Chapter 8 Help Wanted #2
I knew it wasn’t Benji’s fault that I was tense and exhausted. It wasn’t him who’d put us at risk, but for a moment, I wanted to growl at him to mind his own fucking business.
I swallowed it back. “Benji… I’m very grateful that you’re looking out for me,” I said as carefully as I could.
“And I’m glad we have your help—I’m going to do everything I can to get you in contact with these dragons again because I think they need us.
They need you. But there are so many challenges of which you aren’t aware, and so many things that we, as adults and Furyknights, are responsible for, I’m going to have to ask you to trust me on this: Bren isn’t a liar.
She is my mate. And I’ll need your help to keep her safe in the coming days. ”
“But, sir—”
“No buts, Benji!” I barked. The boy jumped and I muttered a curse under my breath. But rather than shaking, or looking fearful or teary as he might have months ago when we’d first met, his eyes fixed on the distance. He raised his chin and his jaw flexed.
“Yes, sir,” he said quietly. Resolutely. Like a man who didn’t like what he heard, but held himself to a higher standard.
I ran a hand back and forth over my hair, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, Benji. It’s been a… difficult night. Not just for you—though I know Bren is very sorry for leaving. She was deeply worried when she realized you’d been left behind.”
His lips pressed thin, but he just nodded and didn’t meet my eyes.
“Benji,” I sighed. “You did well tonight. I mean that.”
“Thank you, sir.”
I waited, but he didn’t say more.
Fuck.
I cleared my throat. “The dragons… you did the right thing speaking with them even when you didn’t know what had happened. It’s very useful information you’ve gathered for us.”
Benji nodded once, but didn’t reply.
I gave him a pointed look. “At ease, soldier,” I said quietly.
He let his chin drop, but he still didn’t look me in the eyes.
“Benji, listen. I meant what I said: You did well. And I’ll tell Furymaster Barak so, whether these dragons come with us or not.
You’ll have a home with us—as will these dragons—always. ”
“Oh, I don’t think they will,” he said. “They don’t trust people.”
“They trusted you.”
Benji nodded. “A little bit. But I’m not like other people.”
“Well, that’s for sure.” I clapped him on the back and he seemed to relax. But the air between us was strained.
‘Help me remember to explain everything to him when things have settled down,’ I sent to Kgosi. ‘We can’t risk him innocently blowing our cover.’
My dragon rumbled, but didn’t reply.
After I woke Bren, Kgosi allowed Benji to curl up with him for a rest while she and I walked together and made a plan. She’d calmed and was thinking clearly. But in the end, no matter which way we looked at it, there was no choice.
We didn’t know where Ruin was. We didn’t know how many here in Fyrehold he was already connected to—or who he might try to trap. To abandon our roles now would be to do nothing but give him free-rein. Which, if he was the mole, would bring war on all our heads.
And if he wasn’t the mole—which reluctantly, I was inclined to believe purely because he hadn’t been placed right for it—we needed to learn what he knew.
If we fled, Alexi wouldn’t believe Ruin deserved to be abandoned unless we had proof of his betrayal.
Either way, we had to find him, follow him, and figure shit out. But, with my role here being open, a known political figure, I would struggle to do that myself.
Bren would find out if Hanson knew who Ruin really was. I would determine if the Fyrehold king was an ally or a victim. Together we’d work to uncover whether Ruin was a criminal in every part of his life, or only his personal dealings.
Then we had to get home safely. Together.
Bren agreed with every conclusion. She’d stopped shaking, and stood in front of me, her arms folded, nodding when I suggested we change nothing, except to watch and look for Ruin.
But her eyes were dark, and she never smiled.
Once we’d agreed that, at least for now, we had to return to the castle, she stepped away as if she’d walk back to the dragons, but I caught her arm and turned her back to face me.
‘Just… take a moment with me,’ I sent so there was no chance of Benji overhearing. ‘I know this has been toughest on you most of all. Talk to me.’
She looked down at her feet. Her arms tightened so she hugged herself, but she shrugged.
‘It’s… awful,’ she said. ‘I feel like there are eyes on my back, and I feel like they’re his and…
there’s nothing I can do. If he’s telling the truth, we have to work with him.
And if he’s not, we have to prove it, and defeat him. Either way…’
I reached for her, pulling her into me. She came easily, even rested her head on my chest, but her arms didn’t unfold, and I felt a shiver ripple through her.
‘Bren, I’m here.’
‘I know. If you weren’t, I’d be losing my mind. But… when he appeared, I panicked,’ she sent, her pitch increasing with self-recrimination. ‘I stopped thinking—I fled on Akhane. I forgot Benji. I just ran.’
‘We all lose ourselves sometimes, especially in shock.’
‘It’s so frustrating. I didn’t even think. I can’t just run any time something bad happens!’
‘You won’t,’ I sent firmly, then pulled back enough to look down at her. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. ‘Next time you’re taken off guard, you’ll remember this. You’ll know what to do. That’s the skill only experience can provide. You learned. You made decisions. You turned to fight—right?’
‘Yes, but only after—’
‘Next time, you’ll do it faster. None of us gets everything right the first time.’
‘We don’t have time for me to learn now!’ Her eyes were big and round, pleading with me.
