Chapter 18
?
Roman
I'm on the phone with Lev, who has no trace of Devin. Something's not right. A man doesn't just disappear from the face of the earth. Suddenly, Felix bursts into my office, and if he weren't immune to anything I might say, he'd be six feet under from the look I give him.
"Roman, something's wrong with Luna."
Her name is enough to make me hang up on Lev and rush past Felix. While my mind tries to process what the hell is wrong with Luna and where she could be, my gaze stops on the elevator, where I see her huddled and trembling with her whole body on the floor.
I approach her slowly because I don't know how she'll react in this state, but what the hell happened in the forty minutes since she left for lunch with Clara?
“Luna,” I whisper, dropping to my knees before her.
The irony doesn't escape me - this woman's literally brought me to my knees. The rational part of me says to let Felix handle this. Call an ambulance, do whatever protocol says. That's what I'd do with any other employee. I wouldn't be here, feeling my sanity unravel, fighting the urge to murder whoever reduced her to this state.
She can't hear me - that's clear from her vacant stare. That emptiness in her eyes feels like a fist around my heart.
I cup her tear-stained cheeks, gently tilting her face toward mine. I try to soothe her with soft touches while my voice takes on a commanding tone.
"Luna, look at me, love."
I see her head shake slightly - a silent 'no.' I can’t leave her on this elevator floor. When I lift her up, she feels impossibly soft against me. Her head finds the crook of my neck, hands automatically wrapping around it - not holding on, just there. She's ice-cold, like all the warmth's been drained from her.
“Felix, make her chamomile tea,” I tell him, carrying her into my office and heading for the armchair.
It's what Anuska does for my men when they come back from raids.
I keep her in my lap after sitting, stroking her hair, murmuring her name now and then.
Felix sets the tea on my desk and leaves. If he finds it weird that I'm cradling my employee while trying to comfort her, he keeps it to himself. Values his job and those fancy suits too much to push me right now.
Minutes crawl by, and I'm about to call Kai to check on her - her silence is starting to scare me - when I feel her nose press against my neck and hear a whisper.
"I really like your cologne."
I swallow and close my eyes for a second. I don't tell her that her perfume, changing daily, is what I look forward to every morning. I don't tell her how I instructed Felix to prepare her coffee exactly as she likes it, based on what Lev learned from tracking her coffee shop orders. I don't tell her how adorable I find her with her curly hair and round glasses.
I don't tell her about all the things I like about her.
I hate to break this moment, with her curled against me willingly, but I need to know who did this to her.
So I can make sure they never breathe again.
Something must shift in me, because she lifts her head from my neck, bracing against my shoulders. Her eyes are bloodshot, tears staining her cheeks. A hint of color returns to her face - I'll take that as a good sign.
“Sorry for falling apart like that. Can't control these episodes.”
Her lower lip quivers as she speaks, fresh tears welling up. The urge to touch that trembling lip is so strong I have to focus everything I have on staying still.
I can’t stand watching those tears fall. I lock eyes with her, my voice tight with barely contained rage.
"I never want to hear you apologizing. Not to me. Not to anyone else. Especially for something that's not your fault. Do you understand?"
She nods slightly, still perched in my lap - making the demons inside me grin. Maybe some part of her knows I'd never hurt her.
“What happened, love?” I ask, feeling her shiver.
Every fiber of me wants to demand answers, find out what triggered this, but that would only make it worse. I hold her closer, trying to memorize how she feels against me before she inevitably pulls away.
“I received a message,” she whispers, eyes glazing with more tears.
I stay quiet, letting her find the words. I could have Lev trace the message and sender in minutes, but this is about trust.
She studies my face, lingering on my eyes before saying softly, “My ex-boyfriend.” She drops her gaze like she's ashamed.
I fight back the urge to hunt down the bastard who scared her this badly.
“Show me,” I say, holding out my hand.
Her trembling fingers dig into her jeans pocket for her phone. With a shaky breath, she places it in my palm, message right there:
' That yellow blouse is my favorite, sweetie. '
Funny how fashion preferences can become grounds for murder.
Because I don't know who this individual is, but I already know he willingly signed his death warrant when he contacted her again.
Ha, who the hell am I trying to fool.
I was already planning to hunt him down, even before this message. A restraining order tells me everything I need to know.
Knowing what she's wearing means he's tailing her. Anton's been watching Luna since I called him, and he'd tell me if he spotted anyone suspicious. Either this guy's a ghost, or he's got help. Problem is, I figured she was safe at the firm - that’s why Anton wasn't with her at lunch.
“Luna, he won't ever get near you again. You have my word.”
I cup her face, making her look at me. That thing in my chest, which I thought just pumped blood, feels like it's going to explode. Seeing her like this - cheeks and eyes red from crying, lip quivering - makes every cell in my body scream for violence.
"Luna, is that clear? Drink your tea and stay calm."
I know I can't mask the fury in my tone, because I feel her flinch slightly, and then the veil she had over her reason drops and she jumps from my lap as if burned.
Her reaction makes the beast scratch at the walls of my mind because her place is here. Next to me, pressed against me. For now, I repeat to myself that it's better this way. I need to make some calls and she needs to drink that damn tea and calm down.
