Chapter 19
Fawnie
Despite Shadow’s tough guy, asshole front, I know that underneath he’s unsure. He’s going through a rough time. His brain probably hasn’t shut off once in the past few weeks. He has a right to be upset, sad, or as grouchy as he pleases. I know it’s also just him, clinging to his last defenses.
I could see the walls coming down long before I ever opened the buttons of his shirt and stuck my hand over his heart. Feeling that steady, fast beat under my palm was the highlight of my whole life.
There’s what he says. And what he’ll do.
I already know he’s not just going to rail me. I was just bugging him because he needs someone to do battle with. I can be strong enough to spar with him. I’m far more than strong enough to fight for him every minute of every single day.
I felt the energy shift as soon as I bent over this desk.
I can’t see his face, but I can see all of him.
I can see him in the way he touches me, running his fingers over my ass before trailing down, skimming over to my inner thigh.
He’s so gentle as he glides his calloused fingertips over my sensitive skin.
There’s nothing theatrical about how I arch my back and thrust my hips right into his hand. He palms my ass with one, giving the cheek a smack that stings a little, but not much.
I know that he’ll do everything he can to make this good for me. He might not believe in himself or even trust himself, but I trust him. I have faith in him.
He teases the crease of my leg along my inner thigh before he does more than that.
His fingers blaze a hot path straight to my slit.
He glides them through the wetness, smearing my arousal over my entrance.
This isn’t about going for broke. It’s about feeling everything possible, so he doesn’t push them inside.
He cups my pussy with his whole hand, covering me with the back of his palm and grazing his fingers over my clit whisper light.
I still shiver and arch, writhing against him, trying to get more friction. I’m already cheating at this game, if we’re playing one.
The edging game. The waiting as long as we can to come game.
He has an unfair advantage, given that I’ve been plugged for a freaking hour, all while thinking about him and anticipating how deliciously filthy this might be.
I have no idea.
Not until he leaves my clit, coats his fingers in my arousal all over again, and taps the plug in my asshole.
Fissures of pleasure rocket through me. I grab onto the edge of the desk, cursing under my breath. “Holy shit!”
“Holy shit? Is that the best we can do?”
“What do you want me to say?” I grind out.
He taps the plug again, sending another hot wave of pleasure through me. Every single movement I made did this to me in the car on the way over, but this, having Shadow look at me, touch me… it’s a thousand times hotter and every touch feels so much more sensitive.
“Ahhhh, Jesus, god!” If he wanted blasphemy, that’s what he’s going to get.
He’s only just starting the torture. I figure that out pretty quickly, when he drops to his knees behind me and spreads my ass apart. Not clinically. Efficiently, though. He parts up my cheeks so he can see the whole plug.
“Purple,” he muses. “I thought so.” He gives me no further warning of a lead up before he surges forward and runs his tongue around the rim of my asshole. If I hadn’t already been lying across his desk, I think my knees would have buckled at the sensation.
I flatten myself on the desk, pressing my chest and face into it as hard as I can, just so my hips and ass have nowhere to go but in the air.
They drive right back into his face. He keeps control of them, pulling back then diving right back in, licking around the plug.
His tongue is warm. Glorious. I swear that I’m nothing but a straight ball of pleasure already.
My legs are trembling. My feet are vibrating.
My hands are practically numb. My nipples are shards of glass with only this sweater and a light tank top keeping them from being ground to dust by the desk’s hard surface.
I press in a little harder, craving that sharp bite of pain that I’m giving myself while Finn’s tongue gives me nothing but wet, hot bliss.
In the midst of it, he taps the plug. Just one sharp little movement of his fingers, and I nearly slip right off the desk into a melted puddle of goo.
“Are you gonna come?” he taunts. “I think you’re close.”
“I’m not close,” I lie.
He twists the plug. Slowly, but still. Gives it a damn full rotation that nearly makes me black out. “How about now?”
“No.” My teeth are locked together so tightly that I can barely even understand the word. I’m panting. Beads of sweat break out on my forehead. My whole body is overheated.
He palms my cheeks again and drags his tongue all the way up my crack before he rims me. This time, he works the plug, twisting it while he licks my sensitive skin.
“Fuck,” I pant. “Oh my fucking god.”
