Chapter 11
“What happened?” Slate asked, bracing himself, knowing he wasn’t going to like what his mate had to say.
“I was home, along with my brothers, for the Long Night Moon Festival and as I had done through the years, I was in the kitchen baking and frosting cookies, helping my younger siblings. My father came into the kitchen, along with Zane, took some cookies and ate them. He was complimenting my siblings on making such good cookies when Zane spoke up, telling him that I made them. The best word to describe my father’s reaction was disbelief.
He told Zane it couldn’t be because I was an Alpha and Alphas didn’t work in the kitchen.
Zane said I might be an Alpha but I was going to cooking school so Alphas did so work in kitchens.
“My father asked me if it was true and I said ‘yes’. Then the screaming started and he began to call me every name in the book. My younger siblings were frightened and my brother was distraught about what he’d said, but the hatred and disgust coming from my father was more than I could take as I stood there, frozen.
Luckily, Jackson heard everything and he rushed in, shooing the pups out and pulling me out of there.
Pushing me upstairs to my room, he guided me to a chair, locked the door and started packing my stuff.
Logan knocked and Jackson opened the door, shoving my suitcases at him, telling him to put them in the car.
After packing a bag for himself, Jackson took me by the hand and led me down the back staircase, hustling me into his car before we drove off into the night. ”
“Where did you go…back to school?” Slate asked quietly.
“No, my brother drove through the night until we reached our grandparents. By that time, I had shut down so I don’t know what happened after we got there but when I woke up the next morning I began to cry.
I saw no future for myself if I couldn’t do the one thing that gave me happiness so I stayed in my room, shades drawn for two weeks, rebuffing all efforts to pull me out of the darkness that was my constant companion.
Poor Jackson…he was beside himself because no matter what he said or did, he couldn’t console me.
“The day Jackson left, a new round of tears began. You see, even though I wouldn’t let him help me, I needed him desperately to anchor my world.
Finally, I fell into an exhausted sleep, but was awakened late that night.
My mother was sitting on my bed, looking at me with so much love, the darkness began to lift.
She lay down beside me, holding me, assuring me I’d be all right.
Throughout the night we talked, and she told me about a vision she had about my ability.
By morning, the darkness was gone, and I made peace with who I was. ”
Dakota fell silent. There was more to come, but right now, he was swamped with his mate’s feelings—outrage, anger—and then the emotion he was hoping would be there—love.
Focusing on that one, he filled his mind with it and, closing his eyes, he smiled at the strength of that love because it made him feel safe.
It was something he hadn’t felt since his mother was killed but Dakota wondered if it would still be there after his mate heard everything.
Slate wanted Dakota to stop because he could see the toll it was extracting from him.
Then suddenly it came to him—what Dakota was trying to tell him and Slate’s growing anger toward his mate’s father was making it worse.
Once he understood it, he stopped and concentrated on sending the love he and his wolf felt for their mate.
Surprised at the depth of his love, Slate wanted his mate to feel it.
Opening his eyes, Dakota gave Slate a small smile as he felt the infusion of love, then continued, “I never returned home again. Jackson drove my mother back, picked up my brothers, then returned to get me. I went back to school for my next semester and when it was over, I met my brothers at their college and helped pack up their dorm rooms along with Zane who came to help. Jackson planned on dropping me off at my friend’s house for the summer but the night before we left, all of us went to a local gay bar where, after we probably had too much to drink, Carson’s proposal to make a stop in Las Vegas met with instant approval.
The next day, we headed out early and made it there in plenty of time to spend the night gambling and drinking.
“When I got a call from Logan the next night I instantly knew something was wrong. He asked me where Zane and I were and once I told him, he ordered us to stay there and he would come and get us. As soon as I hung up, Zane asked me what happened and all I could tell him was Logan said he was coming to get us. I was worried, but my brother was shaking with fear…fear that was now my fear as I absorbed his emotion. The only thing I held on to was my mother’s voice in my head telling me I was strong and could handle it.
“Once we were all together, and in the car, Jackson broke the news to everyone. Instantly, I had waves of emotions buffering me from everyone…anger, sorrow, hatred, guilt, joy…so strong, in such a closed space, I knew if I didn’t immediately block what I could, I would be driven insane.
So while Jackson was driving us somewhere safe, I spent the entire trip, constantly trying to block everyone’s emotions.
By the time we stopped, I was so tired I don’t know how I ended up in a bed, but the next morning I woke up to my new world.
“My mother…my lifeline…the person who knew what I was and the only one I could count on to guide and help me when it all became too much for me, was gone and I was left trying to figure out how I would survive. So before everyone woke up, I headed out, shifted, and ran deep into the forest, seeking a place where there weren’t any other beings so I could find the quietness my mind needed so badly.
When I got back, Jackson took me aside and asked if he could do anything to help.
I assured him I was all right because I knew he was panicking about how to protect his brothers and keep us safe, so I wasn’t going to add to his burden.
“That summer we camped in the woods while Jackson oversaw the building of a pack house for us at a site Jimmy had provided.
When the chores were divided up, I ended up with chef duties.
I often wondered if Jackson knew how badly I needed to be away from everyone but he never said anything.
As you can imagine, all my brothers had very strong emotions that summer as one by one, they came to grips with our family gone.
“During that time, if one of my brothers objected and complained I wasn’t pulling my weight because all I did was cook, Jackson told them to demonstrate they could cook as well as me; then he’d give me a wink and walk away.
