Chapter 21
MY HEART GOES BANG (GET ME TO THE DOCTOR)
Micah - Snagged Thread
The night air smelled heavily of damp leaves and pot as Déjà climbed into her car.
It was too dark out here, the silence so thick Micah was aware of his breathing and heartbeat.
He glanced back at the warm glow coming from behind Cosmo’s curtains, which looked like an invitation to be singled out among all the other darkened windows.
Zedd had conceded, but it felt like a trick.
Something was wrong with this situation, and it was frustrating that Micah couldn’t figure out what it was.
He startled as Déjà turned on her car. She rolled down the window and leaned her elbow on the sill. “Thanks, white knight, but I don’t think we’re going to have to run from Jason or Pinhead tonight.”
“Who said I wanted to run from Pinhead? He’s kinda hot.”
“It’s the leather, huh?” She flipped down the sun visor and stared into the mirror, applying a fresh coat of red-hot lipstick.
“Everyone looks good in leather. Suits. Lingerie.”
“Gonna disagree simply because I don’t want to see Pinhead in a babydoll and heels, but Cosmo has all kinds of outfits that I’m sure he’d wear for you if you were interested.”
Oh, now that was an image. He realized Déjà was saying his name. “Sorry. I went somewhere for a moment.”
“Clearly.” She grinned. “You’re good for each other. He makes you want to live again.”
The statement took Micah aback. His eyes watered, a sudden lump in his throat. “What? Why would you presume–”
“I’m not presuming. And I don’t mean that love has magically cured your mental health.
That’s would cheapen what you’ve struggled with.
I’m sure it’s been a hard road to recovery.
But Cosmo is motivating you. All that murky red and black in your magnetic field is being drowned out with ribbons of bright green and orange.
And Cosmo’s magenta aura is the supernova it’s always been. ”
Micah glanced at Cosmo’s apartment. “What does magenta mean?”
“Someone free-spirited. Artistic. A little bit shocking in their non-conformity.”
“I like that color. Hey” – he squeezed her hand – “good luck with Rye.”
“Am I overdoing it with the cleavage? Don’t want to look desperate.”
Déjà had an ample amount of, well, everything, and her dress complimented her shape, but she’d pulled the neckline low enough to expose the lacy edges of a black bra. The thought of Cosmo in lingerie threatened to make Micah’s heart stop, but he was useless in this scenario.
“You’re asking the wrong person. Sorry.”
She laughed and rolled up her window, then pulled out of the parking space. Micah hurried back up the steps, glancing at the dark bushes before opening the door and locking it behind him.
Cosmo stood at the sink, running water over a colander of pasta. “Was about to go out there to rescue you.”
“You’ve seen horror movies, so you should know that’s a terrible idea.”
Cosmo scraped garlic and shallots off the cutting board with the edge of a knife and into a skillet, where they sizzled and released a savory fragrance that made Micah’s stomach groan. “You still seem on edge. Are you getting presque vu that something is going to happen?”
“No.”
“Are you thinking about… About what happened to you?”
Micah tensed. He had been but only in the general sense that he didn’t want Cosmo hurt. “I’m just worried that the note from Zedd is some kind of trick.”
“Darling, he’s not clever enough for tricks.
He has no subtlety. If he said I’ve won and he’s leaving me alone, then it’s the truth.
Do you want to make a bet?” Cosmo pulled out his phone and tapped the Flashbulb app.
“I’ll bet you that there isn’t a single harassing comment from one of his throwaway accounts that’s dated after you threatened him at the gallery. If I’m wrong… I’ll delete my account.”
Micah raised his eyebrows. Magenta aura or not, he hadn’t expected Cosmo to wager that. Not when it seemed to be something he enjoyed so much. “And if you’re right?”
“Then you spend the night in my bed,” Cosmo whispered. Micah sucked in a breath, and Cosmo said, “It doesn’t have to be anything sexual. I just want you to stay with me tonight even without a threat to my safety. Wouldn’t want you to have brought your toothbrush for nothing.”
“I’ll take that bet.”
“Good.” Cosmo added a can of tomato paste to his skillet of sizzling aromatics, then tapped his notifications. He clucked his tongue. “I’m a ‘frigid twink’ am I? That’s a new one.”
Micah scowled. “Is that from Zedd?”
“No, just some rando who didn’t take kindly to my snarky reply. The last comment from that account with Zedd’s band pic is dated the same day you were at the gallery. And none of the other comments mention Zedd.” He showed Micah the screen. “See? The comments stopped.”
“What about your DMs?” Micah asked.
