Secrets
Scarlett
I wake up feeling anxious about the way that Callum left.
I can’t help but to focus on his silence throughout the day.
I’m not one to be clingy, but he hasn’t texted or called me since he left.
Talking to Sophia after class today will help with all of this.
And it felt good to be back in the ring this morning with Ricco.
I haven’t been avoiding him—I’ve been avoiding myself.
My stress is harder to turn off lately. In and out of the ring, I become my own worst enemy, but Ricco helps motivate me.
He can always tell when I’m overwhelmed.
He says it shows in my form. I don’t get sloppy with my blows, but my arms drop, and I let more swings get past. With Ricco’s guidance, I’m brought back to reality.
The library is the last place I want to be, but I figured it’s best to finish some work while Sophia is still in class.
I’ve withheld so much from her that I don’t know where to start when she gets here.
She knows that Callum and I are together, but she doesn’t know how serious it is.
She doesn’t know that he’s the last person I think about before I fall asleep and the first person I think about when I wake up and that he drives me crazy.
The old me would’ve hated who I’ve become—relying on someone else for my own happiness.
But I’m not sure if that’s how I would describe him.
Callum just gets me. When I’m around him, I don’t have to hide all that I am.
He sees the darkest parts of me and helps mend the broken ones that I’m not willing to face.
Shit. It’s 2:40 p.m. I am going to be late meeting Sophia for 2:45 p.m.
I collect my books and shove them in my bag.
I grab my coat from the back of the tall oak chair and walk by a study group from my physiology class.
I smile at them, but they don’t notice me.
It used to bother me that people didn’t often invite me to their library groups or study sessions held at their fancy houses.
Unless I provide notes or essay tips, the invitation isn’t there.
I rush through campus to the parking lot where Sophia and I usually meet. I scan the area for Callum. Sometimes he’s out here. Although now that I think about it, I’ve seen him less around campus lately.
I spot Sophia’s light wavy hair in front of me.
“Soph!” I yell.
She turns around. “Hey! I was just going to call you. Jump in my car?”
Her car comes into view as I catch up. Just then, we’re cut off by a silver Mercedes, its front windows are down while G-Easy blasts. From the driver’s seat, Chase makes eye contact with me as he slows the car.
“Hey, ladies.” He waves.
“Ew,” Sophia whispers.
I don’t answer him. I can’t. A familiar citrus smell escapes from his car as he laughs and peels away. A smell that recently sent me into a spiral.
I clutch the strap of my bag— anything to try and ground myself.
“Stay still, sweetheart.”
The quiet voice flashes in my head, each word making my stomach curl. I know this feeling.
I frantically search my bag for sour gummies. I always have some in here.
“Scar?” Sophia looks back at me. She was talking to me, and I wasn’t even paying attention.
“Sorry, I, uh, I just need a minute.”
“Are you okay?” I avoid her gaze as I riffle through my bag. Tucked under my books, I spot the bright coloured candy wrapper. Thank God.
In the middle of the cross walk, I stop to pull out a handful and put a yellow gummy in my mouth. I catch up to Sophia and we walk to her car in silence.
I get in the passenger side and reach around to throw my bag in the back.
“What just happened?” She asks.
“I, uh. I guess I’ve been seeing things. Flash backs really. To… that night.” I struggle to get the words out.
She reaches across the gear shifter and grabs my arm.
“Scar, why didn’t you tell me?” She pauses for a minute. “What have you been seeing?”
“It started the other night. I don’t really know what triggered these memories. I just walked into my room, and the first one came. It was a lot, Soph.” I look out the front window. “I wasn’t just seeing that night, it felt like I was reliving it. Like I was paralyzed and couldn’t move.”
I glance at Sophia. Tears fill her eyes and match my own.
“You know you can always call me. I’m always here for you. Day or night, we’ve always said that.”
“I know.” I sigh. “It’s not that I didn’t want to call you, it’s just that Callum came… kind of when it was happening, and I didn’t really want to talk about it again after that.”
Her faint smile is encouraging.
“You know that we don’t have to talk about stuff if you don’t want to. You can just call me and say that you need me, and I’ll come over and sit with you. I just want to be there for you. You’re my best friend and I feel like I don’t really know what’s going on in your life lately.”
I nod. “Yeah. I feel the same. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around much since things have gotten more serious with Callum.” I feel like a shitty friend.
“How are things with him?”
“Good. He’s kind of amazing in a dark and mysterious way.
