Chapter 45
Huntyr
Ikeep staring at my hands in my lap as if I’m waiting for them to explode again. The light faded away long before we arrived at camp, but I can still feel the echo of that power in my fingertips. I’m not even sure if I can summon it back. I’m not sure if I want to.
Fae magic.
That’s what it is.
Undeniably.
Fucking. Fae. Magic.
The magic of the creatures I was trained to kill. The creatures I had begged Kristona to teach me how to kill.
Throughout all that training, fighting, and killing, I’d been a Fae myself the whole time.
What unbelievable irony.
And somehow that wasn’t even the worst of it.
No, the worst of it, the unimaginable truth, was that the Fae weren’t actually responsible for the day that had changed my life irrevocably.
It wasn’t the Fae who had killed my father.
It wasn’t the Fae who had forced me to jump from that window and run into the night.
It wasn’t the Fae who had left me alone and crying on that street.
All this time, I’d been so sure. I’d been so positive, that I’d let Kristona take me home and claim me as his daughter and apprentice.
I’d been five years old.
I’d accepted every horror and committed every single monstrosity he’d asked me to, because it all served a purpose. Every person I ran my blade through prepared me for the day I could make the Fae pay for what they did to me.
All of it had been a waste.
Had Kristona known all along? He’d taken me in, become a second father to me, and told me he loved me every single day. But he also hurt me. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. He nurtured that hatred in my heart and used it to serve his purposes.
What kind of love drives a man to send a child to conduct such atrocities?
He is just as responsible for the blood on my hands as I am.
Blood that now stains my soul for nothing.
I don’t move when I hear Derian approaching. I don’t even look away from my hands when he crouches down in front of me.
“Get up,” he orders, not a hint of sympathy in his tone.
Kaia snarls next to him, and he turns his glare onto her.
“She doesn’t need to be coddled,” he says to her, entirely unafraid as she bares her teeth at him. If I wasn’t spiraling so much, I’d be impressed by his courage.
He turns back to me. “Up, Huntress. You’ll either do it on your own or I’ll lift you. I’m learning you’d prefer to do things by yourself, but I’m not opposed to taking care of you if you refuse to do so.”
His voice still lacks any kindness or understanding for the fact that everything I’ve ever known has just crashed down around me. With difficulty, I finally pull my gaze from my hands, glaring at him with such anger that a smirk begins to play at his lips as I push to my feet.
He looks down at Kaia. “Scram, Kitty.”
“Don’t go,” I beg her, not even sure why.
She pushes her head against my leg. “The prince will keep you safe.”
“I can keep myself safe.”
She’s quiet, looking up at me with such seriousness that my stomach flips slightly.
“I do not speak of your physical safety.”
With a flick of her tail and a growl in Derian’s direction, she’s gone, running up the hill, back to our camp, before I can ask what she means by that. Then, I’m left alone with the Fae prince, who’s scanning over me with a poorly hidden grimace.
“You stink,” he tells me.
I balk. “Well, you’re not exactly a fresh spring yourself.”
He reaches forward, undoing the belt on my hips and starting to strip my clothing. His movements are methodical and precise, his eyes focused only on the clothes he’s removing as he’s doing so. There’s no desire in his gaze, only the focus on his singular goal of helping me out of my clothing.
When I’m entirely nude, and shivering, he wraps an arm around my waist and pushes me towards the pool of water at our feet.
“In you go.”
In the moonlight, the water is near black, ominous, and overwhelming.
As I step in, my bare feet connect with rocks and small divots that almost feel like seats in the ground.
I feel my way around as heat rushes over the skin of my foot, a prickling sensation that dances the line between pleasure and discomfort.
A hotspring.
The sigh that escapes me sounds positively sexual, but I can’t bother to feel embarrassed by it.
Not when the water feels this warm. I sink into it, letting that warmth wrap around me.
It works my aching muscles, coaxing them into a melting release, and I allow myself to go under for a few moments, letting the water flow over my face and through my hair.
Under the water, there’s the tiniest sense of peace—of escape.
When I finally emerge, blinking my eyes open and gasping for air, the first thing I see is a hand reaching towards me. I can’t stop my gasp from the sudden rush of fear, and water splashes into the air as I jerk backwards.
