Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Claire
Vance liked me. And not just as a partner.
Hearing it had made me lose control and throw myself at him, letting loose all the feelings I’d been working so hard to contain.
I started it, but he quickly took charge.
One hand tugged at my hair, while the other went to my thigh, his fingers gripping me tightly.
His lips were like a hot fire, sending flames through my body.
I was breathless as I rested my forehead to his. “Tell me why you like me,” I demanded.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed a soft kiss on my neck, sending a wave of pleasure through my body. “Because you’re wild and confusing. You’re irritating and…”
What? I pulled back and narrowed my eyes at him.
“Amazing,” he finished, giving me that smirk of his. “You’re absolutely amazing. You constantly surprise me. Every time I think I have you figured out, I see a new side of you.”
“So you’re saying you like puzzles.” I rolled my eyes, trying to hide how much this meant to me. How much he meant. “Typical, I suppose, for a detective.”
“Yeah. I suppose it is,” he said softly, considering. “But there’s nothing typical about you, Claire. You’re brave. Selfless. Confident. And also… fragile. Soft. Tender. But only when you think no one is looking.”
My eyes widened.
“You hide that side of you,” he went on, frowning. “From everyone except me. Why?”
I swallowed hard. “They expect me to be strong. They all count on me for that. Hell, I expect me to be strong. I have to be.”
“You are strong. Having a tender heart doesn’t change that.”
“It feels like I have to choose between one or the other,” I admitted. “Being soft, being weak… It’s dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” He stroked his hand lazily up my back, giving me a contemplative look.
“Life here is harsh. Every year, we lose calves no matter what we do. No matter how hard we try. It’s always the weak ones.
They get picked off by predators or can’t survive the elements.
” It was all true—basic facts of life on a ranch in Wyoming.
But I also knew I was revealing part of myself I didn’t share with the others.
My fears. What drove me to push myself physically, to be stronger than everyone else.
A fear that I had to be strong enough to save myself—and strong enough to save everyone else too.
Understanding dawned in his eyes. “You’ve probably seen that a lot.”
I nodded. “It’s the same with the people we search for. The ones that take days or weeks to find? They only last if they’re strong. Resourceful. The weak ones…” I closed my eyes tightly, as if it could block out their faces. “Strength matters,” I said finally. “Being soft can get you killed.”
Vance touched my face again, brushing his thumb across my cheekbone as if wiping away an invisible tear. “You’re safe with me,” he said gently.
My eyes widened again at the words. They felt like a balm soothing my heart. How could he have known what I needed to hear when I never would have known myself?
I’d always equated safety with strength. But there was safety in this, too. In having a partner, someone who had your back, someone you could be vulnerable and safe with. I’d always had that with Cheyenne and my family.
Never anywhere else.
And suddenly I realized why I’d never left the ranch even though the thought of working it forever felt suffocating. I’d needed that safety, even if I hadn’t recognized it. And I’d never expected to find it anywhere else.
“I like you,” he said softly, repeating his words from earlier. “I like your softness and your strength. I like that you let me see it all.”
“Why are you telling me this?” My voice was shakier than I was comfortable with.
Vance was saying all of these things that made me feel … everything.
Excited.
Vulnerable.
Hopeful.
Scared.
Adored.
His eyes never left mine as he spoke words that seemed to surprise him. “Because I want more.”
“More?” It came out as barely a whisper.
“More.”
He dipped his lips to mine again, softly this time, kissing me with a slow tenderness that made me ache for more.
I swallowed hard, trying to get a grip. Men weren’t supposed to get to me like this.
I was Claire Hawkins, either just one of the guys or a careless heartbreaker, depending on who you talked to.
I’d never met someone who had me feeling so … needy.
I wasn’t sure I liked it. But I didn’t exactly hate it, either.
“Define more,” I said, breaking away and reluctantly taking my seat across from him at the table. I couldn’t think straight in his lap, where all I could feel, all I could taste, was him. He was overwhelming, and it felt critical that I regain some sort of control over myself.
This wasn’t just flirting anymore. We were toying with something much more dangerous.
“I can’t.” He shrugged, then ran his hand through his hair, a hint of frustration breaking through his calm demeanor. “That’s the thing. I want more. I want you. ”
“I want you, too,” I whispered.
His gaze trapped mine, holding me captive. “But I can’t define it. I can’t offer you anything more than right now. You live here—I don’t. As soon as this case is wrapped up, I’m leaving.”
“Maybe it doesn’t have to just be for right now. Maybe we could visit each other in between cases,” I suggested. “Surely DCI doesn’t keep you tied up all the time.” I tried to say it casually, even though my heart was pounding out of my chest.
He took a long swig of scotch, looking miserable. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”
“A dark secret?” I attempted an easy grin.
“No.” He looked away, steeling himself before turning back to me and offering a flat statement. “This is my last case with the DCI.”
“What?” The statement completely caught me off guard.
“I was offered a job with the FBI. It’s back in NYC.”
“Oh.” Everything within me sank. The hope, the excitement…
He wasn’t just leaving. He was leaving.
Now I understood what he meant. Best case, anything more between us would only be for a week or two. Even if we didn’t solve Katelyn’s murder, he would move on. The FBI wouldn’t hold his job forever, and DCI wouldn’t devote an agent to this case full-time if it went cold.
