Chapter 3
Although I wound up covering the story of the wedding that didn’t happen for Ferocity—after all, I’d been part of the wedding party and had first-hand knowledge of everything that had happened—I tried to keep it neutral to both parties, just reporting on the facts: They didn’t get married and it was Dani who had walked away.
That said, I asked my boss not to give me the byline and just publish it as Staff or something. I didn’t want my name associated with the story, because that might hurt either Dani or Braden—and I wanted no part of that.
As the months passed, Dani, of course, kept me in the loop—as her friend and not a reporter for Ferocity.
She let me know that she’d personally talked to Braden to apologize and then she and Zack had a heart-to-heart and now they were dating on the down-low.
Although she hadn’t been sure if she would have to leave the band, she was still their drummer, and they’d been working on their next album.
And, even though it had been uncomfortable at first, she said they’d managed to work through it.
Would she and Braden ever be friends again?
Probably not. But they could work together to make art.
I wasn’t about to ask how all that had affected his relationship with Zack, but I’d probably find out at some point.
By January, Once Upon a Riot released their next album and, possibly thanks in part to the wedding that hadn’t happened, their first single charted at number one on Billboard’s Hot Hard Rock chart.
So at least all their careers were still on the rise.
But I wondered if their friendships would ever be the same.
I’d seen this kind of thing wreck older bands, but I had no advice that would help.
All I could do was stand at the sidelines and watch.
It didn’t help that, after the wedding that didn’t happen, Braden had hardly been seen when he wasn’t on stage.
He wasn’t doing interviews and, when the band was together as a whole, he stayed quiet, refusing to answer questions.
And his silence was making the internet buzz with their own take on what had happened.
Some people called him a victim of Dani’s cruelty.
Others called him a saint. And then, of course, there was the discarded groom narrative he couldn’t seem to escape.
Still, as time went on, I thought maybe I didn’t just have to stand back; maybe there was something else I could do as a respected reporter in the biz.
I just needed my best friend’s permission first—and, because we planned to hang out during her day off after their show in San Diego in early February, I knew that would be the perfect time.
I got to cover the show—but there wasn’t much to write about, just that Riot’s show was better than ever.
Despite all the drama of the past year, as a band, they had truly hit their stride.
And one move that I thought was smart was that there wasn’t a single love song on the entire album.
Because Zack still wrote most of their lyrics and they often seemed autobiographical, it probably would have been easy for him to go down that path.
It made me wonder…how was Zack and Braden’s relationship?
Was it permanently damaged? Surely on a tour, Braden would have to have figured out that Zack and Dani were back together.
I couldn’t even imagine, and my heart went out to Braden.
I had no anger toward Dani or even Zack, the guy who’d been a hot mess as long as I’d known him, but what a shitty situation—and it was easy for me to forgive them because their actions hadn’t hurt me.
How did Braden feel about all that? Did he feel trapped? Did he hate them?
Watching the concert from up close, I had no idea.
Backstage, the band was having a small party for a handful of fans, so I got to chat for a few minutes—but I was going to pick Dani up around noon the next day so we could go out to lunch and hang for the afternoon before I headed back to L.A.
One thing I had to say while watching her interact with fans: she looked the happiest I’d ever seen her.
The next day, I pulled up in front of the hotel where the band was staying and sent Dani a quick text to let her know I was there.
It was seconds before she popped out of the glass doors, a big smile on her face.
She had her long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore a leather jacket over faded blue jeans and black boots.
When she opened the passenger door, I said, “Hey! You look fantastic.”
“Same with you!”
I’d just gotten the purple in my hair refreshed two days earlier, so maybe I did look better than I thought—and it was sweet of her to say, but nobody likes someone who’s full of themselves. So all I said was “Thanks,” as I pulled into traffic.
“So where are we going?”
“I’m gonna let you pick. We’ve got Mexican, barbecue, pizza—”
“Mexican sounds good.”
“Okay,” I said. “There are a few near here—and they all have good reviews—so let’s see what happens.”
Soon enough, we were seated in a restaurant that had aromas of roasted chilies and garlic that made my mouth water.
It was light and sunny inside and there were only a few clues giving away what kind of restaurant it was: the art on the walls and the Mariachi music playing overhead—and the smell of steak fajitas coming from the kitchen.
Otherwise, it could have been just another eatery in San Diego.
After we placed our food orders and had our drinks delivered, I asked Dani a few superficial questions about how the tour was going before moving closer to the question I wanted to ask her.
But I’d have to do a little navigating first. “How are you and Zack?”
Dani shook her head excitedly, her brown eyes wide. “I can’t believe how good it’s been. I mean…this is gonna sound silly, but he really has become the man I always knew he was underneath.”
After all they’d been through, that was the least Zack could have done—but I wasn’t going to say anything about that.
“How is Braden—with all of you?”
“You know…he’s being the standup guy as always, but it’s been pretty tense. I don’t really know what to say to him anymore. As a friend, you know. As a bandmate, it’s okay, but I don’t think it’ll ever go back to normal—and that’s all my fault.”
“Yeah, but you can’t keep beating yourself up about it, D.”
I dipped a chip in salsa as my friend let out a sigh, wrapping a hand around her glass of iced tea.
“And yet here I am. I’m really happy with Zack—but part of me feels like I need to do penance.
I feel like letting Braden see how happy I am now would be a slap in the face, especially since he knows Zack and I are together now. ”
Ouch. “You think it hurts him?”
