Vanya
VANYA
DAYS LIKE TODAY, I wished I were a snake.
And not in the sense of being a shitty person who would cut anyone to get their way. Although had I been tougher in a past life, I wouldn’t be suffering so much in this one. No, I wanted to be the reptile. Shed the skin of who I was currently and take on a different form. Molt and shed what no longer served me and evolve into something… more.
My shoulders were tense and nothing I did relieved the stress I was under. I felt as though my brain was going to crack open like an egg if one more issue cropped up.
Call my ass Humpty Dumpty .
A quick knock on the door caused my body to go on high alert and I was too scared to even say come in. My breathing increased especially when I heard voices on the other side get louder. The desire to hide under my desk like a child and pretend the world away was clawing at me but fear kept me paralyzed. My body flashed hot then icy cold and the temperatures were battling with each other instead of canceling one another out. I could feel the panic of what was to come keep me rooted to the floor unable to move. The only thing that I could do was to close my eyes so that I didn’t see the danger coming. It always seemed to hurt less when I couldn’t see the pain heading my way.
“Breathe, zibā. I might not be your favorite person, but your mind knows I would never harm you. Let yourself feel zhe safety my presence provides alzough you would deny it until your last breath.”
Damn him. Damn me for how my body instantaneously relaxed when it heard his voice. Xerxes’ words soothed my panic, and as he breathed with me, I could focus on the sound of his breath and ignore the rapid pace of my own. Soon enough, our breathing was in sync and my heart calmed down.
Despite my embarrassment, I opened my eyes to face the man I would never be able to shake. Even though my pride wanted me to. He was consuming in his presence, and I’d experienced that type of personality before. But I knew that he wouldn’t be the same type of man. His consumption would be one where I could still be me. To grow and thrive without fear of shining too brightly because he was more than confident within himself to be intimidated by my success. But the process, the chance that my trust was going to be abused again kept my mind paralyzed from accepting everything he offered.
The warmest of brown eyes were staring back at me. They were a mix of brown but would lighten to a burnished gold whenever they looked at me. It made his features softer to me, but he still looked every inch an indescribably handsome but equally dangerous man.
“I’m so sorry.”
A teasing glint was in his eyes at my apology. “Would you like to elaborate or should I assume it is not any of my business?”
“Since that night you had him meet us, he’s been harassing me. The phone calls have just gotten out of hands.”
“Is he zhreatening you?” The teasing glint was gone, replaced by the hardness I’d seen all too often.
“It’s not a threat if he will deliver on it.” I wasn’t concerned about him spreading more rumors about me, but my ex had been threatening to go to the Real Estate Commission about my relationship with Xerxes. I knew if asked that Xerxes wouldn’t deny that he wanted me and I felt like it may lend validity to what they’d been telling people.
“May I ask why zhere is no paperwork on him by you?”
“How do you know there isn’t?” He smiled slyly and I knew he’d done more than enough research on me by the way he smirked. “Stupid question.”
“Not stupid. You are coming down from a hyperemotional response to trauma. It is normal for you to not immediately be as zhorough in your analysis as you would normally be.”
I blinked rapidly, almost as though I were waiting on him to say something disparaging. He only stood there as though he were awaiting the acknowledgment of his words.
“Thank you.”
“For being truzful?”
“For not being mean.”
“I promise you, zibā, that is the one thing I will never be toward you. I’m a Black Persian man. Both cultures, when left untainted by chauvinism and white supremacist ideology value zheir partners above all. Despite zhe way you run from me, you know what we are to one another. I’m simply waiting on you to unearth what you know is true deep in your heart.”
“You seem so sure.” I bit my lip, partially in hopes of him affirming this and the other part wanting him to deny it so I could go about my merry way. Well, maybe not merry.
“I can be sure enough for the both of us for now. I would never harm you. If I may ask, what had you so worried now?”
“Despite getting away, there always that part of you that niggles at the back of your mind about what if they’re right, you know?”
“I understand zhat zhe brain can be a tricky zhing, moving from friend to foe in an instant. But the zhings your brain says are all hearsay. Nozing rooted in fact.”
