Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
It was time to get the hell out of here. If he was already telling people about me, those men would find me easily. Leaving the towel on the floor, I gathered my wet clothes and moved toward the front door, my feet pounding on the hardwood. Then I came to an abrupt stop.
Dammit. I wasn’t wearing shoes.
Should I leave without grabbing my soaked tennis shoes or take the extra time and grab them?
The longer I spent contemplating my options, the more likely he'd catch me before I escaped. A quick decision needed to be made.
Being barefoot would garner more attention, so taking the time to get them was the best option.
Making a mad dash back to Killian's sister's room, I tried to focus on one task at a time. Dad always said, If you get too many steps ahead, you make mistakes on the most pressing ones . I could almost hear his voice.
Almost.
And my heart somehow fractured a little more.
Focus, Sterlyn, I chastised myself as I slipped the shoes on. Water gushed around my toes, making me pause.
The back door opened, and Killian stepped inside.
There went my plan of sneaking out. Nonetheless, that didn't change my need to leave. I'd already been leery of staying here, and knowing I couldn't trust him made the decision to go so much easier. I hated that my instincts had been wrong, but I'd deal with that later.
Evolve and learn from your mistakes.
His footsteps echoed toward the room. "You're not changed yet?" Killian chuckled. "I figured you'd be out here, pacing the floor."
Dread pooled in my stomach. I’d had way too many confrontations today, but I might as well add another one. Putting it off would only make things worse.
I held the clothes harder against me, and more liquid absorbed into the dark shirt I'd put on. Apparently, there hadn't been a point in me changing after all.
"Uh..." He paused. "Dove?"
Dove? Maybe he hadn't been talking to me all along. Was someone else here? I sniffed, but all I smelled was him.
He knocked. "Are Olive’s clothes not working?"
"Yeah, they're fine." I pushed my cowardice away and opened the door.
His eyebrows shot upward, and he smirked. "The point of changing was to get dry." He gestured to the wet clothes against my chest.
"And the point of asking you to not tell someone about me was for you not to call someone at the first opportunity and spill my secrets." My voice rose as my anger bled through. I shoved past him, marching toward the front door.
"Hey, wait," he said as he followed me and gently grabbed my arm. "It's not what you think."
"Oh, so the whole ‘there's a girl I want to tell you about’ wasn't actually about me?" I lifted my chin, daring him to deny it.
"Give me a chance to explain." He raised a hand and gave me puppy dog eyes.
And the more insane part was that it worked. My resolve crumbled. "You've got one minute."
"You know how you were talking about how you didn't feel right staying here?" He jumped right to the point.
"Yes." This had to be some sort of trap, and I was walking right into it.
His dark eyes turned milk chocolate. "What if you staying here helps me too?"
"How so?" I hated to admit that I was intrigued.
He rubbed his hands together. "Date me."
I jerked back. “What ? " I had to have heard him wrong.
"Date." He touched his chest. "Me."
"You seem great." He had lost his mind. Maybe when I’d punched him, I’d caused a brain injury. "But my family and entire pack were slaughtered this morning, and I'm kind of running for my life. Dating isn't high on the priority list." I edged toward the door. I didn't want to startle him. I’d heard fast movements could aggravate insanity.
"There won’t be strings attached, only exclusivity." He motioned between us. "You need a place to live, and I need the pressure to date someone to go away. It's a win-win."
"You don't want to date someone, but you asked me to date you?" My head spun, and I was pretty sure it wasn't from almost drowning.
"I can understand why you'd be inching toward the door." He shook his head. "But it isn't as insane as it sounds. Like I said, we would date and be exclusive, but we’ll be friends dating without the romantic pressure. There’s this girl eyeing my best friend, and she's pushing her best friend at me. I'm not interested, but I can't get Luna to leave me alone."
Wow, so much information at one time, but I had nowhere else to go. "So, you want to date me for real, but we’re just friends. Nothing would be actually expected from me... in any capacity—physically or otherwise."
"Exactly." He blew out a breath. "I mean, you're gorgeous, and you’re strong and direct, which reminds me of Olive. My sister. It’s kind of nice being around you. It doesn’t seem quite like she’s gone."
Some of the discomfort fell from my chest, and surprisingly, his words didn't hurt my feelings. He was handsome, but I wasn't into him that way either. "If I agree, what does that have to do with the conversation with whomever it was earlier?" If he thought his weird proposal would distract me from that… it wouldn't.
"Well, this is where it gets awkward." He tugged at an ear. "I did tell Griffin—that’s my best friend—about you, in the sense that I said I couldn't go out with that girl tonight because I was with you."
"You assumed I'd say yes?" My emotions were bouncing all over the place; I couldn't settle on one. I was equally horrified, angered, and flattered. It was a trifecta of conflict.
