Chapter 4 Happy? #2
“This training will be different, Bren. We’re not testing to see if you’re capable—you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.
This is testing to see where you are of the most use—and where you’re weakest. We’ll be finding out where you fit, and how you can supplement the team.
I won’t pretend it’s easy. All of us struggled during this part, because it’s designed to find our weaknesses.
It’s humbling. But that’s okay. You need to know: You’re supposed to fail.
You’re supposed to learn where you’re weak, so we know where to assign you to your strengths.
But even knowing that, it will be hard when it happens.
So, if you need to talk to someone, talk to me.
Or Gil. We’ve been through it. Just be careful with your words.
We can’t risk revealing ourselves. We have to be ready to work alone.
It’s part of the job. When there’s time, Gil and I will show you the place we go when we need to be certain we’re alone. ”
“Why would you need to be alone if this is already isolating?”
Voski’s eyes darted away from me then and his face got tight. “Sometimes you just need to… decompress.”
I nodded. I understood that. It was part of why I’d been grateful for my little stable room for all those months of training. I was surprised to hear my brothers felt that way too. They all seemed so confident and strong.
“Look, I’m telling you a lot because the Commander warned me we don’t have a lot of time.
War is coming. We think your training will be short.
This is a lot for your first day. But it’s the only choice we have.
Tomorrow you return to duties, and we’ll need to figure out where there’s a four-hour window to meet and train that won’t interfere with your patrols.
“Between Gil and I—and probably a little bit from Ronen—we’ve got to shove as much of what we know into your head as we can in the next few weeks. I won’t know what it is unless I share the mission, but the word is that you’ve already been named by the king, Bren. They already have a job for you.”
My stomach twisted in knots at that, but I nodded. Donavyn had said as much, though he’d given me no clue what I’d be doing.
But then I frowned. “How do I learn a new job in a few weeks?”
Voski sighed and sat back in his chair. “This is where trust comes in—for both of us,” he said grimly. “I have to trust my leaders that they’re assessing you correctly, and not setting you up for failure. And I need you to trust me that I wouldn’t throw you into a trap.”
I looked at him, still not used to seeing him so invested.
Of my brothers, only Einar was more aloof.
I’d always liked Voski, but also been a little afraid of him.
His sharp demeanor cracked the day I’d been forced to tell them why and how Akhane chose me.
And that had given me a hint that there was a lot more to him than the sarcastic comments, and malicious delight in needling Harle. But I hadn’t seen this.
“You’re really a leader,” I said dumbly.
Voski shrugged.
“No, I mean it,” I said. “The way you’re talking now, you sound like Ronen. And Don—I mean, the General. You’re one of the good guys.”
He huffed. “That’s debatable.”
“No, seriously. That’s why you talked to me after I told you guys about Akhane and my… despair. Right?”
His expression grew more serious. He nodded. “I wanted you to know you weren’t alone in that feeling. That’s all.”
I nodded. “You were Chosen for this for a reason too.”
To my surprise his eyes dropped to the table between us and his expression darkened. “I suppose so.”
I smiled. “Then I’m honored.”
Voski frowned, but his eyes were amused. “Honored by what?”
“That I get to see behind the curtain.”
Voski rolled his eyes. “Dear God, don’t let Gil hear you say that. There’s no curtain, I assure you. I’m myself with our squad. Just more restrained.”
“Hiding your soft center?” I asked, only half-teasing. “If we go on mission together, am I going to find out you sleep with a stuffed, toy dragon?”
He shook his head, but his smile got a little wider. “I knew you’d be trouble.”
I would have laughed it off—he was clearly teasing—but there was a part of me that still wondered. “Did you get to choose?” I said carefully.
Voski frowned. “Choose what?”
“If I was… your responsibility.”
His expression grew serious. “I didn’t need to, Bren. We were already connected. There was no question.”
“But—”
“No, hear me,” he said, all hint of teasing gone. “You’re here for a reason. Akhane Chose you. You passed the trials. You found your mate. And you are uniquely equipped. There’s no question in my mind, Bren. I didn’t have to volunteer, but I would have.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly, my cheeks heating.
He held my gaze and nodded. “Tell me the proudest moment so far,” he said quietly.
“What?”
“I just told you all the things you’ve done that prove you were supposed to be here. Now, you tell me, what’s your proudest moment so far? Let’s remember that and try to beat it.”
I thought on that for a moment, all kind of memories and fears and triumphs swirling in my head. Then I remembered that very first day, and Voski and my other squad brothers there, pushing me, showing me that I could fly, and…
I swallowed hard, then leaned in close to whisper. “I never shit myself.”
Voski threw back his head and laughed.