Chapter 13
Fawnie
This time, there’s nothing hesitant about the pressure of the kiss. His hand tightens around my waist, drawing me in tightly against him.
I whimper, tracing his lower lip with my tongue and then the other.
I lick that smudge of icing away from the corner of his mouth.
All of him tastes like rich dark chocolate.
He groans when my tongue slips inside his mouth, stroking his.
His hand glides into my hair, fingers tugging and burying, tangling in the strands.
I rest one trembling hand against the back of his head, over his buzzed hair, while the other falls to rest lightly on his shoulder.
He backs me up a step, driving me against the wall. I take him with me, opening myself up to offer him the protection that he should have had all his life and has never properly found.
I finally get why all those people in all those stories do half the dumb shit they do.
Why they burn the world, fuck all the consequences, why they deny their upbringing, forsake their birthright, cause wars and bring down empires.
I’d do all of it and more if I could bring this man even a moment of true happiness.
The full length of his body crushes against me.
I press back even though I’m trapped, spreading my legs around his, welcoming him.
His hard cock, trapped in his jeans, digs into my belly.
My body floods with heat, with want, with a desire so feral that I can’t think of anything else except how good it would feel to have him on top of me, pressing inside of me, filling me with his thickness.
I angle my face, rocking my hips against him.
He’s so much taller than me that it’s impossible for me to get any friction where I need it most. The frustration rises, the heat surging to my brain and down to my toes, all of it gathering back at my center.
Butterflies explode in my belly, followed by a spark shower that detonates an explosion of lust. It all pools between my legs.
My hands turn into claws, but I leave them that way, bracketing his shoulder and the back of his neck, not digging in.
The kiss becomes a torturous thing, with me biting and nipping his lips, and his wild response in kind.
His tongue strokes mine, withdrawing, filling me again, fucking my mouth.
All I can do is rock between him and the wall, grind against his hard thigh, and kiss him back until I could explode from all the blood rushing straight between my legs.
The pounding is so strong that it might as well be a second heartbeat, the only one keeping me alive.
He tears his mouth from mine, gulping down air, his massive chest expanding, rising and falling beneath my hand. He’s struggling, fighting himself and the demons in his head. I don’t want him to do it alone.
“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, then louder and more despairing. “Fuck.”
“Shadow,” I choke, my throat raw with emotion. I want to tell him it’s okay, but I know it’s not.
I guide his face to mine instead, meaning to give him some words of comfort. His hand slams into the wall right beside my shoulder. He curls his hand into a fist, but flattens it almost immediately.
His head stays bowed for a moment while his shoulders heave.
When he raises it, I don’t have time to find his eyes or offer him platitudes.
His mouth claims mine, kissing the unspoken words right from me.
I feed him them silently from my tongue, giving him my breath, my hope, all the goodness I have in me because of him.
Because he gave me this moment and every other I’ve had since I was sixteen.
“I want to hold onto you,” I say between kissing him.
“Do it.” His hand leaves the wall and my shoulder. Both wrap around my waist. He hoists me up, driving me into the wall as my legs wrap around his wet hips.
“I’m hurting you,” I protest.
“Don’t care.” He bruises my lips with a kiss, but then at last, gives me something. “I hurt myself every day just by living. This is good pain. I want it. Do it.”
I grasp his shoulders with both hands and tighten my legs around his waist, digging my heels into his ass.
A hiss of breath escapes him, and I swear, I’ve never been so sorry for anything in my life than for causing him to hurt, but in the next instant, his mouth is on mine again, devouring me greedily and roughly.
He’s all lips, tongue, and teeth. Furious panting and the hard muscles of his body straining against me.
I let him spend his passion like furious waves against the shore.
His cock behind the fly of his jeans is now nestled right against my clit, and every single movement sends fissures of pleasure screaming through me.
I kiss him back, half messy, half desperate, wholly imperfect, but he doesn’t care. The pleasure of feeling his muscles bunched beneath my hands, his passion barely restrained, his huge, powerful body wrapped all around mine, his cock throbbing right against me, nearly makes me black out.
