Chapter Fourteen
The lamp's light cast a glow on his chiseled cheekbones and intense gaze. He wore tented boxers, revealing to her that he, too, desired her.
“You look like a deer caught in headlights. Say something. Anything,” she urged, feeling very vulnerable standing before him bare and willing.
“Tits,” he said in a tight voice.
“Oh, geez. Haven’t changed a bit, have you? My breasts still hypnotize you?”
“Everything about you hypnotizes me. I don’t think this is safe.” He pulled his gaze to her face.
“We’re married. How much safer can it be?”
“A lot has transpired over the years, Bry.”
She sighed. “Look, I’m guessing there have been other women, probably lots of them, but I’m willing to overlook the fact that you cheated.”
“I didn’t cheat,” he said.
“Tomato. Tomatoh.”
“What about you? Did you cheat?”
“Would it bother you had I been with other men? You have no right to be jealous. You left me, and a vibrator can only satisfy a woman for so long before she needs the real thing,” she said sassily, getting a sliver of enjoyment out of his expression.
A snarl erupted from his chest as if he had a wolf concealed within. “There have been others, but none compare to you. They never will,” he admitted.
Satisfaction washed over her. “All those poor, broken hearts.”
“Is there a broken heart I should know about here in Shades Cove?”
She twirled a strand of her hair around her knuckle and laughed. “I’m sure a few.”
It sounded like he was chewing rocks as he ground his teeth together. “You like teasing me, don’t you?”
“I find your jealousy entertaining.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“I didn’t come in here for conversation. I came to have sex. I guess I better get back to my vibrator because at least it’s quiet.” She swiveled, and before she could take two steps into the hallway, he’d reached her and had his hand on her shoulders, turning her around.
“What the hell? One minute, you despise me, and the next, you want my hands on you. I’m pretty good with numbers, but I can’t keep up with the math. One and one aren’t adding up to two.”
She looked up at him, all her emotions coming to a head inside her. “For your information, there hasn’t been anyone but you. I’ve been with only one person. You. That’s humiliating.” She lowered her gaze to the floor, feeling her emotions crashing like morning waves.
He lifted her chin with his thumb. “Hey, why is that humiliating? I think it’s wonderful.”
“Said just like a macho man. You relish that I could never get to second base with any man because I felt like I was still your wife.”
“You are still my wife,” he threw that out.
“On paper only,” she scoffed. “You think I’m not lonely? You ruined me. Why do you think I’m here now seducing you and failing miserably? Because I’m desperate. I want sex.”
He shook his head, eyes wide. “Is that what this is? A desperate plea for me to satisfy your need?”
She swallowed her pride. “No, that’s not the only reason. You and I… it’s hard to put into words. There’s a chemistry between us that, instead of fading, has become stronger.” She moaned “Maybe I’m just imagining it.”
“No, Bryar. You’re not imagining that feeling.” He lowered his arms from her shoulders. “The feeling is mutual, I assure you.”
“It has been ten years, Puma. Ten years since I’ve felt the intimate touch of a man, had yearning hands on my body—a body that bears scars from her past.” Tears filled her eyes, and she hated feeling so emotional in front of him.
He touched her again, but this time, he caressed her cheek with the backs of his knuckles. “Baby, you’re a beautiful goddess. When I look at you, I don’t see scars. I see a woman who carried my child, who fought battles she shouldn’t have had to face. I see someone who took my heart years ago, and I never got it back.”
His words shouldn’t be so sweet for a man as rough and tough as Puma. They softened her like chocolate in the sun. “I tried to give men chances, but I always failed. I found that they were too tall, too short, too talkative, and too quiet. Too dull or too wild. Too much not you. And too little not you. I’ve been missing love for so long. I promised that if I found my person again one day, I’d never leave anything off the table. I’d bare my soul so we’d never have to wonder where we each stood with each other. I want to nurture someone and be nurtured. I like those things that many of my friends have found, but I’m not the same girl who can see the silver lining in every situation. I couldn’t trust a man without him having to prove something to me. I understand that perfection is only in movies and not real life, but no one has stacked up. How could I be in a relationship with a man when he’d never be number one? He’d never have my complete heart because I gave it away long ago.
“Bryar—”
“No, wait, I’m not done.” She drew in a brave breath. She couldn’t stop now. “I’m damaged. How would any man understand what I’ve gone through? The pain?”
He threaded his fingers through her hair, ensuring she kept her gaze on him. “I still love you. We’re both damaged. We have a bond that not everyone would understand. And that’s okay. I knew long ago that I’d never find anyone to replace you. There’s no replacement. You’re my person, Bryar.”
She melted against him. He rested her cheek on his chest, drawing strength from him. She was determined to hide her spilling tears. “What took you so long?”
“I’m a dumbass, babe.” He kissed the top of her head as she chuckled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug. “Neither of us are those two kids with dream-filled ideas of what love is about. We’ve experienced life. We have some hard lessons under our belts. We can stand here all night and debate what we could have done differently, but it won’t change what’s been done. What we can do is figure out where we go from here.”
“Where do we go?” she whispered into his chest.
He chuckled. “Definitely to bed at some point. If my wife feels frisky, I’m not the kind of man to let her end up in shambles. However, we need to get some things straight.”
“Like what?”
“While I was gone, you’ve become an independent, strong woman, and I like that. But you have to learn how to accept help. You’re tough, sure, but we’re in this together. You don’t need a hero, but you need a safety net. When you fall, I’ll be there to catch you.”
