5
Scarlett
T here’s an incessant buzz beneath my skin when I let myself into my apartment an hour later, thanking the fucking heavens that Kate is blessedly gone when I shut and lock the door behind me.
Hell, I even use the deadbolt and the chain.
It doesn’t matter that Kate will have to call me later to let her back in. I can’t risk the exposure when I’m here by myself. Not after I just walked away from the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted in my entire life, despite my reservations.
You can’t have them . I keep inwardly chanting to myself, stalking deeper into the space I share with Kate. You’ll doom them if you try.
Yet, when I strip down bare and climb into the makeshift nest on my too small bed, I can’t help but yearn for them. I can’t stop myself from wondering if it’s just the two of them. Alpha packs aren’t exactly rare, and they usually consist of more than two at a time.
Somehow, deep down, I can feel it in my bones that there are more of them. I shouldn’t be thinking about all of this as I curl up underneath the soft blankets and sheets of my pitiful nest, but I can’t stop. My mind is whirling and racing a million miles a second.
When I’d left my apartment earlier for my interview, I never would’ve imagined in a million years that this was how my night would end.
There are plenty of stories out there that speak of omegas spontaneously running into their scent matched alphas, but that had always been a far off fairy-tale fantasy of mine. Something completely out of my reach.
I’m fucking broken. My past is a constant threat over my head that I would do well not to forget. As if in response to that thought, the nasty mark on my shoulder seems to pulse in agreement.
I can’t have them. Even though it’ll kill me, I have to reject them.
Then why hadn’t I done it back in that office? What made me walk away and give both of them hope that I’ll ever come back?
Because there’s a bigger part of me that knows I’ll never get away.
The magnificent red haired alpha had warned me as much.
I groan, trembling beneath my blankets when I recall just how intoxicating he’d smelled when he’d wrapped himself around me like a tree.
Winter Evergreen and rich, dark chocolate.
My jaw fucking aches at the thought of the hunger it had ignited within me when he’d snuck his nose against my skin to catch a whiff of me.
Fuck, I’d known he wanted to bite me. Just as I’d wanted to bite him.
Small fucking mercies I’d opted to put my leather jacket back on before I had stepped into the office.
If they’d seen the twisted, seared mark on my neck…
No . I can’t think about that. They can never find out. It’ll only lead to questions I can’t answer.
I should leave , I think while I curl myself up in a tight ball, trying to block out the pain the memory of walking away from them caused me. I’ve only been left here by the demons of my past because they know I’m a caged animal. If they find out I’ve found my scent matched alphas?
I squeeze my eyes shut, blocking out the terror before it can consume me. I’ve worked too goddamn hard to let those assholes win. I’ve buried those memories and everything that’s been stolen from me so deep, that it’ll never touch me again.
But it’s all just a fucking facade. A pretty way for me to pretend that I’m not as free as the world thinks I am.
I’m nothing but a puppet with thinly veiled, loose strings.
And one sharp tug from my master will bring me crashing back into a nightmare that I’ve risked everything to escape.
* * *
“You look like shit, Scar. Are you sick or something?” Kate’s words cut through me like a knife, and I barely stopped myself from wincing.
I’m sprawled on the old leather couch that dominates most of our small living room, idly picking away at a spot on the cushion beneath me as I slowly wallow away into nothing. Self pity does not look good on me.
“I’m fine.” I grumble, but there’s not much heat behind it.
I don’t have the energy for it. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch my roommate finish up her routine to get her ready for a shift at the diner down the block from our place.
It’s been three days since the earth shattering revelation that I’d found my scent matched mates, and Kate still has no idea.
She never will.
“You look like a warmed up corpse, and you smell like one too. When’s the last time you showered?” I finally shift my full attention over to her, just in time to see her wrinkle her nose in my direction. Normally, on a good day, I’d care about stuff as trivial as everyday hygiene.
Today’s not one of those days. The other two hadn’t been, either.