He eats at my mouth desperately, lapping at me like he’s trying to crawl under my skin, and fuck me, I want to let him.
Inside of me. Around me. Consuming me. He’s my ghost and my savior, my hero and my protector, my dream and above all, if he’s just human, then he’s my human.
I’ve never wanted to belong to someone so badly in my life.
His hand slips behind my head to protect me from hitting the wall too hard as he drives me back with the forceful kiss.
I arch against him, wriggling my hips, the seams of our clothing biting in between us. I’m not wearing a bra under my tank top. My nipples are beaded so hard that when I ram my chest against his, whimpering at the fissures of agony fueled pleasure that arrow straight between my legs.
When he sucks my tongue into his mouth, over and over again, I’m lost.
I imagine him feasting between my legs, getting me ready to take his cock, then splitting me open on it.
I want him inside of me so badly that I’m going to die from it.
I want to kiss his cock like I’m kissing his mouth.
I’d love to be on my knees for him, naked, his hand rough in my hair while he drives into me.
I’d love it so much that I know I’d make a mess all over his leg as I ground down against him, trying to get off while I take him down my throat.
I’m soaked now. From his wet clothing, but also from how badly I need him. Is his cock weeping in his jeans?
I free my hands for a moment, but it’s enough for me to wrestle my t-shirt up. He breaks the kiss in shock, his eyes blown out, his lips parted and swollen. I jerk the fabric over my head and toss the shirt to the ground.
I’m so overheated with desire. His skin is now anything but cold.
“Fuck.” Shadow’s guttural curse echoes through the small apartment.
He bows his head, sucking at my throat before kissing and scraping, biting his way down to my nipple. He claims it in his mouth, using his teeth and his tongue. It’s more pain than pleasure, but that’s exactly why my back arches against the wall, thrusting the bud further into his mouth.
My hands scrape over his hair, while my hips buck into him.
All I can do is whimper against the onslaught of pleasure that his teeth and his tongue create.
It’s not just my breast. He kisses me all over, alternating between my collarbones, the base of my throat, my jugular, my earlobe, my shoulder blade, and my hammering pulse point.
His hand finally drops between us, tracing my thigh, edging up and up, closer to where I need him before I lose my ever loving mind.
It’s me who twists enough that I break his hold.
He lowers me to the ground, uncertainty already tracking across his beautiful face.
It breaks my heart that he thinks I’m going to let go.
I’m not letting go. I’m not leaving him.
I just want to tear my leggings down and kick them off.
I want to bare myself completely to him. Give him everything.
A hiss of air escapes him. I surge against him, kissing him, taking his bottom lip between my teeth and tugging on it until he’s forced to pin me against the wall again.
I guide his hand between my legs when he hesitates.
I know he’s afraid of hurting me or doing something that I don’t fully want to do.
But I do want this. An infinite amount of times more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
His hand is scalding against my soaked, swollen center. He parts my slit, exploring me before his fingers trail up to my clit. My back bows at the jolt of pleasure. I grasp the back of his neck and tug him into me.
I don’t realize just how much I’ve pulled him off balance until I start sliding down the wall and he isn’t able to catch me. He stops me from hitting the floor, but my legs end up taking his out and we land in a tangle together.
His hands immediately hover around my face, his scrunched in an expression of pure horror. “Shit, Fawnie. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
I laugh and lean forward, shoving him down and rolling with him so that I end up straddling his muscular hips. I don’t lower myself all the way down, not yet. I need to wait another moment before I kill us both.
“Did I hurt you?”
With a growl, he wraps his arms around me and peels himself off the floor.
I automatically hold tight, my legs curling around his waist, my arms gathering at his neck for support.
He digs his hands into my ass, his strength a feat that I’m not going to forget anytime soon.
He walks me straight out of the living room, past the small kitchen, and into the bedroom.
My heart twists even as my stomach bottoms out. This isn’t about fixing him. It’s about treasuring him exactly as he is and helping him see that he should do the same.
“Shadow, I—”
He kisses me firmly, devouring my mouth until he reaches the bed. He sets me down, guiding me around so that I’m on my stomach.