Chapter 21 #3
"It's all for show, Julia. No one has touched me the way you just did.
And that sound I made wasn't from pain. It was shock.
Because it's the first time in twenty-one years I've wanted this.
It's the first time I've had to control every muscle not to thrust into you right now.
But I'm not the only one with trauma, and I don't want to push your limits too quickly either.
I know you want this, but I need to be sure you're okay. "
I let each word pass through my body and digest it. I understand what he means, him being the one who woke me so many times when I had nightmares and held my hand until I got through it.
"I'm okay. I'm more than okay."
And, using my free hand, I position him where I need him and begin to gently rub against him.
Not for a second do I take my eyes off him.
Because what he doesn't understand is that every time I have a nightmare, I see a gold tooth and hear Martin's voice telling me how tight I am and how good it feels when he takes my body without permission. And I want to take my dreams back.
"Julia." My name comes out raspy as his forehead touches mine.
My breathing becomes ragged, and I feel a wave of heat penetrating my body. He's so hard and tense, and I know if he clenches his jaw any tighter, something will crack.
With one hand still under my backside, he brings his other to my breasts, and I become self-conscious of the fact that I'm not the most well-endowed woman in this department.
"Look at me, Julia."
I refuse to look up. This man is sculpted to perfection, while I'm too thin, too tall, too flat. What if he overcomes this phobia of intimacy and then looks for someone who matches him? Someone perfect like him?
"You're the only one I have eyes for. And everything I see is more than I deserve."
He moves his hips in a slow rhythm, and his penis almost slips inside me, at which point I raise my gaze to look at him. We both have a breath caught in our throats because it feels incredibly good.
"You're mine, Julia. I gave you a chance to leave, and you chose to stay here. And I'll be damned if I offer you another opportunity to leave me. Because I told you. I'm not a better man. When it comes to you, I can't help but be selfish."
I know he sees on my face everything I don't have words to tell him, everything I'd like to explain so he understands that, from day one, he stole my heart and placed it next to his.
In a single movement, he enters me, and this time I'm the one who can't block a sound of pleasure from escaping.
"Max." His name on my lips is more like a prayer.
A tremor runs through his body, and a sliver of fear enters my blood. What if we've gone too far? Too fast?
I try to move from his embrace to get down and make sure he's okay.
"Don't move." His voice has that note of agony again, and it scares me.
"Max, put me down. It's okay. We'll try another time. We moved too fast."
He shakes his head, and when he opens his eyes, that pale gray has turned stormy, so dark I’d swear they’re black. His jaw clenches, and for a second, he just stares at me, breath ragged.
“Julia,” he growls, voice rough with restraint, “if you keep moving like that, I’m not going to last.”
Heat rushes through me at the sound of his words, low, desperate, almost pleading.
My whole body goes still, but the ache between us is impossible to ignore.
I try not to move, but I can’t help the restless shift of my hips because I’m so full, so desperate for more.
Just a little more. Just an inch, a breath, anything.
He looks down between us, his gaze lingering where our bodies are joined, and the sight makes my heart stutter. There’s something possessive in the way he watches us, something raw and hungry. His thumb brushes my hip, and his eyes flick up to meet mine, dark and wild.
“Look at you,” he murmurs, voice barely more than a whisper, “taking me so damn well. You feel incredible, Juls. So hot, so tight around me. God, I could stay inside you forever.”
A shiver runs through me, my breath catching at his words.
Before I can reply, he takes control, his hands gripping my waist as he rolls his hips into mine.
The sensation is electric; every nerve ending in my body lights up, and I gasp, clinging to his shoulders like he’s the only thing keeping me grounded.
He doesn’t hesitate. There’s no slow build, no teasing. He thrusts into me with a hunger that leaves me breathless, and I meet him, matching his rhythm, holding on for dear life. Each movement is rougher, deeper, and I can feel him everywhere.
His mouth finds the base of my neck, and his tongue traces a slow, burning path up to my ear. When his lips close around my earlobe, a shiver races down my spine, and I instinctively tighten my thighs around him, pulling him impossibly closer.
“Fuck, Julia,” he groans against my skin, “you’re killing me.”
“Max,” I gasp, barely able to form the word. “Please, Max. I need—”
“That’s it,” he whispers, his breath hot in my ear. “Let go for me. I want to feel you lose control.”
The heat that’s been coiling in my belly starts to tremble, threatening to unravel me completely. My nails dig into his back and I know I’m leaving marks, but I can’t seem to care. For the first time, I can feel the wave building, unstoppable, and I have no idea how to hold myself together.
“God, Juls, you’re squeezing me so tight,” he groans, his voice rough and broken, and that’s all it takes to push me over the edge. Because I feel how hard he is for me, because I know what marks that monster left on him, and in this moment he’s mine. Only mine.
Pleasure crashes through me, fierce and overwhelming, and I cry out, my body arching into his. I feel him tense, his hips stuttering as something warm floods inside me, and I know he’s found his release too.
For a moment, we’re both lost in the aftershocks, breathing each other in. He presses his forehead to mine, both of us sweat slick and gasping for air, and for a heartbeat, it’s just us, caught in this perfect, private world we’ve created.
His hand comes up to cradle my cheek, his thumb gently brushing away a tear I hadn’t even realized had fallen. He smiles, soft and a little unsteady, and I know, without a doubt, that I’ll never be the same.
I can’t remember the last time life felt like it had meaning or direction or even a sliver of happiness like this. If you could measure joy in the bloodstream, I’d be overdosing right now.
“What have you done to me, Julia?” His voice is low, rough, and laced with that raw, post-sex edge that makes my cheeks flush.
I don’t know if what we just did is right. I don’t know if sex is supposed to feel like this, like the world has disappeared and nothing else matters. But right now, nothing in the world feels wrong.
We’re still joined, neither of us willing to break the connection, holding on to the moment for as long as we can. But, like all good things, it doesn’t last.
A sharp knock rattles the door, and Akim’s voice from the bedroom cuts through the haze.
“We have a problem!”
The urgency in his tone snaps us back to reality. Maksim and I finally pull apart, the loss of him leaving me aching and exposed.
I’m still drying off with a towel when he reaches out, his pinky hooking around mine. I turn to him, and his eyes search my face, worry etched in every line.
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he asks softly.
My heart stutters at how gentle he is even though I know the scars he carries are so much deeper than mine. At least I have the peace of knowing my monster is gone. He has to face his every single day.
“My thighs are going to be sore from how much they shook, but otherwise, I’m more than fine,” I say, giving him a reassuring smile.
He nods, lingering for a moment as if he wants to close the distance between us and kiss me again, but instead, he lets go and slips out of the bathroom, leaving me with the echo of his touch and the promise of something I never thought I’d find — hope.
I look in the mirror, and it's so obvious I've had sex. My face glows in a special way, my chest is red, and there's a slight burning sensation between my legs, which makes me think of Maksim every second.
"The question is what have you done to me, Max?"
Because I don't know how I could do this with anyone else. My body revolts at the mere thought.