Chapter 6 The Lay of the Land
~ DONAVYN ~
When I stepped into the hallway outside, Bren turned to face me and she was trembling. Head to toe. Shivering as if she were cold. A stab of guilt and self-recrimination left me breathless. I had to get it together.
‘I’m sorry. I know I lost control—’
‘I can’t… I can’t talk about that right now,’ she murmured in the bond, staring up at me with huge eyes. ‘I just need to know if what he’s describing is even possible? Is he telling the truth?’
I resisted the truth that sprang to mind, and that in itself meant I had to speak it to her.
‘Yes. At least, it’s possible. I don’t trust him. I don’t even believe him. But… he knows things now I hadn’t figured out before he left. He’s learned that on his own. And the events… even Kgosi says it would explain much with Ciar.’
Her face went blank, but I felt the weight bear down on her heart.
‘Bren, I will protect you—no matter what. You don’t have to fear—’
She shook her head and looked down the hallway, raising her chin and taking a deep breath. “We have to figure this out,” she whispered. “What to do… about him.”
I was grim. ‘I have to figure this out,’ I corrected her. ‘This isn’t your responsibility.’
‘But I need to be a part of… whatever you decide,’ she insisted. ‘So, I’m just… I need to get my head around—’
‘You need to do nothing but breathe and stay close to me. I will handle him.’
Her eyes snapped up to mine, and it was a relief to see the fire in her ignite again. ‘If I hadn’t been here, you would have killed him already.’
I huffed. ‘I didn’t though, and I won’t. I have it under control now.’
She raised a skeptical brow, and Kgosi rumbled in my head, but my hands were clenched to fists in resistance, not to swing them. I let them both feel my determination in our bonds.
‘Two things are clear,’ I growled, letting Kgosi hear my discussion with Bren.
‘Whether his motives are selfish, or for the good of the kingdom, he knows things. Dangerous things. Things that we need to know,’ I added reluctantly.
‘Either, he is our mole—or connected to them—in which case, we are already uncovered and need to flee. Or he’s found our mole, and we need to uncover what he knows. ’
Bren stared up at me and I felt her wrestling with something. I put both hands to her arms and leaned over her.
‘What is it?’
She swallowed and looked past me to the wall where Ruin sprawled on the other side, beaten and dazed.
‘He could have flamed Akhane and me,’ she sent, as if the words were dragged from her.
‘He had a chance to just… remove me. Remove us. It would have drawn attention, but he could have done it and fled. And he didn’t. ’
I nodded. ‘Which is a single count in favor of his telling the truth—but it changes nothing, Bren.’
Her gaze slid up to meet mine, and I sent with every ounce of conviction I could. ‘Even if he saves Vosgaarde from war. Even if he saves lives, he will not escape his past. I will make certain his crimes are known. And Kgosi will, as well.’
She nodded, but I could feel her shivering. I pulled her closer, leaned down so our noses almost touched.
‘Even if every word he just spoke is true, I don’t trust him, and I never will. Do you believe me?’
‘I do.’
‘Good, then focus on that. And remember, no matter what comes from this, I am here to protect you—from Ruin, as well as the rest of this shitshow. We just have to figure out the best way to find the truth.’
I pulled her into my chest and she came easily, while I reached for Kgosi in my mind. ‘Can you reach Carnage? See if there’s any correlation in their stories?’
‘I have tried, and will continue. But either the male is out of reach, or he keeps his mind closed—something he likely had to do to stay clear of that frenzy in their squad. It’s why Ruin wouldn’t have been able to reach him.
Another tick towards the truth, but something about this… Donavyn, I am not easy in my soul.’
‘None of us are.’
Kgosi rumbled, but didn’t say the obvious.
‘For Carnage, I would need to be in his presence to force him to open his mind—and with a dragon of his nature, that would likely end in a battle for dominance. I don’t fear it, Donavyn.
But I am reluctant to trigger events that could potentially lead to the death of another dragon, if he isn’t dark. ’
Under other circumstances I would have chuckled at Kgosi’s cool assumption he would simply beat another dragon to death without question. But there was no room for levity in this. I sighed and squeezed Bren tighter. ‘Keep trying. Let me know if you find anything out.’
Bren and I broke apart. She breathed deeply, but I felt her settling her mind and regaining control of her body. She wasn’t shaking anymore, thank God.
