Chapter 18 #2
“You better,” she said, narrowing her eyes, then she turned to me and smiled as she got in her car. “Love you, bestie.”
I returned the sentiment, turning to Mason as she pulled away.
“I didn’t know you were going to meet me here.
” It probably seemed a little overprotective to Rory, but she also didn’t know the extent of what was going on.
I hadn’t told her about my dreams, because she knew that shit came true as well as I did.
I hadn’t mentioned any of the spooky stuff either, at the risk of either freaking her out or her thinking I was losing it.
“I didn’t want you driving home all alone,” Mason said with a shrug.
“I’m going to stay with you for a little while, okay?
I grabbed some stuff from my parents’ house, and I’m keeping my dad’s gun.
It doesn’t feel safe for you to be out there all alone right now.
I also told my mom about us, because she practically asked me anyway.
She’s thrilled that we’re together.” He gave me a happy little smile.
I couldn’t stop the chuckle. Mason’s mom had always been nice to me when we were kids.
She was like a second mother to me, because she knew mine couldn’t always be there.
My mom had known she was there for me too, and it had helped her when she had to be at work.
When Mason and I had drifted apart, it had affected more relationships than just our own. “She’s thrilled, huh?”
“Yeah. She said she’d been waiting for it to happen since we were kids, but she thought I blew it in high school.”
“Well, she wasn’t wrong.”
“No, but then I blew you and now we’re almost okay again?” He laughed but the bravado had cracked and he was looking at me hopefully.
I snickered. “Well, that’s not why. But yeah. We’re okay again.”
I’d omitted the “almost,” and he definitely caught it.
The relieved look on his face actually surprised me.
It was as though he’d been holding a breath since senior year and was finally able to let it out.
He left every bit of cockiness behind and moved to grab me in a hug.
“You don’t know how much it means to hear you say that,” he whispered, but he was wrong.
I did know. I could see it and feel it. I hugged him back and he went on. “But blowing you helped, right?”
I laughed out loud as I straightened and gave him a little smack on the arm. With a grin I said, “Well, it didn’t hurt.”
He grinned and said, “Come on. I’ll follow you home.”
We made dinner together, and I tried not to get used to it.
I wasn’t sure what we’d be by the time he went back to Chicago, but I knew I couldn’t go with him.
It was never my dream. I hadn’t even realized it was his dream until he left.
Back then I didn’t care, though. At least, I’d told myself I didn’t.
Having him at my house with me, with Enyo happily purring nearby, it felt like all I’d ever wanted.
Maybe it was the universe giving me my dream.
Though I probably didn’t have enough time to worry about him leaving.
Maybe it was my happiness, the happiness I got before it was all over.
At least I’d been granted that mercy. I tried to push it out of my mind and just enjoy the moments I had.
We tried to watch a movie on the couch after dinner, but I was really tired and I ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. I was vaguely aware that he put his arm around me, and barely remembered him helping me to bed.
◆◆◆
It was the middle of the night and the house was dark when I woke up. I could feel Mason beside me. Enyo didn’t seem to be in bed with us. I wasn’t sure what had woken me, until Mason stirred and said, “No!”
“Mason?” I whispered, and turned toward him.
I stopped cold when I realized we weren’t alone in the room.
The room was dark, the door closed so even the nightlight didn’t penetrate the shadows, but I could see someone hovering over Mason’s side of the bed.
A shadow darker than the others. It was possible I felt it more than I saw it, but it seemed like someone, or something, was looking down at him.
No. Not Mason. You can have me but you can’t have him.
My irrational anger at something I didn’t understand mixed with my sleep-induced paranoia made me unwaveringly brave, and I sat up and flicked on the lamp.
Whatever was there disappeared in the light, though I caught a hint of a shadow before it was gone.
At the same time, Mason called out, “Brady, no, please! I’m sorry!
” I realized he’d been dreaming and hadn’t even reacted to whatever had been standing beside him.
He jerked awake and squinted as he looked around, trying to shield his eyes with his hand as he attempted to reorient himself. He finally focused on me. “Elijah?”
