36. Shadow
SHADOW
M irage came into the dorm room, looking like he was losing his mind. He slammed the door behind him and went straight for Sirena, who was working on a new painting. Her eyes widened as he swept her into his arms and cradled his face.
Her brows crinkled as she stared back at him.
“I’m not… I’m not OK,” Mirage whispered, his voice trembling.
“What’s wrong?” I got up from the bed where I’d been reading a book.
“Fucking Sully. Everett told him I work for him. Well, Sylar. But I just got here,” he choked out. “I’m always locked away. I want to be here. I’ll lose my fucking mind. I swear I’ll let it go and just fucking lose it.” He kissed Sirena fiercely on her forehead before releasing her and pacing the room wildly, his rabbit mask firmly in place.
“OK. Talk to us. What happened?” I demanded. I’d had a damn good day and didn’t want it ruined by Everett and that ass eater Sully.
Mirage exhaled and stopped pacing. He flopped down on the mattress and tugged at his hair.
“He wants to fuck me,” he finally murmured. “H-He touched me like my stepfather used to. I-I almost killed him. I almost let it all go and killed that motherfucker.”
Sirena moved and went to her knees in front of him. She rested her hands on his knees, anger and worry warring it out on her pretty face.
I watched her quickly sign to him.
He let out a soft chuckle and cradled her cheek again.
“Rinny, we will. I want to kill him, too. It’s the long game. It just upset me. I shouldn’t have ever come back here. I need to get my head straight. Need to think. I don’t want to fuck any of this up, but I don’t think I’m mentally where I need to be right now to do it. I-I’m going to go to the woods. I need to run. It’ll help.”
She frowned at that.
“We should tell Church and the guys,” I said. “They should know what he’s done to you.”
“It’s more than that. It’s why I need to get my head right before I tell them. Something is just… off. Everything feels so cloudy and fucked right now. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Why?” I asked.
“I’m going to stay in the cave tonight. I need to be alone with… myself. You don’t need to listen to me babbling at the air. Trust me. It’s better this way.”
I looked to Sirena, who still seemed worried, but she nodded and let Mirage pull her to her feet. He kissed her cheek lightly.
“Be good, OK? Shadow will take care of you. I’ll be nearby if you need me.” He pulled away and nodded his head at me to follow him. I did, and he closed the door behind us as we entered the hallway.
“What’s going on?” I demanded. “Tell me.”
“They want Sirena. That’s the plan. Sully said Everett wants to fuck Sirena and make a family with her. It’s to fuck with Dante. It’s so messed up. I’m sure there’s more. I’m supposed to do Sully’s bidding. I-I can’t do anything to hurt Sirena. I won’t.”
“I know you won’t, but the watchers need to know. This can’t be kept from them.”
“It won’t be. I need to make some arrangements and blow off some steam. I’ll be back in the morning. Take care of her. Carry on like nothing is wrong. We can tell the watchers what’s happening once my head is clear. In the meantime, keep doing what you’re doing with her.”
I scoffed. “I suck, man. I know the fucking moment we’re in bed together…” I sighed and shook my head.
“You’ll blow it?” Mirage asked.
“Man,” I groaned.
He let out a soft chuckle. It was nice to hear considering he was so damn tense right now, but hell, I was too now that I knew there was a method to Everett’s madness. Or at least an actual plan in play.
“I, uh, ate her out today with Church in the alley,” I mumbled.
“I know,” Mirage said.
I sighed. “Of course you did.”
“Just so you know, I only had a glimpse of it.” He tapped his head.
I was quiet for a moment.
“I-I want to do more with her. I’m fucking terrified of embarrassing myself again.” I swallowed hard at my confession.
“I have an idea.”
“What’s your idea?” I stared him down.
“We jerk off together. If you come before me, I get to put my carrot in your ass.”
“What the fuck, man?” I backed away from him and wrinkled my nose.