Pulling a bottle of vodka from a cabinet, Cosmo said, “DMs weren’t a part of our original bet.”
He wasn’t sure why that mattered when they were trying to make sure Cosmo was truly safe from Zedd, but Micah had a card up his sleeve. “Then I’ll sweeten it. If I’m wrong, not only will I stay with you tonight, I’ll go to therapy.”
“Oh, we’re getting serious now.” Cosmo set down the vodka and swiped a lock of hair from his eyes. “That’s asking too much. It’s not something you should be pushed into.”
“C’mon. My parents would take that bet in a heartbeat. Well, the me going to therapy part. I don’t think they’d want me to spend the night in their bed. I outgrew that decades ago.”
“Alright, but if you change your mind, I won’t hold you to it.”
Micah stirred the simmering sauce on the stove as Cosmo tapped at his phone and handed Micah other ingredients: heavy cream, a cube of butter, Parmesan cheese.
“Well, I have a lot of bots asking me to become an ‘ambassador’ for their queer clothing line. And for twenty-nine ninety-nine I can buy ten thousand subscribers. How about that?” Cosmo frowned and clicked on a message.
“Is it Zedd?”
“Hard to say. They have a default profile picture, no followers, and no bio.” After staring at the message, Cosmo stiffened. His mouth flattened into a hard line, then he handed the phone to Micah. “Don’t you dare click those pictures. You’ll lose your appetite.”
The message said, Don’t you know how much I want to take care of you? I’ll do it so well.
Below the message was a series of blurred photos that all warned him they might contain sensitive content. Ew. Micah knew what those were without clicking. The very last message, dated today, said, What do I have to do to get your attention?
Just a bunch of unsolicited dick pics. Even Micah got messages like that, though in his case it was usually a “lonely” woman who wanted to send him nudes – certainly for a price.
It could be Zedd, but there were so many random throwaway accounts on the internet that there was no way to know for certain.
He hoped Zedd’s note really was as surface level as it seemed.
The idea that Micah had scared him away for good, had protected Cosmo and kept him safe, made pride swell beneath his ribs.
He wrapped his arms around Cosmo’s waist. “Alright. I’m convinced. I cheated on our bet, though. I was already planning to go to therapy. I have an appointment set up.”
Cosmo gasped and stopped stirring the vodka sauce. “That’s wonderful! I’m so happy to hear that. I know you had issues with therapy before, but hopefully you just need to find a therapist who is the right fit for you.”
He’d been told that before – by Everett, by Mom and Dad, even by Ximena – and it made sense, of course. But what if there wasn’t a therapist out there who was the right fit for him? What if he hated all of them?
Micah didn’t need to work himself up over non-existent problems again. Especially not right now. “Yeah. I’m just going to focus on making it to this first appointment, then assess from there.”
“When is it?”
“Not as soon as I need, but it’s better than never, right?”
“Absolutely. And I’m much happier to hear you’re going to go on your own volition and not because you lost a bet. But I must confess that I cheated too.” He set down his spoon, then tapped at his phone. “I just deleted my account anyway.”
“Really? You won’t miss it?”
“I might at first, but it’s better this way.
It felt like such a necessary source of validation, but all the lewd comments were getting to me, you know?
I don’t need that kind of attention. I take screenshots of all of the weird messages and comments I receive in case the police need them, but I’m tired of fielding them. It will be easier without the account.”
“You’re worth so much more than the sum of comments from internet strangers. You deserve love for your inner beauty.” He brushed curls from Cosmo’s neck then kissed his throat, savoring the beat of Cosmo’s pulse against his lips.
Cosmo let out a soft moan and dug his fingers into Micah’s hair. “Dessert before dinner is not allowed.” He let Micah’s lips linger a moment longer before pulling away and pointing at a cabinet. “Be a love and pull down a couple of plates for us, will you?”
Instead of a dining table, which there wasn’t room for in the tiny studio, a high counter sat in a small nook off of the kitchen, with two stools side by side. They wouldn’t be able to eat facing each other, but if they were at Micah’s, their choices would have been the couch or the floor.
Cosmo plated the food, and Micah set silverware and napkins at the counter.
They sat down, and Micah took a large bite of penne drenched in sauce.
He groaned as the rich, acidic flavor filled his mouth.
He should have let it cool down a bit, but it was delicious.
“Oh my god. Amazing. You won’t end up with any leftovers because I’m going to wake up in the night and eat it all. ”
“Good!” Cosmo’s phone vibrated. He checked it and said, “Déjà said she and Rye are talking. It’s going well.”