‘Kgosi can’t reach Carnage, we aren’t sure yet why,’ I explained to her quickly. Bren sighed but nodded. ‘If Ruin has found our mole, I need that information before I call him to answer for his crimes,’ I admitted reluctantly, but to my surprise, Bren felt stronger after I sent that.
‘That’s the only good side of this—you can’t kill him while you need him. You promised you wouldn’t kill him for revenge, Donavyn. You vowed it.’
‘I know. I lost control—’
‘Don’t leave me here with him. If you kill him, the dragons will call you to account! Bring him to justice, don’t put yourself in the path of honorable discipline!’
I nodded, but inwardly winced. She didn’t know that technically, by beating Ruin, I’d already placed myself under threat of discipline, though a relatively low level given his rebellion against orders, and Alexi’s willingness to overlook aggression amongst the men. Still…
‘Watch yourself, Donavyn. You are a man of integrity, but I do not sense your conviction on this. As long as you aren’t convinced in your heart, your words are deceptive.’
I flinched. ‘I’m not lying when I say I want to do this the right way!’
‘Yet, you lie to yourself about what the right thing is. Your heart and soul are in conflict, Donavyn. I feel it in you. You agree in principle, but not practice. It is hypocrisy, and the highest form of self-deception.’
I wanted to growl back at my dragon, but tried to shake him off instead. I knew he was wise. Knew he was right. But this wasn’t the time for noble speeches and—
‘So… we’re letting him go free?’ Bren asked. I hated the brittleness in her, but was left breathless with admiration that she’d say that so calmly.
‘Free is the wrong word,’ I growled in return.
‘I am his Commanding Officer. While I won’t reveal his cover—yet—I will require much of him if he’s to be left to pursue this.
He’s already in contravention of orders by withholding from me.
But life in the field is never as straightforward as we’d like it to be.
I, too, have breached our rules. So… I’ll make it very clear to him what’s required if he’s to be left to continue working.
And that will include staying entirely away from you, Bren. Without any exceptions.’
She looked up at me and her lips thinned. ‘If we’re to get to the bottom of this, I can’t just stand aside.’
‘You won’t. You’ll continue your mission.
But he will have very clear guidelines on reporting to me—and avoiding you.
There are lines even Kgosi would not allow him to cross without calling judgment, Bren.
So, this isn’t my need for revenge talking.
He must walk a straight and narrow line if I’m going to leave him free.
And I’d never ask you to work with him—it makes my skin crawl to think of dealing with him.
I wouldn’t ask that of you. In fact… I can find a reason for you to return without revealing our true purpose here.
Then, Carnage could be here with Kgosi to keep an eye on him, and—’
‘No.’ Her tone was so firm, so unequivocal, I almost admonished her. ‘I’m here for a reason, and I’m going to fulfill it, no matter what that asshole does. I’m walking this out, Donavyn. I’m proving myself, once and for all. I’m done running from things. Anything.’
I wanted to argue with her—I wouldn’t expect a male Furyknight to work closely with a man who’d raped him. But I understood her determination, and I admired her willingness to keep going. I put one hand to her face, stroking her cheek.
‘You have my word that he will not be allowed near you for any reason that is not in salvation of your life or mine,’ I sent solemnly. ‘For the purposes you serve, there is no need for your path to cross his.’
She bit her lip. ‘But what about you?’
‘What about me?’
‘Can you do this without breaching your conscience? Can you work with him without hurting him? Do you have the patience to deliver him to justice, instead of taking revenge?’
‘I can and I do.’
Kgosi gave a skeptical rumble in my head, but I raised my chin. I could, and I would. And as my dragon had already taught me decades earlier, the only way to prove that I was a man of my word, was to do the thing I’d spoken. So, I opened myself fully to him as well.
‘You have my word: I won’t beat him or lash out at him again.
I will watch him like a hawk. I will bring every ounce of my authority against him if he resists orders again.
But I will not take my personal vengeance out on him.
I will return him to Vosgaarde to be judged for his crimes.
And I will fight to make certain he is not acquitted. ’
Bren let out a heavy breath, then nodded. We embraced once more then turned for the door back into the room.
“Well, Ruin—” I stopped two steps in the door.
The chair remained on the floor, the leather ties cut and discarded, the belts unbuckled and slung away from the chair.
Ruin was gone.
And as a new wash of rage threatened to boil my blood, the only thing that kept me from roaring my frustration was that in the bond, I felt Bren go cold.