He would go back to NYC, to a world where I would never fit in, and this would be over before it had even really begun.
A relationship wasn’t on the table. All he was offering was a temporary physical relationship. A fling.
I’d had flings before. Hell, that’s pretty much all I’d had as an adult, since I’d never been interested in anything serious. But the thought of one with Vance made me depressed. I knew I wouldn’t make it out with my heart intact.
I couldn’t do it.
But the job offer was a huge deal for him. So I forced a smile, even though all I wanted to do was cry. “That’s incredible, Vance. A well-deserved opportunity. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.” The look on his face was hesitant. “Maybe you could visit New York. Fly out for a weekend once a month or something.”
“Maybe.” But I knew that it was unlikely. He’d be busy with work. I’d be busy with work. My attempt at camping hadn’t even worked out, and my job wasn’t nearly as intense as his would be, working for the FBI.
He reached for my hand again. “I know it doesn’t make sense. But I still want more.”
This time, I pulled my hand away. “Long-distance relationships don’t work. We both know how this story ends. And getting involved physically would just distract us from the case.”
“Yeah. You’re right. The case deserves our full focus.” He sank back, clearly disappointed.
I was, too. But there was no point in pretending like there might be a future here.
I looked at the food in front of us, forcing myself to take a bite even though I’d lost my appetite. It gave me an excuse to avoid his eyes, and I didn’t think I could bear looking at them right now.
“So,” I said, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. “I guess we need to make a plan for moving forward.”
He was silent for a beat. Then he straightened, putting on the professionalism he’d worn when we first met. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I crossed a line. It won’t happen again.”
“I meant on the case,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It was just a kiss, Vance. And in case you don’t remember, I’m the one who kissed you. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
Even though it was.
“Right. Not a big deal.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, looking weary. Then he stared off into the distance.
“The case,” I reminded him. I felt desperate to get back on steady ground. Desperate for proof that my impulsive act hadn’t ruined our partnership for good.
He blew out a breath. “Well, I don’t trust Sheriff McGrath right now.”
“Me either.” I breathed a sigh of relief that we were moving in the right direction again.
“There was no indication that he was lying,” he said slowly. “None whatsoever. No tells, no body language I’d flag. But I don’t know him well. And he might be an exceptional liar. What do you think?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I’ve always assumed everything he’s told me was the truth, and he’s never given me a reason to think otherwise.”
He nodded. “But the things he said to you raise a hell of a lot of red flags.”
“Agreed.” That sense of betrayal washed over me again, feeling even worse now that I knew that Vance was leaving.
This was the worst day ever.
Vance put his hands behind his head, stretching his legs out underneath the table as he contemplated it. “I want Sheriff McGrath to think you’re on his side,” he said finally. “He needs to trust you so he’ll keep talking. We need his guard down.”
I swallowed hard. “So I have to wear a mask.”
“Yes,” he said grimly. “Which you’re not very good at.”
“I can do it.”
“Any real conversation about the case happens here,” he decided. “No talking at the office. But we need to make regular appearances there so he doesn’t think we’ve gone off grid. I’ll figure out information you can feed him so he thinks he’s being kept in the loop.”
“Alright,” I agreed. “So, what’s our next move?”
He was silent for a moment. “Back when Katelyn left town, there wasn’t any reason to get warrants for her cell phone and laptop. No probable cause, since it was a voluntary disappearance. The landlord eventually packed up her things, including those, and sent word to her mom.”
I leaned forward. “But you put in for warrants, right? You mentioned that you would.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I put in warrants for the phone, the laptop, social media—all of it.”
“You should have those by now, right?”
“Takes about a week to get the digital request back from the tech companies. We’ll have that in a few days, hopefully. But a judge in Albany County signed off for the physical items right away.”
“And?” I glanced around, half expecting to see Katelyn’s laptop somewhere.
“It took them some time to track her things down. Katelyn’s mom never picked them up. The uncle eventually showed up to get them right before the landlord was going to throw them out. I got a text this morning from a deputy in Albany County that they secured them.”
“Great. When will they get here?”
He had a guilty look on his face. “They’re short-staffed and their courier can’t get here until Monday, so I said I’d drive down after our interviews and get them. But that was before.”
“Before I fell apart.” I filled in the blank, disgusted with myself.
He put his hand on the table like he was reaching for me again but stopped himself. Withdrew it. “I can stay here.”
“No.” I shook my head.
I would not be weak again.
“We need that phone and laptop,” I said. “Otherwise, we’ve got nothing but a suspicion about Sheriff McGrath and a suspect you’re convinced didn’t do it. And there’s no way Judge Barrington is going to give us a warrant to search anything here without more than that. You have to go.”
I almost asked if I could go with him but thought better of it. I needed to start putting some emotional distance between us. His leaving was already going to hurt like hell.
He studied me, then nodded. “You’re welcome to stay here at the cabin if you aren’t ready to go back home. It’s no problem.”
I shook my head again. “Thanks. I appreciate it—really. But I might as well start practicing that mask now, huh?”
“Don’t ever lose the real you,” he said quietly, with a look of pain on his face. Like he regretted even asking me to hide my emotions for the sake of the case.
I flashed him a fake grin that was convincing enough to ease the worry in his eyes.