Chapter 38 #2
A laugh that I feel like a velvet embrace, and my stomach does those strange flips again.
"If you think I'm going to give you time to run or change your mind, you're wrong, baby. And I can't wait to see what your skin tastes like after you washed with my body wash."
Why are my cheeks on fire? And why did I admit that to him?
Because I wanted him to know that this obsession he has with me is contagious.
When we reach the bedroom, he closes the door with his foot and sets me down gently on the mattress as if I might break if he let me go too abruptly.
This is when I start fidgeting. Did my mascara smudge after this day? Why the hell didn't I go check if my lipstick is cracked?
"You're perfect," he murmurs and leans toward me.
I'm not. There's something ugly in me that gnaws at my thoughts, something that was born that night. That grew with the crumbs Ivette threw my way every day. With Dad's indifference. With the way I was never anyone's priority.
But it's hard to remember that when his tongue touches mine. When his hands go under the shirt I'm wearing and touch my waist.
For a second he breaks the kiss, and I want to protest, but he pulls his shirt over his head and throws it aside, and his eyes... God. They're like two flames and suddenly the temperature in this room has risen too high.
My hands go to my own shirt, but of course he won't let me take it off myself.
In the next second, my bra and pants fall next to his shirt.
Now it's my turn to undress him, so I move my hands to the fly of his jeans and that's when I reach the same level as his bandage, which, thank God, is clean.
I don't know what impulse pushes me to do this, but I lean down to kiss his bandage and I hear him suck in a breath.
"I wish I could have made him scream forever. I wish I could have made sure that even when he took his last breath, he'd feel a thousand blades cutting him and a thousand flames burning his flesh," I murmur, my eyes still on the bandage.
One of his hands goes into my hair, and gently gripping it in his fist, he lifts my gaze to his.
"You won't stain your hands for me, s?onko."
"That's not your decision," I tell him clearly because he needs to understand that if he's possessive of me, he has no idea how I can be.
Because I've been starved for the attention of the men in my life my whole life, and now that he's given me his, I don't think he understands what I'd do to keep it. What I'd be capable of if someone tried to take him away from me.
His eyes smile again and he whispers, "No, baby. But no one deserves the honor of seeing your face before they die. No one. No one has done anything on this Earth worthy of such a privilege."
Right now I wish I could see myself through his eyes.
I wish could feel toward myself the devotion he's emanating right now through every pore, so I settle for the only thing I can do.
Which is to taste that devotion directly from his lips.
My hands manage the fly, then I hold his erection in my hands, without pulling my mouth from his.
Within seconds his tip becomes wet, and I can't avoid the smile spreading across my face at the fact that I arouse him with my simple touch.
How the hell could anyone want you when you're so cold, Stiles's words echo in my head, but I shake them off easily.
In that instant, I realize I'd been cold to every guy until this one because none of them were my flame.
Because they didn't burn for me, not the way this man burns, who looks at me as if the whole Earth kneels before me.
"Roxanne, as much as I'd like you to continue, if you don't stop... I haven't done this in a while and..." His words cut off with a curse when he throws his head back.
"What do you mean you haven't done this in a while?" I ask without stopping my movements and run my thumb over all the moisture gathering at his tip.
Turning his eyes to me and clenching his jaw, he answers.
"I haven't been with any woman since the moment I saw you in that warehouse a year ago."
My hand stops and my eyes widen at his confession. I want to say he's lying, that it's impossible, but the truth is written clear as day on his face.
Without waiting, I reverse our positions, and now he's the one leaning against the mattress and I'm on top of him.
It takes me five seconds to push my underwear aside and too many seconds to position myself in his lap. His hands grip my thighs, tensed with veins standing out, and he swallows hard as my center lowers gently onto his erection.
He doesn't take his eyes off mine for a second, and I don't look away either. Because I don't want to miss anything when I lower myself completely onto him.
Only then do we both throw our heads back, filling the room with our moans.
My hands tense on his abdomen and after the slight burning sensation disappears, I clench around him, making him release a groan that gives me goosebumps.
I don't know how long I stay like that, because I'm sure his penis is touching my cervix, but I hear him whisper, "Roxanne," and I can't avoid the arrogant grin spreading across my lips.
As if sensing my intention, his hands dig slightly painfully into my thighs and he starts to move. First slowly, making me give him too many sighs, then more urgently, as if he can't help but move like that.
My head positions itself next to his neck, and all I know is that I'm murmuring his name in his ear. And every time his name leaves my lips, his whole body trembles, so I don't stop doing it.
Even if his fingers leave bruises on my thighs, even if I feel so full of him, even if I feel our bodies becoming damp with sweat and the air smells like sex, I whisper his name continuously.
At one point I feel his fingertips on my back. I didn't think my back could be an erogenous zone, but I could come just imagining his tattooed fingers on my skin and feeling their touch.
"I'm going to come inside you," he says, but I barely recognize his strangled voice.
For a few moments I don't realize why he's telling me this until I remember he's not wearing a condom.
"I'm on birth control," I tell him without pulling away from his neck, and again, without understanding why, I bite him right between his neck and shoulder.
It's not a gentle bite, but my tongue is there to soothe the place where my teeth sank into his skin.
His hand trails down my back, lower and lower, and when I feel his fingertip teasing my back entrance, just barely pushing inside, my head falls back and a moan echoes through the bedroom.
My entire lower half starts convulsing from the orgasm he's giving me, but my eyes are fixed on him. He’s watching me as I barely regain my breath after the most intense orgasm I've ever had.
I know my mouth is slightly parted, because in the next second his tongue invites itself inside, and I grip his hair between my fingers. After a few movements, his body tenses and a sound gets stuck in his throat.
"I love you," he tells me almost breathlessly, and it's my turn to tense.
For a few moments I just look at him, waiting to see his cheeks flush. For reason to tell him he said something stupid in the heat of the moment. For him to make a joke. But that moment doesn't come.
His eyes are warm, far too warm for me, so I lower my gaze.
I feel his lips on my cheek and his arms wrapping around me.
"I don't know how to let you," I tell him softly.
"Let me what, baby?" he asks while one of his hands strokes my hair.
I don't miss that we're still connected. Normally I'd already be in the bathroom, trying to make myself look more presentable, but the instinct that usually puts me in motion seems to be passed out somewhere, probably from all the fucking endorphins running through my body right now.
"Love me. I don't know how to let someone do that."
"You don't have to let me do that, Roxanne. That’s like teaching me to breathe or showing my heart how to pump blood through my veins. It's natural. It's something my entire being knows how to do, something my whole soul yearns to do."
I don't know how to answer to that, so I kiss his cheek, and he doesn't let me go. In fact, he holds me more tightly as if he wants me to melt into him. Into his love.
I feel a crack in my chest, but this time it's not a piece breaking off from me, but one being put back in place. Without saying it out loud, I promise him I'll try to love myself more. So I can love him the way he deserves.
Because if anyone deserves all my love, it's him.