Now isn't the time to address her panic attack, but I store this information to come back to it. She could have had this breakdown anywhere, in the middle of the street, in the train, and suddenly I'm angry at her too for putting her life in danger because of that message.
I go to my desk and message Lev that I need him to find her ex and Anton that I need him to be more vigilant for suspicious people or shadows that shouldn't be there.
When I look up from the phone, Luna's clutching her teacup, watching me. Her breathing's steadied, color returning to her cheeks.
I can see the apology coming before she opens her mouth, so I cut her off - if I hear her say sorry for having a panic attack, I'll lose it and do something I shouldn't. The urge to kiss her still pulses through me.
“Don't even think about apologizing. Felix won't breathe a word about this,” I tell her, knowing it's true.
Felix keeps his job because of his discretion and instinct. The guy can spot a spy and tell you their star sign just by looking at them.
I watch her bite that lip, still puffy from crying, and grip the desk to stay put. Otherwise, I'll carry her to that couch where I know I could make her forget everything. I have to shake my head to clear it. She's too fragile right now, and I need to earn her trust first.
“Thank you,” she murmurs between sips of tea.
In a few minutes, she takes her laptop in her arms and I assume she's returned to work, so I do the same. I have several reports to check from Niko regarding the latest apartments we're building and another pile of documents to sign.
Not thirty minutes pass when Lev sends me a message:
?
A person doesn't simply disappear. Something doesn't add up in this story. I want to know everything there is to know about this individual, so I tell Lev to send me everything he finds. I look toward the source of my obsession and somehow I understand her ex.
The thought of having her and losing her would make me lose my mind too. I feel my heart pounding in my chest again when I see she's regained her calm. What's happening to me?
My thoughts scatter like broken glass while the migraine starts digging in, feeding my frustration. Life's gotten exponentially more complicated since she walked in.
At first, I told myself it was fascination - she's different from the women I leave in hotel rooms at dawn. But the more time I spend with her, I realize that while I crave Luna physically, that's not what shakes me most.
I convinced myself it was the challenge - making her surrender to me. Now I know I don't just want her body. I want all of her - mind, soul, everything. And that realization terrifies me.
"Let me take you home," I tell her.
I need to put distance between me and her, otherwise I know I'll do something I'll regret.
But I won't , says the beast's voice.
This is why I need my worlds separate. Luna sees glimpses of my demons, but if these glimpses scare her now, poor thing would break seeing the whole horror show.
“But it's only three,” she says, panic edging into her voice. Her hair's still messed up from when I carried her to the office. Another squeeze in my chest. Is this woman giving me heart problems? Is that why it keeps acting up?
“I know, but I need to leave, and you'll work better from home.”
A lie so weak even I don't buy it, and clearly neither does she - I see that spark light up her eyes. Inside, I'm grinning.
Show your claws, baby.
As if hearing my thought, she stands, meeting my eyes.
“If that's what you wish, Mr. Borisov.”
That fake smile I hate appears, and I feel a twinge of regret for sending her away. But logic says I can't keep her close. Not today. Not with all the violence I need to unleash.
I let her comment slide and grab my phone from the desk.
When she sees me waiting by the door, surprise crosses her face:
"There's no need to..."
I don't even let her finish because I don't have the patience necessary to argue with her.
"Take your laptop and come on, Luna."
Something in my tone or posture must tell her I'm not in the mood for protests, so she puts her backpack on and walks out the door.
Felix wishes us a good day, and I see Luna relax. Some of the tension in her shoulders dissipates, probably because Felix didn't mention anything about her episode. I need to give this man a raise for how he handled the situation with her.
The drive to her apartment takes place in absolute silence. I don't want to force her to tell me more than she feels she can tell me. I've scared her enough in all our meetings.
When we arrive, I signal her to wait for me to open her door. It's something I've seen makes her smile, and I need to see her smile for a few seconds so I don't start sticking my hunting knife in the first person who looks at me wrong.
When I open her door, exactly as I anticipated, a small smile lights up her face, and again those stupid chords in my chest jump. Clearly this woman makes my blood pump strangely in my body.
"Thank you," is all she tells me while moving to enter the stairwell.
I look around once and already know where Anton is positioned two buildings away. Apart from his presence, I don't notice anything wrong, but the feeling of being watched remains. I just hope it's my nerves from the last hour.
"Tomorrow morning?"
I turn my head toward Luna who's looking at me with something warm in her gaze. I like to see her spark when she calls me "Mr. Borisov" instead of "Roman," but that warmth in her look might be exactly the element that will put me, again, on my knees before her. She's so vulnerable and small in front of me that I only want to take her in my arms and ensure that nothing and no one shakes the sparkle from her gaze.
"Tomorrow at the same time," I say, and yielding to temptation, I let my finger slide in a light caress on her cheek.
It's a delicate touch, but I see her pupils dilate and the fact that I affect her to some degree causes a void in my stomach.
"I like your perfume too," I murmur when some of the rose notes reach my nose.
Every perfume she wears works on her. Never noticed that with other women, but on her skin, each scent becomes perfect - even though she changes it daily. It's fascinating. Who switches perfumes every day? And how do I end up loving each one? Maybe I hit my head somewhere.
I turn and head back to my office without another word. I need to get through these contracts then figure out what the hell I'm going to do about Luna.