Chapter 17 The Worst Person I Know Just Made a Great Point
THE WORST PERSON I KNOW JUST MADE A GREAT POINT
DEAN
Back at camp, we’re ordered to shower and get presentable while the crew stage the bonfire pit to film the point distribution and elimination scene. An assistant ushers me to the hair and makeup tent afterward. I grin and bear it until the makeup artist tries dabbing my cheeks with a pink powder.
“Why blush?” I ask, leaning away.
“Director’s request. She wants you to look flushed from this morning.”
My cheeks heat. The artist cries in delight, “Oh, perfect, you’re doing my job for me.”
When I’m done, I go to wait with the others by the bonfire. There’s one empty seat left at the end next to Aeneas, but when I try to sit, Garrett’s assistant, Luke, steps in.
“Actually, let’s move things around. Ms. McLaughlin, let’s have you here next to Ms. Tengku. Then Mr. Parker can sit next to Ms. Shin.”
Begrudgingly, I sit on the log next to Seyoon, who looks just as stiff and uncomfortable as I feel. I do my best not to think about how awkward this is, but it’s hard when everyone around us is glancing over and snickering.
Vendredi leans over and wags her finger between us. “So… you two.”
“It’s not what it—”
“No, there was a—”
She laughs at us tripping over our words.
“Okay, this is clearly new, I won’t pry.
For now.” She bumps Seyoon’s shoulder with a teasing smile, who pushes her away in a surprisingly familiar fashion.
I ignore the sting of jealousy in my chest. Of course Seyoon would befriend someone after a single conversation around a campfire.
She could charm a snail out of its shell.
Finally, Garrett’s done getting his nose powdered.
He strolls back to us, rubbing his hands together like a delighted raccoon.
Blake gets into position next to the camera operator.
She signals a countdown on her hands, then a nearby assistant slaps the clapboard.
The fill lights surrounding the firepit ignite. Garrett steps forward.
Campers, glad to see you all survived the elements. After a long night of putting your wilderness abilities to the test, we’re about to find out who among you is the Skillest of Them All.
We have before us the fruits of your labor.
Literally. From foraging, making tools with the resources available to you, demonstrating your handy knot-tying skills and more, the number of tasks you completed—and completed well—will determine how many points you’ll receive.
Me and a team of unbiased wilderness experts have tallied up the numbers. Here they are.
Garrett presents his open, waiting palm to the air, and an intern runs up and hands him a folded note. He opens it, clears his throat, and reads the results.
Our first contestant, Aeneas. Buddy, what happened? No fire, your tent barely stayed up, and you foraged poisonous mushrooms. Did you eat those? No? Okay, thank God. We can’t handle another lawsuit.
Aeneas pales.
“I’m joking, jeez. Obviously, none of the ones we planted were poisonous.” Garrett rolls his eyes. “Four points for you.”
Next, Adin. Not bad at all. You did pretty good in all the skills but couldn’t get a fire going. You did earn a point for having the start of one, though. Yeah, I know, we’re generous like that—eight points.
Siddharth: It was very funny watching you spend two hours whittling a little man out of wood instead of making a weapon like we hoped.
However, because you whittled a little Garrett Moxley—and demonstrated strong craftsman skills or whatever—we gave you points for that anyway. You earned nine total.
CONFESSION TAPE—Siddharth Patel, Contestant
[He holds up a wooden figurine vaguely resembling Garrett.]
I knew he’d eat this shit up.
Carter: No surprises here, you nailed almost every task and were the first one to get a fire going. Only reason you didn’t earn more points is because you hardly foraged anything—nineteen points.
Now, for our first alliance, Vendredi and Beck. Very impressive, you two. The shelter you set up was one of the sturdiest, and you completed nearly all the tasks, besides making a fire. Twenty-one points combined, plus, three bonus ones for being in an alliance, for a grand total of twenty-four.
Our other team, Seyoon and Dean. They say two heads are better than one.
Last night, you put that to the test and…
it’s true! Combined, you earned more points than anyone.
You foraged practically half the forest, accomplished all the skills, got a shelter up, and were the only other players to make a fire.
… However, unfortunately, your shelter didn’t last through the night, so we couldn’t give you full points for that. Twenty-five points, and with the bonus, twenty-eight.
I glare at her. She chuckles nervously.
“Hey, that’s still way more points than anyone else,” she says.