“It has to. I don’t see how it couldn’t. But I don’t feel like I can talk to him about it. I feel like I’ve lost the privilege of talking to him as a close friend, of asking how he feels.”
“Yeah. I get that.” We were quiet for a few seconds as Dani finally grabbed a chip and dipped it deep in the salsa.
This was the perfect opportunity to ask my question.
If it had been anyone else, I would have already asked it, but—as her friend and knowing all the history there—I wanted to ease into it.
“I wanted to ask you something—actually, I wanted to ask for your permission to do something.”
Dani laughed. “Permission? Like I’m your mom or something.”
It was my turn to laugh as I set my glass of water down.
“I haven’t asked my mom for permission for anything since I left home.
But this is…well, I’ll just come out with it and then you’ll understand.
So…the story of your breakup with Braden was all over the place.
It was covered by just about every rock outlet I know and then some. ”
“Yeah. Even Ferocity had a big story on it.”
I frowned. She already knew my part in it—which was the main reason why I was approaching her with this request. “The thing is, doll, nobody—I mean, not a soul—has asked Braden how he felt about it.”
Dani’s eyes grew wide. “And I’m pretty sure if they did, he’d tell them to fuck all the way off. Braden’s not the kind of guy to spill his guts—to the media, no less.”
“But hear me out. You know me, D. I make people comfortable—and they sometimes tell me shit they won’t tell anyone else.
And so I’m asking for your permission to do this, to interview Braden, to give him a chance to tell the world how he feels about what happened to him.
And if you say no, then that’s fine. I’ll understand and walk away. ”
Dani’s eyes were focused on the tabletop, a chip poised in her hand. After a few seconds, she said, “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Rox.”
“I’ve had worse ones.”
Dani smiled at me, processing her thoughts, when the waitress brought our plates.
Places like this were my once-in-a-while guilty pleasure, and I’d read online that their tacos were to die for.
Dani trusted my judgment and we both ordered taco plates—steak tacos served with rice and beans on the side—and the scents wafting into my nostrils were making my mouth water.
But I wasn’t about to eat until Dani was ready.
“Can I get you anything else?” our server asked.
Dani shook her head, so I said, “No, thanks.”
My friend looked up from her plate, her expression more relaxed than it had been moments earlier.
“You know what? All my hesitation about it is selfish. I know I hurt him and I know anything he has to say will be painful to hear—but…it shouldn’t be up to me.
And even if I told you I didn’t want you to interview Braden, what would stop someone else? ”
I raised an eyebrow. “True.”
“Even though I have no doubt it would hurt Braden to talk about it, to relive it…that might be what he needs to do. Maybe sharing his side of the story could help him heal, and I’ve already hurt him enough by my actions.
” Dani unrolled the napkin around her silverware and placed it on her lap.
“You don’t need my permission. Do what you need to do. You…have my blessing.”
“D,” I said, taking her cue and picking up my fork, scooping up some beans, “I promise to do my best to make you not look like an asshole. People bail on weddings all the time.”
“Half an hour before the ceremony’s supposed to start?”
I smiled, hoping my eyes showed the compassion I felt.
“Not necessarily…but here’s the thing I keep going back to—and what I know you did.
What if you had married him? Even though you loved him, you would have always wondered—and you might have regretted going through with it.
You yourself told me Braden didn’t deserve that.
He deserved finding someone who loved him as much as he did you. ”
“Yeah…and that’s what I hope for him.”
“Me, too.” Ready to liven up our conversation now that I’d gotten the important shit out of the way, I said, “So tell me all about this new tour.”
Dani grinned. “On or off the record?”
“I leave that completely up to you.”
Having received my best friend’s permission to interview her ex-fiancé, I didn’t drag my feet. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered why no one else had talked to Braden and told his side of the story.
But I imagined they’d already reached out, hoping to be the ones to break the story—and Braden had probably said no. With what little I knew about Braden and after talking to Dani about it, it made sense.
And I knew then that my request would have to be genuine, thoughtful, and respectful. Even then, he still might turn me down.
Now that Once Upon a Riot had a publicist, I knew the request would have to go through that agency.
So, that evening, I sent an email asking for an interview with Braden, promising that I would be respectful and refrain from doing anything sensational—and working within any boundaries the rock star wished to put up.
I wanted him to know that I planned to give him complete control.
I didn’t know if the publicist would even let him know who was requesting the interview, so I debated saying something about not letting my friendship with Dani interfere with what I wrote and then changed my mind.
I knew my reputation as a fair and honest reporter would do that job for me.
Still, he turned me down just a few days later—through his publicist:
Hey Roxy,
Braden appreciates the request for an interview but he is respectfully declining.
While we respect the offer, particularly your promise for control and boundaries, Braden would prefer to move on from this narrative.
He doesn’t want to be looked upon as either the poor guy needing a redemption arc nor as the proverbial man left at the altar.
His preference is to move on from those events so that people focus on the band’s music and his contributions rather than on his personal life.
Again, we wish to thank you for your request. Please do reach out if, in the future, you wish to speak with Braden or any of the other band members regarding other topics.
Dammit. It would have been such a good story—but the publicist was pretty clear about why Braden didn’t want to be interviewed…
and it made sense. None of their assumptions were correct, because I hadn’t wanted to interview him for any of the reasons they’d listed.
Instead, I’d only wanted to share his side of the story in whatever way made sense to him.
But I understood. And, I hoped, like Dani, that Braden had found some peace and was moving on.