Chapter 4
“Ugh,” I mutter.
The lack of windows is the only reprieve for my squinting eyes. The darkness shields everything in front of me.
“Come on!” I hear through the door jolting me a little more awake.
“What the fuck?” Someone else yells, prompting me to sit up.
Out of courtesy for the fact that I’m in someone else’s home, I have on a tank top and pants in lieu of the lack of clothing I usually rock to bed. My large titty still found a way to show itself, pouring out of the side of my top, floppy and restricted all at the same time.
I put it back in place and get up to turn on the light. Grabbing everything I need for a shower, I sneak down the hall to the bathroom.
Emerging an hour later, put together and ready to face the day, I turn the corner to the chaos of almost the whole family watching a football game.
There is Christmas music in the background, and the tree lights are twinkling, making the room feel chaotic and warm.
“Good morning,” Mary says.
She is seated on her husband’s lap while he rests in a recliner.
His arms are wrapped tightly around her, holding her against his chest. His salt and pepper hair is the only thing that makes him look different from Callahan.
They share the same big frame, square jaw, and striking eyes.
When he smiles, I see that they even have that in common.
He pops up, easily placing Mary on the couch, and offers me his hand, his shake firm and tight.
“Nice to finally meet you. I’m Cormac. Did ya sleep well?” Unlike the rest of his family’s accents, his has more of an Irish lilt.
Rowan once told me he came to the country after meeting her mom. Even with more than thirty years here, his heritage still shows.
“I did sleep well. Until the game started.”
As if to prove my point, Conor yells at the TV again, drawing everyone’s attention.
“Let me get you some breakfast to make up for it,” Mary says, moving towards the kitchen.
“I’m going to save my appetite for dinner.”
Her lips pull down, making me understand why all her kids are so big.
“Join us in the kitchen, all the same,” she says.
“Move your ass down the field,” Cormac shouts while going back to his seat, distracted by the game again.
I follow Mary and see Rowan, Quinn, and another woman doing various cooking tasks. The woman introduces herself as Eliza, Finn’s wife, and continues to bounce the baby on her hip. Mary kisses his forehead before turning to me.
“Want a hot toddy?” she asks.
“Sure,” I say, sitting at the table.
I feel bad not helping, but even the suggestion has Mary waving me away. She hands me the drink and goes back to working on Christmas dinner, promising me she has all the help she needs.
Rowan is moving seamlessly along with her, despite the fact that she hasn’t been here in years because of school and work. The way they move around each other shifts something in my gut.
To offset it, I take a sip from the steaming mug and instantly start coughing. “It’s liquor.”
Stating the obvious out loud, everyone looks at me like I should have known.
It feels rude to push it away, so I hold on to it while blowing like I’m waiting for it to cool down.
“You really weren’t kidding last night,” I say, hoping the hair of the dog is true.
Rowan winks, and it adds an anticipation when I think about the other thing the O’Connors do well.
As if summoned by my dirty thoughts, Callahan comes walking into the kitchen, jacket and hat sprinkled with snow.
“It’s still going out there.” He starts to shake it off, but one look from Mary has him keeping his hands at his sides.
“Really, it’s snowing?” I perk up in my seat, my eyes lighting up.
“Want to come see?”
“Of course.” Happy to have an excuse to put the drink down, I rush into the bedroom to grab my jacket and scarf.
When I reach the front door, I hear Rowan yell out, “Don’t do anything stupid.”
That just causes Callahan to smirk, making me feel a little worried.
When we step out into the backyard to a world of fluffy snow covering everything, my mind goes blank.
“It’s so pretty.” Running into it, I must look like a princess about to break out in song.
I spin around with my mouth open, trying to catch a snowflake.
Each one that hits my face is like a cool kiss from Mother Nature.
Lost in the magic that is a white Christmas, it’s not until I hear him laughing does it register that something hit my back.
I turn to see him patting together another snowball.
“Oh, hell no.” I run for the fence, scooping some snow into my bare hands as I go.
Before I can launch it in his direction, his next one hits my face. I scream, almost falling to the ground.
“You, motherfucker.” Whipping my ball, my frustration reaches a new level when he dodges it.