I don’t know how to fully describe him. He’s such an intellect—like he doesn’t try to figure out what foods I like or what my favorite movies are, he just knows…
although I’m pretty sure he’s hacked my Netflix account just to see what I watch. ”
Sophia snorts. “Jesus, he sounds intense.”
“Yeah, he is. But it’s a connection I’ve never had before. With Chase…” I don’t have to say that it didn't feel right.
“Yeah, I know. You were a fucking mess after Chase but it’s because he tried to change so many amazing parts of you. Parts that make you, you.”
Her reassurance comforts me. It’s nice to hear that I wasn’t just making those parts up in my head.
“How’s the sex?” She wiggles her eyebrows and smirks.
I laugh before releasing a huge sigh.
“Holy shit, I always knew Mercer was packing.”
“Sophia!” I slap her arm.
“What? I’m proud of you!”
Oh, God. She knows I hate this kind of confrontation. “It’s unlike anything I’ve had before. It’s more than just physical, and the way he…” I don’t want Sophia to think I’m a freak. Although, I know that she’s into a few weird things herself.
“What?!”
“Dominates me.” I look to her and she gasps.
“Scarlett!” She slaps her hand over her mouth, and we giggle like schoolgirls. “I always knew you were into kinky shit… welcome to the club.” She smirks.
Sophia has always been into different things, based on the sexcapades she’s told me.
“So, it’s good then?” She adds.
“Oh God Soph, it’s so good. I never knew it could be this good.” I can feel my cheeks flush a little bit. “I don’t know what to do, Soph. I like him a lot, but it’s so complicated. I can’t help but wonder if this will all blow up in my face.”
“You won’t know until you try, Scar.” Her faint smile brings me the warmth I was looking for.
There’s so much she doesn’t know. And I have a hard time believing that someone like her father, the District Attorney Victor Roberts, wouldn’t know what was going on with the people that Callum spends his time with.
“Have you heard of an underground elitist group that supports Langford?”
“What kind of group?”
“The one that Callum’s dad, Stirling, Harrison’s dad, and many others in your social circle belong to?” I try to gauge her reaction.
“Look, I don’t know what you think you know Scar, or what you’ve heard—”
“I haven’t heard anything! No one will tell me anything.” I don’t mean to lose my temper, but I’m sick of everyone hiding this from me.
“No one will tell you because they are trying to keep you safe, Scarlett. Once you know...you’ll wish you didn’t.”
I bring my hands together and begin picking my nails on my lap. There’s no easy way to ask this.
“Does it have anything to do with the two students that have died recently?”
“No, Scar. Please. You don’t want to push this. I’m not sure about the deaths, I don’t know anything about that, but please, don’t push any further.”
I don’t. I’ll just have to figure things out on my own.
“Okay, it’s okay Soph. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s okay. Just listen, don’t ask around about this. Please.” The plea in her voice makes me worried.
“Okay. I love you, Soph.” I reach out and wrap my arms around her. We’ve been there for each other through so much, but I need to find out what’s going on—before any other tragedies happen in this town.
“You know I love you too.” She pauses. “Well, I guess we don’t need to go for a drive anymore. Unless you still want to?”
“No, I should get home. It was really nice just to talk about things with you. Let’s not go that long with spilling our guts out again, please?”
“Agreed.” She sighs.
“Anything new with you? I feel like we’re always talking about my shitty life.”
“Oh, you know. Just the usual—Stirling won’t let anyone else near me, but he won’t fucking admit anything.”
“Seriously, that man needs to grow some balls.”
“Yeah. That or let me go.” Her voice goes quiet.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I don’t know anymore, Scar. I’m so sick of this back and forth between us. It’s been years.”
Stirling’s been in love with Sophia since we were fifteen, but he won’t admit it–he’s too proud.
Yet, he threatens any man who tries to date her.
When he found out that Sophia was hooking up with some guys from the hockey team last year, he just about committed murder.
Sophia pretends to hate it, but I know she’s secretly in love with him too—it’s the only reason she puts up with his nonsense.
“I get that.” I can tell she doesn’t want to talk about him anymore. “Anyways, I’ll call you later? Maybe we can get coffee tomorrow before your seminar?”
“Sure. Love you.” I get out of her car and walk toward mine. Sophia rolls down the window.
“Love you!” She yells back.
I wave. As I turn toward my car, I notice something sticking up on the windshield. I get closer—it’s a piece of paper. I pick it up and I look around. There’s no one in the lot. Perfect penmanship stands out against the stark white paper, each detailed letter connecting to the next.
Stop searching for answers you don’t want to know.