Chapter Twenty
F unny how things can feel so familiar when everything around you is different.
New location, new circumstances, new process… And yet the simple action of sitting across from him is exactly the same as it was for three years.
Up until the moment he left.
He slants his head to the side, perfectly unreadable expression on his face.
Taps the tip of his pen against the notepad he’s holding.
Stares at me, those full lips I used to think about way too often firmly planted shut.
As if he has every intention of staying fully silent for the entirety of whatever the hell this is.
Just like old times.
Well, not exactly . Before, he would have made an attempt to get me speaking, and I would’ve gladly obliged. Now , we’re locked in a stubborn and hostile game of conversational chicken. And I won’t break first.
Mainly because I refuse to be the one engaging him when he owes me words, in the form of an explanation. But also because I fear the moment I do open my mouth, months of belligerent rage will come spewing out like projectile vomit.
No, no. I will continue to stew in silence, using my glare and calculated body language to convey every bit of hatred I have for this man until he chooses to put us both out of our misery.
“Trevel…” Dr. Love finally says my name, the first sound to be uttered in this room in approximately eleven minutes. Aha! See? I win. “Is there anything you’d like to say about why you’re here?”
The aloof tone of his deep voice stirs up more anger than I even know what to do with, as does his barmy fucking question. As if it’s my responsibility to do his job for him, despite him being the reason I’m here in the bloody first place.
My jaw clenches in a pretty obvious way, but of course it gets no reaction. Since the moment I set foot in here, I’ve been met with the stone wall of his indifference, and it’s enraging me.
Tilting my head to mirror his, I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, hands clasped beneath my chin. “What do you think I’d like to say about my being here, Doctor? After all, you’re the professional .”
“I think there’s a lot you’d like to say,” he replies blankly. “And I think you should voice it. That is why we’re here.”
“ Is it? ” I hiss, frustrations bubbling over the patience-pot. “Is that why we’re here , Doctor??”
He stares impassively, giving me that look I’ve seen so many times over the years.
You know , the one that says absolutely nothing while still somehow overflowing with condescension.
It makes me hate him more than even seems feasible.
As does the fact that he somehow looks so much better than he used to.
He’s just as big as he ever was; muscles equally close to bursting out of his tailored clothes. His dreadlocks are a bit longer and tied back in that half-ponytail I would occasionally imagine grabbing a fistful of. Facial hair still short and immaculately trimmed.
But his amber eyes glow with less fascination and more boredom that has me simmering on this ugly velvet couch.
Because he’s not intrigued by me anymore.
And why would he be?? He has a new, more popular monster under his care.
Unfortunately, I think it’s this one detail that’s accentuating his sheer gorgeousness more than ever.
Knowing that he’s sleeping with a man now— a man who’s not me —thus making him just my type.
Bisexual and unavailable, both emotionally and physically.
I’m moments from erupting, ready to give him a taste of the old Trevel. But my mind flashes back to our early days at Riverwoods…
Strapped down to a slab after biting a nurse and spitting in an orderly’s face. Roaring and screaming and laughing in such hysterics that tears and snot threatened to choke me.
“Fuck you!” I wailed until my voice nearly gave out. “Get off me! Get off get off fuck you fuck you don’t touch me… Let… me… go!”
Commotion cut into my gasps and forceful yanking at my restraints. The door to the small, white-walled room opened, and in stepped the attractive doctor who’d come to observe me previously. The head nurse and administrator stood just outside with sour looks on their faces.
The doctor took one look at me and barked, “Leave us.” Then he began unbuckling my restraints.
The nurse charged into the room to stop him. “But Doctor, he’s—”
He aimed a stern glare at her. “Close the door, with you on the other side of it. Right now.”
My screaming had stopped. My sniveling and thrashing… I’d gone completely still and silent. I was just watching him in awe as he freed my arms, legs, and neck. Even after he did, I continued to lie there. Staring up at the beautiful man.
“Do you remember me, Trevel?” he asked cooly, inquisitive enough that I instantly felt my heart rate evening out.
Just looking at him was like the pills they were always shoving down my throat to keep me calm, only so much better. Because with him, I was wide awake.
I nodded slowly, though my voice would no longer work.
“I’m Dr. Love,” he said evenly. “I’ve been assigned as your psychiatrist to evaluate your progress and determine when you’ll be fit to rejoin society.”