“You were having a bad dream, I think. I mean, I thought . . . you were talking in your sleep and I wasn’t sure what was going on. Sorry about the light.”
He dropped his hand from his face, but even though his eyes were still half closed, I could see the brokenness in them. I got a good look at the hollowed-out, haunted look on his face that he tried to cover in public. He looked like he was about to cry.
“Was . . .” I started tentatively. “Was Brady your partner?” He closed his eyes and nodded.
“Do you dream about it a lot?” My heart was breaking for him.
He didn’t talk about it much, but he probably needed to.
He’d distracted himself with my plight and protecting me, but sometimes I forgot that he was home because he’d been broken so badly he nearly ended it.
Had I even acted like I cared? He nodded again in answer to my question. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He opened his eyes but didn’t speak at first, just stared at my ceiling.
I didn’t push him. I wasn’t sure he trusted me completely yet.
We’d been so close, and though it felt like meeting up with my best friend again, the one I’d lost back in elementary school, there was still all the time we weren’t friends.
The time in which I’d had no trust in him, and though he’d caused my mistrust, he may not have trusted me either.
He finally spoke, but his voice shook. “He wanted to wait.” He hesitated again, and I put my hand on his arm but didn’t say anything, didn’t press for more.
He finally dragged his eyes to mine. “I told him there wasn’t enough time.
If we waited for backup, they’d be long gone.
We were good at our job. It was two on two, and even though they were seasoned killers, I really thought we’d outsmart them. They were already running from us.”
He paused again and looked away.
“But they weren’t really running, they’d just outsmarted me.
He still wanted to wait. He was smarter than I was.
But I went in without him. It was my fault.
It wasn’t that I talked him into going in, like everyone assumes, I just didn’t leave him a choice.
His choice was to leave me alone, two against one where I’d most certainly be killed, or to follow me.
I knew he’d follow me. He never would have willingly let me sacrifice myself .
. . like I did him.” A broken sob escaped and I moved over to put an arm around him.
I wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t a situation I’d ever been in.
Mason stayed on his back, staring at the ceiling, but he put a hand on my arm as though I was grounding him, keeping him tethered to earth.
“Do you really think he’d want you to sit here blaming yourself like this? ” I finally asked him.
Silent tears were flowing from his eyes but he still didn’t look at me. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Because it’s my fault.”
“I want you to truly think about your partner,” I said firmly. “The man who was like a brother to you, and who was doing his best to serve and protect when he died. You said you stopped them, right?”
He nodded. “My shot killed the one who shot Brady. Brady hit the other one in the leg, and he was apprehended trying to leave, by the backup Brady wanted to wait on. He saw the guy aiming at me and fired. The other one got him when he did.”
“Together, you stopped them,” I said softly. “And Brady, this is the man you said was your best friend. Your wingman. And I have no doubts that you would have followed him in and risked your life just like he did if the situation had been reversed.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t.”
“But don’t you think he knew you would have?
Don’t you think he knew that sometimes people make decisions that don’t turn out like they planned?
Was it the right call in the end? I don’t know.
Because if you hadn’t gone in, and you hadn’t both shot them, would they have been caught that night?
Would they have killed more people in the time they were free?
Would they still be free, still out there, still running?
Brady risked his life to do his job. He was protecting you, but he was protecting future victims too, just like you were.
You both wanted to stop them. And I know the call you made didn’t end like you wanted it to, but you can’t change the past, Mason.
You both chose to run into that building, and I truly believe, just from what you’ve told me, that he forgave you.
I think he’d want you to forgive yourself. ”
Mason finally looked back at me. He stared into my eyes for a long time, but even though I was good at reading him, I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.
He finally moved and pulled me practically on top of him into a tight hug.
“How did I ever survive all those years without you?” he whispered.
Trying to ease the heaviness, I just said, “Honestly? I have no idea.”
He laughed a teary laugh and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Elijah,” he said, for what must be the thousandth time.