"Actually, it kind of came out, and I'm hoping you’ll say yes, or I'm kinda screwed." He gestured to the house. "But this place is big enough for both of us. You can stay in Olive's room. Make it your own, and I'll stay in mine."
"This is a little crazy." And the funny thing was that I was downplaying it by calling it crazy. "I have nothing to my name—"
"Which makes this even more of a good plan." He took my clothes out of my hand. "I’m the alpha of Shadow Ridge, and I’ve got connections. I can help you get a fake ID and get you a job at the Shadow Ridge University coffee shop. You would have a secret identity with money and a place to live."
He was so young to have such a leadership role, but sometimes fate forced our hand. His help sounded a little too good to be true. “If you’re alpha, that means others will be around a lot. I’m trying to blend in.” Unless…maybe his pack being around would help with that. "Besides, why don't you tell that girl that you aren't interested? It would be a hell of a lot easier than doing all this other stuff."
"Don’t worry about the pack. Honestly, I kind of stay out of their way. Even though I’m technically the alpha, I’m taking a hiatus, and my dad’s beta is filling in. They’re giving me space to go to college and grieve for my family, so you’ll be more off the radar here than anywhere else.” Sadness crept into his voice. “In regards to the girl, I've tried." He blew out a breath. "The problem isn’t even her—it’s her best friend, who keeps pushing for us to go out. The best friend is close with Griffin because her dad works with him. Griffin doesn't see that she’s trying to force his hand to settle down. So, me having a girlfriend will make things easier with a lot less drama than continually refusing them."
He had no clue how girls worked. This would cause even more drama. Girls like that didn't back down without a fight. But a fake ID would be an amazing thing to have, and maybe his messed-up life could distract me from mine. “And I’d get to keep the fake ID?” With that, I could get a plane ticket or whatever else I might need when verifying my identity would be involved.
“Yup,” he said and beamed as if he knew he had me. “I know we’re being secretive, so I haven’t even bothered asking your name. But is there a name you want on the ID?”
“Uh…” I chewed on my lip. I had so much on my mind; I didn’t have the capacity to add anything else to it. “Surprise me?” I squeaked.
“Can do.” He scratched his neck. “Any other information I should know?”
“Nope.” I got that he was curious, but I’d told him enough for one day. “I’m facted out for now.”
“Then let me make it official.” He got down on one knee and lifted a hand. “Will you please do the honor of being my girlfriend?”
Somehow, he didn’t look completely ridiculous. "Yes, I will, but why me? You're attractive. I'm sure you could find someone to date without bribing me."
“I'll be real. Like I said, I lost my entire family too. I know what it feels like, and maybe by helping you, I’ll find some peace. Because I still can't look in the mirror." His eyes glistened, and he turned toward the living room and sniffled.
Absolution was what he was after. If I hadn't been leaning toward saying yes by this point, that would've changed my mind.
He pretended to scratch his nose when he was wiping under his eye before facing me again. "Our group is pretty steady. Not a lot of new faces, so me having a girlfriend will be more believable with a newbie in town. Especially since I sort of slept with most everyone here already."
Of course he had. "Wow. It's a good thing that sex is off the table." I wanted to make him smile again. "No telling what kind of STDs I could've gotten otherwise."
"Ha. Ha." He glowered. "We can't catch STDs."
"So…you've tried?" I bantered back, feeling oddly at ease.
"I believe in trying anything fun." He winked as he headed back toward the kitchen. "Now, go change again. I need to take a picture of you to send to my buddy for your new ID, and then I’ll start some hamburgers. We need to get you fed."
An alarm blared, startling me from sleep. My eyelids were so heavy I almost had to pry them open with my fingers. I’d slept hard, but not well, the entire night.
Dreams had haunted me.
I'd lost count of the number of times I’d killed the guy behind my house. Each time, the pain felt fresh. Being a protector, I’d grown up knowing that the chance of killing someone was always there. But doing it was different than what I'd expected.
When I wasn't dreaming of killing, the images of my slaughtered pack were there.
So much blood.
So much hate.
Everyone I loved was gone. Almost like they’d never existed.
And the scariest part was someone was hunting me, and the only clue I had as to why was when Goatee had mentioned breeding with me. The thought of being forced to birth more silver wolves petrified me.
The memory of my dad bleeding out while commanding me to leave ended each cycle. Every time, that was the final blow. The last straw that had me falling apart.
Without them, I didn't know who I was anymore.
A rogue wolf with no one to turn to. Where my pack links had been was now cold. Completely cold. No-survivors cold. If I didn’t connect again soon, insanity would start creeping in, and from what I’d heard, it might be only weeks before the madness took over. I had to find a pack fast…but that would mean letting someone in on my secret.
That wasn’t possible. At least, not now.
The realization was the final piercing of my already unstable heart.
I didn't have time for this. Life moved on. The world still turned. And my heart still beat even if it felt like it shouldn't.