“See? You won’t want that, so I’m pretty sure it’ll work.” He shrugged.
“That’s your fucking solution? Jerk off together, and if I come first, you fuck me in the ass with your goddamn carrot?” I asked, incredulous at his fucked-up ideas.
He held his hands up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said anything about me fucking you in the ass with my carrot?”
“You just did, you fucking nutsac!”
He shook his head at me. “Listen. I said I’d put my carrot in your ass. I didn’t say I’d pull it out and shove it back in. Putting it in isn’t fucking. It’s when there’s at least a pullout and push back that it’s called fucking.”
“You’re unbelievable. Go to the fucking woods.”
“OK.” He cocked his head to the right. “I bet I win the first round.”
I gave him the finger and a scowl.
“If I come first, you can put the carrot in my ass. Does that help?”
“Why the fuck would that help? Why do we need to stick anything in anyone’s ass?”
He shrugged. “It’ll help. I don’t want a carrot in my ass. You don’t want one in yours. I can see how you’d do your best to prevent that. So think about it like this. If you fuck my Rinny and you blow it too soon, I’ll stick a carrot in your ass. I think my jerking off idea is stellar and a good practice run. Think about it. I have to go. My head feels gross.”
“It’s because you have carrots on the brain,” I muttered as he backed away.
“ Think about it . I’m serious. And take care of my Rinny. I’ll be pissed and really will fuck your ass with a carrot before I beat you to death with it if anything happens to her.”
I gave him a sour look before promising she was safe.
He bounded off, disappearing around the corner to the elevators. He was just as crazy as the fucking voices in his head.
Sighing. I returned to the dorm room to find Sirena sitting on the bed. I sat beside her and took her hand in mine.
“He’ll be OK,” I said. “He’s just going to go run through the woods for a bit before going to the sanctuary. He wants to clear his head.”
She gave me a sad smile but nodded.
I exhaled. “We can go hang out with Devon and everyone tonight. Take our minds off things. Plus, strength in numbers and all that.”
She seemed to be contemplating it before she gave me a nod. I kissed the tip of her nose, making her smile.
“Go change, cupcake. You won’t want to sit around in your uniform and play video games. Get something comfortable on.”
She squeezed my hand before she went to the closet and rummaged around. She seemed to have found what she wanted because she disappeared into the bathroom, the items in her hands, before closing the door behind her.
I quickly changed into jeans and a black button-down before sitting on the bed. Maybe Mirage was right about the jerking off thing. It could build a tolerance. Maybe. I just didn’t want a carrot in my ass. Fucking weirdo. But I was just as weird because here I was, considering it. I wanted to be the best for her when the time came. I knew I’d be competing with the watchers. They were experienced and clearly knew what they were doing with her. Watching Church fuck her today had nearly made me come before I’d even gotten my dick in my hand. The last damn thing I wanted was to make a fool of myself in front of them and her.
I was lucky they’d even let me in. If I couldn’t fuck her good enough, they’d probably boot my ass out.
I sighed and raked my fingers through my curls.
I’d take the night to think shit over. For now, I wanted to focus on the time I had with Sirena.
* * *
Drinking was forbidden on campus. So was drug use and fucking, but people did it all the time. Like tonight, I was on my fourth beer as we gamed in Devon’s room. I was owning my friends, and was unstoppable. I knew it was because Sirena was my good luck charm. She kept giving me bright, encouraging smiles from her spot on the floor. She stayed away from the action, which was fine. I knew she didn’t like to surround herself with a lot of it, but I was grateful she was willing to entertain hanging out in Devon’s dorm with all my friends.
There were a few girls here, which wasn’t new. Devon typically had girls over. Lucy sat off to the side, chatting with them.
“Fucking hell, Bryce!” Jack groaned and let his head fall back. “When the hell did you get so good?”
I chuckled at him and put my controller down.
It was break time.
