15. Ashes
ASHES
S irena seemed happier than she had been. I watched her leaning against the bathroom doorway as she brushed her long hair in the mirror. She finally noticed me and cast a sweet smile that made me push off the doorjamb and go to her.
I wound my arms around her midsection and nuzzled into her neck.
“Mm, heaven. How’s my girl?” I asked, kissing her collarbone.
She released a contented sigh before turning in my arms to kiss me. I parted my lips for her, allowing her unrestricted use of my mouth. Her tongue slid against mine, making me groan softly. Stitches had already left to relieve Church, so it was just her and me, except Cady, somewhere in Sirena’s room.
“You want me, baby?” I husked out against her soft lips.
She answered with a nip to my bottom lip.
“Then take me.” I stared down at her, wondering if she’d do anything.
She went to her knees and unbuttoned my pants before pulling my already hard cock free. I watched as she licked the head, swirling her tongue around it and making me groan softly.
“Suck the come out of my cock.” I tangled my fingers in her soft hair.
She opened her mouth, and I slid my dick deep inside, tightening my hold on her soft strands as I did so.
My heart fluttered as she sucked me tentatively before picking up her pace.
“Fuck, baby. Just like that. Harder. This fucking mouth is perfection,” I said breathlessly, my cock aching to explode in her pretty mouth.
She worked me over quickly, each run of her tongue along my shaft so on-point that I let my head fall back as she sucked me off.
My come jetted out of me, filling her mouth. I shifted, and I stared down at her again. She swallowed everything I’d given her and looked at me with impossibly beautiful eyes.
“I love you,” I said, releasing her hair and cradling her face. She smiled at me, making my heart soar. It quickly plummeted to my guts as Cady’s voice called out for her from the bedroom. While I knew Sirena was aware that Sin and Cady were naked together, I had no idea what state of mind she’d be in when it was confirmed they fucked each other in a bid to save her. I prayed she’d not lose it and shift into those catatonic states she went into.
I helped her stand quickly, and she pecked my lips before entering the bedroom to see her sister. I stuffed my dick back into my pants and stared at myself in the mirror.
I couldn’t wait to get this next phase of our lives behind us. With each obstacle, we moved closer to our ultimate goal of finally finding some peace.
Amen to that. It was frustrating to have to fight for it every damn day, though.
* * *
“How long will you be gone?” Church asked later that evening as I readied my bag in my bedroom. Cady had managed a full day in classes, and Sirena seemed a little happier. Although, it was plain to see Cady was struggling with the shit going through her mind. I pitied her and us for that because I knew things would get messy in the near future.
“I don’t know, man. If you need us back, you know I’ll be here.”
He approached my bed and sat on the edge. “It’s fine. You need this. I saw you set that roll of paper towels on fire in the kitchen.”
I groaned and rolled my eyes. “I know the rules; I just needed a little stress relief. All this drama with Sirena, Cady, and Sin has me in knots. I’m trying?—”
Church raised his hand to silence me. “It’s fine. I understand. Stay out a little later and burn a bit more. I’ll be here on campus with Sin anyway. I’ll leave him to go to Sirena if need be.”
I placed my lighter fluid in my bag and zipped it up before sitting beside him on the bed.
“You’re concerned about her being alone with Bryce,” I said.
He sighed and looked at the wall in front of us.
“I told her I was OK with her wanting him. That I-I just didn’t want to know about the shit she did with him.”
I widened my eyes at his words.
“Are you mad?” he asked, finally looking at me.
I blew out a breath. “I mean, I’m not happy, but we can’t dictate these things to her. The last thing I want to do is control her, especially concerning her heart. While I’m not overjoyed, I’m not mad at you for giving her the green light. I would have done it too, even if it sucked.”
He nodded and looked at his hands. I watched him twirl a severed rabbit's foot in his fingers. He had transformed it into a keychain, and the rings jingled softly as he continued to turn it over.
“I want her to love me,” he admitted softly. “I know I’m not easy to love, and Bryce is softer than I am?—”
“Stop,” I said, wrapping my hand around his. “Sirena loves us all for different reasons. If you think she’d leave because Bryce is softer, then you're really nuts. Each of us brings something to the table for our girl, Dante. Even you, with your controlling, stubborn, violent, murdering ass.” I squeezed his hand.