“I’m not sure if that sounds entirely positive.”
He spits on his hand noisily, then brings it between my legs.
I jolt forward, ramming my hip bones straight into the edge of the desk.
I curse as pain radiates through me, but even that feels more like twisted pleasure.
The plug heightens every single sensation.
Including Shadow’s fingers heading straight for my clit.
“I’ll be careful,” he promises. “No swapping holes.”
“Thank you,” I breathe, fully meaning it. I was nervous about that earlier. What sounds like a turn on in your mind, in reality might be less so. The fact that Shadow gets it and cares about my comfort during and after this, melts me.
“I mean, careful about bacteria. Not about making you come so hard that you forget your own name.” He twists the plug a little bit harder, licks me, and pinches my clit.
“Fuck me!” I shoot back against his hands, finding only electricity there, and rock forward into the desk, trying to escape the overwhelming sensation while trying to chase more of it at the same time.
“Okay,” Shadow drawls. “How would you like it?”
He grasps the plug and starts sliding it out of my ass. It already feels like sheer relief, having all that ratcheted up sensation toned down. He waits until it’s almost all the way out before he thrusts it back in, filling me all the way up again.
I make a noise that’s not entirely human. “Oh- my… holy… I- I- need…”
He leans forward, still caressing my clit with his one hand, playing with the plug with the other, giving me shallow little thrusts. His breath tickles my ear. I arch into him, so that his lips tease the shell. “What do you need?”
“I need you. I want… you.”
He lazily thrusts the plug in and out a few times and circles my clit to the same rhythm, driving me so mad that if he wasn’t pinning me to the desk, I’d slide right off and land on the floor.
“When would you like me?”
“I- uh- now?”
He keeps working the plug and my clit. “How would you like me?”
“What is this? The five fucking w’s?”
He chuckles, quite pleased with himself for driving me to such a loss of control that he can hear it in my snappy tone. “Nope. I just want to know. I want you to tell me if I’m doing this right.”
“You know you’re doing it right.” Arrogant bastard.
“Maybe I should speed up with this.” He works the plug a little quicker, sharp little thrusts. It’s not big and it doesn’t go very deep, but fuck. I don’t do anal play and so even the small little toy is more than enough to get me going.
I’m already going.
Nearly gone.
He circles my clit with renewed fervor. “Or this?”
“Shadow!” I grunt.
“So I’m Shadow when I’m bad, Finn when you’re feeling tender?”
“Shadow, Finn, or whoever, if you don’t stop that, I’m going to come, and you’re going to ruin all the fun.”
“How would it be ruined?” He drops a kiss to the back of my neck while doing things to my asshole and clit that should be illegal.
“I think watching you shatter would be great. And it’s not like I can’t give you more orgasms. You’ll come just from kissing me, tasting the spice of yourself on my tongue.
” he inserts the plug all the way and leaves it there, tapping on it lightly with a maddening rhythm.
“I think that we should leave this in while I fuck you. I might be able to feel it while I’m inside of you. You definitely will.”
“Not yet,” I beg, whimpering. Fine. If he wants me reduced to ash, he can have it. “I want to come with you- with- with you inside me.”
“I could arrange that right now.”
“Not from behind. Face to face. Skin to skin.” He freezes up in an instant.
It’s not what I wanted. I know how hard intimacy is for him, and we haven’t been naked together, not even partially.
I know how hard all this is for him and I didn’t mean to ruin anything.
“If not, it’s okay. Truly. Torture me any way you see fit. I promise I’ll take it.”
Unexpectedly, his arms wrap around my waist, and he lowers his face down, pressing his cheek to my shoulder blades.
“I don’t know that I’ll last very long,” he admits, voice raw with rare vulnerability. “You have no idea how gorgeous you are from this angle or what a show you’re putting on.”
My heart thrums wildly. “I don’t care if you last. I’d just like you inside me.”
He tenses again. The room is so quiet. Painfully so, except for our ragged breaths. He leans in again just when I think he’s going to unfurl himself from me and put physical distance between us. Whatever battle he’s fighting, he wins it. He stays.
He kisses the back of my neck, his gold cross tickling my spine. His hard abs press against my lower back, the bulge in his jeans planted firmly against my ass. It’s all I can do not to drive myself back against him.