I went over to Sirena and pulled her to her feet before taking up an empty chair and settling back in it. Typically, I’d overthink shit, but this time I pulled her down onto my lap. She smelled so damn good and looked even better. Having such a beautiful woman interested in me made me feel like a million dollars.
Her pretty pink dress made me desperate to touch her all over.
“Are you having a good time?” I asked, nuzzling into her neck and breathing her in. She relaxed against me. She didn’t answer, but she didn’t need to. I knew my cupcake.
My buzz made me feel good. She made me feel better.
“Hey, man.” Jack took up a seat across from us.
“Mm?” I pulled away from Sirena and stared back at him. Devon and Vic joined him and grabbed seats. The girls were still giggling in their group, and some other guys had joined them.
“It’s been too long,” Jack continued. “I’m glad you guys are back together.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling at Sirena. Her cheeks stained crimson as she ducked her head.
“Aren’t you scared of the watchers? Dante Church is a scary motherfucker. And don’t get me started on Malachi and Sinclair. Asher is the only one who doesn’t completely scare the shit out of me, but I’m pretty sure he’s just as crazy as they are,” Devon said.
“And Bryce is shacked up with fucking Seth Cain. Shit’s wild.” Vic gave a low whistle. “Aren’t you scared he’ll gut you in your sleep?”
“Nah. He’s a good guy. He’s a lot of fun,” I answered. “As for the watchers, they’re cool too.”
The guys looked at me like I’d sprouted another head. Sirena shifted on my lap and signed to me quickly.
She wanted to use the bathroom.
“OK. I’ll be right here,” I said. She smiled and got off my lap. I watched her disappear into Devon’s bathroom, the door clicking closed behind her.
“OK, fucking tell me you’re tapping that,” Jack said at once. “Because fuck, man.”
I scowled at him. “Don’t talk like that about her. It’s not about getting laid.”
“So you haven’t fucked her?” Vic pressed.
I sighed. “It’s not your business.”
“Is it because she was with the watchers and those dudes would embarass the shit out of you because they probably fuck like monsters?” Devon widened his eyes at me.
“Seriously, shut up,” I muttered, hating they hit a bit too close to home with their guessing.
“So fuck someone else and practice, man.” Jack took a large swallow of his beer. “Lucy! Come here.”
“Man, no,” I snapped at him as she got up and approached us.
“Let’s talk,” Jack continued, gesturing for her to sit.
Looking confused, she sat.
“What?” she asked.
“You and Bryce messed around, right?” Devon asked.
She glanced at me. “Uh, yeah. A little.”
“How was he? Did he suck?” Vic demanded.
“Um, no.” She looked at me again. “He’s-He’s really good, actually.”
“He got you off? How?” Jack sat forward.
“You’re such a pig,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.
“Come on. Help him out. You guys ended on good terms, right?” Vic asked.
“Actually, he just stopped talking to me.” She wrinkled her nose. “I-I think he left me for Sirena again.”
I rubbed my eyes.
“Dude, did you seriously break it off with Lucy for Sirena?” Jack blinked at me. “Lucy puts out.”
“You’re an ass,” Lucy muttered.
“I didn’t break it off with Lucy for Sirena. I just wasn’t in the right headspace for a big relationship,” I said. “Lucy, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
She shrugged and offered me a quick smile. “It’s fine. I get it. I do miss you, though.”
“Ooh, nice.” Devon rubbed his hands together. “Bryce could use some pussy. You think you can help him out?”
“Man—” I glared at him.
“Yeah. I mean, if you want.” She gave me a wide-eyed, innocent look. “I have my room to myself if you want to come over.”
“Thanks, Lucy, but I’m good,” I said awkwardly. “I have Sirena.”
“Well, if you change your mind…” she said before getting up. I followed her gaze to see Sirena coming back to us. “You know where to find me.”
I scoffed and shook my head. There was no way in hell I’d be looking, that was for damn sure.
