Chapter Ten
Puma walked so fast that his breathing became labored. He lifted the collar of his jacket against the bitter wind rolling into Shades Cove. The snow would be coming any day.
After revealing his feelings to Bryar, he needed to get away to get his thoughts back in order. After he had exposed his feelings she’d sat there, quiet, staring at him blankly.
When he left town, he built a wall around the memories. Very few people knew about his past—that he’d been married and had a son who died. Talking about it took him to a place he didn’t care for.
He wiped his cheeks, blaming the harsh wind for his tears, but the truth was, his emotions were the culprit. He hadn’t cried in years, not since that day when his little boy passed. Once upon a time, he thought tears made him weak, and now he realized they were a sign of strength in a man. So was being vulnerable, and that was why he told Bryar the truth. Even if she didn’t say a word to him, he wouldn’t regret that he had been honest.
Puma, a man once as unyielding as stone, had discovered his softer side—or perhaps it had discovered him. Though he regretted how he’d parted ways with Bryar, he recognized they both needed to mature. If he were honest, he would admit neither was ready for marriage. Growing up, he had learned that if he made a mistake, he had to rectify it, or else his pa would reprimand him. Blake wasn’t a mistake. He was born whole and at peace. Puma loved his son deeply, and he still loved Bryar—and always would. But she’d changed. The carefree Bryar who used to run barefoot in the rain, relish watermelon under the moonlight, and skinny dip in the pond, felt like a stranger now. Puma had changed too. He had hardened like new leather and built so many walls that he wasn’t sure if he still had a complete heart.
However, every time he was near her, he felt good. His heart remained intact, and he cared for her.
Puma had put his body through hell over the years. Punishing himself. He wished he could erase all those harsh emotions while hating the feeling of numbness.
What he knew, though, was that they both needed closure. They needed to release Blake’s ashes and end the marriage. It was tainted. Scorned.
Yet, he meant what he’d vowed. He’d protect her until his dying day. With tooth and nail. He’d bleed himself dry if needed. He wanted to wring Lane’s neck for getting himself into trouble and dragging Bryar into this mess. The old Puma would be waiting for Lane on release day and beat him to a pulp, but this new version learned patience. If anyone would be getting beat down, it would be Reno.
He stopped and looked at the farmhouse. The lights were still on.
Inside was the only woman he’d ever wanted more than his next breath.
His mind wandered to all the what-ifs.
What if they were both still meant to be together? What if they could reignite their feelings and find a way to grow together? And what if they could have the family they once lost? He truly believed that the love as deep as he and Bryar had shared stayed at the core. Love was also a choice. It meant picking that person day in and day out. Heck, he saw that with his parents. They argued like cats and dogs, and by the end of the day, they were cozying up watching TV on the couch together.
Cold, he marched toward the house and took off his coat and jacket, tossing them into the closet. He searched the living room and kitchen but didn’t find Bryar. Had she gone to bed? Probably best. He needed to sleep off his emotions. Climbing the stairs two at a time, he made his way down the hallway and stepped inside his bedroom, coming to a halt when he saw her sitting on the end of his bed, her bare feet dangling over the side.
“What are you doing here?” he growled. “You take the guest room.”
“I don’t want to sleep in the guest room.”
“Then I’ll take it,” he said the words but his feet were glued to the hardwood floor.
“No. We should both sleep here. Like we used to.” Her eyes twinkled.
Where did this come from?
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Why? We’ve done it hundreds of times,” she said so matter-of-factly.
“Are you doing this because you feel sorry for me or for yourself?”
Her eyes turned a wicked shade of sapphire. “No, I don’t feel sorry for you, or myself. I-I haven’t been held in a very long time.”
Even the sliver of thought that another man could have touched her drove him mad. He’d taken her virginity, and he’d treated it as a sacred gift. “I haven’t either, and I’m not looking to change that tonight. With you.” He was fully aware of the shakiness in his voice.
“I don’t believe you. I see something different in your eyes,” she stated confidently.
“You’re seeing a man who is exhausted. That’s all.” Why was he fighting the truth so hard?
“Today has been a long day, and that’s why I think we could both use some cuddling. It was either that or getting drunk.”
“There’d be a problem. There’s no alcohol in the house,” he said.
“I found that out,” she admitted.
“Oh? So I was your second choice?” He cocked a brow.
“Actually, I planned to ease some of these memories with alcohol and then cuddle.”
“Now we get to the truth. You were going to get me drunk to take advantage of me,” he chuckled.
“Something tells me I could manage that without the aid of whiskey.” She leaned back on her hands, causing her firm breasts to press against her thin shirt. The shadow of her nipples made his mouth salivate.
“I think we need to sleep. It can help just as much as whiskey.”
“I disagree. We don’t have to talk about feelings. Just a good old-fashioned holding each other.”
He cleared his throat. “Fine, but I need a shower. You’d probably take one whiff of me and change your mind,” he said.
“I doubt it, but do what you need to do and hurry.” Her eyes glinted. “Don’t make me come in there after you.”
If this were ten years ago, he would have picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.
But today was a different time.
He tilted his chin. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“No, I’m a mess, but I know I want to be held. Go scrub that filthy body.” The corners of her lips lifted.
“Wow. Look at that. She can still smile,” he teased.
“Whatever, Puma. Go get your shower so I can get away from you for a bit.”