I gulped and sniffled. “So… what do you think?”
My voice came out childlike, but I couldn’t help it. I was barely nineteen, and despite all I’d been through up until that point, I still felt like a kid around authority figures.
Especially ones who looked and sounded like him.
Dr. Love glanced down at my wrists, all raw and blistering already. “I think I’m looking forward to learning more about you, Trevel. And don’t worry… I’ll make sure they never hold you down like that again.”
Closing my eyes, I saw it once more… Felt it and smelled it and heard it and tasted it…
Blood and dirt in my mouth, mixing with my tears and spit. A large hand on the back of my head, keeping my face in the ground so I could barely breathe. Fingers and body parts pinning me down while I burned all over in agonizing pain. Their laughter, their grunts, and their hushed taunts.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
By the time the last one finished, I was numb. When they finally got up and took off, I was empty. Nothing left but the cold corpse of someone who existed solely to be used.
I reopened my eyes—just like I had that night—gazing at the doctor and remembering the one thing that had resurrected me…
Revenge.
Harnessing the fury inside, I allow it to settle, like lightweight particles of metal in my bloodstream, strengthening me. My lips quirk, and I ease back in my seat, making myself comfortable.
“You know, it is good to see you again, Dr. Love,” I hum. “I’m glad you’ve taken to your new position. And so effortlessly, it seems.”
Dr. Love simply stares, unaffected. No reaction. Yet…
“I’d assumed you leaving all of your work in Atlanta unfinished meant you were headed for bigger and better things,” I go on. “Imagine my surprise when I found out you were seeing but one patient here… Talk about a letdown, am I right?”
I notice the slightest movement in his jaw. A subtle tic imperceptible to most. But not me.
I’m getting to him.
“Nevertheless, it appears to be working for you, and that’s all that matters,” I keep needling, poking and nudging, at the one spot where I know he holds his vulnerability.
His Achilles heel… “You’d done all you could in Atlanta, and I understand that now.
Coming here was like a… retirement of sorts.
Somewhere to sail off into the sunset—alongside a pretty, young toy—and just give up… ”
“Trevel, that’s enough,” Dr. Love grunts, with as much bite as you can expect from him, which isn’t much. But still, it’s there, and it’s quite satisfying. “We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here—”
“Because Manuel Blanco ordered it?” I cut him off, smirking. “And he calls the shots, correct? He’s the one in charge here, not you. I mean, you get to wield control over Felix Darcey, but that’s not much of a feat, is it? He’s basically a pet—”
“You’re lashing out because you’re still angry.” He cocks his head to the other side. “It hurt quite a bit that I abandoned you… Didn’t it?”
“Oh, Doctor… Trust me,” I growl. “ No one can hurt me better than I can. You know that.”
“Yes, I’m aware of your habits, your coping mechanisms, and your triggers,” he deadpans. “I know everything about you, which is why I know that this hostility you’re holding on to toward me has little to do with you being here, and everything to do with you feeling deserted.”
An unamused scoff bursts from my lips. “ Wow. Your God complex has risen in spades, hasn’t it? Is that also thanks to The Carver?”
At the second mention of his serial killer boyfriend, Dr. Love’s eyes take on a gleam of rage. It’s a thread I’m all too prepared to grab onto and pull .
Naturally, he disguises it very well. “You know I can’t discuss other patients with you, Trevel.”
“Alright, then. Let’s talk about why I’m here,” I counter. “Alice… I didn’t kill her.”
“I know. They ruled her death an accidental overdose.”
“Except that it wasn’t,” I hiss. “Her brother and his wanker of a friend killed her in an attempt to frame me.”
He blinks at me. “So you killed them.”
“That’s how I roll.” I fold my arms over my chest.
Dr. Love tosses the notepad onto the table, leaning in to give the impression that his attention is on me. I hate that shit, because of how much it used to fill my stomach with flutters.
“Why don’t you tell me why the moment I left, you decided to stop taking your medication and undo all of the progress we’d made?” He arches a patronizing brow.
“It’s really quite simple,” I hiss, keeping our eyes locked. “I wanted to make it painfully apparent that you’d failed.”
His jaw tics again. “And why is it so important to you that I fail, Trevel?” The wrath is rising again, stiffening my muscles. My lips part, but he jumps in before I can reply. “Because I left you. Isn’t that right?”