“Dude, I can distract Sirena if you want to get laid. Practice up and shit,” Jack whispered in a rush. “You don’t want to look like a novice in the sack. Chicks remember that shit. Plus, your competition would fucking drown you. You don’t stand a chance against them.”
“He’s right. We won’t say shit about it to Sirena. Man, go,” Vic urged.
I said nothing as Sirena slid back onto my lap.
I was beyond irritated that anyone would suggest to me that I cheat on her. Of course, I hadn’t actually asked her to be my girlfriend. Maybe I should. Given everything that was happening, it was assumed we were together.
Sirena snuggled against me, but I didn’t touch her.
Devon gave me a knowing look before they all started teasing one another about sucking at games and life.
I caught Lucy’s eye from across the room, and she cocked her head at me.
I breathed out and closed my eyes, my head spinning from all the alcohol I’d had. Sirena kissed along my jaw as the room spun. The corner of my lips. Her hand ran along my abs, making goosebumps pop up along my skin.
“I drank too much,” I muttered.
She chuckled softly as her hand moved beneath my shirt. I loved the way her hand felt against my stomach.
“Bryce. Shots, man.” Devon thrust another drink into my hand.
“I’ve had enough,” I said, opening my eyes and staring at him.
“Come on. One shot.”
I sighed and slammed it back, knowing damn well he wouldn’t go away until I did.
He whooped as I grimaced.
I did two more shots within the hour, knowing I was going to get way too wasted if I kept it up.
I played another round of Mortal Kombat as Sirena stayed in the chair, watching me and silently cheering on my wins.
I glanced over to see she’d fallen asleep. A hand moved onto my thigh, and I looked over to see Lucy had moved beside me.
“Hey.” She gave me a tentative smile.
“Uh, no.” I moved her hand off me. “I’m with Sirena now.”
“Are you though?” She wrinkled her nose. “How? She doesn’t even talk.”
“She does,” I said. “She signs and speaks sometimes. Besides, I like being with her. I’m not about to ruin that.”
“She doesn’t have to know?—”
“I would know.” I got up, feeling uneasy. Lucy was never this girl. Granted, she was drunk too, but so was I, and I still knew right from wrong. And this was very wrong.
I went to Sirena.
“Cupcake,” I mumbled, shaking her gently. “Hey. Come on. Let’s go.”
She cracked her eyelids open and peered at me for a moment before she took my hand. I breathed out as she tucked herself against my body.
“You leaving?” Devon asked.
“Yeah. It’s late,” I said, avoiding Lucy’s gaze.
“It was great to have you hang out. Don’t be a stranger,” he said.
“I won’t.” I grabbed Sirena’s coat and slid it onto her body before pulling mine on. I waved goodbye to everyone and escorted her out to the hall. I didn’t say anything to her until we left Devon’s building and were back in ours.
She seemed on edge and kept twisting her fingers together. I hadn’t even touched her on the walk back.
I felt like shit. Not because of the alcohol, but because I knew I wasn’t good enough for her. Everyone was right. I couldn’t compete with the watchers. I was going to look like a complete idiot with Sirena. I’d already blown it twice. Fuck.
We made it into the room and took our coats off. She went into the bathroom and changed into a little black nightie that barely hit her thighs. I forced back a groan of want when she returned to the bed. I sat on the edge, and she stopped in front of me.
“What’s wrong?” She signed to me.
I stared at her momentarily before resting my hands on her hips.
“Did I do something wrong?” She continued to sign. “I can stay home next time. I don’t want to ruin your night out with friends?—”
I grabbed her hands and stopped her from signing.
“It’s not you, cupcake,” I said gently. “It’s me. I realized I don’t know shit about how-how to get through this.”
She blinked at me, confused.