I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘We don’t have any choice. This is why I didn’t want to throw you straight into a mission without proper training. You’ve already exceeded my expectations… you’ve done a stunning job. Don’t let one hurdle set you back.’
‘But—’
‘Bren… We’re here. We’re safe. We know more than we did hours ago. Now, we go back to work, and pray for safety.’
I stroked a hand up and down her back and tried to breathe slowly, let her feel my calm and readiness to face this, praying it would help her feel the same.
Eventually she sighed. ‘Thank you.’
‘Come to me, Bren. When you’re scared. Or you just need a moment. Come to me. Let me help.’
‘I’m a Furyknight, and a Shadowfang. I can’t spend my entire career running to you every time I feel scared,’ she sent bitterly.
I lifted her chin and made her meet my eyes again.
‘No. But the first few days after a shock like that? Any one of us would need support. More than that—I’m your mate.
I need to help you for my own sanity. Did you know that when a healing pair help any of us with a mortal wound, they take some of the pain we experience? ’
She blinked. ‘I didn’t, but what—’
‘Anytime I see a healer work on a significant wound or illness, I send them away for time together. To rest. To replenish. When Furyknights meet battle—win or lose—the moment we are safe to do so, I tell them to sit, and think. To process. To be together with those who shared the fight.
‘We all need that, Bren. Not just you. I’m telling you, it’s a blessing we’re here together.
When we are in our room at night, I’m not your Commander and you’re not a spy.
I’m your mate, and your lover, and your partner.
You need me, and I need you. It’s a gift that we have the chance to be here for one another.
After this day, after this revelation, no one would walk on without shaking.
So… let me help you steady. I won’t hold on once your steps are strong, I promise. ’
I leaned down and kissed her, and she finally uncurled her arms and wrapped them around me, holding me tightly.
When we pulled apart, it was to find Benji, now out from under Kgosi’s wing, standing there, glaring at us.
I gave him a warning look. I’d decided not to add to her pressure tonight by telling her what he’d thought. I’d fill her in on that when she’d had a chance to breathe. The blow she’d already taken was enough for tonight.
So, we mounted the dragons. Benji rode in front of me and loved it, chattering with Kgosi who was remarkably patient given the night we’d had. Bren rode Akhane, but kept close enough to sustain the link. She was very quiet, but no longer trembling.
As we circled over the city, taking a long view of the Crown District, scanning for an errant dragon, or a possible ambush, the weight of what we were about to do pressed down on me until I felt certain Kgosi must feel it.
I had never felt more inadequate to a task.
Not the finding of a possible enemy and eradicating their power. But the facing of a man that I despised and treating him as a General would, rather than a wounded mate.
What if I was wrong? What if Ruin was coming for us, and we were walking into his trap? What if—
‘Your thoughts are dark tonight, Donavyn.’
‘Aren’t yours?’ I asked him honestly.
Kgosi rumbled. ‘I am uneasy, it’s true.’
‘I know we have things to discuss, but I need your eyes on this. Do you think Ruin lied about what he’s here to do?’
Kgosi was silent for a moment, then he sighed.
‘At least for now, the Creator doesn’t see fit to tell me any more than you know.
I can only offer what I have before, Donavyn: Good men do bad things.
Bad men do good things. Without being in his head, it’s impossible to know if he is a dark man who remains faithful to his kingdom’s purpose, or if his selfishness has overrun even his respect for the crown. ’
I tried not to sneer. ‘I’m certain in his selfishness, he’d undermine anyone if it suited him.
The question is, what does he believe serves him best: Being a traitor?
Or turning himself into a hero? If he believes it’s the hero route, he’ll pursue this doggedly until he’s found the answers he’s looking for. ’
‘You’re right,’ Kgosi sent.
‘Yet, that leaves us with no choice but to return to the castle and pray we can evade any traps—his, or the mole’s, or Fyrehold nobles working with either of them. The danger doesn’t decrease if he’s honest, it only comes from a different quarter.’
‘That is also true.’
I wished my dragon didn’t agree with me. For the first time in my career, I caught myself wishing Kgosi would caution me to abandon this mission.
I’d never wished to abandon a mission before.
‘Are we making a mistake, going back?’
‘I don’t believe so. If it were, the Creator would warn one of us, I’m certain. Something is amiss, of that there is no doubt. But I do not believe you’ve taken a wrong step in choosing to face this head-on.’
I was surprised how deeply relieved I felt at his reassurance.
Kgosi huffed. ‘You should offer yourself for my reassurance more often. You may find life less of a battle.’
I sent a rush of love to my dragon. I’d expected another lecture after I lost control on Ruin, or a warning about the honor I carried.
I should have remembered that Kgosi always led with love first.
‘I’ll try to remember to do that,’ I said, surprised by the humility and emotion I felt.
Kgosi rumbled again. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll remind you.’
It was the closest I’d come to smiling since this shitshow began.
‘Stay the course, Donavyn,’ Kgosi added a moment later. ‘I will pray for your safety, and I will remain close. If you or Bren find danger, flee. Akhane and I will aid you.’
I didn’t have words, so I just sent him all the gratitude and relief I felt, knowing he was there.
And prayed I’d have the strength and wisdom to help Bren through this the same way he helped me.