Chapter 2 Ryan
Ryan
I managed to successfully avoid Dominic for the rest of the weekend. Mainly by spending it out of my flat. I’d visited every friend I had in the area, completed errands I’d been putting off for months, and hit the gym far more than was healthy.
I couldn’t avoid returning there to sleep though. Kate had ended up crashing in London overnight, leaving me to either sleep at Mum’s or go back to my place.
Given I hadn’t spent the night in my childhood home in a decade, it’d be weird to do so now.
Even during breaks from uni, I hadn’t returned to Mum’s.
It had been easier to stay in York over the summers, taking on various temp jobs to fund it.
Working my fingers to the bone was better than the alternative.
Once I left, I couldn’t go back. Not to the room with the window Dominic had once climbed through.
The desk I’d spent hours at, sketching his form. The bed we’d shared.
His ghost might’ve haunted me out of one home, but I wasn’t letting the reality of him drive me from another.
After a weekend of barely any sleep, I needed my Monday morning coffee date with Kate desperately. Not just for the caffeine, but to see her. To remind myself of the good life I had now.
A life that had no room for Dominic in it.
I was already at our regular table when Kate breezed in. An easy smile lifted her lips when she spotted me. “Hi.”
I stood to greet her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Missed you.”
She laughed lightly, leaning back to peer at my face. “It’s only been a few days.”
I pecked her cheek. “A long few days.”
Kate gave me a quizzical look that I ignored as we took our seats. I understood her confusion. Neediness wasn’t something I’d ever displayed before. Neediness, possessiveness, yearning…all of them belonged to a version of me that no longer existed.
This was different though. I needed Kate right now. I needed to remind myself that she was my future. That Dominic’s appearance wasn’t going to threaten what I’d spent so long building.
Most of all, I needed her to kill this fucking ache in my chest. It hadn’t happened yet, but it would.
It had to.
“You look beautiful,” I said, reaching across the table to take her hand.
“Thank you.” She smiled. “You always say that.”
“It’s always true.”
It was. Today her long blonde hair was twisted into a sophisticated chignon. The black dress she’d opted for was sleek and smart, but tight enough to emphasise her curves. Her outfit was topped off with a sea-blue scarf that matched her eyes almost perfectly.
Kate’s beauty went deeper than that though. She was a genuinely kind and lovely person. Her sunshine was a balm to my icy heart. It hadn’t thawed it completely, but it would.
Best of all, I knew exactly where I stood with her. There were no lies. No half-truths. No evading what we were or where our future lay. Everything was open and on the table.
Just as I wanted.
Kate sipped her coffee and waggled her eyebrows. “So, tell me everything about your stag do. Did you have fun?”
I paused. This should be the moment where I told her that there’d been not one, but two gatecrashers. Max, she wouldn’t be surprised about. Unlike my co-workers, she knew he existed. That he was away in the military. That we weren’t close.
Kate, being Kate, hadn’t pushed for more information, just quietly squeezed my hand. Like me, she was estranged from some of her family—most notably her stepbrother. She understood without needing to know more.
But Dominic? Him, I’d never mentioned. How could I? How could I explain what he’d been to me when I wasn’t certain myself?
Sure. That’s why. Not because you don’t want to explain to your future wife that he broke your heart so successfully that you’re not sure you’ll ever love someone the same way. Even her.
God, I’d learned a lot from Dominic. Hadn’t realised one of those lessons had been about being a selfish prick, but here I was.
That was how I found myself forcing a smile onto my face before responding. “Uneventful. Aiden got a bit pissed as usual.”
Kate chuckled. “Typical Aiden.”
Guilt slammed through me as she accepted what I said without question. Why wouldn’t she?
You’re not the same as Dominic. You’re not telling her because there’s nothing to tell. Dominic is nothing.
If I could make myself believe that, maybe I’d be able to breathe properly again.
Instead, I kept hold of my fiancée’s hand and focused on the here and now. Dominic was in my past. This was my future. I didn’t need to worry about anything else.
Especially not how the ice around my heart had thawed a little. It had nothing to do with seeing him again.
It didn’t.
It didn’t.
Thoughts of Dominic were pushed to the back of my mind as I went about my work. My new role came with a new sales target, and if I had any hope of hitting it, I had to bring in fresh clients. Fortunately, a company I’d been chasing for months had finally agreed to a meeting.
