Chapter 11 Just Breathe #2
“Please, there’s no need to apologize further.
My mother teases me constantly for my sensitive nature,” she said with a glance that said she felt the criticism more deeply than her tone would suggest. “Please don’t concern yourself about it.
The other ladies would enjoy your innuendo a great deal, I’m certain of it.
I am not the measure of a noble woman in Fyrehold,” she said, her lips thinning at the end, as if she were chiding herself.
I felt terrible. This was clearly a sensitive subject for her and here I’d galloped right into it without thought. But as we both ate in silence for a few moments and I stumbled, unsure of the path forward, it was Grace who put her fork down on the plate suddenly and leaned in.
“You have spoken plainly, so I will as well,” she said dropping her hands to her lap and taking a deep breath as if she’d been preparing herself to be brave.
“You are the first person who’s spoken kindly to me since I arrived.
The Ladies seeking affairs view me as a rival, and those with daughters in search of a husband have determined I am competition—though I have no desire to marry a man here.
I only have to stay for the Festival—my father is a familiar of the king, but couldn’t be here, and my mother eschews social gatherings.
They sent me as an offer of goodwill from our family, but I find myself…
lonely,” she said, her eyes darting to mine, then away as if she were afraid of how I’d respond.
“So, thank you for speaking to me. Even if we are of different paths, I am glad that you’re here. ”
She went very still then, staring at her plate like she wanted to be swallowed up.
My heart went out to her. If she was of marrying age in Fyrehold, she was at least a year older than me. But it was clear she had little experience away from her parents. And I remembered how that felt.
I put aside my facade and spoke to her as I would to any woman I liked.
“I’m very sorry that you’ve been treated poorly. I’m not sure if it’s a comfort, but I gather that it’s quite normal for the Fyrehold ladies to be… somewhat exclusive with their attentions.”
She gave a pretty, one-shouldered shrug, but picked up her fork again. “I am known to the Court. They appear to like you. They speak to each other of you and the General quite a lot,” she said sadly.
I snorted, which made her brows shoot up. “They like the General,” I corrected. “They tolerate me because I’m with him, and because I can answer their questions about him—and the dragons,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Oh… do you prefer not to talk of the dragons?” she said kindly, though I saw the disappointment in her eyes.
“No, no. I only mean that’s the reason they talk of me… well, I think Lady Faye likes me, but again, I’m certain that’s because I helped her impress everyone with the dragons by not telling the others how much she lies about her experience with them.”
Grace’s lips twitched as if she’d laugh and she ducked her head, taking another bite of her breakfast before responding.
“The dragons are fascinating,” she said wistfully. “If you are free for tea one afternoon over the Festival days, I would greatly enjoy it if you would join me in the library and tell me of your adventures. I’ve always dreamed of flying on a dragon.”
It was my turn to be surprised. “You have?!”
She nodded. “I learned to ride horses when I was very young, and I love to hunt and jump them. It feels a little bit as I imagine flying must feel. Then, a few years ago I read a book about a Princess who was saved by a dragon after she was kidnapped by dastardly men and… my heart was lost to the beasts from that day forward. I have always wished… well, it would never be. But suffice it to say, I envy you a great deal,” she said, her kind tone belying the words.
And so, over the following hour, a good long time after we’d both eaten our last bites of breakfast, I made my first friend in Fyrehold. At least, I hoped she could be a friend. Who knew with these people? But her self-consciousness and pleas of loneliness seemed too unaffected to be fake.
I prayed she’d prove true.
By the time she was called away by a messenger with a summons to another estate, we’d agreed to meet at the Festival, and I had promised to try and describe how it felt to fly.
She asked me to look for her during the ball and I assured her, I would. I felt sorry for her when she quietly admitted that would give her something to look forward to. That she despised balls because only old men requested her for dances.
When I later reported to Donavyn at the stables—because we were flying the dragons every morning, never quite in range of Hanson’s land, but in the general direction looking for more dragon herds—I was able to tell him I’d found a potential ally, and that he should be kind to her at the ball.
“You should ask her to dance. She says only the old men do. Though I can’t imagine why—she’s very pretty and sweet. Maybe she’s a bad dancer? But you’re big enough that she won’t hurt you if she stands on your foot.”
Donavyn snorted and gave me a sidelong grin and my stomach fluttered for the first time since I’d seen Ruin.
I blinked.
Donavyn frowned. “What is it? Are you—”
“I’m well. I… I want you,” I said, shocked.
Donavyn’s brows rose. “That’s… a good thing I hope?”
I nodded.
‘Bren, I understand you need time. I won’t push you. You don’t need to be afraid—’
‘No, no. I just… I hadn’t felt…’
‘I know. The bond, remember?’
I looked down at the harness in my hands as we walked through the dark, overly-clean stable building, to the outdoor area where the dragons were lounging in the morning sun.