“I can’t compete with Church and the guys,” I mumbled. “I’ve never had sex before. You saw how I-I came so fast. And I keep doing that. I’ve embarrassed myself twice with you, and I’m terrified the third time will make you realize how much I suck and how inexperienced I am.” I kissed her knuckles before continuing. “Lucy, she…she sort of asked me back to her room tonight. Sure thing and all that. The guys told me to go get some practice.” I looked up at her. “I’d never do that to you, Sirena. I just… I don’t want to be a disappointment.”
I released her hands and looked at the floor.
I didn’t know how she’d react to all that. Being with Lucy had never been an option tonight. I only wanted Sirena, but fuck, I guess I sort of knew how Sin felt with his self-loathing and all that.
Sirena went to her knees in front of me and tilted my face up. I locked eyes with hers for a moment before she leaned in and kissed me gently.
God, what she could do to me.
My dick hardened as she deepened the kiss. Her fingers moved to my shirt, which she unbuttoned and pushed it off my shoulders. I swallowed hard as she broke the kiss off and unbuttoned my pants.
“Sirena—”
She pressed her finger to my lips to silence me before she went back to removing my pants.
My body trembled at the thought of her soon seeing all of me. She tugged my pants off before hooking her fingers in my boxers.
“Sirena, cupcake, wait,” I said thickly, wrapping my hand around her wrist.
She stared up at me, looking so breathtaking that it took me a moment to collect my thoughts.
“I-I never asked you to be my girlfriend,” I whispered. “Will you? Be my girl?”
She leaned forward and kissed me gently. Her lips brushed against mine as she uttered words that made my heart flutter.
“I’ve always been your girl, Shadow.”
I closed my eyes as she went back to my boxers. I let her pull them off me, my cock springing free.
I held my breath, not opening my eyes for a long beat before I finally couldn’t stand the silence and cracked an eyelid to see her staring at my equipment. I fucking hoped I was able to compete with the watchers in that department. I’d heard rumors about how fucking hung the pricks were. I’d witnessed what Dante was sporting and knew I’d have my work cut out for me.
I swallowed hard as she reached out and wrapped her hand around my dick. I hissed out a trembling breath as she slowly jerked me.
“Fuck,” I rasped, trying to get my wits about me. “S-Sirena…I-I won’t last. Please…”
She said nothing. Instead, she stared up at me and gave me a coy smile before shifting forward. I groaned softly as she ran her tongue up my shaft.
I’d never in my life had an issue with coming too soon, but she had a way of making me want to explode.
“Y-You’re the only one,” I choked out as she did it again, “who has ever m-made me struggle this way.”
She paused what she was doing and gave me that sweet, innocent look that had me breathing faster.
Then that was it.
She moved forward and sucked my cock deep into her mouth.
The groan I let out was probably heard in the dorms across campus.
I lost it. Sanity completely left my mind as I tangled my fingers in her long black waves and moved her along my dick how I liked.
And she took it all, my cock hitting the back of her throat without an ounce of protest from her. Any girl I’d ever done this with before would gag and complain. I’d relent and take the mediocre head because mediocre head was better than no head.
Not my cupcake, though.
She sucked me perfectly.
“Fuck,” I moaned, jutting my hips upward, my restraint fraying. I was always a gentleman. Always the nice guy.
With her, I just wanted to be a monster.
Her monster.
I wasn’t going to last. I did everything within my power to hold out, short of punching myself in the face, but it was no use.
I came with a low groan, definitely within a timeframe to be made fun of, forcing her deep onto my pulsing cock. Her nails dug into my thighs as I unloaded deep in her throat. I had my fingers threaded so tightly in her hair, I knew I had to be hurting her.
I loosened my hold as I came down, my body trembling and my breathing uneven.
Oh god, if she swallows me, I’m done for…
She moved off my dick and swallowed.
“Fuck, cupcake,” I said thickly, my heart pounding. “Baby…”
She stared up at me with her big, colorful eyes. I let out a shaky breath and cradled her cheek.
“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to.” Worry flooded my veins. Fucking idiot. I was too rough. Too fast. Too fucking me.
