Emotional Confessions
Scarlett
We stand in this still embrace for a few minutes before I back away and leave him just as I found him, alone in the greenhouse. I need to think about what he just said to me, and I know that if I stay any longer, I’ll likely give into his lust.
My headlights shed a bright light on our dark house as I pull into the driveway.
Dad didn’t leave the porch light on—he must be out.
I get out of the car, go in through the side door, and enter the kitchen.
I lock the door behind me and turn the porch light on.
Chinese takeout is my only option as I glance into the fridge.
I open the paper box, grab a fork, and inhale the noodles.
I haven’t had much of an appetite over the last week, but now that I’ve vented to Sophia and had the dreaded conversation with Callum, I feel like a weight has lifted off my chest.
Worrying about Mom isn’t new for me. Growing up, there were many times where she didn’t come home.
I should’ve known then. I think of myself as a young teenager, finding out that my mom is a prostitute for some of Millhaven’s finest—my full body shivers.
I wouldn’t have been able to process that then—I barely can now.
I finish my leftovers and leave the box on the counter.
I head upstairs and open the bathroom door.
I’m too tired to jump in the shower, so instead I wash my face and make my way over to my room.
I change into fresh sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, climb into bed, and pull the covers over my head as I lie on my side.
It’s been a long day. I need sleep, but my mind won’t let me rest. I roll over and look up at the ceiling.
I can’t help but think about Callum and The Society.
What kind of things have they made him do?
I wonder if he’ll ever open up to me about any of it.
I can tell by the way he speaks about them that he harbours a lot of resentment toward these Society men.
His father must be involved. Callum said they’re made up of the upper echelon of our town and his dad is within that circle.
His father also went to Langford—there’s a hall named after the Mercer family.
All the Mercers went to Langford. Their legacy must be the reason why Callum can’t get out.
I think about Harrison and Stirling, and wonder if they know what’s going on behind closed doors. I know what it’s like to have everyone critique what you’re doing, but the events taking place in their lives are on another level. I can’t imagine how they feel versus what they must conceal.
Silence.
I hear the furnace kick on, followed by a scratching noise that I’m unfamiliar with. I look to my closed bedroom door and hear faint footsteps.
“Dad?” I call out. Usually, he wouldn’t be this quiet coming in. He doesn’t answer.
“Dad!” I call out again, my pulse picks up.
There’s no response. I sit up and push myself back, against the headboard. I look around the dark room, wondering what I can use to defend myself against an intruder.
Before I can reach for anything on my nightstand, my door slowly opens. A tall frame appears in the shadows. He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair. His familiar broad figure steps toward me.
“Jesus, Callum, you scared the shit out of me. You couldn’t knock or call me?” I catch my breath as he approaches the edge of my bed.
“If I asked, I knew you might say no. I couldn’t take the chance.”
“So instead, you show up in my room?”
“Yes, Scarlett.”
I glance at the clock—it’s been about an hour since I left him in the greenhouse. He has a different shirt on and wears black leather gloves on his hands.
“Why do you look like a serial killer?” I study him. The room is dark, but I don’t miss his stark reaction.
His laugh surrounds me, pulling me in. I drown in it and close my eyes. His leather covered hands run up my body as his warm breath hits my lips. He doesn’t kiss me. Instead, he hovers there for a moment, our lips an inch apart.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever bled for,” he whispers. My neck pulses in his grip.
I can’t take it anymore. His hand grounds me, weaving through my hair. I press my lips against his and find his jacket with my hands. I rush to take it off.
“You said that you want to break me.” The words come out as I pull my lips away from his.
He doesn’t say anything, but I feel the corners of his mouth lift against mine in a smile.
“Show me,” I whisper.
He stands, breaking our connection, and takes off his jacket, then pulls his sweater over his head. He leaves his hands covered.
“Callum, I don’t know if I like gloves.” Something about them makes me feel on edge, but I don’t tell him that.
“You don’t get a choice, Angel.”
Cold leather trails down my body, covering me in goosebumps. At first, I don’t know how to feel. But as he traces the outline of my skin, each leather covered finger grazing me, my physical reaction grows into a wetness I can’t control.
I lean back on my bed and take my shirt off. He stays bent over top of me as I lift my hips and slide my pants down. He watches carefully as they fall to the floor.
Callum presses against my body, pushing me into the bed. He drags his cool fingers up my stomach, all the way to the tip of my chin. I forget how to breath.
“You know why I call you angel?” He says and licks the bottom of my neck.
I shake my head, unable to answer.
“Because even in my world of hell, you still make me believe in something more.” His tongue lands on my bottom lip, sucking it. I reach down and slide my hand into his jeans without undoing them.
He pushes his pants down, exposing his hard length. As I wrap my hand around his cock, pumping it up and down, his body quivers.
He rests his forehead on mine. “Fuck, Scarlett.”
I grab his hip with my other hand, pulling him in. He reaches his lined, thick middle finger down, circling my wetness. A moan escapes me. He pulls his belt out from his pants. I try to look at him, but he blocks me with a kiss. I can’t see what he’s doing.