He looked at me and gave me a small smile. “I’ve never been unsure of myself before. But I am this time. I know Bryce makes more sense than any of us do. He’s not violent, a killer, or any of the fucked up shit we are. H-He’d be good for her, and I fucking hate that.”
“Think of it this way: he’s the calm in our storm. She might need that. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy the wind and lightning, though. Know what I mean?”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I guess. I mean, he did watch her dismantle a body.”
“See? He might not be so bland. We can give him a chance. Let’s see what she does with it.”
“I told her she can’t fuck him,” he mumbled thickly. “Everything else is a go.”
“Good.” I nodded. “If it comes to that stage in their relationship, then I’d like to believe she’d be honest and tell us she’s ready for that step.”
“She will. I trust her,” he murmured. “I just can’t get these thoughts out of my head of him touching her. Kissing her. Fuck .” He shook his head. “It’s always been the four of us. And now? Bryce fucking Andrews? A watcher? Seth Cain? Hell, man. Six of us with her?”
“Probably more like seventeen because we can’t ignore all the damn voices and personalities that come with Seth,” I mused.
Church groaned and rolled his eyes. “Don’t remind me. She hasn’t said she wants him yet.”
“But she does. Her eyes light up whenever he’s around. Like she does when Sin walks into a room. Or you after you’ve been gone for too long.”
He sighed and shook his head. “One fucking bridge at a time, but I’m more OK with Seth than I am with Bryce. I’d fucking embrace Seth. She knows she has my permission to explore with either of them.”
I gave his hand a squeeze again. “We got this. We will just keep one another grounded. Strength in numbers and all that shit. This could be a good thing. More people to help us take out your old man and all these sick pricks. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
He nodded. “It would.”
“Have you thought about what we’d do once they’re gone?” We never really spoke about the future. Before Sirena, I just assumed I’d start a fire in the wrong place at the right time and end up locked away for good.
“I’m an heir to an empire of pain and misery,” he said softly, a faraway look in his eyes. “It’ll be my turn to rule.”
“You want to take over the Underground?” I widened my eyes in surprise at that. As long as I’d known Church, he’d been trying to claw his way out.
“Maybe,” he said. “It belongs to me. I’d run it differently, though.”
“How?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll figure it out in time.”
He didn’t elaborate past that, so I didn’t push it. I knew Church well enough to know he already had a plan and was carefully working on the details of it.
“I guess all we can do is wait shit out and see how the cards fall,” I said.
“I suppose you’re right. Life was so much easier before Sirena,” he murmured.
“It was, but it wasn’t much of a life. A different girl every night. Melanie and her bullshit. Fucking dealing with Bells. We were just going through the motions.” I quieted for a moment. “You don’t regret Sirena, do you?” I swallowed hard at my question. I knew Church loved Sirena, hell, was obsessed with her, but did he regret it? I feared his answer, but needed to hear it, too.
“I don’t like the way I feel,” he said softly. “I’ve always felt like I was barely holding on, but now? I feel like I’m fucking falling and can’t stop. Once I hit the bottom, I know what sort of monster I’ll be.”
“What’s the bottom?”
He looked over at me. “It’s when we leave here. It’s when she’s ours, without a doubt. Without the fear of her being taken from us. It’s when she has a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly.”
I blinked at him. “You want to marry her? And kids?”
Church never spoke of children. In fact, I assumed he didn’t want them, so this was new information.
“I want us to marry her,” he said. “Commit to her in blood. In tears. In our brand of violence as we take every single twisted motherfucker out of this world and rule the Underground as it’s meant to be. When it’s time, we’ll put babies inside her.”
“Dante, man, that’s a lot of kids.” I winced, thinking that if she got her way, there would be six of us. Six kids? I wasn’t so sure I was on the same train of thought as he was. It sounded…messy. I could barely handle us most days.
“I’m not saying what you think I’m saying.” He sighed. “When we all decide it’s time, we just do it. It doesn’t matter who the father is. The kid will belong to all of us.”
I nodded. I could be down to do that. “Well, it’s a long way off, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately.” His green eyes raked over my face. “I never wanted kids before; I’d like one now, though. Today, even.” He let out a soft, sad laugh.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked, frowning at him. He wasn’t himself.