The way she looked at me… I memorized everything about the moment, embedding it deeply into my mind: her soft, parted lips, the way her eyes glimmered, how her hands trembled, and the strap on her nightie falling off her creamy shoulder.
She met me halfway and pressed her lips to mine. I dragged her onto my lap, letting her straddle me as I gripped her pert little ass.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I rasped out between fevered kisses, “but fuck, cupcake, I want to do some fucked-up shit to you.”
She ground her lace-clad pussy against my bare cock, making me breathe harder.
“I-I don’t want to come again,” I managed to choke out. “Fuck, you make me insane.”
She continued to rock against me. I needed to be in control, or this would end faster than the first time she ever touched me intimately.
She let out a gasp as I rolled her onto the bed and situated myself between her legs. I didn’t stop. All I knew was that I needed to feel her against my body. I tugged her panties down her thighs, and she kicked them the rest of the way off.
I leveled myself over her and crushed my lips to hers. Her tongue tangled with mine as I ground my cock against her bare pussy.
I loved the way she gasped into my mouth.
The way her fingernails dug into my back.
How she jutted her hips up to meet me.
I had to get her off before she got me off again. I wasn’t sure I’d make it, but I was damn willing to try.
As much as I wanted to bury myself inside her, I couldn’t. I wanted it to be better than me drunk-fucking her. And I sure as hell didn’t want to come in the first five minutes.
Mirage’s suggestion flashed through my head.
Maybe he was onto something…
I shoved it away and focused on her beneath me.
I kissed along her jaw. Down her neck, my fingers pushed the strap of her nightgown off so I could see her breasts.
Large, soft mounds. Perfect, pebbled nipples.
So fucking beautiful.
I kissed along the soft mounds, cradling them like they were the holy grail of tits before I sucked a bud into my mouth. She arched against me, her fingers in my hair.
God, she was going to fucking unravel me.
Again.
Focus. Her. Get her off. Fuck…
I steadied my breathing and went back to kissing her soft lips, my dick threatening her pussy.
I slid along her wet folds, willing my cock to not explode and make a damn mess all over her before she got hers. I wasn’t going to fuck her tonight, but I sure as hell was going to dry hump her like a horny teenager.
Her breathing picked up, so I rocked against her faster, urging her on, my hand gripping her hip tightly.
“Come for me, cupcake,” I husked out. “Fuck, baby. I want to hear you come for me.”
Her eyes widened, and her breathing increased. She dug her nails deeper into my back, making me groan softly.
And then there it was.
Her soft cry as she came for me.
She was a squirter. My first. My only.
I was in fucking love.
She writhed beneath me, her release dampening everything.
I moved faster as she shook, loving that I was making her body react the way it did.
Something feral and primal took over inside of me.
I pulled away from her and grabbed my cock and jerked my release onto her pussy like a fucking dirty monster.
I let my head fall back as my come splattered onto her, my entire body feeling like I was on fire and alive for the first time in my life.
If this lit the flame in my world, I couldn’t imagine what actually fucking her would be like.
I stared down at the mess I had made, feeling bad about using her like that.
“Sorry,” I said breathlessly. I winced at how dirty I made her. “I’ll get something to clean you with?—”
She grabbed my hand to stop me from moving and stared up at me for a moment before pulling me down to her. Gently, she kissed me before whispering against my lips in a voice that made goosebumps erupt along my skin and butterflies bang around hard inside my guts.
“When you make a mess, you clean it.” She nipped my bottom lip before pushing me down her body.
And fuck me, I went willingly, knowing what she wanted me to do.
So I did it, lapping up the mess I’d made and eating her until she was coming in my mouth, her fingers twisted painfully in my hair as she drove her pussy against my tongue.
Because what was having a meal without having something to wash it down with?
Yeah, I was fucked-up, but she liked it.
And truth be told…
So did I.