“How do you know what a warmed up corpse smells like?” I lift a brow at her, going for snarky, but it falls flat.
She narrows her gaze on me. “Where did you run off to Saturday night?”
I toss a hand in her direction and return my attention to ripping the leather off the couch with vigor.
“That’s not important.” It’s very fucking important, but again, she’ll never know that.
They’re my secrets to shoulder. I’ve known Kate the longest since I’d moved here nearly a year ago now, and I still don’t feel like I can trust her with everything my fucked up life has to offer.
“Oh, it’s definitely important. You completely went off the rails the day afterwards.
Something happened while you were out.” I can feel her glare heating the side of my face, but I don’t look in her direction again.
I should get up and make my way to my desk.
I could be working on a piece to sell on my private auction site right now, but I can’t force myself to get up.
There’s no inspiration to be found within the hollow shell of my imagination.
Not unless I want to draw the faces of alphas that can never be mine.
God, I hate this. Hate that all I want to do is call up Mr. Madden and take that stupid job I never should have applied for in the first place. Just so I can be close to them. So I can smell them. Just one more time.
But I fucking can’t . I just can’t .
And it’s tearing me to shreds inside. Knowing that my goddamn mates are so close, yet so far away. I can’t be the one to breach that gap between us. I have to be strong, fairy-tale.
It’s why I haven’t left the house, either. The fact that they’re out there somewhere in the city, waiting for me to come to my senses, is enough of a deterrent.
“You met someone.” She suddenly accuses, and I make the mistake of snapping my attention back to her.
Triumph bleeds into her expression as it lightens with glee.
“Ha! I knew it! Tell me all about it! Please, I’m dying Scarlett.
If either of us deserves an exciting life, it’s you.
” Her tone goes all shrill, and I can’t stop the wince as it grates on all of my nerves.
“I didn’t meet anyone.” The lie tastes bitter on my tongue.
Then, I decided to be at least a little truthful.
“I had a job interview, and it didn’t go as planned.
” There. That wasn’t so hard. I can make connections and shit without having to hide every single thing about myself from those closest to me.
Her brow furrows. “A job interview? I thought you had a good thing going with your art?”
A pang shoots through my chest at her words, reminding me I haven’t picked up my pencil and sketchbook in quite awhile. “That’s a hobby. It’s not something I can live off of long term, and I refuse to be a freeloader.” That isn’t really the case between us, and we both know it.
Which is why Kate scoffs. “Your last sold piece paid our rent for the last six months. I still owe you for the new tires on my car, too.”
I wave a hand at her dismissively. If only she knew the price I’d be willing to pay, just so I can maintain this tenuous hold on the illusion of my freedom. Kate’s annoying as hell, but she’s the closest thing I have to a friend. The first one I’ve ever had in my entire life.
It’s fucking tragic and nauseating.
“Stop bringing that up. I thought I told you it was a Christmas gift.”
I peek over at her just as she cocks a perfectly trimmed brow at me. “A Christmas gift you gave me in April? After we’d only known each other for two months?”
I pin her with a stare. “Don’t you have a shift to get to in fifteen minutes?
” It’s enough of a distraction to have Kate glancing towards the clock hanging above the fake fireplace mantle, on the opposite side of the living room.
She curses and springs to her feet, effectively halting any further interrogation she might’ve had planned for me, thank fuck.
She blows me a kiss as she rushes for the front door after snatching her purse and keys. “Stay out of trouble, Scar. Watch some trashy TV and draw me a pretty picture. I’ll bring you home a burger for dinner.”
Then she’s out the door, and I’m all alone again.
I groan as I pull myself up off the couch, long enough to flick all the locks on the front door, before heading to my room, right where my makeshift nest is calling my name.
Fuck real life obligations for a little while longer. I’ll finish up my pity party for one.
And afterwards, I’ll come up with a reason to call up Mr. Madden and reject him.
My life sucks so hard.