She lifted her chin and looked up at him. Through the shadows in the hallway, she could see the dazzle in his eyes. Why did she want him more than she ever had? Because she could see he’d made large strides in being softer. “It does seem like you’ve grown into a man with a tough outer shell but a soft, gooey inside. I like that.”
“I’ve been damaged too, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead so gently it made her want to cry again. “The choices I have made were never easy ones.”
“We both allowed our pride to keep us apart.”
“I can’t describe how it hurt me seeing you hurt. Don’t get me wrong, losing Blake nearly did me in, but seeing your pain and realizing there was nothing I could do to help was unbearable. It cut me so deep that I carry my scars. It took a long time, but I wanted to become the man that my father wasn’t. I’m still growing and changing, but I’ll never be who he was. Maybe all this time, I’d secretly hoped that you and I could find each other again one day. Be the couple we weren’t ready to be ten years ago. We’ve learned so much about ourselves now. I hate that there was so much distance between us.”
“Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe we needed to fall apart so we could come back together stronger.” She had always believed that things happened for a reason, both good and bad. She was angry with God for a long time because He had given her so much happiness only to reduce her to heartbreak. For so long, she’d carried an empty chasm in the center of her chest and moved through her path numb because she couldn’t feel any emotion.
And now Puma was back.
He wanted her as much as she wanted him. She could see the desire written in his eyes. The puzzle was coming together. She understood him so much more. Maybe it was possible for her to forgive herself for the past and move forward, to have all those things she’d wanted. Although she hadn’t read the letter he wrote her, she had it among her belongings and knew he’d tried. She’d been in survival mode for the last ten years, working on autopilot. Yet he reached in and switched the plug. He calmed her.
“I forgive the past, Puma.” She touched his warm cheek.
He cupped her face with his hands and kissed the tip of her nose. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to want you, need you, more than I did when we first met, but I was wrong.”
She lifted herself onto her tiptoes and kissed him, sliding her tongue inside and tasting him. Then she pulled away, holding his gaze for a long heartbeat before settling back onto her heels. His smile could have moved mountains. It could turn the devil into a saint.
“I might just still love you too, Puma.” She winked. She’d known in that moment, without a doubt, that she’d just kissed her soulmate.
He pulled her closer and tightened his arms around her for the best hug a woman could ever get. Then he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed away any lingering doubts. The kiss was different, full of longing and passion. He was an artist, and she was the canvas. Their chemistry was the paint. He moved his tongue sensually, gently, his teeth tugging at her lower lip, sending tingles plunging into her inner thighs. He coaxed her to let go of everything and be vulnerable.
She relaxed into him, giving him herself.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, her bare breasts pressing against his iron-hard chest. The temperature rose and she felt his desire on her stomach.
The kiss continued like a slow wave. He gently rocked her backward against the wall, pressing his hands on either side of her head. They took their time, relearning each other—discovering their tastes, the whimpers and moans, the way his whiskers brushed against her chin.
He caught her off guard when he slightly pulled away, breathing heavily. “I want you.”
“Well, we’re on the same page, cowboy.”
“I want to carry you into my bed and make love with you. Make you come so many times you are feather light. I want to make up for the years that we could have been doing this and didn’t.” He smiled, but his eyes spoke of fear, possibly. “I don’t want to fuck this up, baby. I want to prove to you that I’m a changed man and ready for what fate has for us. I don’t want you to think that I am only saying these things because I’m holding your beautiful naked body.”
“I did seduce you, remember?”
“I want to date you again. Show you how you should be appreciated. Nurture our bond. Get to know each other’s hearts again.”
She pressed the back of her hand against his forehead. “Are you okay? Are you sick? This isn’t the man I remember who had me in the back of his truck before he knew my middle name.”
“Hey! I wasn’t there alone. If I remember correctly, you dragged me by the shirt into the bed of my truck.”
“You do have a point.” She burst into laughter.
“But no doubt, by the end of that night, I knew I was a goner. And I wasn’t mad.” He admitted.
She stood on tiptoes again and kissed his wide jawline, his neck, and between his collarbones. She nibbled his skin with her teeth. He gave a tremble, and she smiled. “I see you still like nibbling.”
“Some things never change.” He swatted her on the behind. “Just like you appreciated a good spanking when the mood was right.”
“Does this mean we’re not sleeping together?” She raised an eyebrow.
“That’s exactly what that means.” He tapped her nose.
“But… you said you would care for your wife’s needs,” she reminded him.
“But I didn’t say when.”
“You’re a tease.” She took a step back.
“That’s the fun of things. A little edging never hurt anyone.”
“I think you’re enjoying this too much.” She frowned.
“Go to bed!” He turned her around and swatted her behind. “Let me stand here and watch.”
She gave him a glance over her shoulder and put a little swing in her hips as she walked down the hallway back to the guest room. A part of her wanted to turn back and tell him she didn’t want to wait, but another part liked his suggestion. That they get to know each other again. Date. Something they hadn’t done before because she ended up pregnant that first night they slept together. In the blink of an eye, they had married and then Blake’s death.
As she crawled into bed and cuddled under the blankets, she listened for any sound from Puma’s bedroom. She heard a faint squeaking of bed springs as he settled in. That night, she fell asleep with a smile on her lips and a promise in her heart.