“That change of tune.” He shook his head. “Feel free to fall asleep before I get back,” he said as he closed the door behind him in the bathroom.
“Don’t count on it,” she called through the door.
When he faced the mirror, he cursed under his breath.
What the hell had he gotten himself into? Truth was, he wanted to hold her as much as he could see through her expression that she needed him.
*****
“You no longer stink,” Bryar said to him as he came back into the bedroom wearing only a pair of blue boxers. The man was built like a tank, and she wanted to explore every masculine bend and dip with her fingers and her tongue.
But that wasn’t part of the agreement.
They were going to hold each other and sleep. Just for good old times if nothing else.
She was under the covers, her head propped on her hand as she devoured him with her gaze. “Your phone went off at least a dozen times,” she said.
“Did you read the messages?” He looked at her with a raised brow.
“Why would I do that?”
He shrugged and picked up his phone. A somber expression crawled across his features.
“Problem?” she asked.
“It’s a group chat. I have a crew coming in a few weeks so we can get this ranch back up and running.”
“And start your security business?”
He caught her gaze. “Yeah, remember I used to talk about that dream?”
“I do. I always had faith in you,” she said openly.
After dropping onto the bed, he looked at her. “I always thought you wanted more than to run Crazy Shades.”
“I did enjoy being a teacher but sometimes our fate is sealed.” She plucked at a loose thread on the blanket.
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” he huffed.
She shrugged. “I believe in family. It’s one thing in life we don’t get to choose, and as crazy as mine can be, I love them. They’ve been all I have my whole life.”
“Your family has treated you like their puppet,” he scowled.
“They have always been protective and had my back.”
“We should agree to disagree.” He chewed on a rough edge of his thumbnail, a habit he’d had for as long as she knew him.
“Yes, we should, because I could point out all the flaws of your father too.” Once the words were out, she wished she could take them back. Although she didn’t have a lot of good to say about Storm Steel, she and the gruff, alpha cowboy had buried their differences before he passed away. Over the years leading up to his death, he’d mellowed out quite a bit. He’d called her one day and asked if she’d come by so they could chat. She’d been wary because she knew the man had never been a fan of hers, especially not of her father's. She’d almost said no, but instinct told her that maybe she needed to clear the air as much as he did. They ended up having a good, productive conversation, burying a lot of pain. In fact, she’d visited quite frequently, and she’d listened to stories about Puma, and through Storm, she’d learned what her “husband” was doing.
“I could too.”
She swallowed hard. “You should know that Storm and I became…well, friends the last few years before he passed away. He was lonely, and I think he missed you and your mom.”
“I sort of guessed you had because I found a picture of you and Pa stuck to the refrigerator. He was smiling, which says a lot.”
“I know you two always butted heads, but he loved you.”
“You’re defending the man who swore that if you and I didn’t divorce, he’d disown me. That Storm?” Anger was evident in his tone.
“I’m not saying what he said was right. I’m only saying that we all have said things in our lifetime that we wish we could take back. He regretted those things, and the things he’d done.” Once upon a time, she never would have thought that she’d be defending Storm Steel.
“Or families feuding over something that didn’t even happen.” He sniffled loudly.
“What do you mean?”
“Leo Sullivan told me that a lot of the rumors circulating about Storm and your mother weren’t exactly true.” He scratched his temple.
“That my mother and your father didn’t have an affair?”
Puma sat up, leaning against the headboard. “I’m not sure you can handle what I’ve been told.”
She sat up too. “Whether I can handle it or not, I’d still like to hear.” His lips thinned.
“Leo said your pa started the rumors out of spite.”
She felt a familiar ache in the center of her chest. “How would Leo know?"
He looked at her squarely. “They were all best friends. Leo worked here and my father divulged a lot to him. Leo has no reason to protect my father.”
“Why would Dad start a rumor about his wife whom he loved dearly?”
“I don’t know, Bry. Maybe for the same reason he didn’t want you and me together and would have done anything to keep us apart. Pride makes even the best men do stupid things.”
She wanted to defend her father, the man she’d always looked up to, but after finding out he’d been a part of her pain all these years, knowing she’d believed Puma had left her, she wasn’t sure what to think. Once upon a time, she would have also believed her brother’s innocence, and now she’d been proven wrong. It seemed her family was crumbling like a weak wall. “I’ve been thinking about spreading Blake’s ashes. I know that’s what you want. I understand it’s what we agreed upon.”
He rubbed his palms down his face, perhaps wiping away the vulnerability from his expression. “Our son doesn’t live in those ashes, Bry. He lives in our hearts, our very few memories. I just want to lay him to rest in a place he never got to visit.”
She nodded. “I can see your point, but…”
“Is it hard?”
Again, she nodded. “It’s difficult to understand life.”
“Maybe it’s less about understanding and more about letting go. Moving forward.”
She thought over those words long after Puma’s soft snores told her he was sleeping. She scooted closer to him, pressing her fingers against his arm, lightly so that she wouldn’t wake him. They’d once shared the greatest love and connection. He’d calmed her. Made her feel special. A love as great as theirs should never be shoved away like a distasteful feeling. Blake had been created in love and although their time with him had been too short, she believed he lived with the angels in heaven because he’d been a miracle.
But Puma was right…
She needed to move forward.