Chapter Clarity
Clarity
Scarlett
I spray washer fluid onto my windshield, wiping away the frost. Long over are the days of t-shirts and jeans.
It’s the end of fall and I’m not looking forward to Millhaven’s cold and dark winters.
It’s so hard to get out of bed most days when the sun sets early and rises later. But today, something is different.
Cool heat blasts inside my car on the way to campus. I keep thinking about how to explain last night to Sophia. She’ll be able to tell that something’s up, and I don’t want to keep anything from her. Maybe I don’t have to tell her everything.
What do I even say? I have no idea how to explain anything related to Callum. I try to make practical sense of what last night meant, but all I can think about is how bad I want it to happen again. He keeps opening up to me in ways I don’t expect. Does that make things okay?
I pull into the campus parking lot, turn off the car, and give myself a pep talk. Okay. You can do this, nothing has changed. Go to class, box, then go home. It’s simple.
Except it’s so damn messy. Everything has changed. There’s nothing simple about anything in my life right now. Great pep talk.
I grab my bag and walk toward the coffee bar. I pull a tube of lip gloss out of my bag and put on a thin coat.
Look good, feel good, right? I try to channel everything I’ve learned from the last four years to guide me. How am I supposed to help others if I can’t stop spiraling about a guy. Or am I being too hard on myself?
I spot Sophia in the courtyard as I walk over to the coffee shop.
“Scar!” She holds two drinks.
“Thanks, Soph.” I grab my drink from her and faintly smile.
“I was thinking, maybe next weekend we could go out together?” She always has a plan.
“Where?”
“There’s this new club that opened. I figured a little post midterm fun wouldn't hurt?” I’m hesitant, but I do think I need a night out with Soph.
“Sure?” I respond, in more of a question than an answer.
“Sure?” She looks me up and down. “You aren’t going to make me beg you or put up a fight?”
I shrug. “We both know that you’ll convince me anyways, so I might as well just say yes now.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Scarlett Voss?” She links her arm with mine. “Seriously. Should I be worried?”
I don’t have it in me to hide the truth from my best friend. The momentary silence is enough to make her frown.
“I had sex with Callum,” I blurt out.
Wow, smooth Scarlett.
Sophia gasps. “Tell me everything and don’t leave out a single detail.”
A small, awkward laugh escapes my mouth. “We just… had sex.”
“Okay. You need to start at the beginning. Since when are you and Callum a we? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me things escalated.” She looks slightly offended.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. And we aren’t a we, Soph. He just…” I smile. “It’s complicated. It might not work out. I’m just letting whatever happens, happen. Callum is complex. Dark. Messy.”
“Do you want it to work out?” She asks me the question I’ve been too nervous to ask myself.
“I don’t know what I want.” I pause and stare at the people that pass us. “But the sex, I want that again.” We laugh together.
“Callum Mercer looks like he knows how to fuck.” She raises her eyebrows and squeezes my arm.
“Oh my god, Soph!” I screech.
“What, he does. And based on your reaction, I’m not wrong.”
I fight a smile as I look down at my watch.
“Bye Soph, I’ll see you later. Thanks for the chat.”
“Anytime. Love you.” We hug and walk our separate ways to class.
Professor Budgley calls on me for an answer. For the first time in a while, I wasn’t paying attention.
“Oh um, sorry can you repeat the question please.” She sighs with disappointment and moves on to a different student instead.
Professor Budgley’s voice sounds muffled between my thoughts. All I can think of is getting to the gym—I need clarity today. When everyone stands to pack their things, I realize that class is finally over.
I throw on my jacket and walk to the car. I unlock it and throw my bag in, wishing I had heated seats.
The gym’s fresh smell welcomes me as I open the door. It’s only been three days since I was last here, but it feels like forever. I spot Ricco tidying around the cardio machines. As I walk toward my locker, it’s not long before he sees me. I open its squeaky door as he comes over.
“Hey kid, it’s been a while. You ready to get back in the ring or what?” I should have known he would’ve noticed my absence.
“Careful old man, it almost sounds like you missed me.” I nudge him with my elbow.
“Oh yeah, I really missed your slacking off and smart mouth.” He says sarcastically.
Deep down, I know he cares about me. He’s put up with me for long enough that I’ve either grown on him or added more stress in his life. Likely both.
I crawl through the ring ropes. Something about placing my feet in the middle of the canvas calms my nerves. Ricco jumps into the ring, acting like he’s still twenty years old.
“You remember how to do this?” He says as he puts his gloves on.
“You’ll wish I didn’t soon enough, old man.
” I bounce back and forth on the balls of my feet, prepared to unleash a fight.
I never have to worry about going too hard on Ricco.
I know he can take it. He understands that the further I go, the clearer my mind gets. He told me once he feels the same way.
I lift my hands to block my face. I throw the first punch, then move quickly on my feet, swaying to the dance we both know so well. We continue at it for about forty minutes. He blocks every shot I throw. Before I’ve even calculated my next move, he knows what to expect.
“You can do better Scar, come on.” Although that may discourage others, it gets me going.
I put my full force into the next jab. I lick the side of my mouth, tasting the salty sweat that runs down my face. My legs burn.
I shouldn’t have taken so many days off. I stop to catch my breath, take off my glove, and pull my mouth guard out.
Ricco removes his gloves and walks over to me. “You must’ve really needed that.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I did.”
His face turns serious. “Does it have anything to do with the guy who followed you to the gym a while ago?”
I’ve never been good at hiding my facial expressions, so he must realize by my reaction that I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“What, when?” I never saw Callum here.
“I didn’t want to say anything at the time and make you worried. He left shortly after you came in. Are you in trouble Scarlett?” There’s the overbearing man I know.
“No, I’m not in trouble Ricco, Jesus. It’s just a guy with a crush. I’m fine, and for the record, we both know I can handle myself.”
He laughs.
“Oh, I’d never want to cross you in a dark alley.” He smiles, but his face remains concerned. “Just be careful, I know you’re safe, and one of the smartest women I know... But there’s bad people in this town. I’m always here if you need me.”
I trust Ricco and know he would be there for me without hesitation. I step toward him and place my hand on his shoulder.
“You’re the best Ricco, and you need new friends if I’m the smartest woman you know. I give myself credit where it’s due, but come on dude.”
We laugh together. “Okay, maybe smartest was a stretch.” He adds.
I playfully hit his arm and smile. “Dick.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow. Save me a round.” I climb out of the ring and make my way over toward my locker. I hesitate before I open it, my mind is stuck on the thought of Callum following me here.
I hate that I’m thinking about him, again.