“How are you so sure?”
“Because, I’ve seen you. At work. Wiz our friends, when your zhoughts consume you. No matter zhe situation, you are a light, Vanya. A light zhat wants to protect and warm zhose she loves and set zhose who dare disturb her peace ablaze.”
“You disturb my peace and I don’t want to set you ablaze.”
“It is because the warmz you have for me ignites zhe soul not to consume it but to transform it. And again, I am part of zhe first category of people so I am not worried about myself.”
“Mighty arrogant.”
“If zhat is how you will sleep easier tonight, I will be zhat. I want to help you, jameelah , please. Tell me what I can do.”
“You don’t know me to help me. I don’t know me to help me. So how can I tell you something I haven’t been able to figure out in decades? I don’t know who I am or what I need to ask for help. How can you begin to heal someone you don’t even know?”
“Because zhat is what love does, Vanya. It is zhe power to heal no matter zhe circumstances.”
That was days ago. The last time I’d seen or talked to Xerxes since the stupid night at dinner. After he got me calmed down, he left the office letting me know he had an appointment out of town. He requested that I still put together ideas for his house despite how many times I’d tried to get him to work with a local designer. Xerxes said he didn’t trust many people and having a strange woman picking out items of this house wasn’t what he wanted. When I pointed out that I was a strange woman he just smiled in that my sweet summer child kinda way and hadn’t reached back out to me.
“Are you okay?”
I glanced up at the agent I’d hired, something else that had been a recent change. Her name was Maanavi Sutton and she’d been a recommendation from Xerxes to help assist me with growing my business while he had me underneath the exclusivity contract. Navi, as she requested I call her, was a beautiful girl. She had long hair that fell in waves down her back and she voluntarily told me that she was biracial Indian and Black. She clarified that she wasn’t like southern Black folks who claimed they had Indian in their blood to avoid admitting to being assaulted by massa. Her mother had apparently been from India. Odd thing to clarify, but I could also understand that she was trying to clear up confusion.
Xerxes recommending her had initially irritated me, but when I took my ego out of it, this was how he showed he cared. I was still mad at him about the shit he pulled at dinner, but I enjoyed the fact that he wanted to ensure I got paid while also reaching my personal goals. Navi would handle new client intake and showings while I worked with Xerxes.
“I’m good. There’s one house that I need to check on since my exclusive client is apparently out of town.” I must’ve been far more transparent about my lack of communication with Xerxes because a look of surprise spread across Navi’s face.
“There seems to be something there.”
“Not a damn thing if I can help it.” I was muttering but it wasn’t low enough that she didn’t pick up on it. Since today was just office work, we were both dressed down in jeans, loafers and t-shirts.
“Oh, denial of emotions? Yeah, I’ve borne witness to that for a minute. You’re done for.” She said it so lightheartedly that I didn’t take offense to her getting in my business.
“What do you mean?” I closed my laptop because I wasn’t getting anything done daydreaming about that man.
“You don’t strike me as the type of woman that’s going to let a lot slide. Like you do your best to keep people away from you. Which, again, I’ve witnessed. But your thinking about him means you care. Although it’s obvious you don’t want to.” She summed me up and now I was studying her far past her credentials and sales achievements.
“Why do you think that?”
“Damage recognizes damage.” She responded so easily and honestly that I leaned back in my seat speechless.
“Well, shit.” If this girl I’d only know for a few weeks could read me so easily, Xerxes was probably a Vanya Kennedy expert by now.
Navi shrugged as though she’d long accepted she was damaged and it no longer bothered her. “Not a bad thing, just honest. Besides, I came to talk to you about a few things.”
“What you got for me before I go?”
“There’s an agent that called in and said he has a player that he’s going to send your way. Because they are so high profile, they only want to work with you. It’s about eight weeks before the deal is done, but he thinks he’s definitely going to be traded here.”
