Chapter 37 An Uncomfortable Truth
SOUNDTRACK: I Surrender by Hidden Citizens and Sam Tinnesz.
~ DONAVYN ~
I stood in the pasture near the back of the Fyrehold fury stable, in the shade of a tree. My dragon faced me, his fathomless eye fixed in the distance as we awaited Bren’s return with what we hoped would be Ruin’s message to the royals.
No. To the king.
There was a solid sense of that in my heart.
I didn’t know the details. I didn’t yet understand it.
But I’d seen the proof and now I stood in the quiet, under my wise dragon’s eyes and required myself to accommodate the truth I didn’t want to accept: The man I had served my entire adult life, the ruler I’d forwarded, strengthened, and trusted, was calling for my death.
At the hands of the man who’d almost succeeded in destroying my mate.
The betrayal left me breathless.
“It’s strange,” I told Kgosi quietly. “I am… offended. Not because a king moves a pawn into danger. I’ve always accepted that soldiers are sacrificed to the greater good. But this isn’t that. I thought… I thought he was my friend, Kgosi. I thought we trusted each other… I enjoyed that.”
Kgosi rumbled. He’d been very quiet since I joined him. From the moment he’d been close enough to reach, I’d shown him what we learned. Now we stood together and I wasn’t sure what else to say.
My dragon had already been forced to set aside the grief of Ciar’s death, and leave his herd to honor this very man.
Was it strange that I didn’t feel fear? Was I in shock?
‘You are sure of your place. Where the Creator’s path becomes clear, fear loses its power.’
I huffed. “I don’t feel sure of a damn thing except that Alexi wants me dead, and Ruin is working towards it.
That must be Hanson’s deadline, surely? Ruin plans to take me out—and they’re banking on the fact that if I die, it will kill you.
Though, if that’s really it, why he’d wait, I have no clue. ”
‘The same truth and certainty that guide you, work against this dark man,’ Kgosi rumbled in my head. ‘He indulges himself… or he is afraid. Either way… now we know.’
I was surprised that the overwhelming feeling I gained from Kgosi was grief.
I’d expected anger. Righteous indignation. The sharp edge of the weapon that was his pompous certainty. Instead… my dragon felt as if he’d weep.
‘Do you think we can win this?’
‘I have no doubt we can, Donavyn, the question is whether we should.’
I frowned. ‘Under what possible circumstance would we not?’
Kgosi’s great head swung away from me and he stared out towards the miles of woods surrounding the city, and the peaks beyond.
‘We will fight for life, of course. But for what do we aim in that? I cannot in good conscience offer my power to a people who would use it so frivolously.’ He swung his head back to meet my eyes again.
‘I was never under any misconception about the forces at work underneath the king’s ambition.
But it seemed he’d seen the value of honor and strength for the good of all, and was committed.
As long as he urged us to lead in the way we do, I was willing to sit alongside his…
weaknesses. But this? Donavyn… I cannot pour my flame out for a man who would do this. ’
‘Neither can I,’ I admitted. ‘But… the thing I don’t know is, are they all like this?
Is the queen? Are the Advisors? Have I been foolish?
Will my Captains follow this? Am I deceived, believing they’d choose honor even without me?
Or is this just a… a coup, led by the king himself?
Is he raising a new army, to overcome the old?
And maneuvering anyone who could thwart him?
The message ordered Ruin to keep this utterly silent—even from the queen.
She’s a powerful woman, Kgosi. And one I didn’t trust. But…
if he’s hiding this from her… does that make her an ally, or simply a different enemy? ’
Kgosi rumbled so deeply, the ground under my feet vibrated. There was a sick, unreality to the world as I looked around.
Would I be dead soon? Had things moved too far—was my death already inevitable? And with it, Kgosi’s weakness and…
Shit.
“Keg… If they took me out—how much would that weaken you?”
Kgosi shook his head like a dog, his entire body twitching.
He lashed his tail like an angry cat. ‘I would not be the same. If, in that state, they brought a dragon against me capable of Primarcy? I do not know, Donavyn. I haven’t lost a bond.
I know only that the dragons I’ve met who did were never the same.
And the herd… If our enemies succeeded in removing me, the herd would search for a new leader immediately.
A new Primarch. The hierarchy would be thrown into flux.
