7. Shadow
SHADOW
“Y ou need to keep yourself in check.” Asylum scolded me as we walked back across campus.
“He attacked me,” I snapped back.
“Then you fucking take it. You’re used to being a fucking punching bag, so I know you know how to just let it happen.” He shot me a pointed look.
“That doesn’t mean I want to keep doing it. You know I’m not that guy.”
He stopped and rounded on me. “What I know is that they don’t fucking know. No one does. Keep it that way. Sometimes, having a secret weapon is a good thing.”
“I almost died the last time I took it .” I glared at him. “I’m sick of just sitting back and taking it.”
“Listen to me. You have gifts. We both know what happens when people find out about our gifts. Keep the ball in your court. You’re too damn cozy with Sirena. The guys don’t like that.”
I looked up to the sky, trying to get my head right before looking back at him. “How should I be? Should I fucking beat her with a shovel and stuff her inside a box and hope she dies as a means to save her? Huh? Then wait eight years and hope she comes back from the dead to love me?”
He stared me down, his face not giving anything away. Finally, he spoke.
“The shovel and box were my idea. Get your fucking own.” He turned and kept walking. God, he was fucking odd. I expected him to snap back at me. Maybe even punch me.
“I’m not really the violent sort,” he said as if reading my mind when I caught up to him. “Unless I need to be. I’m really just like a sweet orange house cat. I kill the mice every now and then, but overall, I’m rather lovable.”
“You’re insufferable,” I muttered as we walked.
He shrugged. “Not always.”
“You’re also frustrating. Tell me, when are you going to let the house cat out of the bag and tell the watchers what you did to Sirena?”
“Sinclair knows,” he said, glancing to the woods, a smile curling his lips upward. “In time, the rest will. For now, I’m more concerned about getting you in than me. I’ve already fucked her. You’re a virgin.”
“Fuck you. Don’t talk about her like that, and don’t talk about my shit,” I snapped at him.
He scoffed. “You don’t want her to be your first?”
I ground my teeth and didn’t say anything.
“Dante was her first. He basically just asserted himself and took what he wanted. I’m sure if she’d have screamed no to him, it wouldn’t have stopped him. You could do that.”
“Never,” I snarled. “Don’t fucking insult me by thinking I’d do that to her.”
We reached my dorm, and he opened my door before following me in. I was irritated as hell with him. I wasn’t the sort of guy who did that to girls, and never to her.
I sat on my bed while he took a seat at my computer chair and stared me down.
“What?” I muttered, wiping at my swollen lip. Malachi sure knew how to hit. My ears were still ringing.
“You need to stop lying to yourself. That’s your problem. You play this nice guy. We both know you’re not.”
“I am nice,” I said, sighing.
“You’re so fucking not.” He let out a laugh. “It’s cute that you keep pretending.”
“Like you fucking know.” I gave him a sour look.
“You don’t think I do?” He smirked at me. “I can tell you want her so fucking much that you’re considering just taking what you want. She’s kissed you. You think about how soft her lips were. How sweet she tasted. The way she pressed her body against yours beneath the moonlight and how fucking much you wanted to let go that night.”
I clenched my jaw as I glared at him, hating his words. Not because they were wrong. Because he was right. While I didn’t want to do that to her, I knew deep down I was desperate for her. It was killing me inside.
“When I fucked her for the first time, it was awful,” he said softly, his entire mood shifting. “I wanted her so fucking much, but not like that. Not with those pricks behind the mirror watching. It was fuck her or get fucked. They’d have tied me and Malachi down and stuck their cocks in us while forcing us to watch the monsters take her until they had their fill.” A muscle popped along his jaw.
“I hate that happened,” I whispered, my hands trembling with the anger I felt.
“Me too,” Asylum said, sitting back in the chair, his blue eyes focused far away. “I don’t fuck women in a sweet, tender way. I don’t care if they ever get off. I’ll bend them over a fucking park bench and blow my load inside them and walk away without a second look. I don’t let them kiss me. But her?” He closed his eyes. “I did the best I could do given the situation. It wasn’t nearly good enough. Someday, I’ll get a second chance to have her, and when I do?” He opened his eyes and stared at me.
“What?” I asked, frowning at him.
He shrugged. “I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “What about Mirage?”
It was his turn to roll his eyes. “He has his own plans. Eventually.” He tapped his head and cocked it to the left, and smiled. “Fuck you. You think so?”
He was so strange. I didn’t push it, though. I let him talk to the air because it took the heat off me.
I got up, went to the mini fridge in my room, grabbed an ice pack, and pressed it against my swollen cheek before sitting on my bed again.
“So. When it’s time to be with my firefly, how are you going to do it?” he asked, apparently done with his conversation.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. You want her alone and not with an audience?”
I sighed. “I’m used to being the audience. It would be nice to be center stage for once.”
He smirked at me. “You like watching.”
“So?” I challenged, my throat tight.
His smirk widened to a full-blown grin. “You’re just as fucked up as the rest of us here. You’re just really good at hiding it.” He tsked at me. “So tell me. You want to be alone with the watchers when you get your dick wet for the first time?”
I shot him a sour look.
“Come on, man. I divulged some shit about my experience with her. It’s your turn now.”
“I didn’t realize we were in a sharing circle,” I muttered.
“Well, we are. Tell me.”
I sighed. “I want to be alone with whoever it is I do it with the first time.”
He nodded. “I figured as much. How do you think you’ll handle watching the Watchers fuck into her body?”
I looked away from him momentarily. “I don’t know, man. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But it’s my firefly, isn’t it? She’s who you want to lose it to.”
I shook my head and breathed out. There was no sense in lying to him about it. “Yeah.”
He got up and sat next to me on the bed. “I’m not great at advice, but I’ll tell you this. She wants you, too. Play the long game with her. Go as slow as she needs. It’s how you’ll get in with the Watchers.”
I said nothing as I stared at the wall in front of us.
“I can tell you, based on my own experience, that it fucking sucks to wait for someone you love. I thought she’d died on me and that I’d fucked my own world up with my actions. We’re both getting second chances. Long game… Shadow.”
I looked over at him and nodded. “Yeah. Long game.”
He gave me a grin and cocked his head to the left.
“You’re going to rock her socks. Do that thing you’ve been thinking about. The one with the cross.”
My cheeks heated at his words. “Get out of my fucking head, man.”
He winked and stood. I watched him go into my closet and grab my bag.
“What are you doing?” I frowned as he went to my dresser and snagged some clothes out.
“I need a new roommate. That’s going to be you.”
“Like hell it is.” I got to my feet and made to snatch my bag away from him, but he tutted at me.
“It’ll be fun. You can split your time between places. We’ll be besties.”
“I thought Sin was your bestie.”
“He is. He’s bestie one. You’re bestie two. I’ll get us matching t-shirts.” He grabbed several pairs of socks and put them into my bag. “If anyone asks why you’re sleeping in my room, tell them I need help rubbing baby oil on my body so I can lie on the floor at night and pretend I’m a garden slug.”
“That’s crazy.” I snorted at him.
He winked. “Trust me. It’s not the weirdest shit I’ve done.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
His blue eyes glinted with his madness. “Wait until we fuck our first girl together. It’ll be wild, bestie. You’re in charge of the marshmallow fluff. It won’t work if you forget it.”
I stared at him in confusion as he continued through my room, randomly grabbing stuff and putting it in my bag, humming that song Sirena liked to hum.
Fuck, he was a nightmare, but he was my nightmare.
I guess it could be worse.