Ah, ah, I’m not done. Because you teamed up, you’ll have to split those points. Meaning, fourteen points for each of you. Likewise, twelve for Vendredi and Beck. Luke, bring out the updated leaderboard, will ya?
All of us stand to get a better look as Luke drags out the giant board. Before he can reveal it to us, Garrett holds his hand out, calling for him to wait. He looks at us and mouths “for dramatic effect” with a shit-eating grin.
CONFESSION TAPE—Vendredi Tengku, Contestant
The worst part of these eliminations is the waiting and wondering. You’re stuck with your thoughts. Did I do good enough to stay in the game? What if somebody beats me by just a point or two?
Of course, that bastard knows it and likes to drag it out. Make it painful for us. He lives to be the most annoying person in the room.
CONFESSION TAPE—Carter Moxley, Contestant
Am I worried I’m going home? No. Next question.
CONFESSION TAPE—Beck McLaughlin, Contestant
I really hope I’m not eliminated. I haven’t gotten a chance to investigate the area for Bigfoot yet.
Did you know that Washington has the highest reports of Bigfoot sightings in the U.S.
? Nine out of a hundred residents have seen him.
This is the cryptozoological hot spot of the nation, and it’d be a shame if I couldn’t…
Huh? What do you mean confession tapes have to be kept under thirty sec—
Finally, after several long, painful moments, Garrett nods sagely, and Luke turns the board around to display the final scores. My breath catches.
1ST
CARTER MOXLEY
29 PTS
2ND
DEAN PARKER
23 PTS
3RD
VENDREDI TENGKU
20 PTS
4TH
SEYOON SHIN
17 PTS
5TH
BECK MCLAUGHLIN
17 PTS
6TH
SIDDHARTH PATEL
16 PTS
7TH
ADIN ZAVARY
14 PTS
8TH
AENEAS HUDSON
8 PTS
I can’t believe it. I’m still holding on to second place. Seyoon perks up to see that her name isn’t on the bottom of the list anymore. However relieved everyone is, nobody celebrates out loud. We all turn to Aeneas, whose face has fallen.
I’m sorry champ, but Aeneas, it looks like your time on Forest Feud ends here. An assistant will gather your things and meet you at the Loser Limo to take you home.
Aeneas pulls themself together pretty quickly. They stand up, a bittersweet smile on their face, and nod shyly at the rest of us campers around the circle. An assistant comes out with their suitcase a moment later, and off to the trailhead they go.
CONFESSION TAPE—Aeneas Hudson, Contestant
I’ll be alright. My therapist and family will be proud I stepped out of my comfort zone.
Besides, I’m kind of glad I won’t be followed by cameras anymore. I kept accidentally looking directly at them. Sorry if that ruined any of your footage.
That concludes the scene. Garrett says a few more remarks to the camera about staying tuned for next week’s challenge, and then we’re released for breakfast. I wasn’t close with Aeneas by any means, but it’s still jarring to see a fellow competitor leave so abruptly.
That could have been me or Seyoon if last night’s challenge hadn't gone as well as it did. Using a points system for elimination instead of by vote like the old show did is way more stressful. You never know how secure your standing is, meaning more tension and drama for Garrett’s show.
I realize now that all those fucked-up experiments psychologists were performing in the sixties to push people to their breaking point may have gotten outlawed, but they didn’t go away. They just film them and call it reality television now.
As everyone gets up to head to the cafeteria, Garrett steps in front of me and Seyoon, blocking our escape path.
“Hey, you two, could I interest you in a homecooked breakfast?” he says. “I’m quite the chef.”
I’m shaking my head before he can finish his sentence. “No, thank you.”
“But I made muffins?”
Seyoon blinks. “Are you trying to poison us? That’s creepy. You’re creepy.”
Garrett’s smile flatlines, annoyed. “Your mom was much more pleasant than you are.”
“Yeah, I’d agree.”
“Can you two brats just follow me so we can have a conversation away from the cameras?”
That piques my interest, and I can tell Seyoon’s thinking the same thing. I don’t trust Garrett, but if the man who thrives on attention suddenly doesn’t want to be filmed, then I’m curious enough to hear why.
We warily follow Garrett to his private cabin.
Surprisingly, it’s as nondescript as the other ones.
The only indication that it’s his is the wooden post in front of the porch that says Host. Once inside, a physical weight lifts from my shoulders.
It’s a relief to break away from the constant cameras and attentive crew members, even for just a minute.