Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
“I thought it fascinated you. I thought… you understood me.” I pause to sniff and wipe the rain from my face. “You did , I know you did. You always have… But then you left me for him. Like you were… trading up. Like I was… a lesser monster.”
Dr. Love is completely silent, but for the first time since I’ve known him, it doesn’t feel like a tactic, to assert his dominance or superior intellect. It’s not the silence of him observing and cataloging me in his head.
He’s… stunned.
“Trevel…” His voice is uncharacteristically soft. Pitying.
It makes me want to retch.
“Piss off,” I snap, dragging him to keep moving. “Spare me the fake empathy. We both know you don’t care.”
He yanks himself out of my grip, standing still. “You’re right. I don’t.”
My brow cocks.
“You want an apology? Well, guess what… You ain’t getting shit . I can’t tell you I’m sorry , because I’m not, and there’s no point in lying or faking it. You’re too smart. It’s a waste of time.”
My gaze at him narrows.
“I don’t regret coming here, Trevel. Despite all the bullshit that’s happened over the last however many months. I’m not sorry for leaving or using Manuel’s sudden obsession with you as my ticket back. And I think you know why…”
I swallow a painful lump in my throat. “I know. But I don’t fucking understand it,” I grit out through my clenched jaw. “ Why him? What the fuck is so special about Felix Darcey??”
He stares at me for a moment again, the lines of his face taking on some vulnerability. It’s not much, but it’s there. And it’s making me feel even sicker.
“For me?” he whispers. “Everything.”
My fist tightens around the handle to the blade. And for a second, I think I might actually slit his throat.
“It’s the sort of thing you’ll never be able to comprehend until you feel it yourself.
I know I didn’t,” he goes on, tone gentle, normal.
Human . “I spent most of my life believing such things were frivolous and unnecessary. I mean, human beings can survive, even thrive, without attachment. Romantic love doesn’t contribute to science.
We don’t… need it. But then I met him and…
all of that went out the window. Because I wanted it so badly that it became a need. ”
He huffs, tipping his chin toward the ground and shaking his head. It’s so very unexpected, for a moment, I think I’m hallucinating.
“Did he just… laugh??” Leo gasps, and I subtly wave him off.
“The point is, I didn’t choose it.” Lemuel continues.
“I didn’t plan it or anticipate it. In fact, it came out of nowhere and really fucked me up.
” He tilts his head, bronze eyes set heavily on my gaze, holding it.
“When it happens, it changes everything. It erases everything else… It didn’t matter that I was leaving things behind, screwing people over, or being selfish.
It sure as shit didn’t matter that I was straight .
Like a rebirth, you start fresh. Nothing from before them matters.
No regrets, no apologies. You’ll do anything and everything for them, no qualms or hesitations. ”
My heart is racing, hair brushing in my eyes from the wind. A bright flash lights up the sky, and I jump. The thunder is immediate, crackling and booming so loud, it’s as if the sky just split open.
Lemuel glances up at something behind me. “That’s how you know my promise is sincere, Trevel. Because Felix Darcey is the other piece of me… And I don’t let people hurt me without retribution. Just like you.”
“That’s…” My voice dries up, as do my words. I have nothing to say.
I can’t even think.
All I have are my thoughts, as loud as the thunder.
I think I might know that feeling…
“Is that why you killed Alice’s brother and that guy?” he asks me. Not like a doctor, but like a person who’s curious. Like my equal, both of us soaking wet and… considering it. Fucking love . “Because you felt that way for her?”
My mouth is hanging open. I should be able to say yes… But it’s not working.
This time, I’m not… thinking about Alice.
Another bolt of lightning strikes, accompanied by an even louder crack!
Lemuel hip-checks me into the nearest tree, and like an instinct, I huddle up to it, praying we won’t be struck.
“What the fuck…” I hear him grunt, but his voice is being drowned out by another sound.
A slow crackling, rumbling and tumbling, and then…
Boom! The loudest, most roaring crash I’ve ever heard, a reverberation beneath our feet like an earthquake. It’s as if the lightning splintered the ground in two.
I’m afraid to reopen my eyes, and when I finally do, I feel like minutes have passed. Really, it’s no more than a few seconds.
Lemuel and I are hugging the tree for dear life.
“What the hell was that?!” I gasp and cough from the dust in the air. “Did something explode??”
I’ve never seen, nor could I have imagined seeing Lemuel this way. Honestly, he looks scared.
Inching between the trees, we look up and see it. Destruction.
A giant structure has broken in half… And smashed right into the side of the prison.
Bloody fucking hell, what the fuck…
“Holy shit…” Lemuel breathes.
Gaping at the ruins, my limbs shiver with fear and adrenaline. I’m blinking and blinking, willing it away. But it won’t go.
This isn’t a dream, or an illusion concocted by my twisted mind. This is real.
Alabaster Penitentiary has collapsed.
“Come on.” Grabbing Lemuel by the arm, I tug him closer to get a better look. But he’s pulling in the opposite direction.
“I have to get back to Felix.” He stands his ground.
“The mansion is fine. We’re going this way,” I growl.
“Not a fucking chance,” he snarls. “I’m going back to him and making sure he’s okay. If you think you’re stopping me, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”
“Let’s get this show back on track, yea?” I see Leo up ahead, on his way toward the prison, cutting debris out of the way with his twin swords.
Lunging at Lemuel with the razor, I seethe, “I must’ve forgotten the part where I said you were calling the shots.
” He’s obviously irate, thinking up ways to overpower me despite the weapon.
So I don’t give him the chance. I grab him harder, razor up to his throat.
“I’m sure the mansion is a million times more structurally sound than the prison, since The Ivory lives there.
It’ll be fine. Now walk , or I’ll cut your head off and give it to the love of your life as an engagement gift. ”
“You better pray nothing happens to him…” he seethes, and I roll my eyes.
“Yea, yea. His life is in Byron’s hands now,” I sneer. “Let’s hope for your sake, my partner in crime is less reckless than Bonnie Parker.”
Grinning, I haul a furious Dr. Love toward the prison.
Or… what’s left of it.