Chapter 21
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Julia
Ten minutes ago
Akim pulls me toward a car parked behind the house, and the whole time I repeat to myself to keep going.
I need to get to the girls. I need to leave this place.
After loading the children into the car, we head toward the property exit.
I'll be free. I'll be with the twins. I'll be far from this place. Far from him .
A lightning bolt physically strikes through my body, specifically my heart, because why don't I feel happy about leaving this place? Why do I feel like I'm leaving something behind?
I close my eyes and try to breathe in and out several times.
"Juls, are you okay?" Akim asks worriedly.
Am I okay? No. I'm not okay.
Because my heart is in that house growing more distant with each second. Because the twins are safe and have a life even without me. Because he won't have anyone in that place who loves him anymore.
I keep my gaze fixed on the car hood, and I don't know if I'm hallucinating, but a butterfly, a damn butterfly, passes over it, and I gasp.
"Stop the car!" I almost scream, and Akim instinctively slams on the brakes.
"Julia!"
I know. I know there won't be another chance anytime soon. I know a normal person would run like hell, but the idea of continuing my life without him in it seems pointless. And if this butterfly is a sign—and I want to believe it's a sign—it's not time to leave.
I look at Akim, and he sees on my face all the feelings I don't want to verbalize.
"Go. Make that heart of his beat again, Juls," he says, and a smile lights up his face as he shakes his head.
I just nod and get out. I run as fast as my legs will carry me, back toward the house. I scan the surroundings, hoping no one will cross my path and force me to use my bullets.
When I reach the door we exited through, I open it slowly and take a deep breath.
Vamos, Julia!
My steps are uncertain as I walk across the floor, praying he's okay. That no one has hurt him.
Why the hell did I leave him alone?
I hear voices from the main hall and try to make my footsteps imperceptible. When I'm just a few yards away, I see the back of the man who captured my heart in this wretched place.
Behind him, an individual dressed from head to toe in black is creeping up, and I don't understand why he doesn't turn around.
Why doesn't he notice? Because I'm sure he sensed the presence. Maksim and Akim can detect from a mile away when someone sneaks up behind them, so there's no way he doesn't hear him.
Maksim, turn around! I scream telepathically, but nothing happens. Then reality hits me. He's not going to stop this guy from killing him. Because that's what he wants.
I'll kill you with my bare hands.
"Any last wish?" the intruder's voice sounds.
Oh, he's going to need one when I get my hands on him.
But I don't wait—my hand wraps around the gun, and I aim with a confidence I've been developing more and more frequently when holding a weapon. The bullet strikes his head, and I watch him fall. Maksim still stands frozen with his back to me, and now he's really pissing me off.
"What the hell is wrong with you? HE ALMOST KILLED YOU!"
I scream and rush toward him. Only then does he turn and look at me as if I'm the one letting myself be killed by an idiot who didn't even notice someone else physically standing fifteen feet away from him.
I push him with all the strength and fury I have in me. Doesn't he realize he was about to die? Doesn't he understand that if I'd been a minute later, he wouldn't be breathing?
"You're not allowed to die, you hear me?
You're not allowed to leave me alone. You don't get to be so selfish, to choose the easy way out when I would choose this hell every time for you.
You're not allowed to put yourself in irrational danger when I'm waiting for you after every mission, do I make myself clear?
" I inhale, feeling for the first time in the last ten minutes that I'm breathing. That oxygen is reaching my lungs.
I look at him, and his gaze is so warm, full of adoration, gratitude, and confusion.
"You came back..." It's more of a murmur, but I hear it, and tears well up in my eyes because I left him in the first place.
These feelings are mine, but the fear I felt when I saw that guy with his gun pointed at Maksim made me realize that I'd rather live a life like this, loving him, though he may never feel the same, than try to love someone else. Because I know there's no other kind of love I'd want.
I want the soldier who would dismember anyone for touching me, who sacrifices himself daily for so many souls, who has a heart with so many scars but still forces it to beat. Every minute. Every day.
"I shouldn't have left in the first place," I tell him, and I know he notices the trembling in my voice.
