite control, then pops the button and lowers the zipper. Her fingers are confident now. She wants this.
She wants me.
And when she takes me in her hand and strokes once, twice, I almost forget how to stand still.
“Lila,” I growl.
“Yeah?”
“You don’t have to—”
“I know.” She kisses the inside of my hip. “But I want to.”
I close my eyes as her mouth wraps around me. Warm. Wet. Fucking perfect.
She doesn’t tease or hesitate. She takes me deep and moans when I twitch against her tongue.
My hands go to her hair. I gather it in my fist to keep it out of her face, to keep myself from losing control completely.
She licks up the underside of my shaft, eyes on mine the whole time, and when she sinks down again, slow and deep, I swear the edges of my vision blur.
“Jesus—”
She sucks harder. Her hand works what she can’t take, and her other palm smooths up my thigh like she’s trying to memorize me all over again.
I brace one hand on the wall. The other’s still tangled in her hair. I can’t think. I can’t breathe.
I won’t last long.
Not with her like this. Not with the filthy sounds of her mouth and the look in her eyes and the fucking heat of it.
“Stop,” I bite out, yanking her back gently. “That’s enough.”
She grins, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “You sure?”
I grab her face and kiss her hard. “Get back on the bed.”
She shivers. I walk her back with my hands on her hips, climb onto the mattress with her, and press her down against the pillows and kneel between her legs. When I stroke my hand between her thighs again, she spreads for me without hesitation.
“I’m not done,” I say, voice rough.
She nods. “Good.”
I drag the head of my cock through her wetness, rubbing slow against her clit until she squirms, until her hips lift like she’s chasing more.
“You still sensitive?”
“Yes.”
“Too sensitive?”
Her breath stutters. “No.”
That’s all I need.
I push in slowly, and not all the way—just enough to feel the heat of her grip me. I watch her face as I roll my hips once, shallow and slow, testing what she can take.
She moans.
I push deeper, pace steady, one hand braced beside her head, the other palming her thigh to angle her just right.
“I’ve got you,” I murmur, kissing her temple. “You tell me if anything feels wrong.”
“It doesn’t.” She drags her nails down my back. “It feels perfect. Keep going.”
I do.
I slide all the way in, hips grinding against hers, and she gasps loud enough to echo off the bedroom walls. Her hands grip my shoulders like she’s holding on for dear life. Her legs wrap around my waist, pulling me in tighter with each thrust.
I find a rhythm that makes her breath catch, that makes her arch into me and bury her face in my neck. I’m not moving hard, not yet—I’m moving deep, slow, angled.
When her breath starts to break, I know she’s close again.
“I feel it,” she whispers. “Oh my god—Ethan—”
“Don’t fight it.”
Her body locks up. She cries out, clenches around me, and comes hard again, nails digging into my back, thighs trembling.
I don’t stop. I keep moving through it, kissing her jaw, her throat, her mouth, until she’s panting, until her arms fall from around me and her body goes limp for a second.
“You good?” I ask, brushing her hair back.
“Yeah.” She laughs, breathless. “Just—don’t stop. Please.”
I pull out gently, roll her to her side. “Stay like that,” I murmur, kissing the curve of her spine. “Let me see you.”
I slide back into her from behind, slowly and carefully. Her gasp hits the pillow.
“Okay?” I ask again, steady.
“Yes,” she moans. “God, yes—Ethan, don’t stop—”
I fuck her like that, body pressed to hers, lips at her shoulder, my hand sliding between her legs again to rub tight circles over her clit as I move inside her.
She starts shaking fast this time.
“I can’t,” she gasps. “I can’t—”
“You can,” I growl. “You will. Give it to me again.”
She does.
She comes with a broken cry, her whole body tensing around me. Her legs kick once, hard, and I pin her in place until the aftershocks roll through her and she goes quiet again.
Her cheek rests on the pillow. Her eyes flutter open, dazed, wet, soft in a way I haven’t seen in months.
I pull out and turn her onto her back again.
“Too much?”
“No.” She reaches for me. “I want more.”
I slide down her body, kiss my way to her breasts, then lower—mouth hot and slow over her clit, tongue teasing until she gasps and arches. I don’t let her catch her breath. I hold her open, eat her like I need her to fall apart again just for me.
“Fuck,” she chokes out. “Ethan—wait—I just—”
“You’ve got another one in you,” I say against her. “Let me have it.”