I feel leather slap against my wrists as he loops his belt around them, pulling tight.
I squirm beneath his hold, but our bodies move in sync.
My wetness coats his tip. He shoves into me, slowly pulling out before he slams himself back in.
My hands remain bound above my head. He sucks my neck, bringing me closer to ecstasy.
I feel my inner walls tightening as the pressure builds. I’m so close, he must feel it.
“You don’t finish until I say so.” He pulls out and flips me over. My ass sticks up while my hands stay in the same position. His hands interlock with my hair as he pushes my head into the bed and plunges into me.
“Callum!” I yell, muffled by the bed. His firm grip pulls my body up by my hair. My arched back leans against his chest.
The belt loosens around my hands. He brings it to my breast, slapping the firm edge of the belt against my hardened nipple. A shock runs through my body, electrifying every inch of me in the best way. His hips press into my ass as he pushes deep inside me. He moves my head to the side with his.
“Do you trust me?” He whispers into my ear.
“Yes, Callum, please, I’m almost there.”
“I know, Angel.” His free hand reaches for my clit, rubbing the aching sensation away. I squirm. He moves in and out of me faster, the pace of his hand mirrors the speed.
He brings the belt to my neck and wraps it around. He pulls it tight. My throat feels like it’s closing in as my body fights for air.
“Let go, Angel.” I try to fight it. The moment I stop, my head falls back, and my hair mixes with his sweat. I feel myself on the edge.
He thrusts into me hard, hitting every nerve as he breathes heavily.
“You.” Thrust.
“Belong.” Thrust.
“To.” Thrust.
“Me.”
One final thrust finishes us both. My vision clouds as he lets go of the belt. His warm liquid slowly runs down my leg.
I’m so weak, I can barely hold myself up. Just before I fall onto the bed, he wraps his arms around my hips and holds me up. There’s something delicate about it.
“I may be a monster, but you tame the beast inside of me.” He kisses the top of my head and pulls us toward the headboard. I wonder if this is the closest thing he’s ever felt to love.
I roll over and rest my hand on his chest, catching my breath as I drape my legs over his.
His face looks like he’s somewhere else in his head and not here, beside me.
“Are you okay?” I ask. He looks down at me and strokes the hair out of my face.
He stares at the ceiling and sighs, like he’s about to tell me something he’s been fighting with.
“I overheard some of the pledges talking about wanting to take advantage of you. I didn’t know you at the time, and it was well calculated, it always is. But then I saw you, and I knew I had to do something.”
What’s he talking about?
“I was by the pool. You were wearing a black bikini top with shorts. Your hair was a bit longer, almost all the way down your back. But it wasn’t your beauty that I was drawn to, it was how you studied everyone around you. I knew that you were better than us, better than this.”
He knows?
Blood drains from my face as I recall that part of the night, four years ago.
“Do you remember any of it?” He asks.
The pain in his eyes matches mine.
“I swear Scarlett, if I knew, I would’ve done more to try and stop it. I should’ve done more.”
“You know?” I’ve tried to block that night out so many times. Nothing about this feels right. I push off him.
“I tried—fuck.” He sits up and runs his hands through his hair, like he does when he’s worried.
His eyes turn a dark shade that I’m not familiar with.
“They were all dealt with. I took my time and made them pay a debt they’ll never be able to fully get rid of.”
“Was this the first time something like this happened? Why did they do it?”
“You need to understand, The Society won’t stop. It’s a business, everything is a transaction. They will do anything that they want without much justification.”
A transaction. His words strike me—they don’t feel soft.
“Do I know them?”
His shoulders tighten. I must.
“You know of them, but you never have to worry about the one mother fucker who chose you.”
I close my eyes and transport to that night once again. The smell of sweat and alcohol floods in. I’m not sure that I want to know more.
“He’s still around, but he doesn’t have his eye on you anymore. He was power hungry and shouldn’t have been there.” Callum’s eyes tell me so much that he can’t.
“I’m sorry,” he says. It’s raw and deep.
Now is not the time to find out more about The Society, even though I need to know. I can tell that this has been eating him alive and I don’t blame him. He’s helped me in more ways than he knows.
“I wish I could take your pain away, but, instead, I’ll bleed for you.” It’s subtle but intense.
“Thank you for telling me.” I graze his arm.
“I wish there was so much more I could’ve done Scar. I’ve replayed what they said so many times.” Although I want to ask him of these words that replay in his mind, I want to remember them on my own.
“I think this helped a bit.” I give him a faint smile.
He grabs my face and kisses me, apologizing with his lips as our emotions feed into each other.
“I didn’t want you to carry it, so I’ve tried to carry it for you.” His thumb brushes my cheek.
“Thank you for not letting me become forgotten.” I whisper quietly.
A stampede of different emotions race through me— anger, and even a bit of relief. After all the pain and grief that I’m left with, maybe a tiny piece of me has mended its way back together.