Somehow finding the strength within, I reached over and turned off the alarm. Even though my eyes stayed heavy, I forced myself out of the comfortable bed. I wasn't ready to face those dreams again.
I made the bed, trying to keep the negative thoughts at bay. Doing a routine task was comforting. I smoothed the bedspread into place before turning to the closet, trying to determine what to wear for an interview at a coffee shop.
Surprisingly, last night wasn't horrible. Killian had known what to do to help me process things. He hadn't asked about my family or pack but instead told me stories about his own, including their tragic deaths.
With tear-filled eyes, he recapped the entire nightmare. He was supposed to go with his parents, sister, and a few other shifters to a nearby lake to look into some strange occurrences that had happened there, but it was the same timing as some sort of senior high school party. He’d bailed on them last minute to attend the party instead, and everyone who’d gone had been jumped and killed. As soon as their pack heard through their links that they were in danger, people had rushed to help them. But they’d been far away enough that no one reached them in time.
There had been no survivors.
Similar to my own story.
He blamed himself. If he’d gone with them, maybe things would’ve been different. Because of that failure, he wasn’t mentally ready to lead the Shadow Ridge pack like his father, Orion. He only attended meetings and made decisions when absolutely necessary, and he trusted his beta, Billy, to take care of the day-to-day pack matters. He kept himself somewhat isolated from the pack because he felt like he’d failed them already.
Part of me wanted to comfort him, but how could I when I felt the same way? If anything, I understood exactly where he was coming from.
When I’d stayed quiet, he’d popped popcorn and turned on a comedy featuring pure relationship angst. No killing, no family triggers, nothing but a girl and a boy finding their way to each other.
Pursing my lips, I flipped through the closet. His sister had drastically different tastes than me. There were several dresses, skirts, and flowy tops instead of the jeans and shirts that I always wore. All the other items were old worn shirts that looked like she’d used them for bumming around the house.
A college coffee shop should be pretty casual, but I didn't want to wear baggy clothes. Ugh. I was going to have to suck it up and wear something that I didn't want to. The best option I could find was a ruffled apricot dress. The sleeves were three-quarter length, which fit the spring season, and the hem stopped several inches above my knees. I paired the dress with some black flats that were a smidge too big for my feet.
When I received my first paycheck, I'd go clothes shopping.
Trying not to dwell on my misfortune, I glanced in the mirror. The fact that it didn't shatter astounded me. My hair was one huge rat's nest. I had bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath.
The hair was my own fault. I'd taken a shower and fallen into bed without drying it. Now I had to get to work on myself to come off somewhat presentable.
A few minutes later, Killian knocked on my door. "Dove?"
That was the second time he’d called me that. What the hell?
I took one last look in the mirror, relieved that I looked nearly normal after working the knots from my hair. Inhaling sharply, I opened the door and found Killian leaning against the wall in front of me.
"Why do you keep calling me Dove?"
"You never told me your name, so I improvised." He gestured to my hair. "And your hair is gray, reminding me of dove feathers. I bet it’s hard to keep that color up."
My name was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't let it fall. And the fact that he thought my hair was dyed made things easier on my end. I'd never had a nickname before, and it was safer for both of us if he didn't know my real one. "That works."
"You like it?" He smiled. "It's unique, like you. You've already become Dove in my head, so even if you told me your real name, you'd be stuck with it."
In my pack, everyone had treated me as their leader, even though I hadn't yet taken the position. The only one who’d treated me like a regular person had been Zoe, but she never went so far as to give me a pet name.
The image of my lifeless best friend filled my mind—her gorgeous espresso hair disheveled and blood pooling from her mouth. What I'd do to be able to save her. To hear her give me shit once again.
"Hey," Killian rasped. "Are you with me?"
"Uh... yeah." That was such a strange question. "I'm right in front of you."
"I meant mentally." He booped my nose. "You seemed far away."
That wasn't good. I needed to at least give the illusion I was present. By not being alert, I was already failing at being a good protector. "Yeah, ready to go."
"Then your chariot awaits." He flipped his hands in the direction of the kitchen. "The garage is through here."
In the garage, I found a black truck that looked brand new. Within seconds, we were in the truck, pulling out and heading toward Shadow Ridge University.
Killian glanced in my direction, and I realized my leg was bouncing fitfully against the black leather. I forced it to stop and examined the truck’s interior. This was a newer model that had all the bells and whistles. On a cold day, the seat warmer would feel like heaven.
As we drove through the quaint downtown, I scanned the buildings. The road was two lanes lined with parking meters outside of brick shops that connected for a couple of miles. There were restaurants, banks, and a movie theater. Everything that you'd expect to find in a town.
As we stopped at a red light, the door to a breakfast restaurant opened, and a guy wearing all black with an auburn goatee stepped out.
My heart froze as he locked eyes with me.