Challenges would fly among the strongest males, while the weaker in the herd stood aside to see who would win, then follow him. ’
A chill began in my stomach. “And if the winning dragon didn’t share your integrity? If they were… darker than you? More ambitious?” I didn’t say their names, but I’m certain he saw them in my head. Ruin. And Carnage.
Kgosi growled, a menacing, terrifying sound that raised the hair on the back of my neck, and the bubbling fear that had been creeping up my spine was washed in unwavering strength.
‘Carnage is strong, but he is not a Primarch. He has not blackscaled. He does not lead in truth. I hope the males of the herd that I have prepared and grown would have the strength to resist this kind of attack. But… it is a risk, Donavyn. If bonded riders wish to remain in their home, and the herd is shifting to a new Primarch who is strong… A healthy herd could be led into darkness. Especially those dragons—and humans—who lack the character to stand alone. Wrong looks like right, when those you love pursue it.’
He blew out plumes of smoke and steam and shook his head again.
‘The truth that I struggle to swallow, but must, is that I do not know.
Will the hearts of my dragons—and your men—be strong enough to withstand war from within?
Would they willingly abandon their lives, their loved ones, their brotherhood and safety for the sake of their principles?
I hate to give it words, but I do not know, Donavyn. That is pure truth.
‘Any heart that cares for others, any heart that receives love can be moved by fear when threatened with the loss of it. The question isn’t whether my dragons and your men would wish to fight a corrupted king—of that I have no doubt.
The question is… do they value their own comfort and security—to be a part of the larger whole—more than their honor? ’
My heart ached, because I felt the same way.
I trusted my men. Admired them. Applauded them.
But I’d always led them to what was right, with the authority of the king behind me.
Without my insistence—without royal approval behind me—would they choose those same principles for themselves?
Or would they bow to the same power, leading in a different direction?
Kgosi looked out towards the mountains where many wild dragons flocked.
‘There is another side to this, Donavyn, one we cannot ignore: Whether Fyrehold is a willing participant, or simply convenient, Alexi placed us here for this purpose. He sent us to this place, and these people to achieve this goal. Perhaps… perhaps these dragons who resist us do enjoy leadership?’ he sent grimly.
‘Perhaps what I have seen as lack is, in truth, a Primarch who holds them in such grip that they lack free will? I hadn’t considered that—hadn’t wanted to believe any dragon of strength would want to hold that kind of control over another.
But with what you describe, and the resistance we’ve encountered in that herd…
perhaps I was wrong. If so, you have my deepest regret.
Are the Fyrehold furies missing? Or hiding?
Is there more strength present here than we have uncovered? ’
“Ruin and Alexi have built something here that we don’t understand,” I muttered. “So… maybe.”
As I turned that thought over, God, it made sense.
Ruin was a king’s pet—truly capable and talented. Ambitious. Apparently lacking in any kind of meaningful integrity. And, somehow, controlling herds of wild dragons?
I shared my thoughts with Kgosi as I tried to imagine what could be behind this: Alexi building a new herd, a bigger force, but without the integrity and honesty of Kgosi.
Ruin creating a mercenary horde for him, bringing it home in the wake of my death, and Kgosi’s.
It would leave a gaping void that they could fly a wild Primarch directly into.
Kgosi sighed heavily ‘Grieving dragons, fearing loss of their bonded Ones, desperate for security and being offered it by a powerful strength…’
I nodded.
Kgosi gave a strange groan. ‘I had hoped Alexi retained the seed of strength and goodness he once had. The integrity he admired in you—I hoped that seed would curb his ambition. But it would appear my prayers have not been answered.’
God, that felt heavy. I shook my head. “What the hell do I do, Keg?”
‘You do not sully your conscience for the sake of theirs, and you trust the Creator to use His power in the things you cannot control.’
He hadn’t hesitated, but the answer sent a flash of rage through me “Right?! You want me to do right in the face of men who’ve done everything wrong?
Do you know what right is, Kgosi? Right is not killing men who haven’t attacked me.
Right is honoring vows of loyalty. But in this mess, if I do those two things it will lead directly to the downfall of a kingdom and possibly the furies that serve it—which is what he’s aiming for.
Why? Why would he want you dead, Kgosi?”