My brothers also had to accept that Jackson had stepped into the role of Alpha and more than once his orders and decisions were challenged by one of them.
But Jackson, with Logan backing him up, kept us together on a path that eventually made us a strong pack. ”
Slate felt his eyes tear up before saying, “Oh, babe, I can’t imagine how alone you must have felt that summer.”
Dakota nodded, grateful his mate understood, but worried that when his story was over, Slate’s sympathy would disappear.
Biting his lower lip, Dakota hesitated, wondering how he could explain his darkest secret to his mate.
Picking at the grass, he grew more nervous before he revealed the final piece.
So far, Slate had surpassed Dakota’s expectations with his understanding about the curse.
But will that change when I tell him what I almost did?
Slate waited while his mate sorted out his thoughts, but when nothing more was forthcoming, he said, “I know you’re worried about something,” pausing to touch his mate’s bottom lip, before continuing, “but please trust me and just tell me. Nothing you say will change my mind about what I think about you or how I feel.”
Startled by Slate’s words, Dakota’s eyes searched his mate’s face, then smiled. “Are you claiming to be an empath now, too?”
Chuckling, Slate said, “No, but I’ve learned how to read body language over the years. It comes in handy when I’m trying to negotiate business contracts.”
“Fair enough,” Dakota said. “Okay, here goes. That summer…after our family was killed…I almost didn’t make it.
The pain I felt at losing my mother was crippling.
Many days I couldn’t see how I could go on because I was lost in the maelstrom of all of my brothers’ emotions, always very strong, as each tried to put himself back together again.
It was as if the spokes of the wheel were broken into many small pieces and I couldn’t see how it could ever be rebuilt so that we were one again.
Each of my brothers fought to rebuild their lives, each progressing in his own way.
My life was a never ending cycle of grief, anger, hatred, and sadness as my brothers worked their way through their emotions.
I had no quietness to deal with my own grief and anger at what had happened to me and, finally had sunk so low, I decided to shift and live out the rest of my life as a wolf. ”
“What stopped you?” asked Slate, his voice thick and unsteady.
“Not ‘what’ but ‘who’. I was making breakfast when suddenly I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do.
My mind was a blank and I remember looking at the spatula I was holding, wondering what it was.
Then the dam broke…I collapsed and began to cry for my mother, for my siblings, and for my fucked-up life.
When the tears finally stopped, I realized I had nothing left of me anymore; instead I’d been consumed by the emotions of everyone else.
So as the sky lightened, I got up, looked off into the forest and that’s when I decided to shift and leave my brothers.
“I was so absorbed in myself, I never heard Logan approach me from behind. Just as I began my shift, he grabbed me, stopping it. I was furious and I bit his hand, trying to make him let go. But he wouldn’t.
He just held on and he kept saying he loved me, over and over again.
” Dakota looked skyward again and tears fell silently down his cheeks as he remembered that moment; then suddenly he was lifted up and found himself sitting on Slate’s lap, sheltered in his mate’s large arms. Nestling into Slate’s chest, Dakota’s tears finally stopped.
Together they sat while the forest sounds became quieter as evening began to fall.
Finally Dakota sat up and looked at his mate.
“Logan saved me. I don’t know how he knew what I needed, but he did.
The love he sent me renewed my spirit and gave me new strength so I could begin to block out the emotions of others again.
It took me a long time to reclaim my life, but I did.
“As I’ve gotten older, I’m better at blocking out strong negative emotions when I need to but it’s a delicate balance…
one that can quickly fall apart if I’m swamped with too many of them.
It’s why I stay in the kitchen so much…not many visitors…
so I can keep some distance between me and everyone else.
And of course, Steel’s house makes it even easier because it’s so big.
So, now you know everything, probably more than you wanted to, but it’s important you know what a fucking mess your mate is. ”
Slate knew he’d finally heard everything, but if his mate thought it would scare him off, Dakota was wrong—very wrong.
The only thing that changed was Slate’s new admiration for his mate for being able to survive, and even thrive, with such a heavy burden.
He studied Dakota, seeing the slight stoop of his shoulders poised to protect him from what he thought Slate might say.
Smiling, Slate did the only thing he knew that would convince his mate of his intentions.
Closing his eyes, he told his wolf what they needed to do and, in unison, their hearts were opened and love poured out, filling every part of their bodies.
Slate knew Dakota and his wolf would feel their love for him, so he waited to see what his mate would do.
Sitting there, sure that Slate would reject him for being weak, Dakota wondered if shifting and remaining a wolf would stop the pain Slate would have to endure if they didn’t mate.
He knew Jackson would strongly oppose it but ultimately it was Dakota’s decision and he felt it might be best for all.
Of the two of them, Slate was more valuable because he helped so many shifters and all Dakota did was cook—and surely someone else could do that.
While he was pondering what to tell his brothers, the first wave of love from his mate hit him so hard, he gasped in surprise.
Then more and more followed, filling his heart, soul, mind and body until Dakota swore he was floating among the moon and stars.
Never before had every bit of darkness been driven from his body…
never before had Dakota experienced so much pure love…
never before had he known the joy of being loved so completely.
Turning to Slate, he searched his face and when he found what he was looking for, Dakota leaned forward until their lips were a hair’s breadth apart.
He paused for a moment to savor wallowing in the brightness of love, then closed the distance until his lips met Slate’s.
The taste and flavor of his mate forced a groan from deep within Dakota’s chest, which was quickly swallowed by Slate.
Dakota knew in that instant, he would never stop needing Slate.