“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I guess I keep thinking about how we could lose her. I couldn’t lose her to anyone if she had one of our kids inside her. Especially mine.” He reached into his shirt pocket and brought out a joint. Wordlessly, I flipped open the lid on my lighter and lit the joint for him, watching as he took a deep inhale before blowing it out.
“I wouldn’t fucking let her leave with my kid,” he continued. “Even if I had to chain her sexy ass to my bed to keep her.”
“She’s not leaving us,” I said gently. “We’ve been over this.”
“I know.” He took another hit. “I think we both know shit is about to get bad, Asher. The moment this Sin and Cady shit hits the fan, we’re going to be grappling for a ledge to cling to. Maybe a kid is that ledge.”
I shook my head. “It’s not, man. She’s not going anywhere. We’re not going anywhere. It may get rough for a minute, but we love each other and have fought way too goddamn hard to let anything change that.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“I’d kill my old man without a second thought if he tried to take my blood from me. A family. I don’t give a shit if it’s you who gets knocked up. If he tries to take what’s ours, I will kill him. Fuck waiting it out and planning. I’d lose my fucking mind.”
I said nothing, knowing he wasn’t lying. He really was falling.
“Hey.” Cady’s soft voice carried through the room as she stepped inside.
I gave her a smile. “Hey. I was going to call you down in a few minutes. Are you ready to go?”
She glanced at Church, who stared back at her with a hard look on his face.
“Yeah. Um, I was thinking I’d just ride with you if that’s OK. I don’t want to drive on my own.”
I raised my brows at her. “You don’t? You’ve been begging for weeks to drive one of the sleds.”
She looked to her feet, her voice soft. “I don’t really trust myself on one right now.”
I glanced quickly at Church, who got to his feet and approached her. He stopped in front of her and reached out. She stared up at him as he tilted her chin upward.
“Did you tell Sirena you were leaving for the evening?”
“No,” she whispered. “She was painting, and I didn’t want to disturb her.”
I watched as Church continued to stare down at her. He had me on edge.
“Sin returns home tomorrow,” he said.
“I-I know,” she answered, her bottom lip wobbling.
“Don’t fuck this up, Claws. If my girl has a single fucking tear fall from her eye, it’ll be your ass who pays. Got it?”
She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“Church, it’s not her fault,” I said softly, getting to my feet. I looked at Cady. “It’s not your fault what happened between you and Sin.”
She let out a soft sob and came to me. I stared at Church as she buried her face in my chest and clung to me.
Sighing, I gave her a hug and looked over her head to Church, glaring at us.
“It’s not her fault,” I repeated. “They did it to save Sirena. Not to hurt her.”
“You think I don’t fucking know that?” he snarled back. “I get that fucking part. What I don’t like is the goddamn aftermath and all these fucking tears for shit we can’t change.” He reached out and tugged her roughly away from me and gave her a shake. “Get your motherfucking shit together, Claws. No tears in my house from you. You had ample fucking time to cut ties with Adam, and you didn’t. You kept clinging to him like a bad memory. And now look. Do you see the shit we’re all dealing with now? This is on you. Take fucking responsibility for your bullshit so people don’t have to suffer because of the fallout. I don’t know what you have to do, but put that shit-eating grin back onto your face so my girl doesn’t suffer. Got it?” He shook her once more.
She blubbered for a moment before nodding her head.
“O-OK. F-For Rina.”
“Good,” he said gruffly, releasing her. “Now get the fuck out of my sight.”
She cast me a sad look before darting out of the room.
“You don’t have to be so mean,” I muttered.
“Fuck her. She’s caused a metric shit ton of problems already. I knew she’d be a fucking liability. Was I wrong?” He glared at me.
I sighed and shook my head. “She’s Sirena’s sister. Try to be a little more compassionate, OK? I know you don’t want to hurt Sirena, but hurting and intimidating Cady will hurt Sirena. Get what I’m saying?”
He grunted at me and looked back to the doorway Cady had run through before he tugged at his hair.
“Whatever. Just get her out of my damn house for the night and make sure nothing happens to her. I have enough shit to worry about. I don’t need more.”
And with those words, he stomped out of my room.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered into the empty room. “God, help us.”
I wasn’t someone who prayed often, but I think it was time I started.