‘I’m sorry,’ I sent, feeling suddenly fragile, which pissed me off. I’d been enjoying this morning and not thinking about Ruin at all since I met Grace, which was a relief.
‘Don’t be,’ he sent back, letting his steps bring him closer so that our arms brushed as we walked. ‘I know you’ll come back to me.’
I stopped walking. Donavyn took one more step, but pulled up, turning, a look of concern and confusion on his face.
“I haven’t left you. Ever,” I blurted. “If you feel that way, I’m sorry, I never—”
“No, no. Bren—” he cut himself off, looking around behind me, scanning for anyone who might overhear, then he stepped right up, so the harness in his arms pressed against the harness in mine and leaned down until our faces were mere inches apart.
“I meant it as encouragement. I’m not surprised you haven’t felt…
need. I can understand why your mind isn’t turning that way.
I only want you to know I don’t take it personally.
I know you’ll come back to me when the time is right. That’s all.”
I swallowed and nodded, blinking a few times because my eyes ached suddenly. “Thank you.”
“God, don’t thank me. I’m not a brute who requires constant servicing to—”
I spluttered. “Servicing?” I laughed, though my heart danced a fine line between amusement and fear, and I hated that.
Because I wasn’t afraid of Donavyn. But seeing Ruin had made me feel vulnerable in a way I didn’t like.
Donavyn and I had been working a lot and going to sleep late these last four nights, curling up together, holding each other but not…
Donavyn hadn’t pushed, and I’d been grateful.
His lips pressed thin, but his eyes danced as he glanced over my shoulder and around the stable yard again, making certain we didn’t have any visitors. “I was being discreet. Would you rather I called it—”
“General! I’m so glad I found you!”
The voice rose from the stable building behind us. Donavyn quietly cursed, then looked up and raised his chin at Rayv behind me, while I worked on finding my equilibrium before turning myself, to greet the Furymaster who had no dragons.
“Sir,” Rayv said, saluting Donavyn when he reached us. “I was sent to find you: Our king wants to honor you as guest tonight, and he names Kgosi in the invitation as well. It’s a great honor.”
Donavyn frowned. “He names Kgosi in an invitation to a ball?”
Rayv scratched the back of his neck and glanced around like he’d like to avoid being overheard as well.
“Well, he’s naming you both as guests of honor…
and wishes for me to ask you to have Kgosi and Akhane attend the castle—he says the gardens outside the ballroom have plenty of space for them, and he’s sure they’ll be very popular. ”
I frowned, but Donavyn’s head went back and he nodded as if it made sense. ‘The king wants to show off to whomever is coming tonight, and he thinks flattering me will get me to convince Kgosi to be his entertainment.’
Oh.
“I see,” Donavyn said to Rayv. “I’ll speak with Kgosi. I’m sure he’ll be delighted.”
I opened my mouth, then almost bit my lip when I closed it quickly.
‘Kgosi wouldn’t—’
‘No, but it will make me laugh to see him have to put up with it,’ Donavyn said with a boyish grin that made my belly flutter again.
Rayv had a few more instructions, then we left to harness the dragons and fly, where we could finally speak entirely privately, in the link.
‘Kgosi claims I’m turning him into a royal pet,’ Donavyn sent, laughing.
‘I’m glad he’ll agree, but wasn’t tonight the time we thought we could get more access to the castle rooms with all the visitors? If you have to stay close to Kgosi—’
‘I won’t be staying close. We’ll leave him and Akhane in the gardens and let them use their flame to keep over-eager nobles at bay, if needed.”
I snorted at the mental image he sent of pompous nobles suddenly shrieking, and sprinting away from the dragons with the bottoms seared out of their trousers and skirts.
‘You know, it’s lovely to see you smile again,’ Donavyn sent.
That uneasy weight reappeared in my stomach, but I pushed it away and looked aside to meet his eyes. Kgosi and Akhane flew nearly wing-tip to wing-tip, so he was close enough that I could see his expression.
‘I’m sorry. I’ve been preoccupied.’
‘Don’t be sorry. Just know, I’m here. It’s nice to see you smile… and don’t be nervous about tonight. Having Akhane and Kgosi close works in our favor as well. If we do search, and anything goes to shit, they’ll be much easier to access.’
I knew he was right. And I was glad he’d painted that picture. It would make our plans for this evening less nerve-wracking. Because tonight, since we were almost certain Hanson would attend, I was preparing to press back into the mission—which meant getting close enough to question Hanson.
I held Donavyn’s gaze for a time, though, wondering if I should return our conversation to the one that was interrupted, about why we hadn’t made love in four days.
But either he felt me, or could hear more of the thought than I’d intended to send, because he suddenly sent a rush of reassurance through the bond and shook his head.
‘There’s no need, Bren. When you’re ready, I’ll be ready.’
The dragons banked then and we both turned our attention back to flying, but I had to swallow another pinch in my throat. This time, of gratitude.