His laughter turns into a cackle as he lobs one right after the other at me, all hitting their mark. He is somehow a dodgeball champ and able to avoid all of mine.
“You mad?” he asks while shuffling from foot to foot and dancing around the yard. His hands clutch another ball, which he keeps holding up to taunt me.
Like a badass bitch warrior, I battle cry before I go charging at him. Shocked into freezing, he does nothing when I tackle him to the ground. I literally feel the wind get knocked out of him as I land on top of him. I’m too pissed to feel bad about it.
Not finished, I gather snow and start to pile it onto his face while laughing like a maniac.
When he finally recovers, he grabs my wrists, pulling them above our heads. Shaking his face clear, he looks up at me, his eyes warming at the same speed as my body seems to be.
“Happy now?” he asks.
“No, but at least I didn’t lose.”
He starts to sit up, and I fight the urge to wrap my legs around him. Instead, I follow suit, pulling my hands free and popping up.
“So you’re competitive?” he asks.
“Mhm,” I say.
“Wanna race? Down the block and back. I’ll even give you a head start.”
“You really want to lose on Christmas? Santa already didn’t get you anything.” I step up to him, my height almost bringing us face to face.
“He brought me you.” He stares intensely at me, as if the set of his mouth wasn’t enough to let me know he is being serious.
Choosing not to address that comment, I book it towards the gate, popping it open and heading down the street.
After my victory, we come back inside, both our cheeks red and our hands freezing.
Every time we look at each other, it’s like there’s a secret between us.
The sort of glee that is hard to attain as an adult surges through my chest. It lights me up in a way that has my lips unable to come back together.
“Dinner time,” Rowan calls just as I get warmed up.
I help them bring everything from the kitchen before sitting down next to Rowan. The leaf has been added to the dining room table, making it long enough for all of us. We start with a prayer, and then everyone digs in like it’s the final feast.
“Mary, you really put your foot in this,” I say in-between bites of turkey and stuffing.
“What?” she asks.
“Oh, it’s good.”
She pulls her shoulders back a little more and waves away the compliment. Everyone else chimes in with their own, making her sit up straighter. She looks even more beautiful under the light of their praise, emitting the ultimate air of motherly love. I have to turn away.
“So, do you work at the book company with Rowan?” Declan asks.
This is the most interested I’ve seen him look in anything. It sucks that I have to let him down.
“No, I’m a dancer. My artistic expression is more physical.”
“Still very cool,” he says, granting me what I think is the closest thing to a smile.
“I looked you up. You’re good.”
I turn to see that Callahan means the words. He is staring at me just as intensely as he usually does, just this time, his eyes roam up and down the parts of my body he can see.
“Yeah, well, what can I say?” I dust the imaginary dirt off my shoulder, gaining a chuckle from everyone.
When each person looks down at their food, he keeps looking at me, daring me to break eye contact first. I do, if only to avoid the way it feels like he is dressing me down and carving me open.
I turn the conversation towards Rowan’s writing and am delighted when they all jump in to compliment her. I hope it’s the boost she needs to finally do something about her book.
It’s so easy to get lost in the effortless nature that is her family. They dance along like a well-practiced recital, no one overshadowing the other. Like an extra on their stage, I’m graced with the opportunity to join them, and for a moment, feel like I belong.
I wonder if this is what it would have been like if my mother’s family had accepted her mixed child. Maybe that would have changed the way things turned out between us.
It probably wouldn’t have changed anything, but maybe I would feel differently.
Like she can read my mind, Mary asks me about my family.
“I was raised by my dad and my nana. It was like the three musketeers. You would think I was the adult with the way I was always stopping their wild plans. Like my nana wanting to slide down the streets on garbage can lids. The steep roads were her favorite part about San Francisco.”
“So you did have siblings,” Declan says, causing everyone to laugh.
“And now it’s just you and your da?” Cormac asks.
I nod, and no one presses the subject anymore. Which I’m grateful for. Instead, we continue the rhythmic balance of talking until I practically feel like I’m singing inside.
I eat until it feels like my belly is touching the table.
Surprised that there is still so much left over, I watch as the kids get out the to-go containers to bring the rest home.