“Hey,” Derian’s voice cracks through the anxiety, and I make out his form in front of me. His hand comes to cup my face. “It’s only me. I’ve got you.”
His pants and boots lay discarded next to mine in the grass, and I can just make out the sight of the fire on the hill above us where our friends wait for us.
Friends.
Fae.
One and the same.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble. “I’m not usually so jumpy.”
He gives me a slight understanding smile. “I know.”
Derian runs a thumb over my brow, to where the worry line has formed between them.
“It wasn’t for nothing, Huntress.”
I sigh heavily, no longer surprised that he’s able to read me so clearly and sense what’s worrying my mind. His hands run down my shoulders and begin kneading slightly, working at the tight muscles, and I allow myself to relax under their expert work.
“I’m fine,” I lie, though I’m not sure if it’s for his benefit or my own.
He gives me that expression that says he knows I’m lying. “Everything you’ve ever known about yourself and your world has changed in a matter of days. I would be horrified if you were still fine after that.”
Perhaps, but I’d always been the kind of person who could pick myself up and keep going despite what chaos life threw at me. I was the woman who hid my pain away behind sarcasm and violence without ever struggling to seem unfazed.
So why couldn’t I do that so easily now?
I chew on my lower lip, letting my head fall back to stare at the brilliantly shining constellations above us.
The stars trail across the sky, so beautiful a painter could never quite capture their elegance.
It seems wrong that a soul as ugly as mine should get to bear witness to something this beautiful.
“I’ve done such terrible things,” I whisper, not courageous enough to admit the words with any real volume.
My mind has been playing it over and over since we resumed our journey out of that wretched town. Every job. The fighting. The torture. The killing.
I could bathe in the blood of my victims, and there would still be enough to fill a dozen more tubs. I’d managed to justify it all for so long, but now? There is no justification. No excuse.
There is just me. And the monster I’ve become.
Derian’s hands fall to my waist, and he pulls me to straddle him as he sits atop one of those carvings in the rock. There’s nothing sexual about the position. This is just for the comfort of being close to another body, and I allow myself to relish in the feeling of his skin on mine.
“You’re not the only one to do heinous things, love,” he reminds me.
I stare at him, stare into those dark eyes, and I know that he’s telling the truth. I know he is, because his eyes are just as haunted as I feel. Derian has had decades to create his infamous legacy of brutality.
“How do you live with it?”
He sighs, looking away for a moment before turning back to me and brushing my hair back off my shoulders. “You just do. You remind yourself that every step you’ve taken has been necessary to get you where you are now. I happen to like where I am now.”
His words hit heavily in my chest, and the tears that have been threatening to escape since I watched Roland die finally break free. I hate it. I hate that unstoppable show of vulnerability, but he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t look at me like I’m weak or silly as he brushes them away with his thumbs.
“It wasn’t necessary, Derian.”
His fingers hook on my chin, forcing my attention back on him when I attempt to turn away.
“Yes it was, Huntress. Everything you have done, everything you lived through, shaped you into who you are now. You are the stubborn, strong, vivacious, insufferable woman you are because of every single day in your past. It all led you here. To this moment. To you and me sitting here together.”
I’m shaking. Even in the warm water, I can’t stop the trembles that work through me. He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care enough to acknowledge it.
“You are so powerful, Huntyr Lachlan, for so many more reasons than whatever magic runs in your veins. You are going to need that power in the days that come. So, do not look back on your past with hatred. Do not look at yourself with anything other than respect for the girl who fought to become such an incredible woman.”
He leans forward, pressing his lips to mine. The kiss is gentle, barely more than a touch. It’s a whisper of whatever bond exists between the two of us. A promise that even if I can’t see my own strength right now, he sees it. He respects it the way he wishes I would.
That sweetness undoes me. It knits together something inside me that broke earlier today.
No, it does more than just that. It mends pieces of me that broke apart a long time ago.
This monster beside me, with a past as dark and horrendous as my own, might be the only soul in this realm who has the power to heal me.
And that knowledge sends a spark of desire coursing through me. Desire for a physical release yes, but also a desire for him. His kisses are still slow and gentle, reassuring, but it’s not long before I’m grasping hold of him and guiding him to my entrance.
“You don’t have to,” he tells me, not daring to blink as he stares at me.