"You came back," he repeats a little louder than before, and I wonder if he hit his head earlier and that's why he seems stuck on this phrase.
Before I can ask if he's okay, he continues.
"I gave you a chance to leave, and you didn't take it."
There's something so humble in him when he says this, but also possessive at the same time.
I try to find the words to explain that I couldn't reconcile with the decision to leave him behind. That it didn't feel right. And the moment I stop listening to my heart when it feels something is the moment I've officially lost myself.
"Maksim." I try to gather myself to offer an explanation.
In the next second, he lunges toward me, his hands cupping my face, and his mouth hovers just an inch from mine.
"A better man would take you back to Akim so you could leave this mess.
A better man would remind you of all the reasons you have to make a life elsewhere.
A better man would pull you from the darkness of this house into the light.
A better man would continue to fight without you.
But I told you, I'm not the hero in your story, Julia. "
I'm speechless. And if I could find the words, I don't think I could materialize them. Because it's not an "I love you," but it's his way of telling me everything he feels.
"That's good, then, because I don't want a better man, and I've told you this before.
I'm not looking for a hero, Maksim. I'm looking for you, only you, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
And if I need to stay by your side my whole life just to prove to you that you deserve this," I take his hand and place it over my heart, "I'll do it.
Because it's yours. From day one. And if you think your heart is defective, then mine must be too, because just the thought of being away from you made it stop pumping blood through my body. "
He breathes in every word, and the urge to kiss him is so strong that I dig my nails into my hand to stop myself. I'm not ashamed of what I've said even though I see him frozen.
He scans every inch of my face, every freckle, every pore, and something softens in me when I see how attentively he looks at every detail.
"I'm the same as I was ten minutes ago, Max," I whisper and close my eyes.
"Are you?" he says softly, and as we stand like this, physically an inch apart, his scent of rosemary and cedar fills the air, and my mind slows at his proximity.
I frown as his words sink in, and I can tell he sees the confusion on my face.
"Ten minutes ago, you weren't mine, Julia."
And before I can say anything, his hand flexes at the base of my neck, and his mouth, which I've dreamed of so many times, closes the distance between us and touches my lips.
I want to keep my eyes closed, but I force them open. I need to see him in this moment. I need to know if it's too much for him.
I part my lips slightly and instinctively pull him closer though I know there's nowhere else for him to go. We're physically pressed together. His lips are firm, and I see that, like me, he's watching and waiting for something.
Five seconds pass just like this. And then, the most beautiful thing happens. He closes his eyes, and a guttural sound escapes him as his mouth deepens the kiss.
Tears well in my eyes again because I know what he's been through, and the fact that this kiss doesn't disgust him makes me want to jump for joy.
My hands find their way to the hair at the nape of his neck, gently running my fingers through it. When our tongues touch, a shiver runs through my entire body.
Every dream, every fantasy, every hope, never could have measured up to reality.
Maksim kisses every part of my lips, and at some point, the kiss becomes careless, hungry. When he moves his hands to my backside and lifts me around his waist, I wish I could freeze time right here.
In this moment, when we're not responsible for other lives, when all the pain and agony of past years seem distant, and when all that matters is how our hearts speak through this kiss.
Because there have been days, months, years of yearning for something that seemed so impossible, and now it's happening.
I kiss each corner of his lips as softly and delicately as I can because I want him to have this. This tender love. This gentle touch. This heart.
"Julia," he breathes when we break the kiss.
I smile with all my teeth and my whole soul when he says my name like that. With such ease. With such understanding. With such unwavering devotion.
Just then, screams are heard from upstairs, and seriousness takes over his features.
"Keep that gun in your hand at all times," he tells me, and looking into my eyes, he leans down and leaves another kiss on the corner of my mouth.
I want to take his hand and run away from here. I want to live for a few moments in a bubble where no one attacks us, no one can hurt us, but I know it's a dream.
For now.
He slowly lowers me to my feet, and taking my hand, we head up the stairs. Our footsteps are the only sound heard. The gunshots and screams have stopped, and this is the first sign that something's wrong. A voice is heard a few doors away, and both Maksim and I stop.