I was supposed to only be working with Xerxes but I should be able to find him everything else he needed to live here happily in two months. I’d already been working diligently on getting the rest of his house decorated. I’d suggested he hired someone and he simply smiled, looked at me pointedly and told me he already had. “I’ll handle him. That should be plenty of time to get everything done that we need to.”
She nodded her head and pulled out her tablet to send me the client information link. “I figured. There’s four property inquiries that I’ve fielded and will be out looking at gauging the price.” I was happy that she was keeping busy since I didn’t have as much time to show her around as I would’ve liked. But she’d done an incredible job of learning the city in the few weeks she’d been here and already had two closings in the works.
“Which areas?”
“One is an estate in Indian Trail, two are condos and then there’s a home in Eastover.”
“Are there any you need help with? I’m going to grab that sign for you later so I can scout whatever you might need.” Not like I had anything else to do since the man who wanted all my attention was elsewhere.
“The one in Eastover I can’t get to today and I know it will be the most extensive. You’re heading that way later, right?”
“Yeah. I’ll be happy to look at it and see if it’s something we could sell. People are buying up those houses to knock them down and build those contemporary monstrosities I hate. Hopefully, this one will be in great condition and someone will just want to modernize it. I can see the one in Indian Trail as well. I have to head to Xerxes’ home to ensure the certificate of occupancy has been approved.”
He’d wanted to get moved in as quickly as possible but there had been a slight delay with getting some of his flooring completed. If it were complete the city could sign off on the house and he could start to enjoy his home.
Navi’s laugh brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see a smile cross her doll-like face. “And he has the name of a conqueror? Girl, your ass is definitely in trouble.”
“Excuse me? Ms. Kennedy?”
I glanced up from the lockbox I was removing from a home Navi had recently closed on. Xerxes’ home now had its certificate of occupancy and he could move in whenever he got back. My focus would now shift to securing the property he needed for his stable and his business offices. I was excited about the stables the most. The country towns I’d visited to check out the land had been so peaceful. None had been up to his exacting standards, but that was to be expected. He said he had several horses stabled around the country once they’d come through quarantine so he wasn’t in a rush to get something done quickly. He wanted to find the right home for them especially since they were his studs. Renovations could begin whenever he finalized his choice.
The man striding up the walkway wasn’t someone I knew. And from the looks of him and how he addressed me, he wasn’t connected to Xerxes. There was something about him that put me on edge, though. That same quiet danger that lingered beneath the surface like Xerxes. “How may I help you?”
I held the heavy lock box in my hand in case I needed to swing on whoever this was.
“I’m special agent Alejandro Ortega-Castillo.” The man’s deep tan skin and curly hair broadcasted the ethnicity his name only confirmed.
“Special agent?” Yep, none of Xerxes’ people.
“FBI ma’am.” With a grin, he pulled out his badge to show his credentials.
“You say that as though I should be impressed.”
“Most people have a healthy respect for the law.”
I scoffed and gripped the lock even tighter because he should’ve known better. Being a racial minority he should know why fools had a warranted hesitation to deal with “I’m Black so…”
“I’m Afro-Cuban so…” He looked like he was waiting on me to apologize but hell would freeze over before that happened.
“What is it that I can do for you Mr. Ortega-Castillo?”
“It’s special agent.” He was trying to put emphasis on it like I would give a damn but it only made me more resolute in not saying that shit.
“I have to be honest, you’re doing well enough with me saying that compound last name of yours. You want me to throw a compound title in the front of it and I’m just going to call you Alejandro despite not wanting us to be cool like that.”
“I’m saying we could happily get to know each other on a first name basis.” That smile turned charming his wide, heavily lashed eyes accessing me again.
“I’m not at all interested.”
“Have a girlfriend?” He seemed way too interested in that so I used his patriarchy against him.
“Have a man.”
He smiled slowly and I wondered what angle he would take next. “It wouldn’t be Xerxes Cannon would it?”
Oh, hell nah. He was digging for information about Fight Club. I hated he was going to die behind being curious, but I wasn’t going to keep this to myself. “Whoever it is, that’s none of your business. Do you have questions that deal with something other than my personal life or are you here to flirt?”
