24. Brynn
Wincing as I shifted in my seat, I gave up trying to get comfortable and stood instead, raising my desk to the appropriate height. Thank goodness I’d had the forethought to purchase an adjustable desk years ago just as everyone had been mandated to work from home. Little had I known back then that it would be the only way I would be able to work after my last visit to Lotus and my last session with EREBUS69.
My body was still sore in places I hadn’t imagined could be sore. Apparently, it was like a badge of honor to be marked by your Dominant. Not only had Blair indicated as much in the latest diary I was reading, but Anya had also alluded to that in our last conversation on Olympus. Without violating server rules, she had asked me a few questions, then offered some advice on products to use to help with pain and healing.
I really wanted to ask Anya if she had known my sister, but I didn’t dare. The last thing I wanted was to draw that type of attention to myself and potentially get booted not only from Olympus, but from Lotus entirely. Every day, I ran the risk of being discovered and having all contact with EREBUS69 cut off completely.
As much as I hated to admit it, I felt connected to the man, even though I didn’t know him that well. I wanted to, though. I wanted to know as much of him as he would allow. I had already gotten impressions that there were things he did with me that differed from other submissives. I didn’t entirely understand why I thought those things, but I couldn’t shake them.
Once my workday was finished and Lug Nut was taken care of, I drew a bath loaded with Epsom salts and grabbed Blair’s diary, sliding it into a zipper bag so it wouldn’t get wet. This particular journal described more of the club and the various Doms she was meeting when she went. There had been mention of me in the diary, too, and my heart had hurt when I’d read my sister’s words:
Dear Diary -This whole aspect of my life is exciting and scary at the same time. I’m learning so many things about myself that I never would have imagined were part of me. I really want to tell Brynn about it… to see if maybe she might have some of these same questions or feelings… but, she’s my little sister. I can’t talk to her about this. What would she think of it? What would she think of me? It would break my heart to have her opinion of me change, or to have her think I’m some kind of a freak. No, I can’t say anything, even though I really want to. I’ll have to figure out how to live with keeping this part of myself a secret from her.
“Oh, B. I wish you would have just taken a chance on me,” I said aloud. “Sure, I would have been surprised… shocked, even… but you’re my sister, dammit. And you were my best friend. Now more than ever, I could use some of the knowledge that you had. I am flying blind here, with no fucking idea what’s protocol and what’s not.”
Sighing, I lowered myself into the tub and lost track of time reading about a month’s worth of entries before the water was cool enough to make me shiver. I was puzzled because peppered throughout her descriptions of the club, the Dominants, the submissives, and the scenes that she’d experienced, Blair would talk about an assignment. What did that mean? There were no specifics, just mention of the word assignment. I refused to skip ahead into other diaries trying to solve that mystery. I supposed if and when I was meant to know, I would find out at the right time.
As I dried off, I caught sight of my ass in the mirror and paused to really study it. The welts were healing over, and the bruises were a mix of blue and purple as well as a yellowish-green color. EREBUS69 had marked me with three large ‘X’s across the width of my cheeks. He’d told me more than once how well my skin marked and how beautiful it looked wearing his. The slight tone of possession had sparked something low in my belly that night, much as it was doing now. I applied more of the special cream that had been recommended to me and as I did, I could feel his hands all over me again.
Was this what it meant to be owned? I had seen chatter on the server from some of the other girls about being owned but wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. So far, I hadn’t run across that in my sister’s entries, either. I wasn’t a thing and I wasn’t property, but something told me that wasn’t what was meant in the BDSM context by being owned.
My musings were interrupted by hearing my phone vibrate. I was annoyed to see that it was Randall. He was pushing boundaries more and more these days, becoming inappropriate and making me uncomfortable. While I didn’t want to take this to HR, he was quickly leaving me with no choice. It seemed like no amount of no answers would penetrate his brain and stick. He continued to ask me out for dinners, or to be his plus one to various social functions. While it had been just a few times a year in the past, it was becoming more and more frequent and he was backing me into a corner. I didn’t want to make things difficult for him at work, but that was exactly what he was doing to me. Why should I gloss over it to protect his feelings?
After reading his latest invitation, I considered my words carefully before crafting a reply, telling him to cease and desist asking me out as our affiliation was professional only. As such, I was requesting that communication be through company email or company instant messaging only, as my other bosses do. What I didn’t tell him was that I was sending the thread to HR as an FYI so it was on record. I knew that things would more than likely become difficult for me, so I wanted to make sure I got in front of it.
Randall would nitpick everything I did from now on, so it might be in my best interest to beef up my resume. I just might need it. I already knew I would need to save every email with approvals and feedback from now on because he would contradict himself. I would be doing things over just to do them over.
I hit send on my reply and braced myself. I forwarded the thread to HR and when I still had not gotten a reply from Randall, I thought it odd, but was cautiously optimistic. Maybe he truly understood that I was serious and would not budge. I hoped so and I hoped this would be the end of it.
I still wasn’t sleepy enough for my brain to disengage, so I settled under the covers with a diary and continued reading. The more I read, the clearer a picture I was getting of who this “other” Blair was… the one she was afraid to show to me. Her descriptions of Lotus were so vivid, though I’d been inside only twice, I knew exactly what she was referring to, and figured if I went again, I might be able to locate other areas based on her words alone.
The frustrating part of her entries was that no one was mentioned by name. Not real names, anyway. And most of the time, she didn’t even use server names in these entries. There were a lot of He and Him. How the fuck was I supposed to figure out who the players were?
You’re not!
“Hush up, you,” I hissed at the inner voice of reason in my head. Maybe if I took notes it would help? A chart? I liked charts but I was too lazy to leave the warm nest I had made for myself, so I stayed put and made the best of it.
I got to an entry where Blair mentioned a violet wand. I’d never heard of such a thing, so I quickly looked it up and oh, my god. Electricity? There?
My sister was most definitely what was termed a pain slut. She liked to hurt and would find blissful ecstasy through pain inflicted at the hands of a Sadist. She’d written about how freeing it was to get out of her own head and only focus on the physical pain instead of the mental. She craved it like a drug and the Dominants at Lotus were her dealers.
There were numerous others on the server with a similar mindset. Anya was not one of them, though she didn’t mind some pain with her pleasure. I found it all fascinating.
Blair once again mentioned an assignment, stating that she’d had no idea when she’d accepted this one that she would reap the benefits of finding so many perfect partners to fulfill her needs. I still didn’t know what that meant, but I supposed I was glad she found what she was looking for at Lotus.
What was I looking for at Lotus? I wish I knew.
I wanted to find out more about my sister and what she was doing at the club, yes, but I hadn’t been kidding when I’d said I was flying blind.
I didn’t really have friends beyond Blair. Our childhood had been so complicated, it was just easier not to have to explain things to others. Our mother was complicated, and I still didn’t want to have to explain her to anyone, even now. Yes, it was lonely, especially now, but I felt it was better. Interacting with people on Olympus was easier… safer… anonymous and I needed it to be anonymous for as long as it could be.