I took several steadying breaths as I drove to Blackthorne Solutions. You can do this. You’ve pitched hundreds of times before.
Not as a partner though. The ball of nerves in my gut expanded. There was so much fucking pressure on this. I had to win this client, but what if I wasn’t good enough? What if they’d promoted me prematurely?
Fake it until you make it.
I winced as I remembered who’d taught me that.
Now wasn’t the time to revisit the past. Instead, I spent the rest of the drive reciting everything I’d learned about Blackthorne Solutions.
Based in Reading, they were a relatively new start-up, less than eighteen months old.
Them having bid on and won several significant MOD contracts had caused a stir in the defence market.
Until now, all of their tax compliance had been taken care of in-house. That couldn’t continue though, not with the figures they were now dealing with. For that, they’d need a professional firm.
I was determined that mine would be the firm they hired.
Pulling into the car park, I did a final check in the rearview mirror. The man staring back at me was calm, collected, confident.
In other words, a fucking liar. But it was okay. This was a lie I was used to. One I’d spouted so often I’d started to believe it was true.
That this was the real me.
I thought through the other information my research had turned up as I strode into the building and checked in with the receptionist. The man I was meeting, Chris Wynne, was the CEO and founder.
There was little information about him on social media, but I knew he’d served in the army before starting Blackthorne.
For a moment, there was a brief pang as I thought of Max, the other man who’d returned unexpectedly to my life.
If things had been different between us, maybe he’d be able to give me some hints and tips on how to get Chris Wynne to warm up to me.
Hell, maybe this meeting could’ve taken place on a golf course with him tagging along.
But things weren’t different. Max might not have caused any shit the other night, but I doubted he’d go so far as to help me.
Doubted he played golf either. Another marker of how different we still were.
I could’ve called Xander. He was navy, not army, but he could’ve maybe helped me out. The fact that the idea hadn’t even crossed my mind until now showed just how fucking distracted I was.
The receptionist smiled at me brightly, gesturing for me to follow her. “Chris will see you now.”
“Thank you.” I noted her use of his first name. Perhaps Chris Wynne wasn’t as formal as his military background might suggest. “This is a lovely building.”
“It is.” Her heels clicked sharply on the tiles as she led me along a brightly lit corridor. “We moved in about six months ago. You should’ve seen the place we were in before. Calling it a cupboard would be generous.”
I chuckled, following her into a conference room. “I imagine it’s been quite a change.”
“Indeed it has.” The deep voice reverberated off the glass walls as a man stepped in after us. He had an accent, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. “Didn’t have fellas like you popping by to schmooze us, that’s for sure.”
I hid my surprise at the sheer size of the man who now stood before us.
Chris Wynne towered over me, and I wasn’t short.
That, coupled with the muscles his suit jacket was entirely failing to hide, could’ve been quite intimidating.
But there was nothing intimidating about the warm smile he gave his receptionist. “Thank you, Janet. I’ve got it from here. ”
“Lovely to meet you, Janet,” I called after her before turning to greet Chris. “And it’s great to meet you too. I’m Ryan Davies from NFP.”
“Chris Wynne,” he said with an unmistakeable twinkle in his eye. “But everyone calls me Taff.”
“Ah, a Welshman?” I guessed, the pieces dropping into place.
He chuckled wryly. “All the original nicknames in the forces, and I got stuck with the most obvious. Born and raised in Abergavenny and Taff forever more.”
“Could’ve been worse, I suppose.” I breathed a little easier as we settled into chairs.
This was going well. Better than expected.
Chris, or Taff, was nice. Bringing him on board didn’t seem as daunting as it did before.
“At least it’s nothing incriminating or embarrassing.
My best mate is in the navy and they all call him Splash. ”
Taff let out a booming laugh. “I take it he fell overboard at some point?”
“Right in the middle of an exercise.” I laughed, despite not finding it all that funny.
The way Xander had described it had been the stuff of nightmares.
It had filled me with worry, not just for him, but for Dominic.
For what he might be going through. “It was during his first year, but the nickname stuck.”
“They have a habit of doing that. Worst one I came across was Chuck.”
I worked it through in my mind, a grin slowly curling my lips. “Let me guess—he inadvertently chucked up somewhere he shouldn’t have.”