Having cooked for a small army, Mary sits back in her seat like it took nothing at all to accomplish this.
Even though all four women were preparing from sunup until now.
Feeling bad that I didn’t contribute much, I jump up to help them clean. Somehow, it ends up being me and Callahan at the sink washing and drying. Our hands move in unison, which is only befitting a couple. Every brushed touch raises goosebumps on my arms.
Once Callahan and I are done with the dishes, we turn in companionable silence and listen to Rowan and Declan discuss the Oxford comma. So full, and a little tired, we enjoy the company of one another. That is, until Cormac comes into the room.
“You good, girl?” he asks Rowan before giving her a bear hug.
He turns to Declan and ruffles his hair, to Declan’s displeasure. But when he turns to Callahan, his eyes go hard, and he crosses his arms.
I’m a hair away from Callahan, so I feel him tense up almost immediately.
“I should head out,” he says, throwing the towel down.
“Where ya going?” Cormac asks, the question sounding more like a threat.
“I have some work to do on a car to finish the customization. With the holidays we’re a little behind.”
His dad scoffs, and I wonder how he finds fault in that answer.
“I can’t believe you’re still doing that stuff.”
“I’ve told you before, this is different.”
I catch Callahan’s eyes for a moment before he looks to the ground. Blowing out a breath, he rubs the back of his neck. Cormac doesn’t say anything else, just turns and leaves.
Rowan asks if Callahan is okay, confirming for me that it was as tense as I thought it was.
He gives her a terse nod and then a quick wave. His shoulders still hold the weight of the conversation as he retreats from the kitchen.
I can’t help the urge I feel to ease it.
“Callahan, wait,” I say, catching him on the porch. “Seriously, are you okay?”
I bundle my cardigan tighter around me and walk down the steps. My waist-length braids blow back from the whipping wind. He steps in front of me, blocking a lot of it. Grabbing my hands, he begins to rub them with his, proving that he does run warm.
“It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”
It doesn’t sit right with me that his father can be so warm with everyone but him. Without understanding why I care so much, I pull him in for a hug.
“I’m sorry.”
“If you want to know why, just ask. I’ll tell you anything.” His arms crush around me like the promise he is offering. Held tight against his chest, my head rests right under his chin. I don’t know if it’s this growing tenderness I have for him or nosiness, but I want to know.
I step back, my hands still resting on his hips. He grips my shoulder, and for a moment we just stand in silence.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to get into that right now. Not with everyone inside,” I say, deciding on the more practical decision.
Or maybe I’m scared to get that deep with him.
“Then let me show you around town tomorrow, and I’ll tell you then.”
Having turned his mood upside down, the prospect of spending more time with me has that shine back in his eyes.
“Okay, we’ll do that.” No longer surprised by my urge to be near him, I give in to the offer.
He practically skips down the pathway, turning around to watch me as he goes.
“See, I’m already making you walk towards me.”
“Boy bye, no one is about to jump into your arms.”
“We’ll see.”
With that, he struts down the street, his cockiness giving him a swagger that is so damn sexy.
I go back inside to see that Rowan is still in the kitchen. Declan has disappeared to his room, and the rest of the family is gathered in the living room watching a Christmas movie.
I sit next to her, and before I even open my mouth, she begins.
“You followed him outside.” She wiggles her eyebrows and barely conceals her mischievous mouth.
I throw a napkin at her.
“You two have been looking at each other a lot.”
“Mind your business.” I point a finger at her and wag it.
This just causes her to cheese harder. “My brother is my business.”
“Don’t worry, nothing is going on between us.” I go to stand up, but she grabs my hand, holding me in place.
“I would be happy if there is, but just know, even though Callahan is a confident rebel, he is sensitive.” All the jokiness leaves her face, as she levels me with a look I have never seen before. Even though he is older than her, it’s clear she feels protective of him.
“A rebel how?”
“He just isn’t like the rest of us. He acts before he thinks, and he has gotten into a lot of trouble because of it.”
I want to ask her more, but I decide it’s better to hear it from the horse’s mouth. Wishing her goodnight, I go to my room and try to stop thinking about him. But even my dreams are haunted by that ginger giant.