Chapter 35 Ginger #2
The chopping continued. His sure hands wielded the knife like a dagger. “But I don’t need to read your mind to be able to sense the way your body is reacting right now. You’re feeling something, Ginger. And you’re feeling it strongly.”
I forced out a breathy laugh. It sounded strained, even to my own ears. “That’s called hatred.”
His movements stopped. “You hate me?”
“Of course,” I said quickly. Another lie.
He set the knife down with a thunk that echoed throughout the quiet cottage and gripped the counter with both hands, trapping me again. “Why?” he asked quietly.
I swallowed. His warmth surrounded me like a cloak, and the smell of oak and jasmine overwhelmed me. It was weirdly familiar. Comforting. “You’ve thrown me off kilter,” I admitted. It was a safe admission. “You disrupted my normal.”
I would rather die than admit that he had invaded my every waking thought from the moment he walked into my life, whether I liked it or not.
“And that’s a bad thing?”
I felt the ghost of something against my hair. His nose? My legs threatened to buckle. “The worst.”
“Such a shame,” he said softly. “Because you are the one thing I live for.”
“It is a shame,” I breathed.
He settled his chin onto my shoulder for a moment, his chest pressing into my back. His breath mingled with mine as he spoke. “There goes your heart, revealing your secrets again. Little liar.”
If I turned my head, just a little, his mouth would be right there… My body ached for it. If I gave him the opportunity to steal a kiss from me, would he take it?
He stepped back, leaving a chill in his wake.
I missed his presence immediately.
I took a moment to compose myself, and then set about assembling my breakfast. My eggs were burnt, but only just.
I stirred in the tomatoes and herbs, salt and pepper, and returned to the table to find Shade sitting quietly, staring at his hands.
His fingertips were a dark, inky black.
“Why do they do that?” I asked, pointing at his fingers with my spoon.
His brow furrowed. “I’m not really sure,” he mused. “Sometimes I can control the color, and sometimes I cannot. It’s very frustrating.”
“Is it connected to something? Like your thoughts? Your intentions?” I shoveled a spoonful of eggs into my mouth. The breakfast was delicious, even with the additional char.
“Perhaps.”
“Are you thinking about dark and murderous things right now, then?”
His cheek twitched. “Something like that.”
I swallowed heavily, nearly choking in the process. “If you were going to destroy the town, you could have done so already. What’s taking you so long?” I attempted a joking tone, but it sounded more panicked than anything. My cheeks warmed with embarrassment.
“I do not wish to destroy the place you call home,” he said quietly.
“What do you want, then?” I asked, though I already knew, for he had said it many times.
Me.
He wanted me.
Even though that made no sense. Maybe now that he was speaking freely, he would finally be honest.
And maybe, with the return of his memories, he would finally come to his senses and realize that I was absolutely nothing to him. Less than nothing.
His eyes flicked up, meeting my gaze, capturing me entirely.
“I am beginning to learn that I want many things.”
“Like?” I squeaked. I cleared my throat awkwardly.
“Like…” He trailed off, his eyes dropping back down to his darkened fingers. He ran his thumb along his blunt fingernails almost absentmindedly. “A home, for one.”
This surprised me. My eyebrows shot to my hairline. “A home? I didn’t take you for the sentimental type.”
“Everyone here in this town, you all… belong.” He swallowed, his throat bobbing. “I want to know how that feels.”
I shoveled another scoop of eggs into my mouth to spare myself a few seconds from responding.
This enigmatic, mysterious, unfathomably powerful god just wanted to feel like he belonged.
I suddenly felt prickling at the backs of my eyes, tightening in my throat.
I knew exactly how he felt, and that thought had me torn between wanting to burst into tears and throw my arms around Shade’s shoulders.
He continued, sparing me from speaking. “Like you. You fit here like a blade of grass in a meadow—like you were grown here just like everyone else.”
I froze. My eyes jumped to his face of their own accord. He was watching me, his expression open and earnest. He wasn’t lying to me.
I forced out a dismissive snort. He couldn’t tell just how close to the edge of crumbling I truly was. “It just seems that way because I’m the one serving everyone alcohol.”
He shook his head. A lock of hair dropped over his scarred eye, briefly hiding it from my view before he tucked it back into place.
“You don’t see yourself the way everyone else does, Ginger.
These folk revolve around you naturally.
You all drift together, move together, take care of each other.
It’s a family. And you’re at the heart of it. ”
Warmth flooded my cheeks. Shade was just a stranger. An outsider. He didn’t know what he was talking about.
But… he wasn’t an outsider. Not exactly. Not anymore.
He had clung to the edges of society, but he had remained in Moonvale for weeks. He had gotten himself declared Mister Moonvale. And though he didn’t seem to interact with many folk, he clearly paid attention.
Maybe he wasn’t too far off.
I was used to being the backup friend. An acquaintance. The second choice. And most of the time, I was fine with that.
But other times, it ate at me.
A secret, selfish part of me wanted to be important—wanted to be the center of attention, for once. The object of someone’s focus.
Maybe that’s why Shade was able to slowly slip shadowy tendrils further and further under my skin…
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Shade asked with a small, pleased smile.
“No,” I said quickly. Defensively. I wasn’t sure why my hackles were raised, but I couldn’t force them back down.
He nodded once, not calling me out on the lie. “Okay. I hope that one day you will see.”