Chapter 11 #2
As the show wrapped up, I decided I’d see if Dani wanted to hang out.
After all, she and Zack had been together a while now—maybe he could share her with me for just a few hours.
Once I sent the text, I hung out near the stage, even while everyone else trickled away, ready to get some rest before returning the next day.
It wasn’t long before I got a message back from Dani: Give me a minute and I’ll have someone in our road crew come get you. Are you by the stage? Which side?
Smiling, I typed back. I’m on the left side. And, if it helps, I’m wearing a black tank top.
I knew Dani’s crew was busy breaking down their set, mainly because I was watching them do it, so it might be a few minutes before Dani was able to get them to do something else. Still, I kept an eye out, because she might surprise me.
And I was quite surprised…but not because a roadie came to fetch me.
Braden walked out from backstage.
I almost missed him, because he was wearing a black baseball cap with purple and white letters with the initials CR, signifying Colorado’s baseball team.
From his expression, I could tell he was just as surprised to see me.
Even though we hadn’t talked since he’d cancelled dinner, I didn’t want to give up on him yet.
But I wasn’t going to call him out. Instead, I said, “You guys played a hell of a show tonight.”
His face remained neutral, but I suspected that there was a lot going on underneath the surface. “Just doing our job.”
That was an understatement—but it spoke volumes in its silence.
He was holding back, and I wanted him to open up—especially because it felt like he’d been partially avoiding me, and I didn’t know if it was to protect himself or if he no longer trusted me.
Moving a little closer to him, I lowered my voice.
“You play your cards close to your vest.”
Although he didn’t speak for a few seconds, my eyes took him in.
I suspected he’d showered recently because the tips of his hair appeared to be damp, but not from the humidity lingering in the air, and he didn’t have on the clothes he’d been wearing onstage.
Where had he been going when I’d stopped him?
In answer to my statement, he said, “No. I don’t have any cards to play.”
Clearly, he didn’t want to go any deeper, so I realized this topic was a losing battle.
I simply said, “Okay.” Taking in a slow breath through my nostrils, I decided I didn’t want to play either.
No more fucking games. But I wasn’t angry.
Just disappointed. And I didn’t want to make him feel guilty, so I just I said, “Good night,” and turned to leave.
“Roxy.” His voice gave nothing away, but I slowed. When he then said, “Wait,” I stopped and turned. “There’s just a lot of noise right now.”
Noise? I tried to figure out exactly what he meant, but maybe that didn’t matter. “Are you trying to block it out?”
“I’m trying to ignore it—because if it goes away, then maybe it was never real and things can go back to normal.”
Wait…I’d thought he was talking about buzz from the press and the band interview Dani had told me about, but this felt completely different.
Holy shit. Was he talking about…us?
His eyes told me he was, but he looked down at a spot on the side of the stage, as if something important had caught his eye. So, taking a chance, I said, “It was real.” When he shifted his gaze back to my eyes, I said, “It is real.”
The pupils in his brown eyes dilated slightly, almost imperceptibly in the low light, but I caught it. Still, I couldn’t completely read him.
By then, though, I knew I’d hit the nail on the head and I was going to drive it through the rest of the way. “And you don’t have to pretend with me, Braden.”
Two rowdy, noisy young women came barreling toward the entrance backstage, and I would have hardly noticed when a security guard blocked their way, but it caused one of the girls to bump into Braden, pushing him closer to me.
The guard said, “There’s nothing for you here.
” His voice had a menacing chill to it, so the girls started to giggle and ran off, not even noticing that, perhaps, one of the objects of their desire stood nearby talking to me.
Braden acted like he hadn’t even felt it. “It’s not as easy as it sounds.”
That told me everything I needed to know. He was putting on an act to hide whatever was inside. “You’re right. It’s not.”
His eyes blazed into me then, acknowledging that he understood what I’d figured out.
Lifting a hand, he brought it close to my head, and I was certain he was going to stroke my cheek—but then he stopped.
Drawing in a soft breath, I leaned forward and he did too—and our foreheads all but touched.
The electricity between us was sparking, that unseen energy that I’d felt before, and my breath hitched in my throat as we got closer.
I couldn’t deny how I felt any longer. I touched my lips to his.
At first, he didn’t respond…but then he opened his mouth and our tongues touched, igniting a fire in me that might consume me if I wasn’t careful.
As my breath hitched in my throat, I focused on the physical sensations, giving myself up to the moment.
His lips were warm, his touch gentle, and I wrapped my arms around him as if wanting to keep him as close as possible.
His arms and hands, however, didn’t touch me—and when we stopped kissing and I opened my eyes to look in his, he pulled back as if a bolt of lightning were striking the ground between us. Then Braden shook his head and I dropped my arms from him. “No. I can’t trust myself.”
What did that even mean? Did he think he was going to hurt me? Or that I would hurt him? “I don’t understand.”
“I…don’t want to be the safe choice anymore. I can’t do this.”
Oh, Jesus. Fuck. As if a chasm was opening up in the earth in front of my eyes, Braden was finally wide open.
He wasn’t afraid of hurting me or even of giving in.
He was afraid of so much more, and I didn’t know that I could fight that.
I wasn’t about to push him anywhere he didn’t want to go…
and I knew that wouldn’t work anyway. So I just nodded. “I get it.”
And, like that, the moment was over.
I hoped Braden could find love someday, but I was starting to suspect it wouldn’t be with me. I didn’t have what it took to draw him out of that protective shell he’d grown around himself. So I took a step back and, when he said nothing else, I knew I was making the right move.
Slowly, I turned, and then, once I was away from the stage area, I texted Dani and told her I needed to postpone our meeting, because I wouldn’t be good company.
Had this man been anyone other than Braden, I probably would have leaned on my bestie’s shoulder—but I didn’t want to make her feel guilty or responsible for what Braden was going through.
I wasn’t going to go to my hotel to cry, either, because I wasn’t devastated.
Yes, I was hurt, but I’d get over it. I wanted Braden; I absolutely did…
but I could also respect the boundary he’d put up.
I wasn’t going to try to seduce him or manipulate him, because it felt like what we had was far more than something physical.
If that meant we would just be friends, so be it.
Tonight, though, I’d discovered for certain that Braden felt about me the same way I felt about him…but maybe what we already had was as good as it would ever get.