“Both?” A dimple in his cheek presented itself and I knew he probably used that thing to charm whomever he came across. It wasn’t going to work on me. Why am I seeing all these dimpled men lately?
I gave him a saccharine, mocking, closed-mouth smile before I answered. “Hard pass on both. Now if you’ll excuse me.” I went to move around him to head to my car but he stood in front of me, blocking my path.
“I didn’t say I was done speaking with you yet.”
I looked down at where he had his hand on my arm and almost told him I couldn’t wait until Xerxes cut it off. But if he was out here asking me questions about him, that would only implicate him when I didn’t want that.
Watch one man get his ass beat repeatedly and now I’m just as violent as the rest of them.
“You have no warrant to speak to me on official business. Whatever you are digging for, I have no answers for you. Xerxes Cannon is a client. And from what I know he is a damn good man. If you have questions about him, ask him. Like most people, he’s an expert on himself. Until then, don’t slink around the shadows trying to dig up dirt on people.”
“That sounds vaguely like a threat.” The agent looked too overjoyed to be pressing my buttons but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me flustered.
“And who would I be to make threats on anyone? I’m just a realtor. Now, we are standing on my client’s property and I doubt this is the type of thing they would like for in this neighborhood. Whatever you’re looking for, I wish you… well. Have a good day, Agent.” The mocking smile returned as he released my arm and took a step back.
With a brow cocked, he studied me again like he was unsure of how to respond to me. “I’m agent now?”
“Well, we’re not friends, I don’t really respect what you do and you have too many names. So, agent it is.”
“Tough cookie.” I don’t know if he thought it was a compliment but it sounded like an insult.
“Nah, strong woman. Now again, are we done? I’ve told you all I know about my client.” I put my hand over my eyes hating I’d forgotten to bring my sunglasses out of the car.
“It seems like he’s more than that to you, but if you say he’s not…”
“It is funny that you are here digging for information from a woman because you think I’m the weakest link. That thought process is insulting, wrong and is what causes people like you to fail at your duties.”
“You think I’m afraid of failure?” His face went from friendly to blank and I knew I’d struck a nerve.
“With the type of work that you do, failure can mean death so I would think you would be more concerned about it. But if you have a kink to dance with the grim reaper keep underestimating the people that you come across.”
“Was that a threat, Ms. Kennedy?”
I put my hand on my chest in surprise. “From little ol me? How could I ever be a threat to anyone? I’m just a girl, remember? You thought that flattery would have me, what? Falling head over heels? Pillow talking? Spilling secrets I don’t have? Grow up.”
“You are very angry for someone that has nothing to hide.” And now I was sliding into the angry Black woman trope. Got it.
“Because you’ve insulted me on a molecular level with this shit and I don’t have to deal with it. So, am I under arrest? If so, I need a lawyer. If not, I’m walking away and praying that I never have to deal with you again.”
“No hopes of this moving past professional into the personal, then?”
I laughed loudly and blatantly in his face. I wasn’t blind, this man was handsome. But nothing about him was attractive to me. The hold Xerxes Cannon silently held on me combined with this man’s job made that impossible. “Nothing about you excites me. You work for the very government would just as soon put your ass onto a boat to whatever country they think you come from. I don’t understand working with or for people who would oppress you, but what do I know?”
“Appearances can be deceiving Ms. Kennedy.”
“And yet you approached me thinking my looks meant that I was stupid. Or at worse easily swayed. Like I said, step up your game, Ortega-Castillo.”
“No mister this time?” He was trying not to laugh and all I wanted was to get out of here.
“Mister is a sign of respect that you reserve for people who’ve earned it or form those who are elders. Since you’re barely older than me and I’ve lost all respect for you, you don’t deserve the honorific.” I walked past him and almost got to my car before he spoke up.
“That’s cold-blooded.”
I stopped and turned to face him, thankful that I was dressed down and could run if I needed to. My annoyance with him and this situation filled my face the longer I looked at him. I was already thinking about the text I was about to send off to warn Xerxes that someone was asking questions about him.
“No. That’s karma. Have the day you deserve.”