Chapter 18
Even though we’ve been talking for months and have hung out plenty of times, I want to take Callahan on a first date.
It’s been years since I’ve been on one of these, and I can’t believe at my ripe age of thirty-two, I’m nervous.
After video calling Farrah to help me pick out my outfit, I twisted my braids into an updo and laid down my baby hairs.
I’m now standing outside his house waiting for him.
It’s in the middle of the day, so I’m sure he is wondering what we are going to do, but I definitely wasn’t going to plan something basic like dinner. Still, I wonder if he knows what to expect.
When he steps outside, he is in some black jeans and a white top, looking very handsome. Even though it’s my date, he has a box of energy drinks for me.
“Thank you, handsome.” I put them to the side and give him a big hug.
“You know we could have just watched movies and cuddled up. Especially with these. We can stay up all night,” he says.
“Maybe later, but I want to do something memorable to start us off.” I grab his hand and lead him to the car. On the seat are some lilies for him. He breathes them in and can’t help but smile while clutching them to his chest.
In truth, every moment with him has been memorable.
The best memories for me this year. Every time he shows up I smile just at his presence alone.
He’s knocked down a few of my walls and used the pieces to build a bridge between us, and that is the best way to start off.
Still, I want to do something for him that makes him feel the same way.
So as we pull up outside the family fun center, I’m happy that his eyes brighten and his lips pull further apart.
“You may be the queen of video games but be prepared to be whipped at the arcade ones,” he says.
I laugh and turn to face him when we get out of the car.
“That’s some big game you’re talking. Are you prepared to bet on it?”
Taking my hand, he pulls me closer until we are chest to chest. Then he looks down at me, a cocky smirk tilting his lips.
“Hell yeah. What do you want if you win?”
I pretend to think, but I already know the answer.
“When I’m back to normal, I would like for us to have sex in clown costumes.” I can’t stop my chuckle as the look of horror washes over his face. “Red wigs and make-up included,” I say.
“You’re twisted, woman.” He shakes his head and his whole body shudders.
I try to hide my excitement at how much he doesn’t want to do it. It will only make it that much sweeter when he ends up liking it.
“Fine, if that’s the level of ante we are betting with, then I want you to wear a promise ring if I win.”
Now it’s my turn to look upset. “Callahan, we aren’t even officially dating.”
“Well, it can start off as a promise for that, and then eventually be a promise for marriage.”
He is so intense, it should really put me off. Instead, I find myself shaking his hand in agreement.
“Fine,” I say.
“Fine.” He leans in and seals the deal with a kiss.
We head in and I buy the amount of tokens on a card that you wish you had been able to get as a child. Enough that we will be here for a few hours. Setting the rule that ticket count is what will determine the winner, we go off and start playing.
Somehow remembering it’s a date, we stick by each other’s sides for the most part and play the same things, even basketball, despite the fact that it doesn’t give much of a reward. When we end up at the air hockey table, I almost forget that we are competing for the most tickets.
“You want to lose twice in one day?” he asks, tapping his card against his knuckles. The air starts up, and the puck moves around as we go to our sides.
“Sir, when will you learn that I never lose?” I smack the puck across the table. He deflects in a way that showcases his quick reflexes. Hitting it right back, we get into an all-out match.
“Do you know how much time I’ve spent playing this?” he asks as he scores a goal.
He now has three points to my one.
“I thought you didn’t get to play games,” I growl in frustration.
“I said we didn’t play video games. Our parents bought one of these for the basement, and this is how we settled beefs without fighting.”
Scoring another point, he takes the time to do a little dance.
“You’re a monster,” I say when he blocks again.
This just causes him to chuckle, which he doesn’t stop doing for the rest of the game. He is full-blown out of breath from laughing when we finish, him with ten points and me with two.
“I should have bet on this,” he says, as he pulls me towards a table in the food area.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t,” I huff, crossing my arms.
This just gets him going again, and he doesn’t stop until our food shows up.
“So how else was it growing up with that many siblings?”
He dips a fry in ketchup and then tosses it into his mouth.
“Well, at first it was just me, Rowan, and Finn. My parents thought they were done, and then my mom got pregnant with Connor when I was twelve. After that, the other two just came along.”
I nod, taking a bite of my burger.
“Like I said, we became responsible for them from the get-go, having to help out, which I didn’t hate. It was cool having these tiny little humans to play with and love on, but it was also weird with the age gap.”
“But it’s clear you guys are still close.”
He nods.
“Yeah, for sure. It’s just the way of our family. But that distance between when we were born is why I’m closest with Rowan.”
“And Finn?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Next is Connor.”
I take a long sip of my pop, weighing if I want to get into the look that flashed across his face when he said that. But he beats me to asking.
“Do you wish you had siblings?”
“No.” The answer is easy, and I don’t think I have to explain based on what I have told him about my past. “Under different circumstances, it might have been nice to have a big family. Growing up, it was just me, my dad, and my nana.”
“Well, you’re more than welcome to mine, if you want.”
I try to picture it. Melding into the O’Connors and becoming one of them. Marrying in like he so desperately wants me to. What would it be like to have so many people love me? What would it be like to have Callahan love me?
I’ve been fighting the possibility of us for so long that I never gave myself a moment to really think of what we would be like. Being absorbed into a family so big and loving, all while calling this man mine, is both terrifying and dreamlike.
If this is just what it’s like when he is infatuated with someone, then I don’t know how he would be if consumed. So grounded and in it, if I were entirely his, would it be possible to ever walk away from him? Would I want to?
I look up into his smiling eyes and sink into them a little more.
He’s like quicksand, each time I fight it, he just pulls me in deeper.
I don’t know if I can handle being loved by him, or loving him the way I feel like I’m capable of.
But I also don’t want to stop it from happening.
So I push all these doubts down and head back out with him to use the rest of our tokens.
When we’re all out, the silence is charged as we wait for the lady to read our cards. He’s holding my hand like we are competing gymnasts waiting for the scores to be called. It’s friendly, but he’s clearly ready to push me back if he is announced as the winner.
Which he is not. The lady declares that my card has more on it.
“Haha, loser,” I say as he falls to his knees.
Throwing his hands up, he cries out, “Not the clown costumes!”
She looks at us like we are complete weirdos. If only she knew the half of it. Neither one of us cares as he continues on with the theatrics, and I dance.
In the end, I let him use my balance to buy himself a prize. It seems fitting since I got the real deal.
“I’m the queen of the virtual world,” I yell out in the parking lot.
He huffs and sighs the whole way to the car, and during the drive. Once we’re at my place, I don’t know if he is too upset to come in.
“Suck it up, buttercup,” I say, pulling him out of the car. I’m not ready for him to leave, so I don’t give him a choice. He doesn’t really stop me from dragging him into the house.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbles, plopping down onto the couch.
I slide into his lap and hand him the remote so that he can put something on.
Alerting him to the fact that we will now be pulling an all-nighter, I tell him to get comfy picking out our movies.
He’s so happy that the date isn’t ending that he perks up from his defeated mood.
I’m so happy to be spending time with him that it barely registers that I’ve agreed to be with him for at least twelve hours.
It seems like the best way to end this perfect date.
The best one I’ve ever been on. Being lost with him, remembering what it’s like to be young, offsets the adult responsibilities of figuring out my future while fighting to have one.
The fact that I won the chance to see him in a red nose and wig is the cherry on top.
Once again, Callahan offers that distraction that lets me put everything to the side. I let myself relish in it all night.